I've been meaning to sit and write for awhile now, but as will be evidenced by this blog post... life has been a whirlwind lately.
I feel like two weeks ago I was sitting in my apartment, crying, being impatient and full of worry about my future. This past spring was rough. I was away from my fiancé, didn't think I was ever going to find a job, stressed about school and my future, etc.
Fast forward to the present.
Here I am, sitting in a (mostly) wonderful apartment. I'm an intern at a contemporary and completely awesome church in Atlanta. I'm getting married in 44 days. I have a full-time job starting August 1st - and not just any job, a dream job.
In late April, I felt convicted about my prayer life. I wrote about this before, but I felt like God was telling me that I needed to start praying more specifically. Not just the, "God, you know what's going on... please help" kind of prayers. Specific prayers that ask big things of our big God, that require being backed by a lot of belief.
I just want to show you a little timeline. Because, this is not the timeline I really wanted or had in mind, but God knew it was going to happen this way the entire time.
On April 21st, I started praying specifically (and asking for others to pray) that I would find/get a job on my birthday. My birthday is April 24th. I knew He could make it happen, if it was supposed to happen.
April 23rd - I had a phone interview (of sorts) with a church in Atlanta. Very promising talk, about a job that was perfect for me.
Few weeks pass, no second interview, no solidified word from the church.
On May 9th, I was offered a paid design internship at North Point Community Church in Alpharetta, where Andy Stanley preaches. Having no other job offers, and realizing that this was an awesome opportunity, I took it.
I left my home of four years in Texas and drove across the U.S. on May 16th, arriving in my new home the next day. 640 days of being apart from Aaron, and I was finally here. Luckily, I had awhile before my internship started, so I could find a place to live and move in.
One week later, on May 24th, we found our first place. Technically, it's mine this summer, since Aaron is not staying here, but it will be OURS in 44 days.
The next few weeks involved lots of changes. Adjusting to my new home, unpacking, finding doctors, storage units, banks, etc. Lots of to-do lists, but lots of fun as well.
On June 21st, I had an interview with the same church that talked to me in April (and really, our conversation began way back in February). Two hours after my interview, they called and offered me the job. (Notice both 21st's?)
It has been crazy, as you can see. And, my apartment is not even fully "complete"... all that really needs done is hanging of some frames and such, just small things. And here I was thinking I would have all this ample free time to be bored this summer... but every night, I wonder how it gets to be 11.
Moral of the story: God is faithful beyond belief. I am still amazed today at how everything has fallen into place so perfectly. I keep telling myself to remember this, because I know sometime again I will be stressed or worried about the future... but my life in the past two months is a prime example of God's provision. I have no reason (and never have) to doubt Him.
Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
Next Chapter.
I live in a cardboard world, or at least that's what it feels like lately.
I would say about half my apartment is already packed up in boxes right now. I've gotten rid of (either thrown away or donated) a bunch of random junk/crap that I've accumulated, and it's very refreshing.
Packing has made this "next chapter" in my life all the more real. I need to downsize because it won't be just my place, but it will be our place in a few months. Things I crafted over the years (that I'm not even sure why I kept) seem to be the most common discarded item the last few days.
I think the scariest part of packing has been the uncertainty.
I can't tell myself to pack because I'm moving to Georgia to become a designer at .....
I tell myself to pack because I'm moving to Georgia without a place to live or a job, quite possibly the scariest and most ambitious thing I've done. And, when I say quite possibly, I mean definitely.
I feel like I'm living in two different worlds right now, as I'm studying frantically for finals and worrying about moving companies and finding a career.
I am not a last-minute person. I once turned in a project three weeks early. I started job searching in September, and with more intensity this semester. In my heart, I know that my God always comes through, at just the right time - and He's never late. But, my head does not like this uncertainty.
I am waiting expectantly for things to fall in place as only the way God would have it. But, my patience is wearing thin, and it's a daily struggle to fight against frustration and anxiety.
I know there are several people praying that I find a job soon (and a place to live after that...), to which I am incredibly grateful. It seems everyday someone else has found a job, and I know soon I will be able to say God answered more prayers.
I just read an article that said 50% of graduates are unemployed after graduation, and live in their parents basement.
So, what am I doing after graduation?
Trusting God.
I would say about half my apartment is already packed up in boxes right now. I've gotten rid of (either thrown away or donated) a bunch of random junk/crap that I've accumulated, and it's very refreshing.
Packing has made this "next chapter" in my life all the more real. I need to downsize because it won't be just my place, but it will be our place in a few months. Things I crafted over the years (that I'm not even sure why I kept) seem to be the most common discarded item the last few days.
I think the scariest part of packing has been the uncertainty.
I can't tell myself to pack because I'm moving to Georgia to become a designer at .....
I tell myself to pack because I'm moving to Georgia without a place to live or a job, quite possibly the scariest and most ambitious thing I've done. And, when I say quite possibly, I mean definitely.
I feel like I'm living in two different worlds right now, as I'm studying frantically for finals and worrying about moving companies and finding a career.
I am not a last-minute person. I once turned in a project three weeks early. I started job searching in September, and with more intensity this semester. In my heart, I know that my God always comes through, at just the right time - and He's never late. But, my head does not like this uncertainty.
I am waiting expectantly for things to fall in place as only the way God would have it. But, my patience is wearing thin, and it's a daily struggle to fight against frustration and anxiety.
I know there are several people praying that I find a job soon (and a place to live after that...), to which I am incredibly grateful. It seems everyday someone else has found a job, and I know soon I will be able to say God answered more prayers.
I just read an article that said 50% of graduates are unemployed after graduation, and live in their parents basement.
So, what am I doing after graduation?
Trusting God.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Home Stretch.
Well, here I am... the home stretch. 55 days until I graduate from college.
The scary part is, I don't have anything "lined up" for my life in 56 days. As of this moment, I have no job and no where to live.
In 70 days, I will move to Georgia. 70 days. I will more than likely be there before that date, but that is the day all my schtuff will come in a moving truck.
This past week I made lots of cold calls, looked at apartments, took engagement pictures, planned some more of my wedding, spent time with my fiancé. All things that I (mostly) enjoyed, and things that made this whole "growing up" thing a little more realistic.
The hardest part of it all is having to say, "I don't know" after people ask what I'm doing after graduation, or what I'm doing in Georgia. The best part is that God does. I heard on the radio tonight, a very cliché thought - in life sometimes we feel lost and want a GPS, and sometimes that translates to God's Provision Stands.
I am expecting and asking big things of a big God, who has always provided and who is sovereign. As my cousin said tonight on Facebook, God is not limited to our economy. He has promised to supply our needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. [Phil. 4:19]
The scary part is, I don't have anything "lined up" for my life in 56 days. As of this moment, I have no job and no where to live.
In 70 days, I will move to Georgia. 70 days. I will more than likely be there before that date, but that is the day all my schtuff will come in a moving truck.
This past week I made lots of cold calls, looked at apartments, took engagement pictures, planned some more of my wedding, spent time with my fiancé. All things that I (mostly) enjoyed, and things that made this whole "growing up" thing a little more realistic.
The hardest part of it all is having to say, "I don't know" after people ask what I'm doing after graduation, or what I'm doing in Georgia. The best part is that God does. I heard on the radio tonight, a very cliché thought - in life sometimes we feel lost and want a GPS, and sometimes that translates to God's Provision Stands.
I am expecting and asking big things of a big God, who has always provided and who is sovereign. As my cousin said tonight on Facebook, God is not limited to our economy. He has promised to supply our needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. [Phil. 4:19]
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Thursday, December 1, 2011
"If home is where the heart is, then I'm out of place."
Who knows how many times I've blogged on this topic before... it's something I've been trying to learn for the past 21 years.
Patience: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering, without getting angry or upset.
Y'all. I lack this more than anyone I know. Whether it be waiting on a friend to pick me up, or waiting to graduate. I'm ahead of schedule, ready for the next thing, excited for what's to come.
My customized background on my computer says, "you feel like running, but life is on a stroll."
I made it a few months ago because I liked the quote, and then all the design-y parts of the rest of the background were nice too. Now, when I see it, I think, "yessssss... I know... slow down..."
I received a text from a person today, that I haven't received a text from in probably three years. But, it was something I needed to hear. Very cool how God works that way. "When you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss the fun of getting there. Slow down and enjoy the song."
I love Texas, I love college, I love my friends here. I love where I'm at, and have loved my time here... yet, something inside of me is discontent.
Perhaps, even a little homesick.
I can't deny it. My heart is in Georgia.
But, I'm torn between preparing (literally) to move to Georgia and dealing with all that excitement, and enjoying the last sweet few months I have here in college. Both are exciting, both are begging for my attention.
I have no idea how to handle the situation.
All I can do is pray, which at times makes me feel helpless - but I know He's strong enough to handle all this.
And I know God answers prayers.
Patience: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering, without getting angry or upset.
Y'all. I lack this more than anyone I know. Whether it be waiting on a friend to pick me up, or waiting to graduate. I'm ahead of schedule, ready for the next thing, excited for what's to come.
My customized background on my computer says, "you feel like running, but life is on a stroll."
I made it a few months ago because I liked the quote, and then all the design-y parts of the rest of the background were nice too. Now, when I see it, I think, "yessssss... I know... slow down..."
I received a text from a person today, that I haven't received a text from in probably three years. But, it was something I needed to hear. Very cool how God works that way. "When you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss the fun of getting there. Slow down and enjoy the song."
I love Texas, I love college, I love my friends here. I love where I'm at, and have loved my time here... yet, something inside of me is discontent.
Perhaps, even a little homesick.
I can't deny it. My heart is in Georgia.
But, I'm torn between preparing (literally) to move to Georgia and dealing with all that excitement, and enjoying the last sweet few months I have here in college. Both are exciting, both are begging for my attention.
I have no idea how to handle the situation.
All I can do is pray, which at times makes me feel helpless - but I know He's strong enough to handle all this.
And I know God answers prayers.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
You are Peace, when my fear is crippling.
It's been a rough and crazy last week or two.
I feel like I've hit a wall. I'm in some sort of funk. Everyone blames it on "being ready for break" - which is true, but I'm just exhausted, emotional, and unmotivated.
There are several things I could write about in this blog, but the heaviest on my heart is life six months from now. Actually, it's less than six months. I have nothing, right now. Nowhere to go. I have possibilities, but that's where it stops.
Which is the most frustrating part.
Although I don't really forsee myself working the local drive-thru after graduation, that's what is on the list right now (joking... sorta).
Forgive me for being human, but I want to know answers. I want the future to be solidified. Want, want, want, me, me, me. My prayer for the next few weeks (though this should be more of an all-the-time prayer) is that God would rid me of myself and my desires. Wanting anything other than what He wants causes heartbreak.
I looked back through my November blogs over the last two years. Two years ago, I was growing and learning, and it was painful. Last year, I was happy and thankful.
Not to say I'm unhappy or ungrateful now, because that's not true. I'm in a state of restlessness. Discontent is a frustrating emotion, because no matter how many times you tell yourself to enjoy the season you're in... your heart and your mind don't always agree.
In the words of Kari Jobe, He is faithful, constant, loving and true, and He will never forsake me in my weakness. He is patient (thankful He is, even if I'm not), gracious, merciful and true, and so wonderful in all He does.
I know when I look back a year from now, I will laugh at myself for doubting, for wasting my time worrying about all this when God knows everything, and is in control. Last year, I had no fear of the future. Somewhere along the way, I picked it up... and I wish I hadn't.
Remember earlier when I said I read through some old blogs? Sometimes I think He uses my blogs to write future notes to myself. I saw a post about Psalm 81:6, "Now I will take the load from your shoulders; I will free your hands from their heavy tasks."
He's willing to take our burdens, when we're willing to give them up.
"When I am afraid, I will trust in You." - Psalm 56:3
I feel like I've hit a wall. I'm in some sort of funk. Everyone blames it on "being ready for break" - which is true, but I'm just exhausted, emotional, and unmotivated.
There are several things I could write about in this blog, but the heaviest on my heart is life six months from now. Actually, it's less than six months. I have nothing, right now. Nowhere to go. I have possibilities, but that's where it stops.
Which is the most frustrating part.
Although I don't really forsee myself working the local drive-thru after graduation, that's what is on the list right now (joking... sorta).
Forgive me for being human, but I want to know answers. I want the future to be solidified. Want, want, want, me, me, me. My prayer for the next few weeks (though this should be more of an all-the-time prayer) is that God would rid me of myself and my desires. Wanting anything other than what He wants causes heartbreak.
I looked back through my November blogs over the last two years. Two years ago, I was growing and learning, and it was painful. Last year, I was happy and thankful.
Not to say I'm unhappy or ungrateful now, because that's not true. I'm in a state of restlessness. Discontent is a frustrating emotion, because no matter how many times you tell yourself to enjoy the season you're in... your heart and your mind don't always agree.
In the words of Kari Jobe, He is faithful, constant, loving and true, and He will never forsake me in my weakness. He is patient (thankful He is, even if I'm not), gracious, merciful and true, and so wonderful in all He does.
I know when I look back a year from now, I will laugh at myself for doubting, for wasting my time worrying about all this when God knows everything, and is in control. Last year, I had no fear of the future. Somewhere along the way, I picked it up... and I wish I hadn't.
Remember earlier when I said I read through some old blogs? Sometimes I think He uses my blogs to write future notes to myself. I saw a post about Psalm 81:6, "Now I will take the load from your shoulders; I will free your hands from their heavy tasks."
He's willing to take our burdens, when we're willing to give them up.
"When I am afraid, I will trust in You." - Psalm 56:3
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Home is where the heart is...
Monday was a day of frustration.
Woke up at 2 a.m. unable to sleep - didn't need to be up until 3:30.
Long line at security in the Birmingham airport.
No breakfast.
Little things, really. But then, the fun really started.
A heavy fog in Dallas prevented our plane from landing. Four hours later than needed/expected, I finally walk in to the DFW airport... mass chaos. I had to stand in a long line to find a new flight.
Wait, wait, wait.
I start getting emotional. I'm running on three hours of sleep, I'm sick, exhausted in all aspects, hungry, missing Aaron, wanting someone to talk to, and then my phone dies. I sit by a trash can, on the floor, plug-in my cell charger, and eat a Cinnabon (the second thing I'd eaten all day)... in tears.
I stand in line (for the third time), to get a boarding pass for a "guaranteed" flight. Mmhmm. "Your name is not on here. We can put you on stand-by, and if you don't get on then, you'll for sure be on the next flight." I even tried pulling the I'm-a-diabetic card, and it backfired.
But, my name was called, finally. I got on the 5:30 flight. Even got front row... it was center seat, between two elderly people each doing their own crossword, but I was going home.
The pilot announced we were descending into Amarillo. I looked out the window to at the sunset, combined with clouds that made it look like we were flying into heaven. I smiled, and thought to myself, "mmmmm..." and then my thought stopped.
I realized, that thought is typically followed by the word home.
Two things hit me at that moment.
I've been struggling with discontent in being in Texas, away from Aaron. I dreaded saying good-bye, coming back to school, being away from him for another two months. But, those five hours in the airport, my only thought was I-want-to-go-home. But, "home" has two places in my heart right now. Seeing the sunset, and the huge relief of being done with travel made me appreciate this home more. I felt God telling me to stop and enjoy this season, these people, this area.
I felt trapped in the airport. Alone, and trapped. It was just a transition (and a long one, at that). I freaked out. I got emotional. I knew I was going to leave eventually, I wasn't really trapped. I kept saying there was a reason for all of it, and looking back it was just a lesson. I'm in a slow transition in life right now. Slow is not in my vocabulary. I want to jump on the next plane of life.
Maybe I'm starting to disconnect, to try and transition. Maybe I'm wrong for feeling this way. Maybe it's normal. I don't know. I'm still learning. How do I stop looking forward to something so exciting, and enjoy this moment?
For the first time in three years, this area does not feel like home to me.
Home is where the heart is...
Woke up at 2 a.m. unable to sleep - didn't need to be up until 3:30.
Long line at security in the Birmingham airport.
No breakfast.
Little things, really. But then, the fun really started.
A heavy fog in Dallas prevented our plane from landing. Four hours later than needed/expected, I finally walk in to the DFW airport... mass chaos. I had to stand in a long line to find a new flight.
Wait, wait, wait.
I start getting emotional. I'm running on three hours of sleep, I'm sick, exhausted in all aspects, hungry, missing Aaron, wanting someone to talk to, and then my phone dies. I sit by a trash can, on the floor, plug-in my cell charger, and eat a Cinnabon (the second thing I'd eaten all day)... in tears.
I stand in line (for the third time), to get a boarding pass for a "guaranteed" flight. Mmhmm. "Your name is not on here. We can put you on stand-by, and if you don't get on then, you'll for sure be on the next flight." I even tried pulling the I'm-a-diabetic card, and it backfired.
But, my name was called, finally. I got on the 5:30 flight. Even got front row... it was center seat, between two elderly people each doing their own crossword, but I was going home.
The pilot announced we were descending into Amarillo. I looked out the window to at the sunset, combined with clouds that made it look like we were flying into heaven. I smiled, and thought to myself, "mmmmm..." and then my thought stopped.
I realized, that thought is typically followed by the word home.
Two things hit me at that moment.
I've been struggling with discontent in being in Texas, away from Aaron. I dreaded saying good-bye, coming back to school, being away from him for another two months. But, those five hours in the airport, my only thought was I-want-to-go-home. But, "home" has two places in my heart right now. Seeing the sunset, and the huge relief of being done with travel made me appreciate this home more. I felt God telling me to stop and enjoy this season, these people, this area.
I felt trapped in the airport. Alone, and trapped. It was just a transition (and a long one, at that). I freaked out. I got emotional. I knew I was going to leave eventually, I wasn't really trapped. I kept saying there was a reason for all of it, and looking back it was just a lesson. I'm in a slow transition in life right now. Slow is not in my vocabulary. I want to jump on the next plane of life.
Maybe I'm starting to disconnect, to try and transition. Maybe I'm wrong for feeling this way. Maybe it's normal. I don't know. I'm still learning. How do I stop looking forward to something so exciting, and enjoy this moment?
For the first time in three years, this area does not feel like home to me.
Home is where the heart is...
Monday, October 10, 2011
Right Doors.
You try one door after another, yet no one responds to your résumé.
No university accepts your application. No doctor has a solution for
your illness. No buyers look at your house.
Obstacles pack your path. Road, barricaded. Doorway, padlocked.
Do you know the frustration of a blocked door?
Do you know the frustration of a blocked door?
God uses closed doors to advance his cause.
He closed the womb of a young Sarah so he could display his power
to the elderly one. He shut the palace door on Moses the prince so he could open
shackles through Moses the liberator. He marched Daniel out of Jerusalem so he could use Daniel in
Babylon. And Jesus. Yes, even Jesus knew the challenge of a blocked door.
When he requested a path that bypassed the cross, God said no. He said
no to Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane so he could say yes to us at the
gates of heaven.
It’s not that
our plans are bad but that God’s plans are better.
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.For
just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are
higher than your waysand my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”
(Isa. 55:8–9 NLT)
Your blocked door doesn’t mean God doesn’t love you. Quite the
opposite. It’s proof that he does.
[taken from Max Lucado devotional]
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Time.
Life is so chaotic.
I just want a break, just a measly two days of nothingness would suffice. I just need a chance to catch my breath, I feel like since day one I hit the ground running and haven't slowed down yet. Thankfully, I have been enjoying my classes. I haven't had to deal with mundane classes and homework like geology or history.
Doing more and more freelance this semester has also made me more excited to become a "real" designer, to have a real design job.
So, here I am, struggling to be content. I'm being pulled between wanting to graduate tomorrow and move, and wanting time to slow down so that I can breathe, and enjoy the last of my college days. I've been told not to grow up too fast, but it's hard when I've started job searching, I have my first job interview in two weeks, printing resumes, etc.
I've always been ready for the next step of the game, wanting to move on.
But, here I am trying to learn patience and contentment, waiting on His timing.
I just want a break, just a measly two days of nothingness would suffice. I just need a chance to catch my breath, I feel like since day one I hit the ground running and haven't slowed down yet. Thankfully, I have been enjoying my classes. I haven't had to deal with mundane classes and homework like geology or history.
Doing more and more freelance this semester has also made me more excited to become a "real" designer, to have a real design job.
So, here I am, struggling to be content. I'm being pulled between wanting to graduate tomorrow and move, and wanting time to slow down so that I can breathe, and enjoy the last of my college days. I've been told not to grow up too fast, but it's hard when I've started job searching, I have my first job interview in two weeks, printing resumes, etc.
I've always been ready for the next step of the game, wanting to move on.
But, here I am trying to learn patience and contentment, waiting on His timing.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Walking Blind.
I love Addison Road, as you should know... since they appear in my blog a lot. The lead singer, Jenny, blogs off and on as well, and today she wrote a blog. This blog. I think her blog is one of my favorite's to read because she doesn't cover up things with happy rainbows and trite sayings.
Although I am not in a life storm right now, this is one of those blogs that just spoke something to me. It made me realize that so often I feel like I'm supposed to be in a storm, or the opposite... whatever that "part" is called. I haven't made any huge life adjustments like she has, but I still feel like I'm in the in-between.
I'm en route to graduation, I'm beginning to see the light. I mean, I sent off my first resume today - it's starting. NOW. Not next semester like I thought it would. I feel like I'm living in the unknown.
Faith is still here, I don't doubt God.
You know when you get up in the night to go to do whatever, and you're walking quietly, slowly through the pitch black? You feel like any moment you will trip on some huge obstacle in your room that wasn't there when you want to bed, or you'll run into a wall that moved after you fell asleep? And then after a certain point, you feel more comfortable and stop walking like an awkward, paranoid freak. I feel kind of like that freak right now. I know the end is right around the corner, and although I may bump a corner or two, I'll still get there fine.
It took me awhile to realize, or maybe just admit it, that all these "plans" and "ideas" that I kept saying were God's plans were really... mine. It wasn't so much the plans themselves, just the route or order of them came from me, not Him. It takes a lot of prayer to get those desires out of your heart... they're not completely out of mine - even though I know it's for the better.
"Curiosity abounds. Excitement fights to shine through. Fear and self-doubt dominate. If nothing else, the in between seasons are great reminders to hold life lightly. Hang on too tight - to your own version - and you are bound to be heartbroken." (Jenny Simmons)
Although I am not in a life storm right now, this is one of those blogs that just spoke something to me. It made me realize that so often I feel like I'm supposed to be in a storm, or the opposite... whatever that "part" is called. I haven't made any huge life adjustments like she has, but I still feel like I'm in the in-between.
I'm en route to graduation, I'm beginning to see the light. I mean, I sent off my first resume today - it's starting. NOW. Not next semester like I thought it would. I feel like I'm living in the unknown.
Faith is still here, I don't doubt God.
You know when you get up in the night to go to do whatever, and you're walking quietly, slowly through the pitch black? You feel like any moment you will trip on some huge obstacle in your room that wasn't there when you want to bed, or you'll run into a wall that moved after you fell asleep? And then after a certain point, you feel more comfortable and stop walking like an awkward, paranoid freak. I feel kind of like that freak right now. I know the end is right around the corner, and although I may bump a corner or two, I'll still get there fine.
It took me awhile to realize, or maybe just admit it, that all these "plans" and "ideas" that I kept saying were God's plans were really... mine. It wasn't so much the plans themselves, just the route or order of them came from me, not Him. It takes a lot of prayer to get those desires out of your heart... they're not completely out of mine - even though I know it's for the better.
"Curiosity abounds. Excitement fights to shine through. Fear and self-doubt dominate. If nothing else, the in between seasons are great reminders to hold life lightly. Hang on too tight - to your own version - and you are bound to be heartbroken." (Jenny Simmons)
Monday, June 27, 2011
Great is Thy Faithfulness.
I am a control freak sometimes. Not in the aspect of friends or Aaron, but more in situations. Most of the time I would prefer to drive in a group, because if it's my car, I can control where and when we go (for the most part), rather than be under someone else's control.
"The question, “are we there yet?” reveals something about human nature. We want to know exactly where we’re going, and we want to know exactly when we’ll get there. That’s a nice way of saying we’re control freaks."
I'm also one of those people who likes to know the game plan. What time are we leaving, what's the plan for the night... really, my detail-oriented style just comes out in many aspects of life. In case you hadn't noticed.
If you had talked to me earlier this year, I was totally game for life after graduation. some people want to avoid the real world. not me - let's do this. Wasn't really nervous, I knew God had a plan, life would just unfold. Well, reality hit a few weeks ago. not that I'm anti-real world now, but the nerves and questions have set in. My game plan hit a glitch and now I have no idea what the 4th quarter looks like. (look at me using sports analogies!)
On my window, I currently have written part of Psalm 89. More specifically, one sentence: You are entirely faithful. I serve and love an entirely faithful and sovereign God. Yet, between my human tendencies and Satan... fear and expectations set in. A year or two ago, I came across a quote that says, His timing is not always our own. Great quote, love it, instantly memorized it and is still stuck in my brain. It wasn't until this summer that I think the fullness of this truth hit me.
Uncertainty is not something I deal with greatly... especially in "big" situations. But I'm starting to learn that maybe God let's us sit in uncertainty in an attempt to grow our faith and dependence on Him, and to show us His faithfulness.
Tonight our staff did a prayer "exercise" (for lack of a better word), and one of the things we prayed about/over, was His faithfulness. We were to start sentences with, "God I remember you working when..." ...wow. By the end of that prayer, I was crying because I've been reminding myself that He is faithful and food, etc. But to actually recall circumstances and situations in which He was faithful and worked things out for my good was completely different.
I'm thankful for grace in these times where I'm too stubborn to let go.
"The question, “are we there yet?” reveals something about human nature. We want to know exactly where we’re going, and we want to know exactly when we’ll get there. That’s a nice way of saying we’re control freaks."
I'm also one of those people who likes to know the game plan. What time are we leaving, what's the plan for the night... really, my detail-oriented style just comes out in many aspects of life. In case you hadn't noticed.
If you had talked to me earlier this year, I was totally game for life after graduation. some people want to avoid the real world. not me - let's do this. Wasn't really nervous, I knew God had a plan, life would just unfold. Well, reality hit a few weeks ago. not that I'm anti-real world now, but the nerves and questions have set in. My game plan hit a glitch and now I have no idea what the 4th quarter looks like. (look at me using sports analogies!)
On my window, I currently have written part of Psalm 89. More specifically, one sentence: You are entirely faithful. I serve and love an entirely faithful and sovereign God. Yet, between my human tendencies and Satan... fear and expectations set in. A year or two ago, I came across a quote that says, His timing is not always our own. Great quote, love it, instantly memorized it and is still stuck in my brain. It wasn't until this summer that I think the fullness of this truth hit me.
Uncertainty is not something I deal with greatly... especially in "big" situations. But I'm starting to learn that maybe God let's us sit in uncertainty in an attempt to grow our faith and dependence on Him, and to show us His faithfulness.
Tonight our staff did a prayer "exercise" (for lack of a better word), and one of the things we prayed about/over, was His faithfulness. We were to start sentences with, "God I remember you working when..." ...wow. By the end of that prayer, I was crying because I've been reminding myself that He is faithful and food, etc. But to actually recall circumstances and situations in which He was faithful and worked things out for my good was completely different.
I'm thankful for grace in these times where I'm too stubborn to let go.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Reasoning.
Life is not perfect.
Oh, were you not aware of this?
I think there have been a few times when I've felt like it was, until something brought me back down to earth.
Not that life can't be enjoyed, or we can't love life. I think it's as simple as just focusing on the positives rather than the negatives. Which is actually easier said than done, coming from a pessimist like me. Most people don't consider me a pessimist, since I don't tend to walk around grumbling and pissy all the time. But, more than half the time, in any given situation... I will think about the downsides or negatives of something without meaning too.
A few things heavy on my mind lately. Mainly, summer - which translates to New Mexico. Glorieta holds a very special place in my heart, it's where I found my two loves. Two years ago, I went to collegiate week at Glorieta and the Lord grabbed a hold of my heart. I realized I wasn't living the life I needed to and recommitted my life to Christ. Last summer, with no intention of doing so, I found someone. In nothing but a God-scripted way, Aaron and I just... clicked. Nine months later, still together and going strong. Geography means nothing to the Lord - 1200 miles can't quench this kind of love.
This semester has not been the easiest though. My spiritual community changed, classes were overwhelming, it became harder to be away from Aaron more and more, my diabetes has been crazy. Although I'm in a much better state than I was a year ago, I find myself ending the semester and so ready to get away again. The Lord has taught me a lot this semester, this year. But, I couldn't help but agree when I saw a friend post a status about wishing she praised the Lord not just in the good times, but in the bad as well.
As I was reading through Job this morning, these thoughts were running through my head. Of course, as humans, it's harder for us to praise God when things aren't what we exactly wanted. Things may not necessarily be bad, just not what we wanted. But... it's more about what He wants.
In chapter one, Job says, "The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!" The next verse says, In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.
I may not come right out and blame God, but too often I know I've asked God, why? "So who am I, that I should try to answer God or even reason with Him? ... For God is so wise and so mighty." (9:10, 4) It's not that I doubt God's plan or His wisdom, but I know sometimes my thoughts seem that way. My desires need to go back to His desires.
I need not understand, only trust.
Oh, were you not aware of this?
I think there have been a few times when I've felt like it was, until something brought me back down to earth.
Not that life can't be enjoyed, or we can't love life. I think it's as simple as just focusing on the positives rather than the negatives. Which is actually easier said than done, coming from a pessimist like me. Most people don't consider me a pessimist, since I don't tend to walk around grumbling and pissy all the time. But, more than half the time, in any given situation... I will think about the downsides or negatives of something without meaning too.
A few things heavy on my mind lately. Mainly, summer - which translates to New Mexico. Glorieta holds a very special place in my heart, it's where I found my two loves. Two years ago, I went to collegiate week at Glorieta and the Lord grabbed a hold of my heart. I realized I wasn't living the life I needed to and recommitted my life to Christ. Last summer, with no intention of doing so, I found someone. In nothing but a God-scripted way, Aaron and I just... clicked. Nine months later, still together and going strong. Geography means nothing to the Lord - 1200 miles can't quench this kind of love.
This semester has not been the easiest though. My spiritual community changed, classes were overwhelming, it became harder to be away from Aaron more and more, my diabetes has been crazy. Although I'm in a much better state than I was a year ago, I find myself ending the semester and so ready to get away again. The Lord has taught me a lot this semester, this year. But, I couldn't help but agree when I saw a friend post a status about wishing she praised the Lord not just in the good times, but in the bad as well.
As I was reading through Job this morning, these thoughts were running through my head. Of course, as humans, it's harder for us to praise God when things aren't what we exactly wanted. Things may not necessarily be bad, just not what we wanted. But... it's more about what He wants.
In chapter one, Job says, "The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!" The next verse says, In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.
I may not come right out and blame God, but too often I know I've asked God, why? "So who am I, that I should try to answer God or even reason with Him? ... For God is so wise and so mighty." (9:10, 4) It's not that I doubt God's plan or His wisdom, but I know sometimes my thoughts seem that way. My desires need to go back to His desires.
"But true wisdom and power are found in God; counsel and understanding are His." (Job 12:13)
I need not understand, only trust.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Let it Go.
My small group and I are memorizing, or meditating on, a verse a week.
This week, my verse is Proverbs 20:24,
"The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?"
I am guilty of the last part too often. I want to know why, I want to know when, how, where. I am a planner person, I make sticky-note lists daily, consult my planner and pencil stuff in all the time. I don't do well with spontaneity - unless in small doses.
I don't consider God spontaneous. He's got a nice, big planner for me upstairs I'm sure. Probably the type that has a line for each hour of the day, lots of writing room. Artsy cover, for sure. And little ol' me wants to grab the pen and write something in, or just steal the book, run and hide in my room and read it.
Too bad I'm a slow runner.
Good thing God has never failed me.
Says so in Psalm 9:10, "Those who know Your name trust in You, for You, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for You."
It's hard sometimes letting go, even when it's so easy to trust Him.
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