Boundless #6.

Today's reading was over "settling"... We were to read this article, and write down the qualities our spouse should have. I know that my husband will not be 100% complete and perfected in these qualities, as no one can be perfect.

My favorite part of the article was when she said, "Failing to meet our worldly expectations - our romantic shopping list - is no liability if he meets Biblical ones." God's really been showing me this summer how the things of this world, and even people, do not compare to Him. Anything of/from Him is far better. And though this is not the first time I've talked about Godly qualities in a guy, it didn't sink in until just now that the Godly qualities outweigh any worldly expectations we may have.

I want a man of God. Which, according to God's Word, means he would be "full of spirit and wisdom, faithful, be full of self-control, reputable, gentle, blameless, hospitable, holy and disciplined."

Boundless #5.

So today's Boundless challenge was to call a friend (which, I cheated, because I've been working all day and have a full night ahead of me) and ask how I could be a better friend to them, and then have a conversation about how life is going, etc.

I texted (told you, I cheated) two of my best friends today and told them about the challenge, and asked if there was anything I could change. The challenge told us to not allow our friends to cop out and say "you're fine" ... but, they obviously not met my stubborn (but amazing) best friends.

I told one of my friends who is also doing this challenge that my challenge today failed, basically. But, he told me to reflect on it and write about it anyways.

So, I sit here and try evaluate myself within my friendships.
I know I'm not the perfect friend (because no one can be), nor am I close.

I have a huge heart, just like my daddy. Sadly, the hugeness of my heart is shown mostly to those closest to me. When I say you're a close friend, or a best friend, of mine - I mean it. I will buy you a snowcone when you're recovering from getting your tonsils removed. I will drive you to go get prescriptions. I will bring you shakes when you're having a bad day. I will pray for you - a lot.

But I know there are parts of me that probably affect my friendships. I know my friends call me out when I trip up and do something wrong. And I continually pray that He transforms me more and more into His image, which I hope reflects into my friendships as well.

Passion 2011.

Living.

"83% of the American people claim to be Christians. If those Christians lived as they are taught to live by the Teacher they claim to follow, the American public square would be a very different kind of place." - Richard Hughes


So true. I'm guilty of it too.

Boundless #4.

Today's challenge was about love and respect.

Ephesians 5:33 says, "However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

The challenge had us read an excerpt out of a book that talked about this verse and what it means to really love and respect each other. He talked about how women are hardwired to love and expect love, and men expect respect. This book and this passage instantly made me think of how the Bible states that men assume leadership. Leadership automatically makes me think of respect; these people should be respectful, and also deserve the utmost respect.

Husbands are called to love their wives like God loved the church, which would be unconditionally - or as close to that as humans can. But, the verse doesn't say to love his wife unconditionally, and the wife to respect him when he earns it. That part of the book really struck me. We (as women) cannot expect all this love from our husbands, but then wait for him to "earn" his respect.

Although it is hard for me to fully grasp this lesson, because I'm not married (obviously). But, I think about the relationships I've seen (parents, friends, etc) and see how that worked. I pray that whenever I do have a relationship or marriage, that it would be full of respect and love - even through the hard times.

Boundless #3.

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one in another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality."

Today's Boundless challenge is to meditate on this passage from Romans 12, and write down how we think this reflects on relationships.

Although I know the challenge is more towards "dating" relationships, the first sentence really caught my attention. Sincere. Meaning: honest, pure, true. As believers, we are to love one another. This is something I struggle with sometimes. My friends, I love to death, and have no problem encouraging them and pouring into them. People I don't necessarily get along with.... that's a different story. There are some points at which I try to be nice to the people I don't like... but I know it's not sincere, sadly. I've been praying lately that God would just remind me of how much love He has shown me, and that I would be so overwhelmed with that reminder that I just pour out that love to others.

"Honor one another above yourselves." With the reading from Friday, this sentence stuck out to me on the dating front. The "dating" relationships we start/have are to be God-honoring. And as the article had said: to not get too emotionally attached, not share every detail about our lives in the first week, have boundaries, etc. To me this means to actually watch what you say/do, so that you don't cause the other one to 'stumble' and become more attached and whatnot. If both people watch their actions/words not only for themselves, but to guard the other person's heart as well... the relationship should stay at a healthy level. And, I think when both parties stay at a healthy distance, then we don't become distracted from serving God... "never lacking zeal."

I've never looked at this passage in a relationship aspect... but I'm glad He gave me a fresh eye for this! Really opened up my eyes and heart to new things.

101 Update.

#16 - Go star-gazing.
A week or two ago I went up to Glorieta Look-out Point.... watched the stars. There were a few clouds but they moved eventually. And the moon was beaaaaaautiful. Star-gazing high on a hill is so serene and beautiful.

"When I look at the night sky and see the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars You set in place..." - Psalm 8:3


#50 - See a drive-in movie.
Went to Las Vegas (New Mexico) last night. Kira, Jake, Aaron and I ate at "Pino's Restaurant" which was pretty nice on the inside... but played 80's music. Aaron ordered a chopped sirloin.... and got a hamburger with gravy on it. They're so sneaky.

Then we went to the drive-in, and watched Karate Kid. The best part was a) the sunset, b) the sun reflecting on the clouds, c) the lightning storm that ensued on the horizon behind the screen. all night. SO COOL. :)

Boundless.

I'm doing this challenge.

I'm kind of behind, because I haven't done day one.

But, day two has already sparked my interest. Today we're to read this article about dating written by Scott Croft, and write any comments we have about the article.

1. I love when he says, "...we cannot simply state that the Bible doesn't mention dating or courtship, and then think we're off the hook to pursue this area of our lives either on the world's terms or however seems best to us without diligent, submissive reference to God's Word." I know a lot f Christians who think there are certain areas of life that God doesn't care about or have anything to do with - wrong. I know there are areas in my life that I try and control, even though I know God wants control, which is something I work on daily.

2. The part where he compares modern dating to Biblical dating - awesome. I especially enjoyed the part where it talks about spending time together. This world thinks you're supposed to spend all your time alone, but biblically, group hang out-age is encouraged. Which I wholeheartedly agree with.

3. The section titled, "Are You Ready to Date?" was very interesting. I think it's true, that we, as believers, should not date just to date and have fun. I'm not sure if I agree with you being ready to date equaling you picturing yourself married within a year. I think it's good to evaluate where you are spiritually, and that telling you whether you're in a place in life where you could date. I think it would be hard to evaluate myself, and say, "yeah, I could date" without being prideful. I also think it would be easy to justify or lie to myself and think I'm ready to date, because it's what I want - and not what God wants.

I will probably have to read this article a few more times to fully comprehend all the information. But it's solid. I agree. It's something prevalent, especially in my life right now. And I believe it's so important to seek God in every area of my life.

Pancreatic Thankfulness.

17 years.

Such a long time. I mean, that's 85% of my life.

So many memories come with my diabetes:
- camp discovery (big time)
- only getting to eat Valentine's candy in 4th grade if my blood sugar was under 140
- eating granola bars and fruit roll-ups at countless school parties while everyone else got cupcakes and cookies
- teammates in junior high and high school thinking I faked my low/high blood sugars to avoid parts of sports practice
- getting my insulin pump
- finding my first diabetic friend in college

Yes, I have all these (and more) memories, but there were my share of bad times. I mean, let's get real. Diabetes would not be under the category of my favorite things in life.

I already wrote a blog about what diabetes has taught me in life. I could list things I need to work on, things I hate about it, love about it, jokes about it.

But right now, I am just thankful. Thankful.

"But when Jesus heard it, he said, 'This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.'" - John 11:4

That's why I celebrate my diabetic "birthday."

Read it Up.

Ben Stuart is at it again.

Last night, he preached over James 1:18-25. The main theme of his message was about diving into the Word of God, and how important it is to be knowledgeable in Scripture. I loved that this message was spoken to kids in junior high and high school, because it's so important. I didn't start having a quiet time until a year ago, and it has honestly changed my life. In the words of Ben, "God's Word tells us how to navigate through this dark and scary world."

Get the Bible in you, and let it change you. Be born again by the Word of God. This is only plausible if we stop being just hearers of the Word, and start becoming doers of the Word.

"Study like your life depends on it, because it does. Study like you do for finals, because your test begins today." Knowing the Word of God is life or death. Being overcome by sin will lead to death. Being immersed in the Word and letting the power of God work through you will save you.

The parable of the farmer in Matthew shows us how the Word of God works in our lives, depending on our heart. The soil of our heart needs to be soft. I wonder how many times in my life, the soil of my heart was like the road... and God's Word just bounced off. But praise God, He's softened my heart, and His Word has become "breath and living water"... I crave it.

"All I know is, this Book makes crazy sense."

Count It All Joy.

Have I mentioned how much I love Ben Stuart? I say that, knowing it's not really him, but God, that spoke to my heart last night.

Ben's message last night was over James 1, one of my favorite passages in the Bible.

A misconception among some Christians is that life is easy if you're a follower of Christ. False. We are not exempt from pain, we should actually expect it. But, knowing we are to "expect" pain, does not make it any easier when it actually comes.

This passage tells us to rejoice in pain. Ben said there are two kinds of people who rejoice in pain: those are crazy (literally, mental) and those who have hope, because we know something good will result from it, a glorious future awaits.

I loved the analogy Ben used... God takes us not to the bunny slope, or the green or blue slopes, He takes us to the top of the scary mountain where there is no slope, He takes us on the biggest wave in a rough ocean, and then teaches us how to navigate.

I've been told twice this summer, that in the midst of trials, don't ask why, but ask God to teach us something. "Let the trial finish God's work in you." It's painful. It stretches us. Oh, but to be transformed into what He's made us to be... how wonderful and complex He's made us to be.

One of the things Ben said that hit SO close to home: "He puts us in situations we don't know how to handle, so that we seek Him for wisdom." I heard this and thought back to countless times that I was lost, and didn't seek His wisdom first.

Pain gives us the wisdom to stop putting hope in things that fail.
Pain teaches us pain is real, but temporary.
Pain makes you put your hope in God.

The voice in your head that says, "it shouldn't be like this" is right, because it knows of a time when there wasn't any pain, and when there won't be any pain.

I loved when Ben said that it's okay to hate the pain, but remember that God is faithful and trust Him to pull you through. I think sometimes we think it's "wrong" to hate pain, that we're just supposed to put on a happy face and pretend it's okay. Yes, we rejoice in knowing something greater will come from it, but that doesn't mean we can't hate it.

The weaker I am, the harder I lean on You and stronger I discover You are.

Camp Discovery.

June.

Just a month, really. A hot one.
Never been a favorite of mine.

Until, on a very long drive, I got to thinking... June is actually special. It holds two of the sweetest memories in my life. First, church camp, where I gave my life to Christ 7 years ago. Second, Camp Discovery, where I met my best friend.

I'm one of those what-if people. While at camp this year, I got to really thinking and wondering not only what would life be like without diabetes, but without camp. I wonder how much camp has impacted my life, beyond what I can actually see. I mean, there's the countless friends and memories I've had over the years associated with camp. But, experiences, people, etc. shape your personality, desires, dreams... What about me would be different if I had never experienced camp? What would have happened back home the week I was at home?

The bigger question, do I care? I love camp. It's a part of me. I wouldn't trade a healthy pancreas if it meant I couldn't ever have camp. I would've missed out on SO much. This year at camp, the kids made these lists of the pros/cons of diabetes. One kid wrote under pro: "I like having diabetes because I know I'm smarter than all the non-diabetics." True that, dude.

Every year of camp is different, I mean, besides the obvious. I feel like every year I grow closer to two or three people. One activity is always a little more fun. There's always the favorite camper(s). This year really was different though. I had boy campers. Camp is usually female counselors with girls, and males with males. But, there was a shortage of male counselors and too many female counselors. At first, I wasn't too excited at the thought of boy campers. Turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

- The six of us girls who were guy counselors got our own cabin. Camperless cabin. Meaning, even though I didn't get to work with my best friend, Ellie, we got to be cabinmates. Along with my other two friends from camp. Our cabin was a little escape from the campers, and it was almost like camp all over again, but we got to have a "counselor-less cabin" in a way.
- I embraced the inner wilderness girl inside of me. I ate a centipede (cooked and seasoned). I went fishing. I didn't have to wait on little girls who couldn't decide what to wear, and I didn't have to listen to them giggle at night.
- Ellie and I went on a few walks. We walked to a beautiful field of sunflowers early one morning, which looked like a scene from a movie. We walked to Vesper's Point, where we had gone as campers years ago. The sunrise + hills = unbelievable beauty. There was also a rock that had the "be still" verse on it. And one night, at 1 am, we hiked up there again to stargaze (though, that got interrupted by summer staff, but that's a different story).

Call it a camp of weirdos, call it fat camp, sugar camp... call it whatever you want. It's my camp. It's the place that made me realize I'm not a freak for having diabetes, that I'm not alone. Diabetes is not a bucket of fun all the time, if ever. It does make for some good jokes! But, God has a plan for causing me to have a defective pancreas. So far, it gave me a best friend. Someone who understands me probably more than myself. My bffer. My CLL. I say, God did good on this one. :)

Goodness.

I read a blog this morning (here) that talked about reality, and sometimes we don't want reality. I want calm. I want peace. I want a break. I want my problems to go away.

I don't write this with the thought of life being perfect. I don't write it with voice that wants to whine about everything that is wrong. We live in a fallen world of depraved humans. And it's this morning that I'm once again reminded my hope can only be in the Lord. I sit here and think about how many times I try and find solace in the things of this world... friends, running, food, music, etc. And I think about how even though these things are good and do provide some comfort - it's temporary. But HIS word will be my anchor when my faith is tossed like the waves.

As Beth Moore stated in my devotion this morning: God is not the author of destruction, God will repay evil, our hope must be in Him, and no matter HOW bad things look, God is good.

God doesn't give me what I always want. And as much as I want peace and calm, I don't need it. I've only been awake for two hours, and I've already been sweetly reminded that our God is stronger and better than anything. I cling to the cross because it's the only immovable thing in my life. The hope I have in Him is sweeter than any peace and calm in this world.

Moment of the Week.

Last night, I met (part of) Addison Road.

I shook Travis' hand. [second guy]
And I talked to Jenny.


That's all.

Beautiful.

Last night in worship we sang, "He Loves Us" ... and how MANY times have I sang this song?

But the verse that says, "and I realize just how BEAUTIFUL You are..." just suddenly overwhelmed me.

How beautiful is our God.

How He made us.
How He made sunsets.
How He made mountains.
How He made oceans.
How He made love.
How He made music.
How He made art.

How He loves us.

No Different.

I do not hide my diabetes. Nor do I broadcast it (well, I guess unless you count this blog). Most people find out along the course of our friendship, usually by means of happening to see my pump, medic bracelet or me drinking Diet Coke.

This summer though, for some reason I just tried to keep it hidden, unless someone actually noticed. And slowly, more and more people have found out. Some responses were just indifferent, maybe a few questions.

But, there has been something I've noticed about most of the responses. A look. A look on their faces, in their eyes. Of shock and surprise... and not in the way of, "wow, you have diabetes..." but it's more a look of, "she has diabetes... and she's normal..." (or at least normal as I can be).

Did I keep it quiet so people would get to know me for me, and not as the diabetic girl? Maybe. Probably. Am I insecure about my diabetes? No.

I was thinking the other day about how society views normalcy. How quickly people tag others as weird, or different. God didn't make us all the same. It doesn't matter how someone dresses, what their hobbies are, where they're from, how they talk, etc. We should enjoy the fellowship of other believers, and rejoice in the fact that we share in the relationship with Christ with them.

I'm not writing this from the view of thinking I don't judge. Just last week I saw a young lady walking alongside the city street wearing a fanny pack, and chuckled a little. A girl here on staff was doing cross-stitch the other day. My first thought was, "That's a little..." and then I stopped and replaced the thought with, "Yeah. I used to do that too."

I'm diabetic. Call me weird.
I don't follow fashion. Call me different.
I love reading. Call me a nerd.

None of it should matter. God MADE us different.

Work in Progress.

A friend gave me the idea to focus on one verse for a week... to pray about what things I need to work on and have God change in me.

This week, my verse is from Philippians 4 -- "Always be full of joy in the Lord." Too often I let things in my life, the things of this world, affect my attitude and spirit.

Instead of going into Santa Fe this week for church, I decided to just have some alone time and listen to a sermon from my church back home, Hillside. And, total God thing that I did - because the sermon I listened to was from Philippians 1, talking about joy.

I love the book of Philippians, and I love even more when I read it with new eyes. Verse three starts with "every time" - meaning EVERY time, not dependent on circumstances. "Every time I think of you..." meaning his joy and gratitude for those people wasn't based on circumstances or past events. He was thankful for them and filled with joy just because they were fellow believers sharing in their relationship with Christ.

There is also joy in knowing God is not done working in each of us. We're all "under construction."

Happiness is based on circumstances. Joy goes beyond that, and comes from my relationship with God.

"Don't pursue happiness, pursue joy. While happiness is rooted in circumstances, joy is rooted in relationship with Christ."

Words With Friends.

"But, first remember, remember, remember the Signs. Say them to yourself when you wake in the morning and when you lie down at night, and when you wake in the middle of the night. And whatever strange things may happen to you, let nothing turn your mind from following the Signs. ... That is why it is so important to know them by heart and pay no attention to appearances. Remember the Signs and believe Signs. Nothing else matters." -- from The Silver Chair (Chronicles of Narnia)

"So commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these words of mine. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Teach them to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, so that as long as the sky remains above the earth, you and your children may flourish in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors." - Deuteronomy 11:18-21


I love this passage of Scripture. I fell in love with it a month or so ago. I'm not sure what it is about it.... but the passage is so powerful to me. There's different parts that stick out to me:

"wholeheartedly" -- God says we are to love Him with all of our heart, soul and mind. And I know that my relationship with God can never stop growing, that I can always grow deeper in love with Him. And, unfortunately, I know there are always parts of me that I hold back.

"Teach them to your children." -- I've heard so many stories, myself included, about young adults 'growing up in the church' and this and that. I don't want my children to JUST grow up in the church, go to youth group and church camp. (And, I don't want them to live sheltered lives either.) But, I want them to HAVE a relationship with God... to not just know about God, but love Him and serve Him.

and then the last few lines where it talks about writing it everywhere and talking about it all the time -- Scripture tells us that our mouths should constantly praise God, that our conversations should be centered around Him. I have scripture written all over my room (and will be, in my apartment) because they serve as excellent reminders. I know that my conversation does not focus on Him enough, or doesn't even glorify Him enough... But I want it to, and it should.

His Image.

It amazes me what the Lord has done in just these past few weeks.

Over the past several days, the Lord has really been reminding me that my identity is in Him. I am His. He chose me. He made me.

My identity is not found in anything of this world, or anyone on Earth. HOW AMAZING. He is the only good, constant, firm thing in my life - and when I put my confidence or identity in anything else I fall.

I'm overwhelmed at the grace of being one of God's children. My mind cannot even fully wrap around it. It's not that I haven't known this fact/grace... I've known it for years and years. But it hasn't been until recently that I've embraced this freedom. That I don't have to try and fit in with this world.

Any good part in/of me is not of myself, it's Him. I'm not an inherently good person, I'm an inherently BAD person that sometimes does good things. It's only when Christ lives through me that I do good.

I read a blog/Bible study sorta thing yesterday, that talks on purity (but not just sexual purity, purity of all sorts). It said something that really opened my eyes: that our self-esteem is not based on anything we think of ourselves, or anything we do - it is built on Him. I should seek to promote His worth, not mine - I am so unworthy in comparison to Him.


"Christ didn't die to improve our self-esteem - He died to give us His. He didn't come to build up our self-worth - He came to knock it down."

Array of Friends.

There are seven friends you should have, according to Collegiate magazine.

1. The crazy fun friend: one who will drag you out of your funk, make you laugh and the one you can adventure with. I like to think almost all my friends are fun, but the "adventure" part makes me think of Rachel (Owen) and Cierra.

2. The long distance friend: not a part of your daily life, can offer outside perspective. Definitely Ellie - though she is not a "part" of daily life, she definitely knows what goes on throughout my day.

3. The non-christian friend: gives a fresh perspective outside of our bubble of Christian friends. I do have these friends, but I don't consider them very close...

4. The opposite sex friend: gives solid advice and perspective that can't be given my same sex friends. Love my guys - Dino and Tyler (Sweeney).

5. The accountability friend: will call you out when needed, especially in matters of life. Especially after my Bible study this semester, I realize how important these are. I have so many that I know would call me out if needed - Lindsey, Angela, Allison...

6. The mentor friend: offers real and honest wisdom, guidance and insight. Two of the biggest mentors this year were Tiffany (Harris) and Angela.

7. The life friend: the one who has seen you through it all - and will always be there. Ellie for sure, and my sister. Although Angela and Allison haven't known me my whole life, I know we will always be sisters in Christ. :)

Artsy God.

I love reading Scripture that references art, or talks about us in the aspect of art.


Exodus 31:3 -- "...and I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill, ability, and knowledge in all kinds of crafts."

Ephesians 2:10 -- "For we are God's masterpiece."

Jeremiah 18:6 -- "As the clay is in the potter's hand, so are you in My hand."

To Live Not for Myself.

God has just been weighing something heavy on my heart this past couple of weeks. Probably, because I've struggled with it my whole life.

I don't need the approval of people.

I shouldn't seek the approval or attention of guys.

The only approval needed, or person I need to please is Him.

The High Point Staff is doing a Bible study called "Exchange"... talking about how we don't live our Christian lives by ourselves, but through Him.

I love a line in this first lesson that says, "I think a lack of identity is related to alienation from God."

I was reading Ephesians 3 this morning, and verse 17 says, "Then Christ will make His HOME in your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grown down into God's love and keep you strong." and 2 Corinthians 4 says, "Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day."

My identity is in Christ, He lives in me.... my life is His.

"If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant." - Galatians 1:10.

Kept.

This week, I have just been reading a lot in Isaiah.

I was reading chapter 42, and verse 6 stuck out to me.

"...I will take you by the hand and keep you."

God never leaves me.
He's always beside me.
He always guides me.

But even better - He keeps me.
When everything else falls apart, He's right there.
He keeps me close.
When people push me away, I'm still kept by Him.

How great it is to serve and be loved by a God who always keeps me, never leaves me.

101 Update.

4. -- Sell some of my art.
I had to make an illustration book, with 25 illustrations of one single animal. Did it, blah blah blah. Turns out, one of my friends that loves horses wanted the art. $20, thank youuu!

31 -- Have more A's than B's for one full school year.
Ballinnnnnnnnnnn.

90. -- Keep a school planner for one year.
That's how I kept my brain from going on overload!

97. -- Try Geocaching.
Did this just this week, in Santa Fe! I feel bad for dissing it for the past few years... because it was kind of fun! Don't think I'll pick it up as a hobby though...

Eye-Opener.

The other night a bunch of us summer staffers went to the Plaza in Santa Fe. There's a lot of homeless people around there. I've never really been around homeless people before, so it was a real eye-opener.

One of our guys ended up giving a homeless man $5. That mere $5 caused the homeless man to cry because he was so grateful for our help. I love kindhearted and thankful this homeless man was, despite his circumstances. He was telling US about God, most of the time that he was talking.

I read something that night in my devotional that was about homeless people, ironically. I just thought on it for awhile, and remember thinking and praying for a spirit like them. To know that God is all I need. It was humbling just to see the homeless guy and talk to him, after I've been a little bit whiny about the condition of our rooms here at Glorieta.

It's been so amazing to see God work in just small ways in one week. :)

Room.

Good news: One of my roommates is already here, and we are getting along fabulously :) We had a heart-to-heart last night. I can tell we're going to become sweet friends! It's just amazing how God brought us together... we come from different places and backgrounds, but we have the same heart on some things.

Bad news: The cover on the plug-in prongs for a lamp in our room doesn't stay on very well... and I went to unplug it this morning. Then, I accidentally touched the metal. Electrocution. Ouch. Guess there's a first for everything...

Irony.

I'm in Glorieta! :)

For the last week I've been packing. Packing for three months is a lot harder than it sounds! On top of that, I was packing up my room... because I got an APARTMENT! I will move when I get back in August.

As I was leaving my dorm yesterday with my last-minute items, I realized how ironic it was the items I was carrying... kind of reflected my last year.

Laptop: always on it, for school and.... facebook. Among any other computer needs.

Bible: always in it, got me through the last year.

Jacket: ... I was always cold.

Smartwater: (cue cheesey statement) I learned a lot over the last year. And I drink a lot of water... ?

Toilet paper (kleenex were packed): a lot of tears were shed in that building.

Yes. I am just that cheesey. But I just found it very ironic. :)

New Chapter.

I leave tomorrow for Glorieta.

I'm so ready.

for a break..

for what God's going to teach me..

for whatever.

Today's sermon in church was about priorities, where we spend most our time.

I'd like to think that my priorities are right, but I know they're not always that way.

But, I'm so... EXCITED to spend a few months just being focused and drawing closer to Him. Although, this should be all the time, and I do constantly work on my relationship with Him - but now there's no school to distract me. (And there will be limited internet time I believe.)

Check back for updates.

And if you'd like to mail me snail mail... let me know, and I'll send you an address.

Exodus 31:3.

Thank you, God... for this artistic talent.

This week I got two little art achievements, I guess you could call them.

The first one: my art was published for the first time. Nothing too major, but it's in a book that's published on campus. :)

The second: Go Now Missions is an organization that sends students from Texas all across the nation/world to share Christ. Although I am not going on a mission trip with them, two of my closest friends are... and they told me Go Now was looking for t-shirt designs. Turns out, mine was chosen! All I get is a free t-shirt, but hundreds of others will be wearing my design! :)

So Long, Insecurity.

PTL for Beth Moore. (and her poofy hair).

She spoke this weekend, and a lot of churches in our area held a simulcast - of course, I went.

She spoke on insecurity, and what it means to be secure in Christ.

One of the first things she said, really stuck out to me: "Insecurity is not a weakness, it's an unbelief in God."

The main passage that she referenced was Ephesians 4:17-24.

A secure woman is:

Saved from herself. - Just like we're saved from the devil, we're saved from our mind and our idolatrous self interest. We just have to remember we're esteemed by God and we won't obsess over our own insecurities.

Entitled to Truth. - The last thing Satan wants is for us to believe Truth. And when we're withdrawn from God, we seek other things/people - but they're never enough and we 'lust' after them more.

Clothed with intention. - Put on your new self according to what God has done in your life. Proverbs 31:25.

Upended by Grace. - Grace takes up space in security. We forgive as much as we THINK we've been forgiven by God... how much more would we forgive if we were more secure? Unforgiveness eats us alive. Grace is the ONLY thing you can give away, and still keep. 2 Corinthians 5:17.

Rebounded by love. - If a heart doesn't heal, it hardens. We need His love to heal our hearts! We don't need people to make us feel worthy, we are dearly loved by God. HE is the only one we can't push away or run off. Ephesians 5:1-2, 1 Corinthians 13:26.

Exceptional in life. - Start each day as your NEW self. Be an exception of the crowd. In the intensity of pain, we forget that He's going to use it.

Live a life worth your calling.

We CAN'T wait to feel secure in Christ until we're "secure."

This talk made me realize I "disbelieve" in God more than I thought - not that I believe IN Him less, I just didn't believe enough of what He can do, of how much He LOVES me.

God is all I need, and He keeps reminding me of that - even though He shouldn't have to.

All Other Ground is Sinking Sand.

You can change your looks, your friends, your environment... but change is greatest when it results in greater joy and peace.

Our message today in church was over Luke 17:11-19. The main verse being 19... "And Jesus said to the man, "Stand up and go. Your FAITH has healed you."

I'm not sure I believe God will cure my diabetes. I believe He will help me through dealing with it, and maybe help scientists and engineers make advancements (which, could eventually lead to a cure). But, I'm not sure I entirely want Him to do so. There are parts of me that want a cure, and parts that don't. And I wasn't entirely sure why that was, until today.

Our greatest joy and peace come from above - it is nothing and no one else on Earth that can provide these things.

One of my greatest struggles is letting problems get to me, affect every part of me. If it's one or two small things, it's not that bad... but I'll be the first to admit when I'm overwhelmed (stress, emotions, etc) I clam up and my spirit is crushed.

But it shouldn't be that way.

Circumstances should not affect my spirit.

It doesn't matter what happens, I have Him.

In 2 Corinthians 3, it talks about continually be changed by Him. Which I pray for so often. I want to be changing, growing, to be more like Him. But sometimes, that means staying or being in hard situations.

Our pastor told us about his wife, who has MS and another disease. Yes, it's painful, and yes, they still pray for healing. But, his wife has said that... it doesn't matter if she's healed or not. People they've met at doctor's offices and whatnot have been saved and given their lives to Christ just because they met her. If these problems bring more glory to God, then why does it matter? It's just a circumstance - one that should not affect our joy in Christ.

I failed for putting some of my hope and security in the things of this world, and not fully in Christ. But there is grace.

"He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken." - Psalm 62:2

20 Lessons.

I feel... weird, that I'm 20 today.

20 seems like such a big number.

So, now I'm going to be cheesey and list 20 things I've learned over the years.

1. Do not play "Nascar" in Satanta, KS. Or anywhere for that matter.

2. Marshmallows are bad for diabetics.

3. Be careful when walking out of dorm showers in flip-flops.

4. Take a jacket to football games, especially with a chance of rain.

5. Don't tan when you already have a sunburn.

6. 11 minutes + microwave popcorn = bad smell.

7. Don't put bananas in the refrigerator.

8. Do not hang mirrors on the back of doors.

9. Lock your phone to prevent butt-dialing.

10. Do not drive directly over potholes.

11. Do not chug a chai tea latte.

12. Sonic pop-slushes actually do have sugar in them.

13. Do not honk at people at rallies.

14. Do not heat up cheesesticks, they turn brown.

15. Turn signals are mandatory, not just suggested.

16. Never underestimate God.

17. Pudding + peanut butter = magical.

18. Crutches without shoes is not a good combination.

19. Keep an open mind about what God may be asking.

20. Facebook videos are funnier at the time of production.

"so refine me Lord through the flames."

These last few weeks have been rough. real rough.

But God is better.

He is stronger.

I read a blog last week about Jude 1:1 "...by God and the Father, who loves you and keeps you safe in the care of Jesus Christ." The blog was a reminder how I am KEPT by Him, through every bad (and good) thing.

God is better, and stronger.

I listened to "Desert Song" by Hillside. One verse stuck out to me: "and this is my prayer in the fire, in weakness or trial or pain... there is a FAITH proved of more worth than gold, so refine me Lord through the flames."

Faith is a beautiful thing. The only person I can have faith in is Him, no one else. Faith is not just what you know, it's what you believe. And I believe my God has so many good things planned for me.

I've read the Scripture about suffering, trials, and discipline. But today, I read a verse in Psalm: "Until the time came to fulfill His word, the Lord tested Joseph's character." (105:19)

I know God is teaching me, He's growing me.

It's tough, and it hurts.

But God is better, He is stronger.

Tornado? What?

We had a tornado warning tonight. Oh, summer has begun. :)

I think there was like 4 or 5 tornadoes within a 30 min radius? I'm not sure.

But, there were a few funny things:

1) I was supposed to be watching Biggest Loser, but the news with all the severe weather overrode. But, what was I doing while watching this weather? Working on Photoshop.

2) Once I realized the storm actually WAS moving towards Canyon, I decided to get ready to run for cover. Not only did I take a backpack, but what did I put in it? Bible, laptop and glucometer. Three essentials. (Glucose tabs were already in there.)

3) As I was entering the HELC, my friend Angela was about to go outside to get a board for a project. Honey, it's raining. And there's supposedly a tornado coming. "But... I was just going to run to my car and get it." R-a-i-n. Hahaha. :)

4) While sitting in the HELC, a lady walked by and told her friends ever-so-casually that she was going to Amarillo, her dogs were outside. Yes, because THAT is what's important right now.

and finally,

5) While the HELC was probably the loudest and most packed it had ever been since the last need for storm shelter - a few people were STILL working on homework. That's dedication.

Key Points.

I know a few blogs ago, I talked about not wanting a boyfriend.

But, this blog has to do with just that - in a good way. My Bible study this week talked about the qualities we should look for in our future husband, the ones he should possess. But also, what WE should possess.

He/we should be spirit-controlled (Eph 5:18), God-centered (Mk 12:30), broken (Phil 4:13), ministry-minded/servant (1 Cor 4:2, Rom 10:14), sensitive (Gal 6:2), humble, teach[able] (Mt 28:19-20), person of prayer (Col 4:2).

He/we should also put others first (Phil 2:3-4), be joyful (John 15:11), follow God's timing (Ps 37:7), help others (Eph 4:32) and keep away from temptation (Prov 25:28).

I finished reading these, and looked at my list and realized something. I've always heard (and want) that your relationships should be centered around God and not each other. Before I read these, I wasn't entirely sure what that meant. Read your Bible every time you're together? Only see each other at church? Okay, not really. But I just wasn't entirely sure what that meant. After looking at these, I saw they all pointed back to God.

Not that my future husband, or I, will ever be perfect and possess each of these qualities. We're human, of course. But, someone fully focused on God should be seeking to be conformed more like Christ. It becomes a problem if they're lacking a quality completely and aren't willing to strive for it.

This study just once again, made me not want a boyfriend. While listening to a podcast awhile back, I heard how God doesn't bring us someone because He's building us, working on us (and continues to even when we do have someone). There are so many qualities here that God is still working on in me. I know Mr. Whoever is not going to be perfect, but he's going to amazing - and I won't have to "settle." And I don't want him to settle either, I want to be the most I can be for him.

"Letters to God."

I saw Letters to God yesterday. Slightly cheesey, but overall a good movie.

It was one of those movies I felt I related to more than just... watching a movie.

1.) Not that I exactly write letters to God, but I journal everyday.

2.) The kid with cancer talks to his friend's grandpa, who tells the kid that he has been chosen. He is a warrior, hand chosen by God to fight this battle. Not that I have cancer, or that it compares, but my best friend and I talked once about how diabetes is a blessing in disguise. :)

This little kid has cancer. He's dying. And he had (granted, it was a movie...) more spirit than I do on a half-bad day.

"...but the joy of the Lord is our strength!"

God works best in our weakness. He's stronger and greater than any problem.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue EACH time." - Psalm 34:18-19

I was reading and praying tonight, and I reminded myself that in the midst of trouble and hurt... God is the only one who can fill that hole. And so often, I try to fill it with temporary things.

He is always faithful.

Radiate.

Acts 16 tells how Paul was thrown into prison for teaching others.

Even there he was "praying and singing hymns to God."
Even in the midst of that trouble.
Even around the other prisoners.


I am so guilty of not praising God in the midst of trouble.
I do not curse Him, but I sure don't praise Him either.

"And they shared the word of the Lord with him and with all who lived in his household." (v32).


It's true, I pray more when I'm struggling.
But do I speak His name more? His word?


"Those who look to Him for help will be RADIANT with joy." - Psalm 34:5

My face should be radiant, even in the midst of trouble.
My spirit should be radiant.

Even in the midst of trouble, I have the joy of the Lord.

Set Apart Thots.

Such deep thoughts.

There are things in this world I waste my time on, my thoughts on.

Christ is all I need.

Content.

Tonight's Bible study was on being content.

So many people search for someone to be with, thinking it will bring them contentment and happiness. When really there is only One person who can bring us that.

In Philippians 4, Paul talks about being content in whatever he has. He was content because he didn't rely on himself, he drew strength from Christ.

Oh, how often I fail at this. Even though I find myself more and more praying and seeking His word for strength and peace.

Meredith Andrew has a song, "Can Anybody Hear Me?"

And there's a line in there: "If there is anything at all, coming in between our love, please show me..."

I don't want a boyfriend (right now). If "he" would become between me and God, I don't want him. I don't. I'm content without a boyfriend, because I have God.

I want a relationship that would glorify Him. If it glorifies Him, it will be brought by Him.

So I wait.

"...ALL to Him I owe."

My heart is so full.

Today, we celebrate Christ's resurrection. What a beautiful, beautiful thing.

As the song says, "Jesus paid it all, ALL to Him I owe."

I was reading some chapters in Deuteronomy earlier, and it just kept saying how He loves us, blesses us, clears a way for us, saves us. When I read verses like that, I am so thankful... 7:6 says, "Of all the people on Earth, the Lord your God has chosen you to be His own special treasure!"

Some people think being a Christian is all these rules of do's and don'ts.

It's so much more, so much...

Today in church, a bunch of people gave their lives to Christ at the end of the service. I always say a prayer when I see people being baptized or surrendering their lives... that they would first of all, not stumble back into their old lives, and that they would have friends and family to turn to for encouragement and support. But, I always pray that they would actively seek a relationship with Him.

People (especially my age) always talk about wanting to find someone, and get married. Not that I know, but I've heard that marriage is hard work. Which I imagine is very, very true. I just don't understand how people will put so much effort and time into their relationship with their significant other... and not also with God.

For example... You've heard or read that God wants all of us. But to put into perspective... do you expect your significant other to just take a week off (or even a day) each year to just "go have fun" or whatever, with other people? No. You expect them to be faithful, and to be there for you at all times. Well, God expects the same thing.

I fall short of this so often. Even with everything I'm a part of (BSM, Bible study, etc.), I know there's so much more than I can do. But even when I fail, God still loves me... unconditionally.