Skewed Perfection.

I have been reminded many times this week about how broken of a world we live in today. Affairs and divorce – by Christians and Christian leaders both, skewed views of submission and control in relationships, shooting rampages, on and on.

The first few instances that I heard were saddening, but the more the week went on, and the more horrible things I heard happening, the more I wanted to ask God about what is going on in our world. Bad things happen all the time, some I don't hear about, some I do and they don't even phase me. But, it seemed this week that I caught news of things that shocked and deeply saddened me.

I couldn't help but wonder if God was trying to tell me something. Not that He had these things happen to try and tell me something, but I think He made sure I saw/heard about these situations. I'm not entirely sure what He's trying to tell me, but one thing crossed my mind as I was reading this morning.

We live in an unperfect world where perfection is often expected.

We're expected or want to have perfect relationships, be perfect at our job, have the perfect body, the perfect family. We don't like messiness or mistakes. A large part of this is a skewed expectation or perception from society, but often we place this on ourselves too.

I am guilty of doing this - in many area's of my life, but especially in looks. I do not want a perfect body, the one's plastered in magazine's and such. But, to be honest, I'm not happy with my body right now. I want in the middle somewhere.

I read Psalm 139 earlier, where it talks about His workmanship, and how we are fearfully and wonderfully made - in His image. What really caught my attention after reading that, was the footnotes at the bottom of the page, "We should have as much respect for ourselves as our Maker has for us."

At first, I thought, I'm respectful - I don't wear skanky clothes, I eat healthy and exercise fairly often, etc. But, then I thought, if someone else came up and told me the things I tell myself – I would consider them rude and disrespectful, and probably run off crying. What a change of perspective.

I read this blog earlier this week, and am grateful that I'm not the only one alone in this struggle. When Katie wrote, "We spend our lives pretending this isn’t something that consumes our minds!" I thought of 2 Cor. 10:5, that says, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." I feel so convicted with that verse, knowing that my thoughts are not parallel to His thoughts about me, nor is God probably pleased with those thoughts. Satan's arguments and claims are against what God says and knows about us – that we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

I have to daily take Satan's lies captive, and replace them with the Truth.

You are enough.

I was the weird one growing up. The outsider. I've never been a size two. I've never followed the crowd.

If we're being honest, I struggle daily with self-esteem. My entire life, I was called ugly and fat. I was never good enough for boys, and my girl friends sometimes made me feel like I was too weird. Maybe I don't feel as much of that nowadays, as I used to in junior high and high school... but the struggle is still there.

One day, I just sat and tried to comprehend how Jesus loves me as I am, even with all my mistakes and flaws. It's so comforting, yet so hard to embrace that truth.

I love this article.

If I have a daughter, I don't want her to go through the same struggles I have... and I don't mean that I'm going to make her exercise until she's skinny. Regardless of her looks or talents, I want her to know that she is loved by the Creator of the universe. There is a beauty on the inside that is so much more important.

Whether she is good at sports or is a nerd, I want her to be grounded in the love and freedom in Christ - not to feel like she has to measure up to something for the rest of her life. My identity is found in Christ. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean Satan will stop trying to throw society's skewed views at us to try and tear us down.

As the author of the article said, we are so broken, we never will be enough... but Jesus loved us enough to give His life for us - regardless of our looks or talents.

oh, the Wondrous Cross.

There are many things I'm passionate about, and many things that frustrate me.
The worst combination is when I get frustrated about things I love.

As sad as it is, we are people that are often consumed by image.
Whether we like to admit or not, and as hard as we try not to be... it happens.

Who has the most Northface jackets?
Who has the newest TOMS?
Who has the latest Apple product?

In this blog last month, I mentioned how as followers, we should carry the name of Jesus everywhere. I thought about that, carrying His name, last night as I saw a table full of girls that had bedazzled, decorated, colored, fancy crosses on their shirts, jewelry, and bags.

What I really thought about, was their relationship with Christ. Not in a judgmental way, but in a curious way - if they know what the crosses they're wearing stand for and represent. I sadly think that some people think of the cross like they do hearts and flowers: decorative. I'm not saying that wearing the cross or having it anywhere on your stuff is wrong - I have necklaces, NOTW shirts are cool, there's nothing bad in and of itself with wearing the cross. I just wish more people would respect it and acknowledge it's meaning.

I fear that the cross has lost it's meaning, it's sacredness and value. The cross (and the word "Christian") means nothing to a lot of people these days. It's seen as just another ordinary symbol or picture. We don't look at the cross as a place of love, redemption and grace. The cross has or is becoming another status symbol and label.

It's frustrating to me when people who in one way or another wear a cross, and shame or blaspheme it by their words and actions - and I've been guilty of this. The cross carries a heavy meaning; it and the call it has on our lives should not be taken lightly.

On Guard.

I love people watching. I people watch with the best of 'em.

As I was standing in line for some delicious funnel cake at 8:30 in the morning this weekend (see previous post), I noticed something... or someone.

This notice was not a good thing, either. No, I am not about to describe someone wearing a leopard outfit, or spandex shorts, or ugly shoes. This was far worse.

This man was staring. He was talking.

He was staring at women in line like they were pieces of meat. He was talking to his co-worker about who knows what, but whatever it was, he had to turn his back to the customers in line so we couldn't read his lips.

I turned to my (guy) friend in line and said, I don't like him. And told him the reason, at which he quickly noticed what I had already seen.

Sure, I've been around guys when they talk about how "hot" a girl looked when she walked by - in high school. I honestly don't remember the last time I've seen something so rude and degrading. Maybe I'm making a bigger deal about this than needed. I'm really not sure why this bothers me so much.

I'm not trying to make it sound like once again guys are jerks, or whatever. In fact, in the last month I've seen girls do things that made me ashamed. Girls who move from one relationship to the next in a blink of an eye. Girls who wear next to nothing at a football game to try and get stares. Girls who only claim to be a Christ-follower when it's convenient. But, these women (including me - yes, I caught him staring at me) were not being trashy or wanting attention.

Since then, as I've walked around campus, gone to Wal-Mart, worked-out... I keep noticing how much people stare at and judge each other. There was one guy in the gym today that stared at these two girls as they walked down the hallway, and it made me so mad. I feel more self-conscious after noticing these two guys in the last few days.

In Bible study last week, we talked about how society makes it sound like men are always sleazy. How some claim even Christian men can't even be not of this world, different, set apart, etc. They are hard to come by, it's true. But, the Word of God can and does transform and change people.

Women, guard your hearts.

Men, guard your hearts.

His Image.

It amazes me what the Lord has done in just these past few weeks.

Over the past several days, the Lord has really been reminding me that my identity is in Him. I am His. He chose me. He made me.

My identity is not found in anything of this world, or anyone on Earth. HOW AMAZING. He is the only good, constant, firm thing in my life - and when I put my confidence or identity in anything else I fall.

I'm overwhelmed at the grace of being one of God's children. My mind cannot even fully wrap around it. It's not that I haven't known this fact/grace... I've known it for years and years. But it hasn't been until recently that I've embraced this freedom. That I don't have to try and fit in with this world.

Any good part in/of me is not of myself, it's Him. I'm not an inherently good person, I'm an inherently BAD person that sometimes does good things. It's only when Christ lives through me that I do good.

I read a blog/Bible study sorta thing yesterday, that talks on purity (but not just sexual purity, purity of all sorts). It said something that really opened my eyes: that our self-esteem is not based on anything we think of ourselves, or anything we do - it is built on Him. I should seek to promote His worth, not mine - I am so unworthy in comparison to Him.


"Christ didn't die to improve our self-esteem - He died to give us His. He didn't come to build up our self-worth - He came to knock it down."

To Live Not for Myself.

God has just been weighing something heavy on my heart this past couple of weeks. Probably, because I've struggled with it my whole life.

I don't need the approval of people.

I shouldn't seek the approval or attention of guys.

The only approval needed, or person I need to please is Him.

The High Point Staff is doing a Bible study called "Exchange"... talking about how we don't live our Christian lives by ourselves, but through Him.

I love a line in this first lesson that says, "I think a lack of identity is related to alienation from God."

I was reading Ephesians 3 this morning, and verse 17 says, "Then Christ will make His HOME in your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grown down into God's love and keep you strong." and 2 Corinthians 4 says, "Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day."

My identity is in Christ, He lives in me.... my life is His.

"If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant." - Galatians 1:10.