writings on the wall.

Believing.

2012-01-27T20:52:00.001-06:00

So, here's my fun fact of the day.

I was rejected.

I was rejected by a company that, for the last three and a half months, I thought I had a strong possibility of working for after graduation. Alas, they do not a designer. And, if we're being honest - it was very discouraging.

I would not classify the job search as boring, but definitely emotional, and has definitely been testing my faith. I get my hopes up, I get excited, and then disappointed, and scared. It can make you feel inadequate, unwanted, confused, and frustrated.

"He has placed the land in front of you. Don't be afraid! Don't be discouraged! The Lord your God is going ahead of you. You saw how the Lord your God cared for you ALL along the way as you traveled through the wilderness, just as a father cares for his child. Now He has brought you to this place. He goes before you, looking for the best place to camp, guiding you..." - (pieces of) Deut. 1:21-33

This passage (or bits of a passage) is a reminder that I have all I need right now, and I will have all that I need. My God chose me, and loves me - and though I don't understand a lot of things right now... He is in complete control. Searching for a job can be frustrating to the point that it lowers your confidence, so even though I may be struggling with that - I have to be confident in His sovereignty.

My hope can only be in Him - all other ground is sinking sand.
I have to believe that He has a plan, and I know He does.

Processing.

2012-01-26T15:09:00.000-06:00

It has been an ~~interesting~~, rough few weeks.

Maybe I was in denial, or being naive, or... something. But, when I came back from Christmas break, reality hit me pretty hard.

First and foremost, it is really hard to be away from the one you love. It's no lie that LDR's are not for the faint of heart. Luckily, Aaron is a huge encouragement and supporter... and listens to me whine :)

Secondly, I feel like I should write a book after all this job searching is done. And, I think the hardest part is knowing that I have barely begun the process. And I'm not exactly referring to just the job search - because I started that way back in September. But I've only had preliminary interviews, so I know more in-depth interviews in my future, not to mention apartment looking and applications, thinking about insurance, moving trucks, and changing my license plates, on and on...

I have my good days and my bad days. The good days, I wake up and am ready to take on the day, enjoying my last semester of college, even with all the homework and stress. I am confident that God will lead me to the next step of life, that in 6 or 8 months I will be settled in, working, etc. The bad days, I'm plagued with fear and doubt (no thanks to Satan for that one), wondering if I'm going to homeless, and never be able to put these four years of knowledge to work.

I may have to take a leap of faith in a few months. Which scares me, incredibly. I'm a planner, I like to be prepared. That's not how God works all the time, and that can be hard to embrace.

But, I have learned some things through this process, which I have decided is called "growing up" - maybe you've heard of it. I know God does what is best, even if we don't think it's fair. I know God doesn't need our permission to mess up our little plans (which He has been doing a lot of lately.). His timing is not always my timing - He will reveal things when it's right. Life creates more questions than answers, but that's when I have turn to Him.

Our greatest test may be that we must trust God's goodness even though we don't understand why our lives are going a certain way. That simply requires a change in perspective, because right NOW is right on time.

And as hard as it may be, understanding everything is not required to follow His path.

Last Semester.

2012-01-19T22:09:00.000-06:00

Christmas break is officially over. (It was yesterday, if we're being technical.)
My last big break before I join the real world. Even teachers got about two weeks, but not the rest of us! Which is okay, I guess, but it's just weird to think that that was it.

It was a good break for the most part, and weirdly, wasn't short. Usually you hear college students talking about how the break flew by and whatnot. And not that my break was long either... it was a much-needed and well-appreciated break.

I went home right after finals to clean out and pack up my room before we started traveling. I've taken with me or sold a large majority of my belongings, but there was stuff I hadn't touched or thought about in a long time. Of course, a large majority of it went to be sold or thrown away, but there were a few things I kept. It was funny to re-read old notes, old journal entries, see pictures that never got put in an album. So many memories packed into boxes (or simply thrown away). If having a job interview didn't make my graduating more realistic, packing up boxes to move sure did.

I then went to spend time with my sister - also probably the last time we'll spend that much time together for awhile. We got massages, drank Starbucks, ate Chipotle, watched movies... and I helped her at work. She teaches junior high math, so rather than sitting at home all day, I went to her classroom. I didn't do a whole lot of "helping" but it was still fun and interesting nonetheless.

Did the Christmas thing. This family, that family, these gifts, those gifts. Same routine every year. It's always good to see family, and it's interesting watching my younger cousins grow up. I only see them once or twice a year, and now that I'm getting old enough to start "feeling old" - I notice how much they're growing. It was weird to think my aunts and uncles, and older cousins, did the same to me!

Then, I went to Georgia. A great start to my semester, and great ending to my break. I attended Passion with two of my best friends. One thing I took away from those few days was being reminded how much I need to be diligent about being in the Word, and what it means to really follow God's will.

As a soon-to-be graduate, I want nothing more than to do God's will. As Louie Giglio said, it doesn't matter where we're at or what we're doing, His will for our lives is to glorify Him. And, it's not a "yes-I-know-that-but-what's-His-REAL-will-for-my-life" deal, there's no secondary part. Yes, He has a plan for our lives and whatnot... but that's it. I think rather than praying about knowing His will, we should pray about how/where He wants us to proclaim Him.

So, one last semester before me. Lots of lasts, more memories, and hopefully some answers for what's to come after graduation.

January Trip.

2012-01-16T22:15:00.001-06:00

[a little late]

Dear Boyfriend,

This made two NYE's together, and I'm sure there will be plenty more to come. After two long days of driving, it was nice just to hang out with you and Taylor... and be silly.

I can't believe you a) took this notebook to Passion, and b) made me carry it. And yes, I really am posting this picture of you on here.

Remember that time we got off on the wrong Marta stop and had to walk halfway across Atlanta with our luggage? Ohhh yeah, that time... yeah. Okay, maybe we didn't walk that far, but still. I'm sure people thought those four people carrying luggage were crazy!

I still laugh when I picture your face during all the crazy light shows at Passion. (You know what else makes me laugh? Lucky 101. Can't say I didn't warn ya'll... but at least the food was good!)

Even though it's rare (for now), I love going to church with you. Passion = four straight days of church = one of my favorite things we've done together so far.

It is slightly ridiculous how addicted to Foursquare you, Taylor, and I are now. So glad I took a screen shot of the "BFF Bonus"... haha! Does it know we really are best friends?

You can tell how tired I am in this picture... but can you blame me after all the walking we did? Not to mention those few runs down the HOV lane on the sidewalk. I still can't believe we did that. How we went shopping after this, I'm not sure - but seeing you try on a cardigan was worth it.

Last year after Passion we took a picture in your driveway, and that was a favorite... and I have to say, this is becoming a new favorite as well :)

Can we maybe make the Atlanta Botanical Gardens a yearly occurrence, say... in December or January? It was so relaxing to walk through all the lights (and people).

Most girls love flowers, but most girls would be surprised if those flowers came accompanied with a Diet Dr. Pepper. I love all the little ways that you love me.

I'm not only thankful that Taylor let us stay an entire extra day, but that she made/let us go on a date by ourselves. We may not have done anything super exciting, but the slightly mundane and simple things I love just as much, if not more than the extra special dates.

My 12 days spent in Georgia made up the best mini-vacation I could have asked for to start off the new year and my last semester. I can't believe that was our longest time spent together since August 2010... sure doesn't feel like it :) see you in a few weeks...

New Year's Resolution.

2011-12-29T09:49:00.000-06:00

For whatever reason, I've always been one of those make-a-resolution people. Sometimes I couldn't decide, and made a list. And, I have to toot my own horn and say... I'm actually pretty good at keeping resolutions. I'm full of stick-to-itveness.

So, since the new year starts in three days (already?) I've been trying to think of what my resolution should be this year, or if I should even do one.

Although I'm kind of stealing it from another blogger, it was convicting and although it's not the usual resolution, I know it's something I need to really focus on.

"Wherever you are, be all there." - Jim Elliot

As you've probably read in previous blog posts, I'm a little anxious and/or impatient in general, but especially about moving to Georgia and joining the adult world. Discontent is an accurate description.

So, I'm making a more valid effort to be here. To enjoy this last semester, to fully be here or... wherever I am, doing whatever I may be doing at that time.

If you're reading this, and you read anything in the future that sounds like I'm discontent, kick me and remind me of my resolution.

Try, try again.

2011-12-28T09:46:00.000-06:00

Over the last few weeks, people have asked how I'm doing, how my semester went, etc. I hate fake responses, and so I told the truth... doing okay, the semester was a little rough. I always find it a little funny when I say that to people because they're not expecting it, they were expecting the vague, monotonous "good...." reply that everyone else says.

I've had worse semesters for sure, but between homework always kicking my butt, hardly seeing friends, not to mention that it continues to be harder and harder to be away from Aaron. Oh, and the endless and frustrating job search.

I am in the exact same place I was at the beginning of the semester. Square one. I still have nothing waiting for me after graduation. Yes, it's still a little soon to already have a job, but after sending 75 job emails with little to no response... it's hard to stay positive.

I'm a planner.

I have to be ahead of the game, be organized, be on top of things, know the when and where. I don't enjoy just "wingin' it" or waiting until the last minute. So, to sit here without answers is difficult, to say the least.

This semester will be very interesting, and probably more trying than the last. More emails, sending resumes, hopefully some interviews. Not to mention all that school and work business, plus a few trips :)

I have to daily give all my worries and dreams over to God, otherwise Satan starts to use it against me, and I become very discouraged and stressed.

My hope is that five months from right now I will be in some stage of the moving process, or maybe sitting at my new job. The only way I'm going to get there is with Him, because it's all His plans. It's a daily struggle reminding myself it's never my plans.

"If home is where the heart is, then I'm out of place."

2011-12-01T22:35:00.001-06:00

Who knows how many times I've blogged on this topic before... it's something I've been trying to learn for the past 21 years.

Patience: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering, without getting angry or upset.

Y'all. I lack this more than anyone I know. Whether it be waiting on a friend to pick me up, or waiting to graduate. I'm ahead of schedule, ready for the next thing, excited for what's to come.

My customized background on my computer says, "you feel like running, but life is on a stroll."
I made it a few months ago because I liked the quote, and then all the design-y parts of the rest of the background were nice too. Now, when I see it, I think, "yessssss... I know... slow down..."

I received a text from a person today, that I haven't received a text from in probably three years. But, it was something I needed to hear. Very cool how God works that way. "When you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss the fun of getting there. Slow down and enjoy the song."

I love Texas, I love college, I love my friends here. I love where I'm at, and have loved my time here... yet, something inside of me is discontent.

Perhaps, even a little homesick.

I can't deny it. My heart is in Georgia.

But, I'm torn between preparing (literally) to move to Georgia and dealing with all that excitement, and enjoying the last sweet few months I have here in college. Both are exciting, both are begging for my attention.

I have no idea how to handle the situation.
All I can do is pray, which at times makes me feel helpless - but I know He's strong enough to handle all this.

And I know God answers prayers.

You are Peace, when my fear is crippling.

2011-11-17T23:35:00.001-06:00

It's been a rough and crazy last week or two.

I feel like I've hit a wall. I'm in some sort of funk. Everyone blames it on "being ready for break" - which is true, but I'm just exhausted, emotional, and unmotivated.

There are several things I could write about in this blog, but the heaviest on my heart is life six months from now. Actually, it's less than six months. I have nothing, right now. Nowhere to go. I have possibilities, but that's where it stops.

Which is the most frustrating part.

Although I don't really forsee myself working the local drive-thru after graduation, that's what is on the list right now (joking... sorta).

Forgive me for being human, but I want to know answers. I want the future to be solidified. Want, want, want, me, me, me. My prayer for the next few weeks (though this should be more of an all-the-time prayer) is that God would rid me of myself and my desires. Wanting anything other than what He wants causes heartbreak.

I looked back through my November blogs over the last two years. Two years ago, I was growing and learning, and it was painful. Last year, I was happy and thankful.

Not to say I'm unhappy or ungrateful now, because that's not true. I'm in a state of restlessness. Discontent is a frustrating emotion, because no matter how many times you tell yourself to enjoy the season you're in... your heart and your mind don't always agree.

In the words of Kari Jobe, He is faithful, constant, loving and true, and He will never forsake me in my weakness. He is patient (thankful He is, even if I'm not), gracious, merciful and true, and so wonderful in all He does.

I know when I look back a year from now, I will laugh at myself for doubting, for wasting my time worrying about all this when God knows everything, and is in control. Last year, I had no fear of the future. Somewhere along the way, I picked it up... and I wish I hadn't.

Remember earlier when I said I read through some old blogs? Sometimes I think He uses my blogs to write future notes to myself. I saw a post about Psalm 81:6, "Now I will take the load from your shoulders; I will free your hands from their heavy tasks."

He's willing to take our burdens, when we're willing to give them up.

"When I am afraid, I will trust in You." - Psalm 56:3

Food Blog!

2011-11-12T23:19:00.001-06:00

As part of my senior project, I have started a food blog... we (me, and a few friends) will be posting the recipes we're trying out, as well as health and fitness tips here and there. Check it out!

Cookbooks for sale!

2011-11-09T09:54:00.000-06:00

Hey!
Help me out, buy a cookbook (or two!)

You can find more info at my art blog, or on my Facebook page.

They are only $7 each, or $10 if you buy two - includes shipping - and make great Christmas presents! :)

Summer Vegetable Pasta Salad.

2011-11-06T19:01:00.000-06:00

I don't know what's come over me, as I'm starting to enjoy cooking finally. I have this sudden desire to want to know how to cook yummy things and cook big meals for every meal. When my family learns of my new hobby, they will probably say, "it's about time..."

So, here is my latest cooking endeavor - one that I can already see will be repeated many times as it is healthy and incredibly easy to make - and not to mention, delicious. I got the recipe from Budget Bytes - a new favorite website of mine.

Total Recipe cost: $7.59
Servings Per Recipe: 8
Cost per serving: $0.95
Prep time: 20 min. Cook time: 10 min. Total: 30 min.

Ingredients
12 oz. bow tie pasta (I ended up having to use a different pasta)
2 medium roma tomatoes
1 medium summer squash
1 medium zucchini
1 medium broccoli crown
1/2 medium red onion
1/2 bunch parsley

Vinaigrette
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup olive oil
1/3 cup red wine vinegar
1 Tbsp dijon mustard
1 tsp dried oregano (used cilantro instead)
1 tsp minced garlic
3/4 tsp salt
to taste: fresh cracked black pepper

[I'm at the point right now where if it's too expensive or if I'm not crazy about it, I just leave it out. Yes, I know, not the best technique but it's worked so far. What's italicized in the ingredients, I left out. Yes, I realize that's not really a "vinaigrette" with it being just oil... but it still tasted great!]

STEP 1: Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add the pasta and boil for 5-7 minutes or until tender. Drain in a colander.

STEP 2: While you're waiting for the pasta water to boil and the pasta to cook, prepare the vegetables (squash, zucchini, broccoli, tomato, onion, parsley, red pepper). Give the vegetables a good wash and then cut into bite sized pieces (onions and red pepper thinly sliced; parsley removed from stems and chopped).

STEP 3: While the pasta is cooling, prepare the vinaigrette. In a small bowl whisk together the vegetable oil, olive oil, red wine vinegar, dijon mustard, oregano, minced garlic, salt, and pepper.

STEP 4: Combine the cooked pasta, chopped vegetables, and vinaigrette. Stir until everything is well mixed and coated with vinaigrette. Serve immediately or refrigerate until ready to eat.

Five Minutes of Fame.

2011-10-31T10:00:00.001-05:00

I know everyone thinks they have the best grandparents around, but really, mine win. Because they aren't awesome grandparents, they are awesome people.

I don't know how many times they've made us (the grandchildren) things, gone out of their way to get us something, driven to us and back home in one day just to watch us get an award... they are getting extra jewels on their crowns in heaven.

They are so cute together. I want to be like them when I'm that age. My grandpa loves woodworking, and up until this year, that's all he did. He would go out into his self-built shop, while my grandma stayed in the kitchen and cooked up some of her wonderfulness.

Turns out, they are so awesome, that the local newspaper wanted to feature them in a story again (this is NOT the first time people have found out how awesome they are.)

Here's a link to see pictures, but I'm afraid that the article will be taken down, so... here's the story!

"Orin Shogren wasn't about to let his 3-year-old granddaughter miss out on Halloween.

Diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes in 1993, Jessica Shogren dressed up for the holiday, just like all the kids, but her intake of treats was strictly monitored.

"I could never eat much candy. It lasted an entire year," said Jessica, now 21, who was reared in Satanta in southwest Kansas.

Through her childhood, when she visited family in Salina, Jessica knew that sugar was not an issue when she rang grandpa Orin Shogren's doorbell. To her heart, his offerings were priceless.

The wooden figurines of cats, ghosts, goblins and other seasonal creatures he began fashioning in a basement shop -- now in a shop out back -- became a hit to Jessica and her grandpa's five other grandchildren.

"It was really cool seeing the things he would create for us," said Jessica, now a senior at West Texas A&M University in Canyon.

"It's just a special way of showing his love for us. Our grandparents are really loving toward everyone, not just family," she said.

The handcrafted artwork also made Orin a neighborhood star. The Shogrens live in the 900 block of Sunrise Drive.

"I usually make 45 or 50 of them. It's nothing fancy. They're very crude things, but that's what they want," said Orin, 80. This year, Shogren's saws have been silent, thanks to his bad back and broken finger.

"It just didn't work out this year," Orin said. "Maybe I'll do it again next year."

The tradition he began some 18 years ago has contributed to making the holiday special for many youngsters, some who are now just young at heart.

"We have a couple of kids who are in their 20s, who dress up and come to our house every Halloween to get the things that he makes," said Dorothy Shogren, Orin's wife.

Keenan Bowles, 13, who lives in the 1100 block of Sunrise Drive, targets the Shogren house every year, aiming to add to his collection.

"I think it's pretty cool," he said. "I've gone there since I was a little kid. I thought it was pretty unique and nice that he made things himself and gave them out to people."

Shogren's treats met with the approval of Staci Arnold, Keenan's mom.

"They get plenty of candy, and that's something we can keep," she said.

They're important to Keenan, Arnold said, judging from her son's near "meltdown" two years ago when their trick-or-treating excursion arrived late to the Shogrens.

"(Orin) had just handed out the last one," Arnold said.

Luckily, Keenan was able to negotiate a trade with a girl and snared another figurine for his collection.

While he's not thrilled that no figurines will be available tonight, Keenan understands.

"If (Orin) has a problem, he shouldn't have to make them," Keenan said.

Shogren doesn't confine his handiwork to Halloween, Jessica said. He gifts grandkids with other creations throughout the year, such as Thanksgiving and Christmas.

"He's an awesome grandpa, and that's an understatement," Jessica said.

But don't think grandma goes unnoticed.

"Grandpa's carpentry skills are matched with her cooking skills," Jessica said.

Molasses cookies are her favorite."

(Story by Tim Unruh at the Salina Journal)

Reminder.

2011-10-30T17:09:00.003-05:00

October Weekend.

2011-10-30T15:43:00.000-05:00

Dear Boyfriend,

I can't tell you how glad I am we share a love of Chinese food and fortune cookies. I say we incorporate this into our list of goals, maybe.. eat at every Chinese restaurant in Georgia? P.F. Chang's in Birmingham was good, but we obviously have to test out the one in Atlanta sometime.

The bakery and deli were obviously my favorite parts of my first visit to Publix. nom nom. Perfect way to start my arrival in Georgia.

You always said Georgia is beautiful in the fall, and you were so right. Wow.

Only we would eat lunch in your car in the Publix parking lot before my big interview. I'm almost positive the DP Ten (and the dance party) helped me in the interview. The creepy smoker guy who stared at us from his car, not so much...

I'm glad you understand and/or encourage my love of photography. It's nice to have someone help you choose good photography spots, rather than grudgingly follow along. Photo adventures are the best way to kill time, even in random towns we don't even know our way around.

And I finally got to go to my first corn maze! Even if I was horrible at it... oops. But, the hay ride was fun :) Maybe next year we can do the jumping pillow... Any reason to be with Glorieta family and you at the same time!

Amicalola Falls is going to a be a frequent spot for us, I can already tell. But, next time I will make sure and bring proper hiking attire, instead of moccasins. I also enjoy the fact that we blatantly ignored the "stay on the trail" signs. We're such big rebels.

Us in this picture > the group of old people we took a picture of, in terms of cuteness.

I hope we have a backyard someday, so we can just lay around in the grass, relaxing in the shade. But, if any more dogs run up to us, we're putting up a fence. I don't care if that dog was only the size of my foot!

You and your chef's hat... adorable, really. I think I'm going to have to design some signs for the kitchen to match.

Another fall first - carving my first pumpkin. Okay, really, you carved most of it while I sat there. Just means I have to practice and carve a pumpkin every year. We can roast the pumpkin seeds, and then spit them at each other on the porch... it'll be a yearly tradition, unless the neighbors report us.

Church is a rare occasion for us, due to the flight schedules. But, it's a favorite of mine when it does happen. Your church has prettier surroundings than mine :)

Leaving you is always the worst part of the weekend. This trip home was even worse thanks to that Dallas fog. But, hopefully that'll be the last time it happens.

Love you, miss you, see you on New Year's Eve :)

Pumpkin Pudding.

2011-10-29T12:47:00.005-05:00

I bought pumpkin puree in the hopes of trying a Pinterest recipe... but they all called for 10+ ingredients that I didn't feel like buying.

So, instead, I just formed my own simple recipe.

Sugar-free pudding mix (add milk as it calls for)
Can of pumpkin puree
1-2 tbsp. of sugar
Few shakes of cinnamon/pumpkin spice
One small shake of salt.

Mix and let sit.

Home is where the heart is...

2011-10-25T11:25:00.000-05:00

Monday was a day of frustration.

Woke up at 2 a.m. unable to sleep - didn't need to be up until 3:30.
Long line at security in the Birmingham airport.
No breakfast.

Little things, really. But then, the fun really started.

A heavy fog in Dallas prevented our plane from landing. Four hours later than needed/expected, I finally walk in to the DFW airport... mass chaos. I had to stand in a long line to find a new flight.

Wait, wait, wait.

I start getting emotional. I'm running on three hours of sleep, I'm sick, exhausted in all aspects, hungry, missing Aaron, wanting someone to talk to, and then my phone dies. I sit by a trash can, on the floor, plug-in my cell charger, and eat a Cinnabon (the second thing I'd eaten all day)... in tears.

I stand in line (for the third time), to get a boarding pass for a "guaranteed" flight. Mmhmm. "Your name is not on here. We can put you on stand-by, and if you don't get on then, you'll for sure be on the next flight." I even tried pulling the I'm-a-diabetic card, and it backfired.

But, my name was called, finally. I got on the 5:30 flight. Even got front row... it was center seat, between two elderly people each doing their own crossword, but I was going home.

The pilot announced we were descending into Amarillo. I looked out the window to at the sunset, combined with clouds that made it look like we were flying into heaven. I smiled, and thought to myself, "mmmmm..." and then my thought stopped.

I realized, that thought is typically followed by the word home.

Two things hit me at that moment.

I've been struggling with discontent in being in Texas, away from Aaron. I dreaded saying good-bye, coming back to school, being away from him for another two months. But, those five hours in the airport, my only thought was I-want-to-go-home. But, "home" has two places in my heart right now. Seeing the sunset, and the huge relief of being done with travel made me appreciate this home more. I felt God telling me to stop and enjoy this season, these people, this area.

I felt trapped in the airport. Alone, and trapped. It was just a transition (and a long one, at that). I freaked out. I got emotional. I knew I was going to leave eventually, I wasn't really trapped. I kept saying there was a reason for all of it, and looking back it was just a lesson. I'm in a slow transition in life right now. Slow is not in my vocabulary. I want to jump on the next plane of life.

Maybe I'm starting to disconnect, to try and transition. Maybe I'm wrong for feeling this way. Maybe it's normal. I don't know. I'm still learning. How do I stop looking forward to something so exciting, and enjoy this moment?

For the first time in three years, this area does not feel like home to me.
Home is where the heart is...

Pinterest Recipe #2.

2011-10-16T22:46:00.001-05:00

Continuing with our theme of Pinterest recipes, we switched it up a little with a lunch.

This recipe is INCREDIBLE. I know, it sounds weird, maybe even gross. If you eat turkey burgers, or ground turkey, instead of hamburger meat - and think it tastes the same... this is the same way. There is a little different texture, but same taste. We ate the entire pizza between two of us (shhh...)

Cauliflower Crust Veggie Pizza

Before and after. See, told you we ate it all!

Use whatever toppings you want. We loaded it with toppings, because that's how we like it. Ours had olives, mushrooms, bell peppers, onions and cheese.

Pinterest Night #1.

2011-10-15T08:14:00.000-05:00

So, you've heard of Pinterest, right? If not, go sign up - right now.

It's basically a place to visually keep bookmarks. You post ("pin") things you find on the internet; designs, cool things for your house, recipes, tutorials and tricks for anything, photography, etc. etc.

Well, Taylor and I decided to start cooking two weekly recipes that we find on Pinterest. Last night was the first night, and it was a huge success - especially considering my huge lack of cooking skills.

Avocado and Grilled Corn Salad (with grilled chicken)

The recipe can be found here.

But, since we try to save money on groceries we did a little editing:

No vinegar,

Cilantro flakes (in the seasonings) instead of real cilantro,

Canned corn instead of husked corn, and

More feta than it called for.

This makes a TON, so although it is excellent, it's not great for two people. Either cut the recipe in half, or plan on eating this with every meal for several days. We also used it as a "dip" with chips, after eating it with chicken. I ate it with some egg for breakfast this morning (okay, that wasn't as good as I thought it might be.)

Helpful hint: keep the middle of the avocado in the bowl to help keep it from turning brown!

Right Doors.

2011-10-10T15:34:00.001-05:00

You try one door after another, yet no one responds to your résumé. No university accepts your application. No doctor has a solution for your illness. No buyers look at your house.

Obstacles pack your path. Road, barricaded. Doorway, padlocked.
Do you know the frustration of a blocked door?

God uses closed doors to advance his cause.

He closed the womb of a young Sarah so he could display his power to the elderly one. He shut the palace door on Moses the prince so he could open shackles through Moses the liberator. He marched Daniel out of Jerusalem so he could use Daniel in Babylon. And Jesus. Yes, even Jesus knew the challenge of a blocked door. When he requested a path that bypassed the cross, God said no. He said no to Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane so he could say yes to us at the gates of heaven.

It’s not that our plans are bad but that God’s plans are better.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.

“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your waysand my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

(Isa. 55:8–9 NLT)

Your blocked door doesn’t mean God doesn’t love you. Quite the opposite. It’s proof that he does.

[taken from Max Lucado devotional]

Time.

2011-10-08T14:13:00.002-05:00

Life is so chaotic.

I just want a break, just a measly two days of nothingness would suffice. I just need a chance to catch my breath, I feel like since day one I hit the ground running and haven't slowed down yet. Thankfully, I have been enjoying my classes. I haven't had to deal with mundane classes and homework like geology or history.

Doing more and more freelance this semester has also made me more excited to become a "real" designer, to have a real design job.

So, here I am, struggling to be content. I'm being pulled between wanting to graduate tomorrow and move, and wanting time to slow down so that I can breathe, and enjoy the last of my college days. I've been told not to grow up too fast, but it's hard when I've started job searching, I have my first job interview in two weeks, printing resumes, etc.

I've always been ready for the next step of the game, wanting to move on.

But, here I am trying to learn patience and contentment, waiting on His timing.

Art Updates.

2011-09-25T20:53:00.001-05:00

Hey, you.
Go like my facebook page for Jess Creatives.

And pass along the word to your friends. :)

Website!

2011-09-19T09:11:00.003-05:00

This post is short and sweet.

After a week of long hours, late nights, and lots of frustration and excitement....
my new website is finally up!

Check it out: www.jesscreatives.com!

Loss.

2011-09-17T11:00:00.000-05:00

No one really deals with loss well.
I've lost more friends than one should at this age, but thankfully it's been minimal and hasn't been immediate family.

Unfortunately, this week I've dealt with different types of loss. Not as traumatic, but hard and very frustrating still. First, there was my foot, and then...

[There's no great way to segway into this without sounding trite.]

Glorieta, my second home, is shutting down. The conference center is not shutting down completely, but it's only going to be open during the summer. They posted this explanation on their website.

It's understandable, from the logistic side. But, our hearts don't understand. My Facebook feed was filled with remorse and talk of memories. After two years of attending Collegiate week, and working a total of six months there - it becomes home.

It's where I re-committed my life to Christ, it's where I met the love of my life, it's where I've grown the most - spiritually. Not to mention the incredible friendships, and the memories. It sounds dramatic, but it feels like someone has died, or a part of me has died. It breaks my heart to know (not as many) people will be able to experience the peace and growth that happens at Glorieta.

Glorieta holds so much importance in my heart, but I know God is doing something good in the midst of all the emotion and trouble.

Crutchin'

2011-09-15T08:22:00.001-05:00

My life is frustrating sometimes.

You know, I'm blessed with awesome friends, family, and my boyfriend. I have a great job, I love my major. I'm loved by the Creator of the universe. Yet, despite the misconception that Christians are happy and their life is full of rainbows, I am frustrated.

Before college, I was semi-athletic. I played a few sports, and I loathed running. First summer of college and had to do physical therapy. Healed, slowly got back into working out. Surgery in March '10. More physical therapy.

Pause story: I have never, ever, broken, sprained, fractured, or rolled anything. I tore my meniscus... and that's the most damage I've ever done.

After a failed attempt of 5k training this summer, I re-started after returning to Texas. And what happens? I injure myself. As of yesterday, I'm in a walking boot and on crutches for the next three weeks. I was running on the first day of school (yippee!), and landed wrong on my foot. Turns out, I chipped off some bone on the top of my foot.

I've always been a busy bee. As a kid, I could not stand being bored. It's only gotten worse as I've gotten older. Except now, it's not just being busy, it's being active too. Although I've started swimming since my foot was/is out of commission, I miss running. I miss just getting on the treadmill and going.

It's frustrating. It's frustrating to want to do something healthy, and not being allowed. For the last three years, every time I started working out consistently - I either injured myself, shin splints started acting up, or my schedule was too busy and I couldn't work out at all.

I am not looking forward to crutchin' around for the next three weeks. I woke up with sore arms. (and, it's raining right now.) I am trying my hardest to live out Philippians 2:14, but it was hard to get out bed knowing that I will hobble all across campus today - in the rain.

God will use this for something good, that much I know.

Walking Blind.

2011-09-08T23:37:00.000-05:00

I love Addison Road, as you should know... since they appear in my blog a lot. The lead singer, Jenny, blogs off and on as well, and today she wrote a blog. This blog. I think her blog is one of my favorite's to read because she doesn't cover up things with happy rainbows and trite sayings.

Although I am not in a life storm right now, this is one of those blogs that just spoke something to me. It made me realize that so often I feel like I'm supposed to be in a storm, or the opposite... whatever that "part" is called. I haven't made any huge life adjustments like she has, but I still feel like I'm in the in-between.

I'm en route to graduation, I'm beginning to see the light. I mean, I sent off my first resume today - it's starting. NOW. Not next semester like I thought it would. I feel like I'm living in the unknown.
Faith is still here, I don't doubt God.

You know when you get up in the night to go to do whatever, and you're walking quietly, slowly through the pitch black? You feel like any moment you will trip on some huge obstacle in your room that wasn't there when you want to bed, or you'll run into a wall that moved after you fell asleep? And then after a certain point, you feel more comfortable and stop walking like an awkward, paranoid freak. I feel kind of like that freak right now. I know the end is right around the corner, and although I may bump a corner or two, I'll still get there fine.

It took me awhile to realize, or maybe just admit it, that all these "plans" and "ideas" that I kept saying were God's plans were really... mine. It wasn't so much the plans themselves, just the route or order of them came from me, not Him. It takes a lot of prayer to get those desires out of your heart... they're not completely out of mine - even though I know it's for the better.

"Curiosity abounds. Excitement fights to shine through. Fear and self-doubt dominate. If nothing else, the in between seasons are great reminders to hold life lightly. Hang on too tight - to your own version - and you are bound to be heartbroken." (Jenny Simmons)

Crazy Dreams.

2011-09-04T13:58:00.002-05:00

So, I don't think I've ever posted about this. But, I have crazy dreams. Like, cuh-razy. It wasn't rare to say to my mom in the morning, "I had a weird dream, wanna hear it?" You can ask her... it's happened for as long as I can remember. I also remember my dreams pretty vividly most of the time.

Last night I had two dreams that were somewhat correlated.
The first one:
I sneak into this huge house; I'm on a mission. I came to this house because there are about 200 African teenage girls that are sex slaves. It's my job to free them. But, of course, the owners/adults are mean and vicious, and I know that if they find me - I will die. So, a majority of this dream is finding all the girls, sneaking around the house, hiding in the most random places, and then he finds me. I look up at him (he resembles Hagrid from HP), and... I woke up.

But, not only did I wake up... I thought the killers were in my apartment. This too has happened before. One time, I watched Rush Hour 2 before bed (as a grade schooler), woke up thinking the bad guy was outside window. So, I'm laying there, somewhat out of breath (because I had been running in my dream/nightmare), paranoid that someone is in my apartment. It also seems extra dark.

And then I noticed, it was raining. Beautiful. I love rain. So, I concentrated on that, and fell back asleep. Which led to my second dream:

I'm on a college campus, not my own, and there is a mass power outage. Chaos ensues. I'm in this strange house/apartment thing that is just a little off campus. And like most dreams, things start to jump around and things happen that dream "me" knows why, but it's not really evident in the dream. So, once again, there are bad guys trying to find people and kill them. So we (there's about 10 of us - none of who I know) are hiding in my apartment, which is very long, and resembles my room in Glorieta. Somehow I keep managing to hide in boxes, or my favorite - under a piano. The bad guys open the door, but don't see us. I run to campus to find someone. It's like one big giant party. Also, the Coliseum (from Rome) is on our campus. Cool, right? I found whoever, went back to my apartment, started hiding again, and then... woke up.

So, this summer I started looking at dream interpretation. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Not sure I fully believe it, but it's interesting - especially when it kind of relates to life right now.

To save a child in your dream signifies your attempts to save a part of yourself from being destroyed.

To see a killer in your dream suggests than an essential aspect of your emotions have been cut off; that you are losing your identity and your individuality.

To dream that you are being kidnapped denotes feelings of being trapped. Something may be diverting your concentration and your attention away from your goals.

To dream that the electricity is out indicates your lack of insight and perspective on a situation.

To dream that someone is hiding indicates that you are looking for a sense of security and protection. To dream that you are hiding suggests that you are keeping some secret or withholding some info.

To dream that you are at a party suggests that you need to get out more and enjoy yourself. If the party is a bad one, then it indicates you are unsure of your social skills. (haha!)

To dream that you are in a dark room suggests that you are waiting for something to happen. You are curious to see what might develop in a situation.

To see an unruly crowd in your dream signifies that the worries and problems around you are pressin in on you; signifying great distress.

Weird, right? They somewhat kind of all relate. Do I really know what this means? Not really.

Waiting It Out.

2011-09-02T12:02:00.000-05:00

"Sometimes what you want to do and what God wants you to do are two different things. I suggest you go with God because... well, for one: He loves you, and two: He knows what's best. Even if it hurts at the time, being healthy is way better in the end." (taken from Jessica Moritz)

When I first saw that, it hit me in this face for two reasons.
a) too often I think I focus on what I want instead of what He wants
b) even if it hurts now, He knows what's best and could be saving me from more hurt

I'm a senior in college. Yep, it's that year. That year of huge decisions.

Do I know what's going to happen? No.
Do I have a few ideas? Yes.

I look at the past several years, and see how He timed things perfectly - over and over. God is able to handle every detail, and even the biggest situations. My brain knows this, but I'm human and something inside of me still wants to know, still wants control.

I think part of it is that I'm so excited about the future. I'm not scared to go out "there," I'm only scared that I'll end up homeless or jobless. But, totally excited about having a real design job, moving across the country, and all that jazz.

The fact that I've never been a patient person has never been more evident than now.

Isaiah 30:18 says, "For the Lord is a FAITHFUL God. Blessed are those who WAIT for His help."

Many the Miles.

2011-08-24T13:05:00.000-05:00

There are some things in life that people don't understand looking from the outside in, and currently I have something I deal with daily that people don't understand.

Long-distance relationships.

"It's not real, it won't last, it'd be different if you were closer, etc."
And I'm not just talking about dating, I'm talking about friendships as well.

For some reason, 21 years ago, when the big guy upstairs created me, He put in a wire labeled "can-handle-being-away-from-the-ones-closest-to-her" or something along those lines. Away from my boyfriend, some of my closest friends, and I'm not a homebody so I hardly go home to my parents.

My best friend and I have known each other for over ten years, and yet have never spent more than one consecutive week together. How do I call her my best friend with such little time together? Because we communicate like there's no tomorrow. Text, phone calls, skype dates, letters, emails, etc. We've done it all. Oh, and the in-between dates - like hanging out in Wal-Mart for a few hours because that's the only way we can spend time together.

If anything, my communication skills have improved over the last few years. Communicating long-distance is not only important, but I firmly believe it strengthens the relationship. When your only option is to talk... you focus on that, and use it as much as possible. That's why Ellie and Aaron know me so well - both the good and the bad parts.

Is it frustrating? Do I wish I could hang out with them every day? Do they miss special things like birthdays and holidays? Yes. Does that make our relationship any less real or important? Not even.

It's not ideal, and it's not easy, but don't underestimate the strength of long-distance relationships.

Summer Recap.

2011-08-14T23:33:00.000-05:00

Summer is basically over.
And, it was a summer.

Although I tried not to compare, this summer didn't compare as well to last year.
It was different, but in a good way. It was still impactful.

This summer had it's challenges. Different people, same job, similar guests, crazy schedules. I'd like to say that through all the difficulties, I grew a lot and had some major break through, but that isn't entirely true.

Did I learn, did I grow, did I change, did I finally let go of some things? Yes.

Life is changing. It's beautiful, even when it's frustrating.
It's messy, sometimes I feel like my head is just an unsolved puzzle.

He is entirely faithful. Faithful to His promises, faithful to transform our hearts, faithful to work everything out for our good, faithful and sovereign.

The best part about our God is that He changes things and provides for us, sometimes before we even know we need it, and sometimes when we don't know why we need something. But, He knew I needed this summer.

My favorites of the summer include...
- rooming with Kelli again. none of that awkward, at times annoying, adjusting to a new roommate. it was like we had never stopped being roomies. the half-asleep glares, taking naps together (as in, at the same time but in our own beds), the late nights, the talks, the laughs, and... the one crying session.
- seeing why God brought certain people into my life. some to help me, some to help them. many of those Georgia people I know I will be friends with for a looooong time :)
- covenant leader group, always what I looked forward to every weekend. a group of devoted, smart, true friends. not to mention the family that let us into their home, laughed with us, fed us, and taught us.
- taco bell or dunkin donuts run. these things seem insignificant, but I tend to find the most joy in the smallest things... the trips were fun, spontaneous, and pointless, but just more memories we made.

oh... and baby-sitting for Addison Road.

Purposeful Accidents.

2011-08-10T14:47:00.000-05:00

Last night, I listened to Michael Kelly speak at the Collegiate Week service. He said something that I've been thinking about a lot lately.

"There are many situations in life that happen so coincidentally that it almost seems on purpose."

When looking back at the last few years, that's all I see.

Dislike my town during high school so much that I want to get away.
[which leads me to WT, not KSU like I had thought]
Attend Collegiate Week two weeks prior to starting college.
[I like to think of this as one big pivotal moment]
Attend Collegiate Week a second year, recommit my life to Christ.
[join leadership team at BSM]
Decide to spend a summer away.. in Glorieta.
[meet Aaron]

Then there's smaller things like sharing purple paint with Taylor my freshman year - we are now best friends, the roommates I have had and will have, friends I have through camp, the classes I've taken, the job I have...

Things that seemed so simple at the moment, I now see as small pieces of what He is sewing together.

Jesus, I don't know what You're working out right now, but You haven't failed me yet.

August Weekend.

2011-08-09T11:57:00.003-05:00

Dear Boyfriend,

Just as it gets harder to say good-bye everytime, each visit is more and more enjoyable. I think one of my favorite parts of this past weekend was how we did all these new things together.

Lunch was complicated, and made me grumpy, but that was some gooooood pizza. It never fails that I end up in the ghetto in almost every city I visit, so just get used to that. And the shopping syndrome... sorry about that too. Someday I'll enjoy shopping like a normal girl.

Dinner on the other hand, was fabulous. You can never go wrong with Panda. :)

I've been to a few baseball games (two, to be exact) but this was by far my favorite. Minus the people behind us sloshing beer on us. That wasn't cool.

Ziplining = favorite. Even better that we got to do it at the same time (on different lines, just to clarify). Those harnesses were so attractive, I might add. Maybe next time we can both hit the pole... or not. Also, that mulch area is where I taught you how to two-step, and Alex taught us how to pretzel. Good times, keep working on it though...

We always talk about our big roadtrip around the U.S., and traveling the world. I guess you could say this is the beginning. A day trip to Colorado, with a quick run to the Utah state line. Two more down! I wonder if all states have the repeated cow signs, reindeer signs, tractor signs...

Date night. Date nights are always my favorite. Even though I'm a t-shirt kind of girl, a black dress once in awhile is good too :) I think this picture conveys how fun we are, and ridiculous. Never forget how ridiculous we are! Another visit to San Francisco Bar & Grill, walking around the plaza, sitting on the back porch in rocking chairs... pretty nice way to celebrate a year together. The diamond necklace and earrings helped too ;)

I love you.

Thank you for the laughs this weekend, and the new memories.
Especially when you took me to see the sunset :)

One Year Anniversary!

2011-08-08T08:07:00.002-05:00

"How do you measure a year?

In daylights,
in sunsets,
in midnights,
in cups of coffee,
in inches,
in miles,
in laughter,
in strife...

How about love?"

Has it really already been a year with Aaron? Yes, yes it has.

Last summer included: a trip to the zoo, an Iron Maiden concert, him giving me DDP and peanut butter, a drive-in movie, a date to the opera, lots of Panda Express, star-gazing, watching a sunset from atop a hill, and of course... many nights of playing Rock Band. After all that, we became an "official" couple.

Then started our long-distance journey. A hard year, but an amazing year.
full of Skype dates, phone calls, letters, texts, flights, driving...
full of inside jokes, uncontrollable laughter, Bible study...
full of DDP, Taco Bell, flowers, surprises, Chinese food...

We keep each other accountable, we challenge each other, we're genuine and real with each other, we laugh (a lot) together, we pray together, we read together, and we trust, respect, and love each other. The only "don't" in our relationship is we don't fight - one year, and a not a single fight. Yes, it's tried our patience, and Satan's tried to trick us with doubt... but His peace surpasses it all.

Neither of us were expecting to leave last summer being in a relationship, but God works in unexpected ways when we're least expecting it. A lot of people say our love isn't real, that it's not conventional, that it wouldn't work. But, anything is possible with God - and geography does not stop Him.

The longest we went without seeing each other was 16 weeks (and two days).
The shortest, 5 weeks.
But, the time flew (most of the time) with as much as we talked.

"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough..."

One year down, many more to go... :)

Pray for Riley.

2011-07-13T14:27:00.001-05:00

Riley Tuttle, is my cousin’s son. He’s three years old, and was put in the hospital because e-coli attacked his kidneys and they shut down. He is going to be in the hospital for 2-3 weeks, and they just started him on dialysis. Riley had surgery to place his port in for dialysis. He’s out now, but as a precaution due to slight bleeding, he was placed in the PICU. We thought he was going to be out of PICU today (7/13), but it turns out he won’t because he can’t hold down water. Chest x-rays showed too much fluid on his lungs. They put his bed in a “V” so gravity can help pull fluid from chest and legs, and drain through dialysis. He’s also been put on pain meds. The doctor wants to put a feeding tube in, but his parents don’t really want to do that. If the parents can get him to eat and keep down 10ml of Pediasure every hour, for 24 hours straight, the doctor said he wouldn’t put one in. Please continue to pray for this sweet three-year-old!

Update (7/23): This update is a little late, but Riley went home earlier this week!! He had a successful surgery to remove his dialysis port and was released to go home. He's still recovering, but home and happy! :)

Stop Being Stubborn.

2011-07-11T12:43:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite lyrics from Addison Road's song "What Do I Know of Holy?"says, where have I even stood but the shore of all Your ocean?

Today, I read in Deuteronomy 3, "O Sovereign Lord, You have only begun to show Your greatness and the strength of Your hand to me, Your servant. Is there any god in heaven or on earth who can perform such great and mighty deeds as you do."

He hasn't even begun to show me what He can do. And even with all that, there's enough to bring me down to my knees. Yet, my stubborn, human heart sometimes still wants more. In the next chapter in Deuteronomy, Moses tells us, Be careful never to forget what you yourself have seen.

I know that I'm stubborn, the Bible tells me this. Thankfully, it also tells me about His unfailing love and the grace that He continually pours out. It also tells us to change our hearts and stop being stubborn (Deut. 10:16).

I need a change of heart. That's not an easy thing to say, but it's true. The Lord has blessed me in so many ways, I have lacked NOTHING. He may not always give me what I want, but He gives me what I NEED.

"Stay on the path that the Lord your God has commanded you to follow. THEN, you will live long and prosperous lives in the land you are about to enter and occupy."

I just simply need and want to be content with what He's given me and where He's places me. Staying on His path doesn't equal an easy life, but He will provide all I need.

"For what great nation has a god as near as to them as the Lord our God is near to us whenever we call on Him?"

Odd Celebrations.

2011-07-04T08:56:00.001-05:00

There are certain birthdays that are deemed more important, for whatever reason. I think the last five birthdays have been accompanied with thoughts of can't-believe-I'm-becoming-an-adult and whatnot.

Yes, I am aware that my birthday was two months ago. :)
But, today is another day that I celebrate.

My diabetic birthday.

Not many people, as in... anyone who is not a diabetic, understand why I celebrate this "birthday" of mine. First of all, why not have a "valid" reason to go out to eat, or buy ice cream, or drink DDP all day? Those are not really the reasons I celebrate this, just fyi.

I celebrate being alive, being healthy. I celebrate all the good things that have come with this defective pancreas, like getting to eat snacks at school/work, when other people can't... or more importantly, the friendships that have formed because of it.

I celebrate being different. (No funny comments about me being weird!) For a long time, that was one of the reasons I hated diabetes. Sometimes it still is one of the reasons I hate diabetes. The way I see it, God could have easily not chosen me to deal with this. But He did. He knew I could handle it, and the times when I can't, He will.

Earlier, as I was thinking about this blog, I thought about yesterday 18 years ago. It would've been my last day as a normal child. Er.. as normal as I could ever be. I know I was sick the few days before, obviously, because that's why my parents took me to the hospital finally. So, did I feel horrible? Did I get to eat anything sweet? I just wonder what that last day was like... kind of like, if there's ever a cure... what would that first day be like?

Articles like this are so exciting. But at the same time, it's weird to think about life without diabetes. Granted, it would be a lot easier and cheaper... and I'm not about to turn that down.

Maybe I celebrate this day just because it means an occasional late night "snack" (a.k.a. - eat the contents of the entire fridge). Or, maybe I celebrate it because life would be horrible if all I ever did was cry about my defective pancreas.

Cheers to surviving 18 years!

Baby-sitting for Who?

2011-07-01T16:58:00.001-05:00

This post is a little past due, but that's okay.

A week ago, I should've been getting back from camp. Instead, I was working the good ol' front desk. For the first time in 14 years, I didn't go to Camp Discovery. Which, if you read these two blogs (here and here), you realize quickly how much it means to me. Just weeks before camp, I had to change my plans and not go to camp - which was pretty upsetting if we're being honest. Thankfully, the Lord kept my mind off of camp (for the most part).

When I was officially no longer going to camp and had a peace about it, I thought to myself, God must have a reason for keeping me here. I just hoped it was a good reason, rather than someone dying or... something. I thought, maybe God has some really important, life-changing message I need to hear.

It didn't happen.

Oddly though, I have a comfort about missing camp. I just feel like I wasn't supposed to be there. I read something the other day about God working in small ways, not always using drastic, life-changing measures. Such small ways that we don't even realize it.

So, although there was not a 'spiritual epiphany' ... something mega cool did happen.

Long story short, Jenny Simmons of Addison Road asked my friend Joley and I to baby-sit. Yes, I baby-sat for someone famous. Her daughter, Annie, is adorable. Yeah, Jenny and I talked, we called each other, even texted. Did we hang out? Not really. I didn't get a picture with her, I somewhat got an autograph... but I already had one so that didn't matter either. Sure, I earned some extra cash... not a huge deal.

I think the coolest part was seeing and realizing she is normal. That sounds so stupid, and I realize that famous people are still... people, but it doesn't hit you until you're in the hotel room. Or, when she talked about hanging out with her girlfriends. In her thank you note, she wrote how much of a blessing it was to have a break, just to hang out with friends.

Knowing that my sitting in her hotel room while her precious daughter slept, just so she could get a break and have some fun, made it all worth it. It sounds cheesy, but an act of service like that is more rewarding than money. Maybe the baby-sitting job was the reason God kept me here, and if it was, that little bit of excitement and the sweet reward was worth it.

Great is Thy Faithfulness.

2011-06-27T14:26:00.001-05:00

I am a control freak sometimes. Not in the aspect of friends or Aaron, but more in situations. Most of the time I would prefer to drive in a group, because if it's my car, I can control where and when we go (for the most part), rather than be under someone else's control.

"The question, “are we there yet?” reveals something about human nature. We want to know exactly where we’re going, and we want to know exactly when we’ll get there. That’s a nice way of saying we’re control freaks."

I'm also one of those people who likes to know the game plan. What time are we leaving, what's the plan for the night... really, my detail-oriented style just comes out in many aspects of life. In case you hadn't noticed.

If you had talked to me earlier this year, I was totally game for life after graduation. some people want to avoid the real world. not me - let's do this. Wasn't really nervous, I knew God had a plan, life would just unfold. Well, reality hit a few weeks ago. not that I'm anti-real world now, but the nerves and questions have set in. My game plan hit a glitch and now I have no idea what the 4th quarter looks like. (look at me using sports analogies!)

On my window, I currently have written part of Psalm 89. More specifically, one sentence: You are entirely faithful. I serve and love an entirely faithful and sovereign God. Yet, between my human tendencies and Satan... fear and expectations set in. A year or two ago, I came across a quote that says, His timing is not always our own. Great quote, love it, instantly memorized it and is still stuck in my brain. It wasn't until this summer that I think the fullness of this truth hit me.

Uncertainty is not something I deal with greatly... especially in "big" situations. But I'm starting to learn that maybe God let's us sit in uncertainty in an attempt to grow our faith and dependence on Him, and to show us His faithfulness.

Tonight our staff did a prayer "exercise" (for lack of a better word), and one of the things we prayed about/over, was His faithfulness. We were to start sentences with, "God I remember you working when..." ...wow. By the end of that prayer, I was crying because I've been reminding myself that He is faithful and food, etc. But to actually recall circumstances and situations in which He was faithful and worked things out for my good was completely different.

I'm thankful for grace in these times where I'm too stubborn to let go.

Control.

2011-06-04T21:41:00.000-05:00

Letting God have control means simply letting things in life happen.
Whereas, trying to stay in control ourselves creates problems, and we see our situations in our light and by our standards.

Life is never boring with God. There are lots of surprises, turns and curveballs.

There are a lot of things in life I'm uncertain about, but I know God is sovereign. The biggest struggle is knowing that He is sovereign, and not being anxious. I have to remind myself almost daily that He is in control. His sovereignty should cover up any anxiety.

Today I was reading in Exodus, about all the things the Lord had the people of Israel make as an offering to Him. Although these passages are long and not the most interesting (even to an artist like me), they always remind me how our God is a God of immense detail.

Even in Psalm 37, it says that He delights in every detail of their lives.

Sometimes that's a truth I have to remind myself of, and sometimes it's hard to embrace. It's hard finding someone who actually cares about every single detail in your life.

But that's how our God works. He knows our hearts and works everything out, down to the last detail.

Reflection.

2011-05-20T12:49:00.000-05:00

Summertime has begun.

It has been an interesting first week of summer, being back in New Mexico. Waves of emotion between excitement, anxiety, fear and peace. This place and the people last year did so much for me, and I'd like to think I did the same for other people.

Not a lot of summer staff has arrived yet, so it's been a quieter week, allowing time for relaxation and alone time. As usual, the last few days have been thinking a lot about the last semester, and year. I've grown immensely from where I was this time last year. Life has changed, and I've learned through the good and bad times. Lost friends, gained friends, fell in love, traveled and worked my butt off.

Not having a social life this spring was rough, but the 4.0 at the end was pretty nice. But, for once, I almost agreed with my professor... I felt a huge sense of satisfaction with my grades, but wondered if missing out on fun times and community was really worth it. I felt a pull from God to break away from my community. I had a new one to join, one that is building and growing, but not as tight-knit.

Satan used my busy schedule and lack of community against me. I missed the accountability and just being able to talk things out. That is one of the reasons I was so ready to come back to New Mexico - there's community here, even outside the covenant groups.

I can already see reasons I was brought back here, and am reminded of God's faithfulness. I am excited to see how the Lord is going to work not just in me, but my co-workers and in our guests. He is so good. Even though I am being continually transformed, I'm ready for this "season" and what's to come.

Reasoning.

2011-05-09T23:14:00.005-05:00

Life is not perfect.
Oh, were you not aware of this?

I think there have been a few times when I've felt like it was, until something brought me back down to earth.

Not that life can't be enjoyed, or we can't love life. I think it's as simple as just focusing on the positives rather than the negatives. Which is actually easier said than done, coming from a pessimist like me. Most people don't consider me a pessimist, since I don't tend to walk around grumbling and pissy all the time. But, more than half the time, in any given situation... I will think about the downsides or negatives of something without meaning too.

A few things heavy on my mind lately. Mainly, summer - which translates to New Mexico. Glorieta holds a very special place in my heart, it's where I found my two loves. Two years ago, I went to collegiate week at Glorieta and the Lord grabbed a hold of my heart. I realized I wasn't living the life I needed to and recommitted my life to Christ. Last summer, with no intention of doing so, I found someone. In nothing but a God-scripted way, Aaron and I just... clicked. Nine months later, still together and going strong. Geography means nothing to the Lord - 1200 miles can't quench this kind of love.

This semester has not been the easiest though. My spiritual community changed, classes were overwhelming, it became harder to be away from Aaron more and more, my diabetes has been crazy. Although I'm in a much better state than I was a year ago, I find myself ending the semester and so ready to get away again. The Lord has taught me a lot this semester, this year. But, I couldn't help but agree when I saw a friend post a status about wishing she praised the Lord not just in the good times, but in the bad as well.

As I was reading through Job this morning, these thoughts were running through my head. Of course, as humans, it's harder for us to praise God when things aren't what we exactly wanted. Things may not necessarily be bad, just not what we wanted. But... it's more about what He wants.

In chapter one, Job says, "The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!" The next verse says, In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.

I may not come right out and blame God, but too often I know I've asked God, why? "So who am I, that I should try to answer God or even reason with Him? ... For God is so wise and so mighty." (9:10, 4) It's not that I doubt God's plan or His wisdom, but I know sometimes my thoughts seem that way. My desires need to go back to His desires.

"But true wisdom and power are found in God; counsel and understanding are His." (Job 12:13)

I need not understand, only trust.

Weekend.

2011-05-02T18:09:00.005-05:00

Dear Boyfriend,

I hope while watching me wander around in circles in confusion, the airport security officers laughed as much as we laughed at Furr's. Speaking of security, anybody shine a flashlight in your face lately?

Now you see why I love my job and why we love Oscar's. Sorry, I had the better burrito. :)

You weren't kidding when you said the five-year-old you was going to come out in the Discovery Center. The bubbles were my favorite part, in case you didn't notice. The light show with 80's graphics was my least favorite though - I still get nauseous thinking about it.

And I don't really care what my parents say, I think two trips to Orange Leaf was necessary this weekend. I enjoyed our eating-only-at-local-restaurants (minus Taco Bell) and always eating dessert.

I'm glad I now know how to make fettuccine alfredo.
Your cooking skills are slowly rubbing off on me! Don't give up on me yet, please!

You really love helping me finish my 101 list, don't you? This was probably one of my favorites, besides the really long roadtrip (since I was driving to see you...) Maybe someday we can ride a Tonto and Durango instead of Peanut and Rascal.

Although I don't do it very often, I'm glad I had a reason to wear my little black dress. I'm also glad you didn't judge me for how much bread I ate at Napoli's. And if you ever wear a baseball cap like those dumb high school prom dates though, we will have problems.

Two of the things I miss the most about being away from you is not being able to go to church together, and hanging out with my family. I'm glad my parents got to be part of your first-time-at-Braum's experience.

You proved me wrong when I said boys aren't very creative, and this weekend you proved me wrong on your predictability. Seven flowers each given separately, even one in the sock drawer? You're pretty sneaky, mister.

Thanks for walking around Wal-Mart with me while I finally got my oil changed, and then helping me wash my car for the first time in a year. I enjoy even doing the mundane things with you. Although it wasn't mundane, I also appreciated the help for my photo project. :)

I already miss you, our tickle fights, reading the Word at night, and randomly saying parsley... :)

Summer to-do.

2011-04-26T15:04:00.005-05:00

There are lots of things I missed out on last summer, have found out about this year and now want to do, or just want to do... so I'm starting a list:

- eat at Rooftop
- go to Anthropology
- do the couch to 5k plan
- finish my summer reading list
- read through the whole Bible chronologically
- hike or drive to Baldy
- get to know the nice voluteers
- ride my bike to Pecos
- do the zipline
- possibly an Isotopes game
- go to the flea market in Santa Fe
- photo shoots with as many summer staffers possible

...to be continued.

Two for One.

2011-04-24T23:55:00.005-05:00

Ah, the big 2-1.
I'm not a huge fan of birthdays, I'm kind of cursed when it comes to them... last year and my 18th were the last two semi-good ones. But, I figured this one is kind of worth trying to celebrate and it's my last big one for nine years. Whoa.

But, as you may have noticed, I had to share it with Easter. I was a little bitter about this, honestly. I can relate to the kids who have birthdays next to Christmas... you don't get your spotlight. I knew it was petty, because really... Easter is a lot more important and significant than my birthday. If it weren't for Easter, my birthday wouldn't be worth celebrating in the first place. But, I felt like I was being selfish trying to celebrate my birthday the same weekend/day of Easter.

I didn't have a bad birthday, just nothing went as planned. I ate plenty though, really... I need to go run 12 miles everyday for the next two weeks.

Sunday, I went out for ice cream with Dino.
Monday, I went out to Starbucks with Molly and Jenny.
Friday, I went to Abuelo's for the first time with my work ladies, and Taylor.

Yesterday, my parents came to town to celebrate. And brought presents. Wrapping pictured courtesy of my sister.

We, along with Sarah, went to "soccermom's" for lunch and then the Cake Company.

Then, my parents and I went shopping... for five hours. I hate shopping.
I also introduced them to the Frazzleberry. :)
For dinner, I ate McAlister's Deli for the first time; Angela and Allison also joined in on the fun.

Then, I came home and worked on a typography project. Yes. I did homework.

Sunday! Easter! Birthday!

Usual breakfast at Ranch House Cafe (my parents and I eat there every time they come to town). I splurged and got chocolate chip pancakes.
Church, and then Ruby Tequila's with the Meyer family. Where I got free dessert, again.

Come home, ran some errands and got some Starbucks with Tiffany.
Then, nothing. Stores are closed. The lab was closed. Everyone was busy.
So, I instead I got to skype.... for three hours. :)

Maybe not the most exciting birthday. Maybe not what I had planned... but when does anything in life really go as planned? I think what I'm disappointed most in is that in the midst of all the birthday-ness, I never really soaked in the gloriousness and sacredness of what today is first and foremost about. I was selfish and more caught up in me, and besides church this morning, never really celebrated the excitement of Easter.

But, I am thankful. I have some of the best family, sometimes I lose sight of how blessed I am. My friends, or second family, are amazing as well. Really, I don't need presents and more stuff. And really, all I wanted to do was hang out with people. Plans got canceled and changed, but things happen.

I know I'm loved, by family and friends - but more importantly, God. Everything I received this week/end was just another blessing from Him. He's sooooo good.

Changes.

2011-04-21T17:11:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's been awhile since I've blogged.
This can be equated to many things: lack of free time being number one, a lot going on and not a lot going on at the same time, I haven't had much quiet or "be still" time to process... which means lack of time for blog-worthy thoughts to form in my brain.

Something God has been reminding me about over the last week that it's not about me.

Yes, God cares about and knows our every little desire and dream, but we have to surrender those over to Him. Maybe those things happen, maybe they don't - but He sees our whole journey. He knows what's best for us, whether or not we need this or that.

I love that God knows everything before it happens. He knew the conversations I was going to have yesterday, that I was going to write this today, what I will do in a week. He knows when we'll mess up, yet He never forsakes us. He does nothing but continually guide us. I look at my life over the past year, over the past three years, and see nothing but how He has guided me so beautifully... people, situations, places.

I've realized lately how much I've been thinking about what I want, me me me. Most of these things haven't been bad, but I've been selfish and discontent. I want my desires to be His desires, my heart to be like His.

I've definitely grown a lot and learned a lot over the past year, but I still see the Lord working patience and contentment in me, among many other things. I know I also need to make some changes. Change is not overnight and it's not temporary, but He is always there in the midst of it.

"If God doesn’t lead you along the shortest path to your goal, don’t complain or resist. Follow willingly and trust Him to lead you safely around unseen obstacles. He can see the end of your journey from the beginning, and He knows the safest and best route."

Life Lessons.

2011-04-13T16:44:00.001-05:00

The Lord brings people into our life for various reasons, one of those reasons being to teach us. It may be in a literal way like a Bible study leader, or it can be not as literal and just be the friendship and the stories and insights that are shared.

I made two (okay, four) new friends last fall. April and Brandon (with their two kids), became my adoptive parents. Before you freak out wondering why I was up for adoption - it was through the college service I attended at a church in town. It's called Adopt-a-Buff, and it just gives students a family in town to hang out with, do laundry if needed, maybe even baby-sit!

So, I went over for dinner and laundry every so often, but then we discovered a mutual love of Grey's Anatomy. Then it turned into laundry, dinner, coffee and Grey's. Unfortunately, my Grey's Anatomy/coffee dates have come to a stop - but for a good reason. :) April and Brandon (and their kids, they're not leaving them behind) are headed overseas to be missionaries for a few years.

This family taught me so many things, much like I mentioned earlier - just with sharing stories and insights. But, just being in their house once in awhile taught me so much. They are amazing parents, and it's obvious by the way their kids act. In relationship with each other, and with their kids, there was a huge spirit of grace and love. Their actions constantly reminded of Christ's relationship with us. Their house is truly based on Biblical truths and standards.

Then, today I read this article that my friend wrote. I realized that the longer I've been dating my boyfriend, the more I want for girls to note sell themselves short. There is a difference between Christian men and Godly men, and the Godly one will be well worth the wait (I seem to think so at least!)

I happened to stumble across this blog post earlier, which seems to prove my point. Make sure to read the text, see what he loves about her and how he pursues her. There's not much else to say about this post, because it speaks for itself. :)

Barely.

2011-04-06T16:36:00.000-05:00

I promise I'm alive.

Life has consumed me lately, and there are days where I have to try and just survive (as in, stay awake during class).

After beach reach, I was sick for a week with strep throat.
Last week, I went to DSVC, my first Rangers game, and the Village Church!
I'm currently working on four projects, one paper and have two freelance things needing work.

My church-adoptive parents are leaving for overseas mission work next week,
ten days later I turn 21,
four days later, Aaron is coming is coming to town,
and three weeks later I'm back in New Mexico!

I never said this post was going to be interesting, but I wanted to make sure people still knew I was alive. :)

OneLove.

2011-03-19T21:45:00.001-05:00

Beach Reach is all about loving on people.
Essentially, we are a free taxi and free restaurant. This year, over 700 Christ-followers traveled down to SPI for a week. From 8pm - 4am, "teams" loaded up in vans and provided free rides to wherever the spring breakers wanted to go - the bar, the gas station, their hotel, Whataburger, etc. We also served a midnight pancake breakfast by one of the largest clubs on the island, and another breakfast outside our church (home base) in the mornings from 8am-12pm.

There was also the handing out of the hotline cards and cleaning Coca-Cola beach every morning (a different team each night, around 4am), when it's layered with cans, trash, shoes, lost cell phones and credit cards. On this beach, during the day, there was also a large sand sculpture - Christ's face and Christ emerging from the tomb were two I saw. One of the most important parts of the week was our prayer room at the church. We have a text message (or tweet) system set up, so while one-half of the team is out giving rides, the other half is on base interceding for their teammates and spring breakers.

The beautiful part about this past week, is that the Lord didn't just change lives of spring breakers, but also moved in the hearts of Beach Reachers. Through all the exhaustion, sharing, caffeine-overloads, sunburns and hours of praying...something inside of us changed.

On the first night of Beach Reach, all 700 of us gathered in a parking lot and prayed in small groups. We prayed for each other, the spring breakers, and everything that will happen that week. I talked with a girl that was a first-timer, and she asked why I came back to Beach Reach and to share about last year. The Lord has given me a heart for college students, especially the girls - and I know it's not just because I'm a college student, I can tell it's much larger than that. That reason, and the fact that I could've very easily been on the beach partying if the Lord hadn't changed my life, is why I go to Beach Reach. I want them to know there are more satisfying things in life.

There were four people I met that impacted me the most this week:
Yadi is a girl who grew up with a father who is a pastor. She knows the Truth, and hasn't totally rebelled against her faith, but was tired of 'that life' and just wants to have fun and party right now. I didn't get to share my testimony with her, but I so wish I could have.

By far, my favorite night of Beach Reach was Tuesday night. WT had the shift of working the midnight pancake breakfast. It was totally of the Lord that this conversation happened, because at first... I wasn't having any conversations, it was like I was invisible. Then, randomly, my new friend David walks up to Amanda and I and starts talking. Like most conversations at Beach Reach, it started with small talk about school, life, the island, etc. Turns out, he was a Mormon missionary for two years - but then stopped because he was tired of people throwing dog food and fruit at him while he was on his bike.

Our conversation eventually turned to faith and Christianity. I could tell he wanted Christ, I saw it in his eyes. I ended up giving him my Bible, yes... with all my underlining and notes. He had only ever read the Bible in the Old King James version, and I know he needed it more in that moment than I did. He told me that when he used to pray, he never "felt" God. Which, oddly enough, I had a conversation about last semester, but I couldn't get across to him how God is so much more than a feeling. It's an active relationship that we have to work daily on and grow in - and even then there will be bad days. He also knew that if he turned to Christ, he probably would need to stop partying. Although it was frustrating to not be there to see him accept Christ, I have been praying for him daily, and I know the Lord will continue to work in his heart.

On the beach, I talked to Jacob, who is already a Christian but really wanted to grow in his relationship with Christ. He and his wife can't find a Catholic church that they get spiritually fed at, and he doesn't have a daily walk with God; Sunday is enough for him. We talked about different denominations, spending time daily in the Word, and religion vs. relationship. I tried so badly to convey the importance of a daily relationship with God, but really all I can do is pray that God continues to work in his heart.

On our last night, Clay and I talked with a guy named Andrew. He grew up in Catholic school, and went overseas with the military for awhile. Clay talked about an active relationship with Christ, trusting in someone we can't see, and about sacrificing for God, after Andrew said he doesn't want to give up partying. Both Jacob and Andrew made a comment about how they try and live good lives, they're not bad people, and so they felt that was enough. Even though I was the one that did some clarifying, it was a beautiful reminder of how I don't have to do x-number of things for Christ to accept and love me. No amount of "good deeds" will make me right with Him - the "good' things I do, are just out of worship and love and a reflection of what He's done for me.

I'm still trying to comprehend everything, while in a state of exhaustion. But, I do know that the Lord has given me a big burden for the people I talked about in this blog, as well as just the lost around me. I literally saw the process of one girl getting some "beads" and it broke my heart, I literally had no words. I know that this week is always a reminder of just how powerful prayer and community are - and not just on mission trips. The Lord works differently in everyone, and every person's testimony is so unique and just proves how good He is - sharing my faith for the first time was one of the most amazing things of my life.

On a lighter note, I am currently rocking the back-of-the-neck sunburn. I have very little voice left. Oh yeah, and my team forgot me one night (and I was told, even a second night!) And, almost all 80-some of our group that went now call me j-sho. :)

But seriously, the biggest take-away from this trip is being reminded that it's not just a "mission trip," but that we should be living mission-minded daily, and reaching out to everyone around us.

oh, the Wondrous Cross.

2011-02-27T14:49:00.001-06:00

There are many things I'm passionate about, and many things that frustrate me.
The worst combination is when I get frustrated about things I love.

As sad as it is, we are people that are often consumed by image.
Whether we like to admit or not, and as hard as we try not to be... it happens.

Who has the most Northface jackets?
Who has the newest TOMS?
Who has the latest Apple product?

In this blog last month, I mentioned how as followers, we should carry the name of Jesus everywhere. I thought about that, carrying His name, last night as I saw a table full of girls that had bedazzled, decorated, colored, fancy crosses on their shirts, jewelry, and bags.

What I really thought about, was their relationship with Christ. Not in a judgmental way, but in a curious way - if they know what the crosses they're wearing stand for and represent. I sadly think that some people think of the cross like they do hearts and flowers: decorative. I'm not saying that wearing the cross or having it anywhere on your stuff is wrong - I have necklaces, NOTW shirts are cool, there's nothing bad in and of itself with wearing the cross. I just wish more people would respect it and acknowledge it's meaning.

I fear that the cross has lost it's meaning, it's sacredness and value. The cross (and the word "Christian") means nothing to a lot of people these days. It's seen as just another ordinary symbol or picture. We don't look at the cross as a place of love, redemption and grace. The cross has or is becoming another status symbol and label.

It's frustrating to me when people who in one way or another wear a cross, and shame or blaspheme it by their words and actions - and I've been guilty of this. The cross carries a heavy meaning; it and the call it has on our lives should not be taken lightly.

Satisfaction.

2011-02-25T10:04:00.001-06:00

I saw a quote this morning that said,

Having a religion will not save you, having a relationship with Him will.

I honestly can't picture life without my relationship with Christ. Which is funny, kinda, because for a long, long time, I was one of those Christians that just knew it as a religion, not a relationship.

Christianity is not easy, it's not always fun, and it's definitely not always safe. Marriages fall apart sometimes because people stop trying, they stop caring, and things get hard. Our society likes things easy. If things get too complicated or difficult, we cop out. Having a relationship with Christ is the same way. You have to work at it.

And believe it or not, that is much more than going to church and Bible study every week, and having a quiet time every day. It's active communication, a fight, putting forth effort.

Psalm 63 says, You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
Do we really cherish and get more satisfaction from Him than food? sleep? people?

In my Bible, I wrote "the only way to have a consistent walk with Him and reach the fullness of joy!" by verse one... I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you, my whole body longs for you...

There is fullness of joy in Him.
There is no greater satisfaction than in Him.

Even in the midst of busyness and college life, we (I) should be earnestly seeking Him. Things have to change, I can't continue feeling this way. My heart broke this morning as I thought about and prayed for every person in my life (whether I am aware of their hurt or not) that may be feeling empty, lonely, lost, frustrated... and don't have a relationship with Christ, that don't feel like they can turn to Christ and pour our their heart and their troubles to Him.

Fast-Paced Life.

2011-02-22T21:03:00.000-06:00

I lead a busy life. I've decided maybe my mind thrives on it? My body and it's lack of sleep don't necessarily like it, but I look at my life the last five years and see how often I overload myself. I think it goes back to my hatred of boredom and the thrill of completing a challenge.

Two days during the week, I have a roughly 15-hour class/work-day. My days are spent running from one thing to the next, prioritizing what task needs completed next, which one's can be pushed off a little longer... just trying to keep myself afloat.

For some reason, I started having foot problems Saturday. A shot of pain goes up my foot with every step I take, doesn't matter what shoes I'm wearing - all I can do is walk slower and limp in attempt to lessen the pain. It doesn't take much to get me to go to a doctor, so that's what I did today.

The doctor wasn't sure if it's tendinitis, but gave me some anti-inflammatory medicine regardless. As I was driving home, I thought to myself, "I really hope this medicine works and this goes away... I don't have time to 'take it easy' or have surgery..."

And then I just felt like the Lord said,

slow down.

Life may get busy, but it does not have to be stressful. I am one of those people that struggles with telling people no, and just keeps adding things onto the pile. But some things, even good things, can become distractions.

No matter what age I am, what stage of life I'm in, I have to and want to keep the Lord first. Sometimes that means slowing down and saying no.

Valentine (pt. 2)

2011-02-14T23:58:00.000-06:00

So, I did get a little crafty for valentine's day this year.

This was my first year to do valentine's day gifts that reached beyond mini candy bars and cartoon scratch-'n-sniff cards.

Aaron and I share a mutual love of Chinese food. I'm not sure if I remember how many times we ate at Panda Express this summer... plus all the times I ate there without him. So, what better gift than felt fortune cookies?

Sorry, Martha Stewart... your idea did not work out very well. Luckily, my 4-H sewing skills have not disappeared and that high school graduation gift could be used!

I made eight, because we have an odd re-occurrence of the number eight in our relationship. The cookies did not contain fortunes, but cute, mushy quotes and whatnot. :) He also got a customized picture frame and handmade card.

You get cute gifts when your girlfriend is a designer/artist. Just saying.

Valentine.

2011-02-14T00:44:00.003-06:00

Dear Boyfriend,

You basically just provided the best weekend I've had since this summer.

The fact that the first and last thing we did on this trip was eat Taco Bell makes me laugh - though not as hard as when you tickled me.

Friday included antique shops, chocolate and spending time with you. Three of my favorite things.

Lunch at the Crimson Moon was delish, even if their speakers were hung with carabiners, and the fonts were horrible on the menu. I also love that your family trusted their stomachs to me (okay, mostly you) to cook valentine's day dinner. I love even more that we did not care to change out of our shirts that held the evidence of a flour fight. It adds some finesse to the picture, I think. Friday was full of food, nom nom nom... oh, and me beating everyone at Wii bowling.

Making me sneak onto the old car at Underground Atlanta on Saturday... priceless. My adventurous spirit doesn't get out too much, so I think I met my quota for the week. I know you wanted to get in the choo-choo, but the crazy security guy with dreads was too scary to try and push out. Next time?

Do you remember the crazy, toothless, homeless lady telling us we were cute? I agree. :)

As if the park wasn't amazing enough in itself, you remembered I wrote down a picnic on my 101 to-do list. Best. picnic. ever. I'm sorry you didn't like saltines and cucumbers, but I knew you wouldn't! I hope we don't get a fine for littering cucumber. I also don't know many people that would take me to Hobby Lobby just for the heck of it. And be willing to take a mirror picture with me. Little stuff like this we miss out on being 1200 miles apart. :)

You also remembered my love of Italian food. Yummmmmmmmmmm. Even though you didn't like my mushroom manicotti, and confused the waitress with your order.... it was relaxing to sit in that too-dark corner with no candles and paper tablecloths to color on. Losing Hand and Foot afterwards wasn't the greatest though, we should work on that.

"I don't want you to leave!" ...this was one of the cutest moments of the weekend.
We sure do know how to make each other laugh - one of my favorite things about us.

I sure did hate saying good-bye to you. I think the Lord is reminding me to be content wherever I am, whether it's dancing with you in the car in Atlanta or sitting in my quiet apartment alone.

Love, jess

p.s. - I'm sorry I assumed (this summer, I might add) you had no creativity. Seven months later, you prove me wrong. You out-did yourself with the poem and scrapbook. I'm glad the Lord gave both of us some creativity. :)

Day Thirty! Done!

2011-02-11T10:30:00.000-06:00

Where do you think you’ll be in 5 years?

This question should not be allowed. The closer I get to graduating, and the more I think about it, the more I think about where I'm going next.

Part of me thinks Dallas would be fun, maybe a good "first step" after college.
But, Nashville would be awesome, and the only adventurous spirit I have in me is set aside for moving. Plus, I know people (okay, like three) there. And, hello... awesome concerts and famous people?
Florida would be even greater. I'm tired of this cold, snowy, icy, windy business. I could handle Florida.

But really, things could change in a year. A year ago, I never even considered Nashville or Florida. It was me and Dallas, maybe Austin.

Ultimately, I don't have the last say. It makes me kind of laugh when I think about the fact that God already knows where I'll be two years from this exact day. He knows the day I will move, the job I will work, the place I will live. He sees me having all these ideas, and I wonder how off or on track I am according to His plan. I wonder if God ever giggles at me.

I'm probably like His afternoon sitcom.

------
p.s. - I'm glad this is done.

Day Twenty-nine.

2011-02-10T10:23:00.000-06:00

Write about any particular habits/mannerisms that you have.

This is a hard one... I think it's hard to pick out habits I have, because they seem so normal. Ha.

First of all, I do the same thing every morning. Not always in a precise order, but if you were to video me every morning in the kitchen... you would be bored by day three. Eggs, cheese, skillet. Coffee. Bible. Proceed in getting ready.

I play with my hair a lot. Not in the girly-twirly way, but I comb thru it with my fingers or pull it up into what would be a ponytail and let it fall.

I know I have more. Somebody point them out to me.... what habits do you see of mine?

2011-02-09T22:56:00.001-06:00

Just came across this...

Day Twenty-eight.

2011-02-09T10:23:00.000-06:00

If you had three wishes, what would they be?

1. That Aaron and I lived closer together. I can do long-distance. But, the 1200-miles-apart-only-see-each-other-every-few-months sucks, majorly. I have to remind myself almost daily there is a season for everything, and it is beautiful in it's own way. I hope when I look back that I see the beauty in it. :)

2. That I could fly anywhere I wanted for free, as many times as I wanted. I would fly to KC and see my sister, to Cali to see Kelli, to Georgia, to Houston, to D.C., to Oxford... oh my gosh. There would be so many places I would go!! Not that I think about it every minute of every day, and not that it pushes me into depression, but I really hate how many of the people I love dearly live so far away.

3. Okay, now usually I say that I wouldn't wish it away, but if wishes really did exist... I don't know that I would be able to pass it up. I would wish for a healthy pancreas. Not that I don't value the things I have learned from diabetes, the people I've met because of my diabetes (Ellie and Lora), or how much smarter it's probably made me (even though I suck at math, still)... but it would really un-complicate my life. Just saying.

Day Twenty-seven.

2011-02-08T21:53:00.001-06:00

Where is somewhere you would want to visit?

Prague.
Bolivia.
Brazil.
New York.
D.C.
China.
Italy.
Austin.
Washington.
Hawaii.

oh, and Georgia.
But I'm going there Thursday. :)

p.s. - it's aaron and I's six month anniversary today :))

Day Twenty-six.

2011-02-07T23:52:00.000-06:00

Write about something you once loved, but now despise.

There are more things I can think of that I used to despise, but now love. Most of them being food... but also running, and some music. I'm sure there's more, that seems like too short of a list.

I know there's something that I just can't think of right now... something bigger or more significant. But honestly, the only thing I can think of is....

cottage cheese.

Obviously my brain doesn't want to cooperate right now. Hopefully you enjoyed this short and sweet little tidbit.

Day Twenty-five.

2011-02-06T23:39:00.000-06:00

Write a letter to someone you miss.

Dear Grandpa,
I wish I had known you when I was older and could remember you more. I feel like we have a very similar personality from the tidbits I do remember.

Dear Ellie,
I wish we lived closer. For once in my life.

Dear Kelli,
I miss our morning notes and long hugs. Waking up to nothing on my mirror and no one to giggle with is boring. You also can tell when I'm lying through my teeth, which helps keep me in line.

Dear Stephen,
I miss our bike rides and heart to hearts.

Dear S,
I miss you. The End.

There is a time and purpose for every season and situation. There is a wonderful reason that so many people I love are so far away from me - hopefully in ten years I can look back and see why. I would say that that's something I'll ask when I go to heaven... but I know by then I won't even care. :)

Day Twenty-four.

2011-02-05T11:17:00.000-06:00

How has your week been?

My week has been... crazy.

Beach Reach training.
Snow and negative windchill temps.
New projects in class.
Glorieta recruitment.
Bible study.
Work two jobs.
Freelance stuff.
Laundry, dishes, cleaning.
Scholarship applications (last semester of this!)

Not to mention everything I need to do today.

I really try to get all of my "tasks" done before Sunday, so that I can fully and truly enjoy my Sabbath. I think it's important no matter what stage of life you're in, but this semester, I can tell that I will really need a day to relax, de-stress and just be. So, with that being said....

Day Twenty-three.

2011-02-04T22:14:00.000-06:00

Describe what you spend most of your time on.

Design.
Hands-down.

School: four studio classes, one art history class.
Work: two design jobs.
Free-time: doing homework or freelance.

That's how I know it's a God-given talent and skill. I so badly want a job after I graduate that furthers His kingdom, in one way or another.

Day Twenty-two.

2011-02-03T23:01:00.000-06:00

What made you smile the most today?

Today was a very rough day. I hate when one person can affect your day so much, sometimes it's good... sometimes it's bad. But what I love, is that for every bad egg there are eleven good ones out there. (cliche, I know. don't judge me.)

I had some encouragement from friends and co-workers. I called my daddy to vent. After the mishap happened, it was nothing but encouragement for the rest of the day from everyone I talked to or saw. Even though I loved and needed the words of comfort, what made me smile the most was two very small things.

Eden and Salem.

I went through phases; I loved kids for a long time, and then I did not love kids for awhile, and now I'm back to loving kids. They amaze me. The way kids giggle warms my heart, it is truly one of my favorite things in the world. Especially the giggle that happens when you tickle them.

Tonight, I went over to my church-adoptive parents house for laundry and dinner. Every time I go over to their house, the kids are more and more used to me - and today they ran up to me and gave me huge hugs without mommy even telling them to do so.

I love that the Creator of the universe cares about the smallest details like bad days and hugs.

Day Twenty-one.

2011-02-02T18:51:00.000-06:00

How has your life changed over the past year?

Whoa.

How has life changed? How has life not changed?

I think my relationship with Christ has grown and changed, which has in turn changed many things. Certain things and people are no longer in my life - most of which I'm okay with, but wish was different. My heart has been opened to missions. I'm so aware of Christ's love and beauty, I see it everywhere. I sponsor a little Bolivian girl. I met one of the most amazing, Christ-like men I've ever known. I've experienced joy, freedom and peace like never before.

Then there's other stuff like, I moved out of the dorm. I live by myself. I got a new job. My idea of what I want to do after I graduate has changed. I now know the gloriousness of Gungor music. I've actually eaten at one of the Thai restaurants in Canyon. I have a legit camera now. My pump now has a name.

Day Twenty.

2011-02-01T21:33:00.000-06:00

What did you eat today?

Coffee.
Egg with bread.
Boston Creme Pie sugar-free pudding.
Half-turkey sandwich.
Austin PB snack crackers.
Small orange.
Hamburger Helper.
Veggies.

Not the most exciting day...

Day Nineteen.

2011-01-31T18:45:00.000-06:00

Write about your last birthday and how you plan to spend your upcoming birthday.

Ohhhh. Last year's birthday was magical. By far the best birthday I had, therefore ending my bad birthday streak. :)

It started with a midnight run to Waffle House.
I went to a Beth Moore simulcast, where my friends surprised me with balloons and flowers.
My roommates decorated my door and bathroom suite with streamers and writing on the mirrors.
I think I went and ate Thai food for lunch...
Ate at Cheddar's with like nine of my favorite people, that also bought me dessert!
Then came home and had ice cream oreo cake made by my suitemate :)

Basically, my birthday consisted of Beth Moore, food and friends.
Really, does it get any better than that? I think not.

Worth the Read.

2011-01-30T18:28:00.002-06:00

I document a lot.
I write, design, draw, paint, take pictures. All of them document something.

Today, in college group, we talked about seeking God's will. I feel like that's been on my mind and in my conversations a lot lately. People graduating, people getting engaged, new jobs, friendships, on and on. And for as much as we talk about it, we only pray about it half the time - I'm included in this.

Twice in one week, Jeremiah 29 has been brought up. Verse 13 says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Do we, or do I, know what it means to really search for Him with all that we are? We wonder what we're supposed to do, and go on with our day expecting a flashing sign to appear on the sidewalk - but praying, reading the Word, fasting and seeking counsel are usually not on the radar. That's why it's not finding the time to spend time with God, but convincing ourselves that it is important enough to set aside the time.

Part of asking is a willingness to go. But we can't pray for Him to send us where we want to go, our prayers bend our desires to His will. We can't be like little kids, running around yelling, "mine!" or "I don't wanna!" But how often do we do that? How often do we create ways to change or bend His will?

God has called us to be salt and light, but too often we don't see the glory and satisfaction of doing what God has called us to do. The world wants people of authentic change. Not just the only difference being which building we go to on Sundays.

God is writing each of our stories. Don't take the pen from Him.
But make sure to put words on the page that people would want to read.

No matter what stage we are in in life, there's something we can each do. Doesn't matter if we're just students, or live in a small town, or single. We are called to live a life worthy of our calling.

If your last week was a chapter in a book, would it be worth documenting?

Day Eighteen.

2011-01-30T10:36:00.002-06:00

Post one confession/secret.

When I was diagnosed, I couldn't say glucometer (say that word around people who don't know much bout diabetes and it'll freak them out), so my parents nicknamed it George. My family continued to call it George for the next.... 12-15 years. No joke.

Thanks to a cheesy youtube video and my sister, I have now named my insulin pump. I mean really, if I'm going to name a machine that I interact with daily... I think a machine I'm attached to 24/7 deserves a name. Cue Milly.

She is almost two and a half years old. We have a love-hate relationship, I might add.

Day Seventeen.

2011-01-29T22:36:00.000-06:00

Bullet your day.

Woke up 8:45.
Ate breakfast, drank coffee.
Read the Word.
Organized pictures.
Ate at Thai Kitchen (for the first time) with Danae.
Homework.
Photo adventure with Becky.
Homework.
Dinner at mi casa with Becky.
Coffee date with Becky and Tiffany.
Currently on the phone with Aaron. :)

Day Sixteen.

2011-01-28T23:12:00.001-06:00

Upload a picture of your room and talk about your room.

My room is not clean, and always looks weird in pictures... so you don't get a picture today.

My room, is full of memories. I'm sure that's what everyone thinks or says about their room, but truly, it is.

I have my painting from high school.
My desk that is a hand-me-down.
My dresser from grade school (that I didn't use between then and now).
My picture board that I've had forever.
My picture of Leydi.
My written-on-gift-bags from Ellie.

There's more, uninteresting things. I look around not only my room but my apartment and see things of my own actual possession, things given to me or passed down, things I bought at a garage sale. I look at some of my hand-me-downs and remember old memories of home or my grandparents.

I see things of mine that I've had since grade school and wonder how they've managed to last. I look at them and see all the things that they've been a part of in my life. These mere objects survive moves, rearranging, being knocked over... just like me. I survive all these things with the help of God.

"He alone is my rock and salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken." - Psalm 62:6

Breakeven.

2011-01-27T18:37:00.001-06:00

this is so beautiful.
"What kind of guy would I be if I walked out when she needed me most?"

Day Fifteen.

2011-01-27T08:47:00.000-06:00

Write about something you worry about a lot.

In the words of my boyfriend, I worry too much. I think there are things I worry about, and things I just ...think about a lot.

Right now, my biggest worry is this semester. 15 hours and two part-time jobs. Not to mention the extra activities, church and what little social life I do have. Almost done with my first week and I'm already feeling a little overwhelmed.

Outside of this semester...
I'm not really worried about my future, as much as my professors try to scare me about that. Read the verse just this morning that reminded me God has a plan for my future. It may not be what I was expecting, but it's probably better than that anyways.

Last night at Bible study, we talked about surrendering everything to the Lord. All of our hopes, dreams, fears, free time, school, relationships, all of it. Yes, the Lord was faithful to open my eyes to a few things I've been holding onto. Letting go is so much easier said than done, but it's truly the best step of obedience.

I am one of those few that never changed her major during college. Yes, I have known for six years what I wanted to do. I remember two distinct times that I doubted and considered running another way, but decided to hang on a little bit longer - and the Lord affirms this is what I'm supposed to do more and more. When I think about the fact that I've known this for six years, I realize that God has something really good planned. And that makes me more excited than I can almost describe.

That being said, I have no idea where I'm going or what's next. There's a lot of things I want after I graduate, but I wonder how many of them are just what I want, and how many are what He wants. I think more than the actual plans, I'm worried that I will act on my own desires, and not the Lord's. I'm worried I'll be too afraid or unwilling, or that I'll want something out of my desire before I follow Him. But, that's not what the Bible says; it doesn't say "if we feel like it," or "after.." but that we wholeheartedly and obediently follow Him.

Day Fourteen

2011-01-26T08:36:00.000-06:00

Post your favorite book, favorite movie, favorite band, and favorite food.

Book: besides the Bible, probably Redeeming Love.
Movie: I don't know if I can pick just one, it's a tie between Now and Then, and My Sister's Keeper!
Favorite band: Needtobreathe or Tenth Avenue North
Favorite food: peanut butter, hands down.

Day Thirteen.

2011-01-25T20:52:00.000-06:00

What are your plans for the future? Far and near.

First of all, this could change at any given moment. I don't control my days, the Lord does.

But, I do have some plans. Georgia in February, possibly skiing in Santa Fe. Beach Reach and a design conference in March. No April plans besides turning 21. Then, headed back to New Mexico for the summer!

As for far away plans.... that's up the Lord.
I'm in school for two more semesters after this one, and then I'm not sure after that. Probably (or hopefully) get a job somewhere. There's a few cities I'm leaning towards (Nashville, Tampa, Atlanta...) but, that wasn't what I thought a year ago, so who knows where I'll be a year from now :) At some point get married, and probably do missions in one way or another.

I've realized over the past several months how greater the Lord's plans are, and how exciting it is to follow Him. Yes, there will be rough parts and probably some stress... but it's amazing how much He works everything out.

Day Twelve.

2011-01-24T22:36:00.000-06:00

Write about the best day of your life.

Best day? Out of my twenty years, I'm supposed to pick one?

Three-way tie between:

High school graduation,
being baptized last year,
and any given day of this past summer.

If you really think about it, every day should be the best day. Do you ever think about the fact that God allows you to wake up in the morning? Or that He allowed you to breathe that breath you just let out? Shouldn't everyday be the best day, or at least shouldn't we appreciate each day, just because we're alive and our Creator is letting us?

Day Eleven.

2011-01-23T15:49:00.000-06:00

What's the meanest thing someone has ever said to you?

I try to block those things out. Ha.
But, I guess recently it would be my professor saying that I am doing well (overall, as a student) but not as good as he thought I would (when he met me freshman year). I know it was probably supposed to "motivate" me or something, and it partially did, but was also kind of a downer.

That's really not the meanest thing someone has ever said to me, but I really don't want to think back and try and remember that.

Day Ten.

2011-01-22T08:16:00.000-06:00

What's the nicest thing someone has ever said to you?

I don't remember any exact comment, but of the few compliments I have been given... I definitely appreciate the art compliments the most. Although I try not to take too much offense when someone doesn't like my art, it means the world to me when people love something I've made. Whenever people come to my apartment for the first time, my 5x5 tree painting is the first thing they comment on and/or notice. Parents talk about their kids being their pride and joy, well... for the time being, my art is my kid. :)

(Painting above is one of my favorites from last semester.)

Day Nine.

2011-01-21T23:12:00.000-06:00

How do you feel today?

Okay, I slightly laughed at this one. It just reminds me of psychiatrists saying, "and how does that make you feel?" Though, a) there's nothing wrong with psychiatrists, and b) I wonder if they actually do say that.

Anyways, a day that starts with that sunrise can only be good.

Photo adventure.
Fun and easy shift at work.
Wal-mart adventure.
Two hour phone conversation.

Really? I hope I can remember this day in a few weeks or months when I'm having a bad day, and remember that it's always the little things that really matter.

Moolala.

2011-01-21T05:00:00.000-06:00

So, a friend showed me this website.

Moolala.

Basically, you get coupons/discounts sent to your e-mail.
For every friend you refer, that buy something... you EARN money.

I just signed up so I haven't gotten the daily coupon sent to me yet, but hey... worth a shot, right?

Day Seven.

2011-01-20T08:12:00.002-06:00

Upload a recent picture of you.

well, there you go.

Day Six.

2011-01-19T10:55:00.001-06:00

When was the last time you cried?

A few weeks ago at Passion. It's amazing the emotions you go through when worshipping with thousands of other believers. Not to mention the emotions when the Lord is moving in your heart. Although it can be overwhelming sometimes, it's something I would never trade.

Day Five.

2011-01-18T11:47:00.001-06:00

Write about a period of time in your life where things were not so good.

Well, that was a long time period.

And, I really believe it was all because God was trying to get my attention.

Start junior year of high school, end with end of freshman year in college.
Throw in losing friends, a party spell, some depression, some guys who were jerks, mass confusion.

See what I mean? The next year wasn't too great either, but it was a lot of God refining me and I managed to make it through because I actually had my relationship with the Lord.

Now, I don't mean to make it sound like everything will be or is easy and great when you're walking with the Lord. There's sacrifice, conviction, wrestling in prayer... but it's all worth it. The joy and peace that comes with it surpasses everything.

(side note: the painting was done my freshman year, before I took a painting class, and during a very hard time. but it's my favorite, and a lot of people love it as well.)

Day Four.

2011-01-17T10:52:00.000-06:00

Write about a period of time in your life where things seemed to be constantly going good.

That would be right now. :)

Don't get me wrong, there are some bad days or happenings, but I don't know if I've ever been so happy with life before.

The Lord is amazing. I start everyday with reading His Word. I used to follow a plan (I read the Bible in a year!) but now I just read wherever He leads me. Today it was about how He rejoices over us and delights in us. Think about it - the Creator of the universe delights in you. I firmly believe that your outlook on life is better when you relationship with Christ is stronger.

So, besides that... I love my major, which causes me to love my job. I also love when people ask me to design them t-shirts and flyers and blog headers... it never bothers me to do that stuff, because I love it.

God has also blessed me with putting some amazing people in my life. My family, my boyfriend, my co-workers, my closest friends, my BSM family, etc.

Dating...

2011-01-16T15:17:00.001-06:00

So, I went back and read some articles about dating I read this summer. Many of you were not reading this blog, or maybe missed it at the time.

My favorite line of this article:
"Marry a vibrant growing Christian woman, and you have Christ's promise that he is committed to making her more and more beautiful, spiritually beautiful, with every passing day."

I love it, I love how much Christ loves us to continually grow and change us. I love that the focus of this article, and of the related articles (they're at the bottom of the article) is about not finding the right one, but BEING the right one. Even as Christians, we can get caught up in this selfish thinking.

Day Three.

2011-01-16T13:05:00.001-06:00

If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you want to do?

What wouldn't I want to do?

I would do random things like,
go eat a love it size at Coldstone...
donate money to places...
buy those too-expensive-gifts for people I want to buy...

and I would also probably fly to D.C.
with a stop in Georgia,
and a passenger from Cali.

I would want to go see certain people and apologize,
and remind them that both I and Jesus love them.

I would write letters.

Whatever I did, none of it would be hateful.. but all in love.

In case you missed it...

2011-01-15T11:43:00.006-06:00

I love this video.

I feel like this is a perfect representation of what a Christ-centered relationship and marriage looks like. I especially love the vows and what the preacher says. Oh, and the dancing.. but that's not as important.

I also love that he writes her a letter... I've heard of couples do that - so cute. I love that the emphasis of the wedding (and the video) is how sacred of a day it is, and how sacred marriage is - something I think people miss or forget.

I know I'm going to cry during my vows. I will probably cry at many points during the ceremony.

Brittany + Paul's Short Wedding Film - Dallas, TX from Joe Simon Films on Vimeo.

Day Two.

2011-01-15T10:54:00.001-06:00

Write about the best friends you've had over the years.

I could probably write a novel over this. I realized this past year how much I over-use that term.
So I'll just narrow it down.

First and foremost, if you've been reading this very long or know me at all, you know my very best friend and other half of my brain is Ellie. I've been asked numerous times how we can possibly be "best friends" when we've never spent more than seven consecutive days together. God, that's how. Plus e-mails, phone calls, BBM, skype, pen pal letters, Facebook, etc. This girl not only gives great advice, great hugs, and can always cheer me up, but also loves me for me.

If I look back to high school, I would definitely have to say Nicolle. She was a foreign exchange student, so we had less than a year together. I still remember at her welcoming party, her walking up to me and saying, "would you like to be my friend?" I believe God sent me her for many reasons. Nicolle opened my eyes to what a real friend actually looks like, she understood me, and she kind of straightened me back out from my crazy self.

This blog would not be complete without mentioning Taylor. We are almost one in the same, which is why we've learned we can't spend every waking moment together. Although all of my friends have some commonalities, (is that a word?) I feel like each have their special flair. It may be obvious, but Taylor is the girl I send cool type posters to, text about Hoblob specials, and skype with just to get a mini-critique on a project. We also have weird quirks: hand sign, Taco Bell obsession, love of Dallas, twss jokes, etc.

And last but not least (I'm capping it at four), Kelli. You might've thought it was weird when I became best friends with someone after a year. Well, it gets better. Three months. Except, in Glorieta time that would probably equal a year. Looking back, I kind of pulled a Nicolle on her; I remember sitting at FD and saying, "Kelli, tell me about yourself. Tell me your testimony." When that's one of your first conversations, you know you'll be great friends. Interventions factor in as well.

There have been and are many more; Aaron, Angela, Allison, Becky, the rest of fab five, high school friends, and of course those that I no longer talk to for whatever reason.

Day One.

2011-01-14T16:46:00.002-06:00

30-day Challenge.
I'm not sure if I'll stick with this. And I'm not really sure why I'm doing it to begin with, it almost reminds me of something I used to do on Myspace (ew). But, there's a question for everyday....answer it, etc. Except I'm going to add a picture with it (which requires a picture a day).

Post 15 facts about yourself.

1. My heart has completely changed over the last year. My heart, my desires, my dreams. All of it because of God.
2. I'm a designer, but painting is one of my favorite things to do. I really hope my house someday has an art room I can paint in (yes, like in The Notebook).
3. I listen to a lot of music on repeat. One week, I listened to Gungor every morning for an hour.
4. My peanut butter obsession is a little extreme.
5. I hate taking out the trash. Future husband and kids will do that.
6. I have a weird fascination with old things. i.e. - I have a non-working typewriter inside of a worn suitcase displayed in my living room.
7. I wish I could not work, but stay at home to paint and go running.
8. I kind of want to live in Europe.
9. I'm a total bookworm.
10. I have the weirdest dreams, all the time. i.e. - the other day I dreamt of the end times. Some guy's face fell off, and he was wearing a blue plaid-type shirt.
11. I've had diabetes for 17 years. Totally embrace it. Except lately I've had the grown-up realization that it's gonna kick my life in the butt if I don't get it under control.
12. I love singing, it's almost impossible for me to listen to music without singing.
13. Three of the people I love the most live in all different parts of the country (or world).
14. I miss a lot of movies. 300, Matrix, MIB, Social Network, and hundreds of others - never seen.
15. I have a huge heart for women's and collegiate ministry. I don't know where God's leading me with that... but we shall find out in the next few years. :)

101 Update.

2011-01-11T20:56:00.000-06:00

Trying to catch up...

#14 -- Go to a spa for a massage. It wasn't a spa, but I did get a one-hour massage. SO good.

#52 -- Road trip somewhere far away. It doesn't get much further than driving from Missouri (or if you want to get real technical, Texas) to Georgia! Counting from Texas it was 23 hours!... but the main stretch was only 12. Totally worth it though!

Grown-up Talk.

2011-01-10T22:23:00.000-06:00

Today is my parents 30th wedding anniversary.

That's amazing, especially in today's world with our high divorce rate.
They themselves are amazing.
I want a love like theirs.

A love like theirs, but stronger.
A love like theirs, but pointed more towards Christ.

I feel like this last year, I've actually started forming opinions and dreams of what I really want to be and do after college. Before, it was a generalized thought. Now I find myself looking up jobs, thinking about marriage, wondering where I'll live... and then boring stuff, like what about insurance and buying a car.

And the beautiful part,

is God already has it all planned.

Passion Songs!

2011-01-09T17:50:00.001-06:00

So glad that people somehow managed to get a few Passion 2011 songs onto Youtube! Not the same as the CD, but it'll suffice until then. Enjoy :)

All to Us (favorite!)

We Are Here For You

Spirit Fall

All My Fountains

We Welcome You with Praise

Lord, I Need You (another favorite)

God of This City (with Fernandinho)

Set Free

Upside Down.

2011-01-08T21:06:00.001-06:00

I promise I wasn't kidnapped. Christmas break usually consists of me running around like a crazy person, most of it in areas without cell service and little to no computer. I went three weeks without my Mac, and a week without any computer. Those statements in themselves sound ridiculous, and actually don't even really bother me.... I'm not really sure why I typed them actually.

I feel like the next two weeks will be spent discussing my break, what all I did, how it went, blah blah blah. I'm not even sure what to say or where to begin.

I saw a lot of family for the first time in a year.
I spent 40+ hours in the car.
I thought about my future.
I stood amazed as the Lord changed my heart.
I saw my boyfriend for the first time in almost five months.
I traveled through five states in one day.

The largest part, as in influence, of my break was spent in Atlanta. Passion 2011. Event, movement, whatever you want to call it. It's a life-rocking, bring-you-to-your-knees kind of thing. During it all, a thought crossed my mind: why do we have to have these huge conferences to be so convicted, to wake up, or to get back in line? We shouldn't. God still uses them though.

These past six months, the Lord has been reminding me so often about the sweet, glorious freedom I have in Him. Halfway through the semester, the Lord began opening my hear to missions. It was a slow process of my reluctance, but it became more and more obvious that my measly, little plans were going to be turned upside down.

If you go here, you will see all the lives that will be changed and ways God will be glorified because of students at Passion. Last year, sadly, all I did was take towels and socks. This year, I considered giving to every cause. I helped send a New Testament to people in Colombia. We were allowed to highlight verses (they were in Spanish, mind you) for whoever received it and write a note or prayer in it. It hit me, as I was trying to decipher which book I was in, that these people have never read the Word. I thought about how often I want to just sit and meditate on His word, and it broke my heart that someone wouldn't be able to experience the Word if it weren't for me.

The Lord also led me to sponsor a little Bolivian girl, Leydi. (Not entirely sure how it's pronounced, but I'm calling her "lady"...) I had been considering it for months, and after some of the messages I had heard the few days before, I realized how comfortable I live and how well I have it. I realized how little I sacrifice, and I wanted to not just give once to a greater good... but specifically help one child. I think one of the biggest things my heart desires for her, is to experience and know not only Christ and His love, but the freedom in Him.

I wish everyone could've heard the messages that were spoken last week, and just see how the Lord used them in people's lives. Three main points stuck out to me throughout the conference.

1. The people in China are living their faith like we should. They think everyone is persecuted for believing in Christ. Running and hiding from police is normal. People don't just call themselves Christians, because when you say you're a Christian in China, you sacrifice everything.

2. Do people at the end of the day know that you're favorite name is Jesus? Is it evident at all times who controls your life and who you are in love with (Christ)? Not just most days, or when you're with certain people, or at certain places... but all the time.

3. Everyone wants you to carry their name or to represent them; singers, actors, brand names, businesses, etc. Mac, Blackberry, Canon, JCPenny's... all names I'm surrounded by right now. But, the only name we should really concern ourselves with and carry is Jesus. Go where the Lord has given you a passion for, but carry His name. Do we do things for ourselves, or for Him? He should be at the bottom (the source) of our joy, not us.

One of my favorite parts about break was seeing how the Lord has been working in people's lives around me. Changes that can only be done by Him. It's beautiful. I can only hope that how He has been working in my life and how He opened my eyes and heart this past week is evident as well.

Compassion.

2010-12-22T18:41:00.000-06:00

I saw a question posted on someone's tumblr today, and I couldn't help but keep thinking about it.

"What was your life like before you accepted Christ?"

It was...

ugly.
messy.
empty.
rebellious.

I don't have one of those really dramatic, brings-tears-to-your-eyes, gives-you-goosebumps kind of stories. I actually grew up in the church - one of those who is at every Sunday school, VBS, youth group, church camp, on and on.

For so many, long years... I claimed to be Christian and my only proof was my church attendance.

Nothing miraculous happened, besides the fact that the Lord kept trying to grab my attention for about three years (and probably longer than that). I don't remember the exact day, but I do remember the month, the summer and the situation. I remember realizing if I was going to stand up for myself, what was I standing on?

Christianity is so many different things, some of which have gotten twisted and people miss. I missed one of those things for so long - a relationship. It makes so much sense that marriage is supposed to reflect Christ and the church. You can't get married without a real, sacrifical, all-or-nothing relationship. God wants a relationship with His people so badly, so badly that He'll even go as far as to put things in front of you to make you turn around... to Him. He did it to me.

"When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them because they were confused and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd." - Matthew 9:36

Crazy Love.

2010-12-15T20:22:00.000-06:00

I don't know how to write this blog.

SO much happened this semester.

I lived completely by myself for the first time, which was a learning and growing process. Lots of ups and downs, but enjoyable for the most part. I went to the International Balloon Festival - which involved going to Glorieta for one night. I lost some friends, but made new ones. I got a new job, that I love. I bought a ticket for Passion. I bought my first two plane tickets for flights that I'll fly by myself. I cooked a Thanksgiving dinner with two other people. I fed the homeless. I grew. I sang. I rejoiced. I cried. I loved.

There have been many things the Lord has taught me the last few months. But, there have been two things He's been showing me almost everyday.

Love and grace.

Christ died for me, even when He knew I would mess up time after time.

And time after time, people in my life do the same thing. I can either hold a grudge and get angry, or I can choose to love them anyways. Sometimes this is a real struggle, sometimes I completely fail at it. I just know that I have never been so aware of His love, and there's nothing to do besides pour it out to others; I'm compelled by the love of Christ.

Love is something beautiful... pure, genuine love. it's beautiful.

Old Love.

2010-12-11T16:40:00.000-06:00

I am so old-fashioned. There are few things I love more than snail mail letters from my various pen pals around the country (and around the world, this year).

I love anything rustic, antique or old-fashioned. (okay, except black and white movies.) But, old barns, run-down houses, antique trucks, or even...

a typewriter,

inside an old suitcase! :)

I'm in love.

The way I have it set up in my living room is basically how it looks in the second picture (except different location). I can't decide if I want to decorate it somehow or just leave it alone. I think right now I love it too much to do anything with it :)

Impatience.

2010-12-05T19:02:00.000-06:00

I am an impatient soul.
In all things, big and small.

I heard awhile back that if you pray for something - in the fruit of the Spirit sense - that the Lord won't necessarily give you that characteristic, but rather, place you in a situation that forces you to practice it. Like, praying for patience... and then placing you in multiple situations that require patience. (yes, I'm pointing the finger at myself.)

As my impatience rose tonight, I just started praying against it.. and immediately, the Lord put a verse into my mind. "Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him."

I want a patient, gentle spirit before Him while He teaches and transforms me, preparing and equipping me for whatever is next.

Turkey Christmas Fail.

2010-12-02T21:19:00.000-06:00

Awesome.

2010-12-01T18:26:00.002-06:00

Do you know what it's like to be under a pile of homework thinking you won't sleep for days, just so you can get it done... and still be able to just smile for no reason?

or to be driving down the road, walking to class, etc... and just feel like you're being hugged?

or to just want to giggle at the most random times?

Sometimes, I feel like I might explode with laughter and excitement. I want to go for a run to just get the giggles and antsy feelings out of me, not to escape from life.

I haven't been in this place, in a long, long time. And if I'm being real honest, probably never. I remember at the beginning of this semester, writing about the joy of the Lord - and what that feels like, and that what I thought it was before was so small in comparison.

That comparison has grown. I literally have fallen asleep smiling.

The other day, my professor said a profound statement: happiness is fleeting. I just wanted to raise my hand and say, but joy is constant.

I started writing this blog, and then thought about how unhappy I was at this time last year - so I went back and read some old blogs. Ironically, I wrote a blog on this very day, about one hour from right now. "God with us" - how beautiful.

It is the end of semester, the time when thousands of students across the country are frazzled, lacking sleep, and going crazy. Coffee shops probably have booming business. I am not (that) stressed. Yeah, I have things to do. But, I think sometimes as college students we make this time stressful - we let life get us down. Unless, we let the peace of Christ rule our hearts.

I was telling a friend just yesterday about my low level of stress, and that I know it is only because of the Lord, I repeat - only.

It was interesting this past weekend, that the sermon at our church was about having more peace and being more thankful. Our God is not stressed, He's got everything under control. He is also not a God of stress - He's a God of peace.

Nor does the Bible ever mention a change of circumstances that allowed peace. Peace and joy are non-circumstantial. We have to find the awesome in every situation. And like bowling, the best things happen when you let go.

Atypical Holiday.

2010-11-25T23:41:00.002-06:00

This was not a normal Thanksgiving. First of all, because I did not go home to the family - I had to stay in town for homework. Lame, I know.

I started out the week thinking I would be doing homework for five days straight, maybe hang out with one or two people, and that my Thanksgiving meal would consist of a turkey sandwich. But, then that changed. A friend of mine invited me to have Thanksgiving with them (which we moved to my apartment).

Tuesday night, we went shopping for all the Thanksgiving supplies. Typical items, except one. A 21-pound turkey. Yes, twenty. one. for three people. Did we guess wrong? No. But we are cheap college students, and this turkey was $10 less than a small turkey - doesn't make sense but whatever.

I also had to prepare the turkey by myself Thursday morning. (Note: I. am. not. a. cook. In the last year, I've messed up canned soup, microwave rice and popcorn.) I also get grossed out various food items - like touching a raw turkey. When the instructions told me to "release" the legs and I was pulling on a leg, I looked at my hand, felt the foot and saw the leg bone and thought, "ew! actual turkey leg!!" Also, after I was cleaning it out, it made a farting noise. I giggled to myself. Anyways, the turkey turned out faaabulous!

To save you from every detail, here's a list of the following other funny things that happened either Wednesday or Thursday:

- Tal needing to whisper sweet nothings into my hand can-opener because it's stubborn.

- Derrik almost pouring out 1/4 cup of milk that we didn't need, the girls screaming to stop, and then me drinking that fourth of a cup.

- inventing microwave pumpkin cupcakes (maybe not completely new, but new to us!)
- realizing halfway thru the first pie we needed a lot more ingredients
- burning the top crumble-type crust on our second pie
- baking until one in the morning = giggles
- sneaking a piece of apple that had way too much nutmeg on it
- Tal yelling, "oh, it's beaaautiful!!" at an awkwardly loud volume after rolling her pumpkin roll
- all three of us falling asleep during an afternoon movie
- realizing we had enough turkey left (even after seconds) to feed a small village, and didn't even touch our second pie

- Tal teaching me not only what a sauce pan is, but that my stove top lifts up so you can clean under it...
- realizing the turkey came with a pop-up thermometer, after we already had put one in

I don't think I've ever laughed so much or had such a fun Thanksgiving! Definitely learned some things :) I also served lunch to homeless people with a friend's church, which was awesome. As I'm sure it does to everyone who helps homeless people, it made me so thankful to have my little apartment and have a huge Thanksgiving feast. I loved being able to just help the people, even if it was just for one meal.

Thanksgiving - Part 2.

2010-11-21T20:05:00.001-06:00

16th - My morals. This kind of goes back to my parents... but I am so thankful for the way I was raised. There are people I see dressed or acting a certain way, and it's so sad. It's even worse when some of these people claim to be followers of Christ.

17th - Planners. I love my planner. This may be a lame thing to list, but it's what helps keep my brain organized. Disorganization in my life is stressful.

18th - Naps. I wasn't a napper before this summer, and somehow that changed. Although usually naps take place of something that I should be getting done, I'm thankful that the Lord gives me a little rest in the middle of my day. :)

19th - Beauty. There are so many beautiful things in this world - including people. I see God's beauty in so many things; art, people, nature, photos, on and on. Part of what makes people beautiful is their personalities - I love how different He has made each of us.

20th - Mentors. There are people in my life that have helped me through difficult times and situations, people that give me such Godly insight and advice. I'm so thankful that the Lord placed these women in my life to help guide and teach me.

21st - Coffee. I've fallen in love with coffee this semester. I've always loved the soup'd up, sugary drinks at Starbucks, but I've grown to appreciate the less sugary coffee in the mornings. But, occasional runs to Starbucks with good friends are always fun :)

22nd - The way the Lord teaches me - daily. People, situations, through His word... all of it. A God who loves me enough to teach me, rather than let me remain... stupid. Haha.

23rd - Sweats. I will miss the days that I can just throw on some sweats and go to class. Although I'm totally pumped to have a big girl job in the next two years, I am not looking forward to dressing up everrrrryday. Blech.

24th - Breaks. Although this Thanksgiving break will be not much of a break, and more of a homework marathon... I'm thankful for the somewhat rest.

Blog.

2010-11-21T17:37:00.000-06:00

Who doesn't like awkward moments?

Oh yeah, that's right... no one.
BUT,

I know we always laugh at them.

So check out my the new blog I'm co-writing on. :)