Upside Down.

I promise I wasn't kidnapped. Christmas break usually consists of me running around like a crazy person, most of it in areas without cell service and little to no computer. I went three weeks without my Mac, and a week without any computer. Those statements in themselves sound ridiculous, and actually don't even really bother me.... I'm not really sure why I typed them actually.

I feel like the next two weeks will be spent discussing my break, what all I did, how it went, blah blah blah.  I'm not even sure what to say or where to begin.

I saw a lot of family for the first time in a year.
I spent 40+ hours in the car.
I thought about my future.
I stood amazed as the Lord changed my heart.
I saw my boyfriend for the first time in almost five months.
I traveled through five states in one day.


The largest part, as in influence, of my break was spent in Atlanta. Passion 2011. Event, movement, whatever you want to call it. It's a life-rocking, bring-you-to-your-knees kind of thing. During it all, a thought crossed my mind: why do we have to have these huge conferences to be so convicted, to wake up, or to get back in line? We shouldn't. God still uses them though.

These past six months, the Lord has been reminding me so often about the sweet, glorious freedom I have in Him. Halfway through the semester, the Lord began opening my hear to missions. It was a slow process of my reluctance, but it became more and more obvious that my measly, little plans were going to be turned upside down.

If you go here, you will see all the lives that will be changed and ways God will be glorified because of students at Passion. Last year, sadly, all I did was take towels and socks. This year, I considered giving to every cause. I helped send a New Testament to people in Colombia. We were allowed to highlight verses (they were in Spanish, mind you) for whoever received it and write a note or prayer in it. It hit me, as I was trying to decipher which book I was in, that these people have never read the Word. I thought about how often I want to just sit and meditate on His word, and it broke my heart that someone wouldn't be able to experience the Word if it weren't for me.

The Lord also led me to sponsor a little Bolivian girl, Leydi. (Not entirely sure how it's pronounced, but I'm calling her "lady"...) I had been considering it for months, and after some of the messages I had heard the few days before, I realized how comfortable I live and how well I have it. I realized how little I sacrifice, and I wanted to not just give once to a greater good... but specifically help one child. I think one of the biggest things my heart desires for her, is to experience and know not only Christ and His love, but the freedom in Him.

I wish everyone could've heard the messages that were spoken last week, and just see how the Lord used them in people's lives. Three main points stuck out to me throughout the conference.

1. The people in China are living their faith like we should. They think everyone is persecuted for believing in Christ. Running and hiding from police is normal. People don't just call themselves Christians, because when you say you're a Christian in China, you sacrifice everything.

2. Do people at the end of the day know that you're favorite name is Jesus? Is it evident at all times who controls your life and who you are in love with (Christ)? Not just most days, or when you're with certain people, or at certain places... but all the time.

3. Everyone wants you to carry their name or to represent them; singers, actors, brand names, businesses, etc. Mac, Blackberry, Canon, JCPenny's... all names I'm surrounded by right now. But, the only name we should really concern ourselves with and carry is Jesus. Go where the Lord has given you a passion for, but carry His name. Do we do things for ourselves, or for Him? He should be at the bottom (the source) of our joy, not us.


One of my favorite parts about break was seeing how the Lord has been working in people's lives around me. Changes that can only be done by Him. It's beautiful. I can only hope that how He has been working in my life and how He opened my eyes and heart this past week is evident as well.

Thanksgiving.

Last year, I focused on Scripture about giving thanks, and this year I've seen people take pictures everyday of something they're thankful for... so I decided that this year everyday of November I would write down something I am thankful for. Rather than have a daily post, or make you all wait til December 1st, this blog post will be updated here and there throughout November.

1st - My sisters in Christ. Oh, love these girls. I love that I have a handful of girls I can turn to immediately for encouragement, prayer and godly advice.

2nd - A boyfriend who cares. I hear stories or bits and pieces about boyfriend's who ditch their girls, who are rude, who yell (ahem...neighbors) and it makes me feel all the more blessed that mine does none of that. Not that he is perfect, and neither am I, but to have someone at the end of the day want to pray for you is so uplifting.

3rd - My job. Sometimes my job is crazy... with three deadlines in one day and all that jazz. Sometimes I complain about lack of money, but in reality this job is a huge blessing. Everyday I either come to work smiling or leave smiling.

4th - My sister. Five years ago, a friend of mine (brother of a friend of my sister's) was killed in a car wreck. That was one of the most emotional weekends ever. I remember getting to my sister's apartment and just standing in the doorway hugging and crying. Since then, it seems every November and every July (his birthday) I am reminded of how much I appreciate and love my sister.

5th - College education. This past week was a little stressful, registering for classes... trying to figure out my schedule. I have to take 15 hours to maintain a scholarship, and with my two minors and one major, it's sometimes hard to figure out my schedule. I was so frustrated and frazzled that day, and then I thought of people who can't afford college... and am just so glad that I have people who help support me.

6th - Grandparents. Oh, these people mean the world to me. My grandmother is someone I dearly admire and look up to - and I always have. They came to see me yesterday and are leaving today after lunch - less than 24 hours with me. But, they love and support all their grandchildren to pieces - it's so amazing. I love their relationship and life - they set such a godly example and it just makes my heart smile.

7th - Creative skills. I love that God has given me an artistic talent, and a passion along with it. I love when people ask me to design them t-shirts or signs. One of the most enjoyable things is walking around campus seeing things I've designed :)

8th - Psalm 81:6. Everytime I read this verse, I think it's directed right at college students. It is such a sweet reminder of how Christ will take care of every last detail if we just hand it over to him. Countless times over the last week or two, I have come home for the day thinking I will be doing homework until one in the morning. And somehow, it gets done so fast, that I just laugh at how stressed I had been.

9th - Laughter. I love laughing. I love that there are so many things in my life to laugh at, or people to laugh with.

10th - God's love. Not the typical God's love (though that is important too), but the romantic side of God. I was reading Captivating today, and couldn't help but smile when the book talked about how He romances us - always has, everyday. The best part was when it compared our flowers, chocolate and candlelight dinners to sunsets and falling stars. Mmmmm, some of my favorite things. :)

11th - Exercise. Yup, something most people hate. I love. And for two weeks last year when I was basically immobile, I realized how lucky I am to be able to walk and use all my limbs. I do Zumba twice a week, and it is incredibly fun. I love something so fun and crazy.

12th - Snow. I actually hate snow, unless it brings a snow day along with it. I woke up Friday to inches of snow, inches... I thought - this means winter is coming. I don't like winter; the cold, the wind, the snow. But, I'm thankful for moisture, and just to see another one of God's pieces of art.

13th - Parents. I realize more and more how blessed I am to have the parents I do. Though we probably frustrate each other and don't understand each other half the time, I know I am loved... which isn't something everyone can say. I'm so thankful for the way they raised me, it reminds me of Hebrews 12:11 :)

14th - Accountability. We can go through our walk with Christ alone - but that's not how He intended it. I love that I have brothers and sisters around me, challenging me. A friend and I started something - getting up before the sun gets up so we can read the Word for at least an hour. Day one: not even tired, and in high spirits. :)

15th - Adoptive parents. I love my "adopt-a-buff" parents who let me do laundry for free and feed me. But more than that, just to have more Godly adults to turn to in my life. It's nice just to have a other little 'family' here. As much as I love independence, it's nice knowing I have a little second home here, too.

Million-Dollar Summer.

How do I put to words the story of my summer? How do I describe everything in a way that people might get a little insight?

The blog I wrote right before I came here stated that I was ready, I was excited, and I wanted a break. Even though I was "ready"... I had no idea what God was about to do in my life. And, I definitely got a break. A break that was refreshing, reviving, refilling, renewing... and not to mention, fun.

It was fun
...going to Olive Garden with my front desk girls.
...hanging out with homeless people on the square.
...eating sushi for the first time.
...hiking to Pulpit Point (and missing it).
...going to a crazy church with a huge group.
...going to the Abq zoo.
...horseback riding through the mountains.
...going to an Iron Maiden (who?) concert.
...playing rock band at Aaron's.
...seeing the O'Keefe museum with Kelli.
...being in the variety show (against my will).
...eating Coldstone on my diabetic birthday.
...watching fireworks in Abq with sweet friends.
...dressing like a cowgirl for Western Night.
...seeing an amazing view of Glorieta/Pecos with Rod.
...going to the opera with Aaron.
...having staff Christmas in July.
...sucking at atomic bowling with the girls for Hummer's birthday.
...seeing Hillsong in concert with my faves.
...having a girls' night in Santa Fe (dancing in the plaza).
...watching the sunset over the valley/Santa Fe.

These precious memories are just a few. There's so many more little things... each day held something new. A new memory, a new joke.

This week was Collegiate Week. 1,800 college students who are crazy about Jesus were on campus. Despite their incessant need to walk in the middle of the road, seeing a huge community of believers was just encouraging. Last year at Collegiate Week, God got my attention. I came here a little lost, with a lot of hurt and frustration... thinking I could get myself back on track.

But, I can't. It took me awhile to fully realize that. This last year has been an adventure. God has taught me and stretched me so much, especially this summer. There's a lot of things He taught me and ways that I grew, but a few that stick out:

I feel like I found myself. My identity is in Him. I don't want or need to fit in with society, or what people think I should be. I don't need the approval of people, my aim should not be to please them. It's been a rough couple of years, in all honesty. And this summer, I found joy... I thought I knew it before - I didn't.

He's taught me a lot about love and people. Love is an action, not a feeling. We love because He loved us, we love because we are called to love. Being out here in the beautiful mountains, made me realize how beautiful our God is... His beauty is reflected into Creation and into us. Love people because they are His children and He made each of us beautiful and unique, each for a purpose. Being a part of this family of believers for three months, day in and day out, realizing how different we all are was at times annoying or frustrating, but God really opened my eyes seeing the beauty in it.

God has shown me how strong He is, how He fights every battle. God has never failed, He has never let me fall. There's an overwhelming peace knowing that not only am I not alone in my battles, but that He comes to my rescue.

I am not ready to leave Glorieta.
Maybe I'm just in denial of returning to reality.
Maybe I just hate the fact that some of these people I will never see again.
I love this place, what it's all about and what's happened here over the last three months.

This summer, I became so aware of God... so aware of Him working, so aware of what He was teaching, so aware of His presence. I don't want to lose that when I go home. I should've already been aware, I don't know why I had to come out here for that... maybe that's why I needed this break so bad, with so few distractions.

I know when I go home, there are things that will change. There are "old" parts of me that I don't want to come back. My hope for the whole summer staff and myself, is that we would remember what God has taught us this summer and what He's done in our lives and cling to that. Don't let the changes be temporary.

I saw thousands of lives surrendered to Christ.
I made hundreds of memories.
I have an amazing Glorieta family.
I serve an indescribably incredible God.

This has definitely been a million-dollar summer.

Boundless #18.

Romans 12 has some good stuff in it. A lot of the Bible tells us how we should live as a follower of Christ. This section tells us how to live within a community.

Two lines stuck out to me in this passage. "Do things in such a way that everyone can see you're honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone."

Everyone.

Everyone watches. What I do, day in and day out, should be honoring to God. The people I work with, my friends, my family, customers, people on Facebook... they all notice. But, my actions should not be honoring to God just to impress or please people, but because He has changed and transformed me.

Living in peace with everyone is easier said than done. Even though we are called to love everyone, regardless of what they've done or who they are, our human nature sometimes takes over. I know personally, I don't always show love - especially to those that I don't necessarily get along with.

Community is stronger when we keep each other accountable, and when we live in harmony. I constantly have to remind myself that we are all a part of the body of Christ. Today's challenge was to read the Roman's passage and also think about the phrase "vis à vis" in relation to God's bigger picture. Vis à vis means "with regard to"... and in regard to His bigger picture, I am a minor detail. I'm an artist, I know how important details are, they make the picture beautiful. We are details in God's masterpiece, each of us individually beautiful and adding our own part.

Boundless #12.

Today's challenge was an interesting one. We read two (here and here) articles about the church, and were to think about either joining a church, or becoming more involved in the church.

Growing up, I didn't fully enjoy church. Let's be honest - I hated it. My first church, I enjoyed... but I only went there until 2nd grade so that consisted of children's church. Changed churches. After that, I didn't like my sunday school or church. When I reached junior high, I finally started liking youth group. Then, we changed churches again. I liked church a little better, and fell in love with my sunday school and youth group. Changed again my senior year, and loved my youth group.

My first year of college I church-jumped, the little I went to church. But, now I am an official member of Hillside Christian Church. I love it there. I don't just get spiritually fed, I get stuffed. But, the part of the challenge that says "to get more involved" is ... challenging. As a college student, it's hard to have time to volunteer at the church to help with this and that, let alone even go to sunday school or college night. Part of the problem is, is I don't like going to these by myself - and I can't usually find anyone to go with to either events.

The first article talked about how WE are to reach our own generation. This last year I counted my BSM activities almost a substitute for sunday school and college night. I had Bible study, leadership lunch, free lunch, international lunch, worship and late night, prayer retreats, etc. Am I just in saying that? I don't know. I'm reaching people on my campus, which is my generation. And we are to "be the church"... but I'm not sure if my substitution just means I'm being lazy? It's not that I don't want to contribute to the church - and I know the article said that church shouldn't be worked around our schedule, but church should be the focus - but I don't really have time.

God doesn't need me. But I need the church. And I want "my passions to be Jesus' passions."

"The first Christian churches were characterized by intense community, selfless giving and overflowing love." I don't see this very much in the church, or in us. Maybe one of those more than the other, but in reality, all three should be there.

Boundless #10.

I've had a lot mentors over the years.

My sister and grandma I consider two of the biggest (or longest). They gave a lot of advice throughout junior high and high school, even some in college.

I definitely have some good friends who I also consider spiritual mentors. I think of these mentors and it just makes me think of my "community" back home (as in, at college). The article we read today made me realize that most of the time, I do think of myself as not being capable enough to be a mentor. Though, I do know there are people I could be a mentor too... but it's hard to just start doing so.

I need to/am going to start praying for God to show me people that I can mentor, and how to mentor... what to do. A part of community is building each other up, feeding each other. The mentors I have, have been so valuable and special in my life... they were the ones who reminded me of the hope and trust I have in Christ even through the really hard times. They were the ones who encouraged me to dig into the Word, and stay there.

Boundless #8.

Today, we were to meditate on Romans and think about how this shaped our view of community.

The first verse that says, "Don't think you are better than you really are," made me really think. If anything, I think of myself less than I probably should. I mean, most girls do? The verse that got me was when it talked about being honest in our evaluations, and measuring by God and not to other people.

Guilty. I compare myself, in a positive and negative way. Spiritually, and in other ways. It's something I've struggled with for a really long time. But this passage reminded me how God has chosen us each for something, set us apart. We each have a gift, a reason, a way God is using us.

This passage just opened my eyes to see how community should work together more. We each have something, some way to help each other, build each other up, to grow as a community.

No Different.

I do not hide my diabetes. Nor do I broadcast it (well, I guess unless you count this blog). Most people find out along the course of our friendship, usually by means of happening to see my pump, medic bracelet or me drinking Diet Coke.

This summer though, for some reason I just tried to keep it hidden, unless someone actually noticed. And slowly, more and more people have found out. Some responses were just indifferent, maybe a few questions.

But, there has been something I've noticed about most of the responses. A look. A look on their faces, in their eyes. Of shock and surprise... and not in the way of, "wow, you have diabetes..." but it's more a look of, "she has diabetes... and she's normal..." (or at least normal as I can be).

Did I keep it quiet so people would get to know me for me, and not as the diabetic girl? Maybe. Probably. Am I insecure about my diabetes? No.

I was thinking the other day about how society views normalcy. How quickly people tag others as weird, or different. God didn't make us all the same. It doesn't matter how someone dresses, what their hobbies are, where they're from, how they talk, etc. We should enjoy the fellowship of other believers, and rejoice in the fact that we share in the relationship with Christ with them.

I'm not writing this from the view of thinking I don't judge. Just last week I saw a young lady walking alongside the city street wearing a fanny pack, and chuckled a little. A girl here on staff was doing cross-stitch the other day. My first thought was, "That's a little..." and then I stopped and replaced the thought with, "Yeah. I used to do that too."

I'm diabetic. Call me weird.
I don't follow fashion. Call me different.
I love reading. Call me a nerd.

None of it should matter. God MADE us different.

Array of Friends.

There are seven friends you should have, according to Collegiate magazine.

1. The crazy fun friend: one who will drag you out of your funk, make you laugh and the one you can adventure with. I like to think almost all my friends are fun, but the "adventure" part makes me think of Rachel (Owen) and Cierra.

2. The long distance friend: not a part of your daily life, can offer outside perspective. Definitely Ellie - though she is not a "part" of daily life, she definitely knows what goes on throughout my day.

3. The non-christian friend: gives a fresh perspective outside of our bubble of Christian friends. I do have these friends, but I don't consider them very close...

4. The opposite sex friend: gives solid advice and perspective that can't be given my same sex friends. Love my guys - Dino and Tyler (Sweeney).

5. The accountability friend: will call you out when needed, especially in matters of life. Especially after my Bible study this semester, I realize how important these are. I have so many that I know would call me out if needed - Lindsey, Angela, Allison...

6. The mentor friend: offers real and honest wisdom, guidance and insight. Two of the biggest mentors this year were Tiffany (Harris) and Angela.

7. The life friend: the one who has seen you through it all - and will always be there. Ellie for sure, and my sister. Although Angela and Allison haven't known me my whole life, I know we will always be sisters in Christ. :)