Birthday and Friends.

I am normally jinxed with birthdays - I have been for years.

Friends bail on me, plans fall through, things happen.

This year, besides the usual work and school going on, I'm trying to find a job, a place to live, pack, planning for our wedding, etc. So, my birthday went on the back burner.

My best friend Taylor told me the week before that her and another friend were going to take me out to dinner, and hang out after. I happily obliged.

I chose Joe Taco, as chips and queso are one of my favorite foods. Earlier in the day, I bought us some mini cupcakes to eat after dinner. You know, because I'm turning 22 and wanted cake on my birthday, and cupcakes were close enough.

As I opened the door to my apartment, I saw a streamer flutter in front of me. I thought, "oh, they hung streamers! ...wait, but we were at Joe Taco?" I peeked around my door, and saw two shadowy figures standing in the kitchen, and just as I was about to say, "whaaat..."

SURPRISE!

About 10 of my friends jumped out at me, scaring me half to death.

As the lights were turned on, I see my apartment is fully decorated, and there are tons of cookies and sweets in my kitchen..

Remember - I am jinxed with birthdays. Never had a real, decent party. Never been surprised (but always secretly wanted a surprise party)... and it was the one birthday that I was just going to not even make an effort towards!

We ate, talked and laughed. Some of my favorite people were all in the same place at once. I was actually having the birthday I've always wanted.

Taylor told me she just threw the party because she wanted my last birthday here to be extra special. I realized I'm going to miss these moments, but moreso these people.


I cannot even fully explain how much of a blessing my friends have been these last few years. To be honest, I think college was one of the first times I experienced real friendships. Friends that I can be transparent with, that I can be silly with, that I can cry with.

I wish I could take all my favorite people with me to Georgia.

To be honest, that's one of my fears... not having friends, not having community. Everyone tells me that I will have my fianceé to hang out with, which is all good and dandy - but I need other friends too. I'm a friend person. I need some girlfriends in my life.

It will happen, soon I will be having girl's nights and such. I know He will bring the people I need into my life, just as He has in the past.

Awesome.

Do you know what it's like to be under a pile of homework thinking you won't sleep for days, just so you can get it done... and still be able to just smile for no reason?

or to be driving down the road, walking to class, etc... and just feel like you're being hugged?

or to just want to giggle at the most random times?


Sometimes, I feel like I might explode with laughter and excitement. I want to go for a run to just get the giggles and antsy feelings out of me, not to escape from life.

I haven't been in this place, in a long, long time. And if I'm being real honest, probably never. I remember at the beginning of this semester, writing about the joy of the Lord - and what that feels like, and that what I thought it was before was so small in comparison.

That comparison has grown. I literally have fallen asleep smiling.

The other day, my professor said a profound statement: happiness is fleeting. I just wanted to raise my hand and say, but joy is constant.

I started writing this blog, and then thought about how unhappy I was at this time last year - so I went back and read some old blogs. Ironically, I wrote a blog on this very day, about one hour from right now. "God with us" - how beautiful.

It is the end of semester, the time when thousands of students across the country are frazzled, lacking sleep, and going crazy. Coffee shops probably have booming business. I am not (that) stressed. Yeah, I have things to do. But, I think sometimes as college students we make this time stressful - we let life get us down. Unless, we let the peace of Christ rule our hearts.

I was telling a friend just yesterday about my low level of stress, and that I know it is only because of the Lord, I repeat - only.

It was interesting this past weekend, that the sermon at our church was about having more peace and being more thankful. Our God is not stressed, He's got everything under control. He is also not a God of stress - He's a God of peace.

Nor does the Bible ever mention a change of circumstances that allowed peace. Peace and joy are non-circumstantial. We have to find the awesome in every situation. And like bowling, the best things happen when you let go.

oh, happiness.

I am torn.

Torn between joy and lethargic.
Torn between feeling close to and far away from God.

But,

God is not a feeling.

and, His joy surpasses all else.

I don't know why I have these conflicting emotions,
almost oxymoron-like.


But, I am full of joy and the happiest I've been since I came to college. Actually, maybe even since early high school. God continues to bless me and work everything out (as usual).

It's a weird feeling being happy on a bad day. But I like it.

Work in Progress.

A friend gave me the idea to focus on one verse for a week... to pray about what things I need to work on and have God change in me.

This week, my verse is from Philippians 4 -- "Always be full of joy in the Lord." Too often I let things in my life, the things of this world, affect my attitude and spirit.

Instead of going into Santa Fe this week for church, I decided to just have some alone time and listen to a sermon from my church back home, Hillside. And, total God thing that I did - because the sermon I listened to was from Philippians 1, talking about joy.

I love the book of Philippians, and I love even more when I read it with new eyes. Verse three starts with "every time" - meaning EVERY time, not dependent on circumstances. "Every time I think of you..." meaning his joy and gratitude for those people wasn't based on circumstances or past events. He was thankful for them and filled with joy just because they were fellow believers sharing in their relationship with Christ.

There is also joy in knowing God is not done working in each of us. We're all "under construction."

Happiness is based on circumstances. Joy goes beyond that, and comes from my relationship with God.

"Don't pursue happiness, pursue joy. While happiness is rooted in circumstances, joy is rooted in relationship with Christ."