Reflection.

Summertime has begun.

It has been an interesting first week of summer, being back in New Mexico. Waves of emotion between excitement, anxiety, fear and peace. This place and the people last year did so much for me, and I'd like to think I did the same for other people.

Not a lot of summer staff has arrived yet, so it's been a quieter week, allowing time for relaxation and alone time. As usual, the last few days have been thinking a lot about the last semester, and year. I've grown immensely from where I was this time last year. Life has changed, and I've learned through the good and bad times. Lost friends, gained friends, fell in love, traveled and worked my butt off.

Not having a social life this spring was rough, but the 4.0 at the end was pretty nice. But, for once, I almost agreed with my professor... I felt a huge sense of satisfaction with my grades, but wondered if missing out on fun times and community was really worth it. I felt a pull from God to break away from my community. I had a new one to join, one that is building and growing, but not as tight-knit.

Satan used my busy schedule and lack of community against me. I missed the accountability and just being able to talk things out. That is one of the reasons I was so ready to come back to New Mexico - there's community here, even outside the covenant groups.

I can already see reasons I was brought back here, and am reminded of God's faithfulness. I am excited to see how the Lord is going to work not just in me, but my co-workers and in our guests. He is so good. Even though I am being continually transformed, I'm ready for this "season" and what's to come.

Reasoning.

Life is not perfect.
Oh, were you not aware of this?

I think there have been a few times when I've felt like it was, until something brought me back down to earth.

Not that life can't be enjoyed, or we can't love life. I think it's as simple as just focusing on the positives rather than the negatives. Which is actually easier said than done, coming from a pessimist like me. Most people don't consider me a pessimist, since I don't tend to walk around grumbling and pissy all the time. But, more than half the time, in any given situation... I will think about the downsides or negatives of something without meaning too.


A few things heavy on my mind lately. Mainly, summer - which translates to New Mexico. Glorieta holds a very special place in my heart, it's where I found my two loves. Two years ago, I went to collegiate week at Glorieta and the Lord grabbed a hold of my heart. I realized I wasn't living the life I needed to and recommitted my life to Christ. Last summer, with no intention of doing so, I found someone. In nothing but a God-scripted way, Aaron and I just... clicked. Nine months later, still together and going strong. Geography means nothing to the Lord - 1200 miles can't quench this kind of love.

This semester has not been the easiest though. My spiritual community changed, classes were overwhelming, it became harder to be away from Aaron more and more, my diabetes has been crazy. Although I'm in a much better state than I was a year ago, I find myself ending the semester and so ready to get away again. The Lord has taught me a lot this semester, this year. But, I couldn't help but agree when I saw a friend post a status about wishing she praised the Lord not just in the good times, but in the bad as well.

As I was reading through Job this morning, these thoughts were running through my head. Of course, as humans, it's harder for us to praise God when things aren't what we exactly wanted. Things may not necessarily be bad, just not what we wanted. But... it's more about what He wants.

In chapter one, Job says, "The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!" The next verse says, In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.

I may not come right out and blame God, but too often I know I've asked God, why? "So who am I, that I should try to answer God or even reason with Him? ... For God is so wise and so mighty." (9:10, 4) It's not that I doubt God's plan or His wisdom, but I know sometimes my thoughts seem that way. My desires need to go back to His desires.

"But true wisdom and power are found in God; counsel and understanding are His." (Job 12:13)

I need not understand, only trust.

Weekend.

Dear Boyfriend,

I hope while watching me wander around in circles in confusion, the airport security officers laughed as much as we laughed at Furr's. Speaking of security, anybody shine a flashlight in your face lately?

Now you see why I love my job and why we love Oscar's. Sorry, I had the better burrito. :)

You weren't kidding when you said the five-year-old you was going to come out in the Discovery Center. The bubbles were my favorite part, in case you didn't notice. The light show with 80's graphics was my least favorite though - I still get nauseous thinking about it.

And I don't really care what my parents say, I think two trips to Orange Leaf was necessary this weekend. I enjoyed our eating-only-at-local-restaurants (minus Taco Bell) and always eating dessert.

I'm glad I now know how to make fettuccine alfredo.
Your cooking skills are slowly rubbing off on me! Don't give up on me yet, please!

You really love helping me finish my 101 list, don't you? This was probably one of my favorites, besides the really long roadtrip (since I was driving to see you...) Maybe someday we can ride a Tonto and Durango instead of Peanut and Rascal.

Although I don't do it very often, I'm glad I had a reason to wear my little black dress. I'm also glad you didn't judge me for how much bread I ate at Napoli's. And if you ever wear a baseball cap like those dumb high school prom dates though, we will have problems.

Two of the things I miss the most about being away from you is not being able to go to church together, and hanging out with my family. I'm glad my parents got to be part of your first-time-at-Braum's experience.

You proved me wrong when I said boys aren't very creative, and this weekend you proved me wrong on your predictability. Seven flowers each given separately, even one in the sock drawer? You're pretty sneaky, mister.

Thanks for walking around Wal-Mart with me while I finally got my oil changed, and then helping me wash my car for the first time in a year. I enjoy even doing the mundane things with you. Although it wasn't mundane, I also appreciated the help for my photo project. :)

I already miss you, our tickle fights, reading the Word at night, and randomly saying parsley... :)

Summer to-do.

There are lots of things I missed out on last summer, have found out about this year and now want to do, or just want to do... so I'm starting a list:

- eat at Rooftop
- go to Anthropology
- do the couch to 5k plan
- finish my summer reading list
- read through the whole Bible chronologically
- hike or drive to Baldy
- get to know the nice voluteers
- ride my bike to Pecos
- do the zipline
- possibly an Isotopes game
- go to the flea market in Santa Fe
- photo shoots with as many summer staffers possible

...to be continued.

Two for One.

Ah, the big 2-1.
I'm not a huge fan of birthdays, I'm kind of cursed when it comes to them... last year and my 18th were the last two semi-good ones. But, I figured this one is kind of worth trying to celebrate and it's my last big one for nine years. Whoa.

But, as you may have noticed, I had to share it with Easter. I was a little bitter about this, honestly. I can relate to the kids who have birthdays next to Christmas... you don't get your spotlight. I knew it was petty, because really... Easter is a lot more important and significant than my birthday. If it weren't for Easter, my birthday wouldn't be worth celebrating in the first place. But, I felt like I was being selfish trying to celebrate my birthday the same weekend/day of Easter.

I didn't have a bad birthday, just nothing went as planned. I ate plenty though, really... I need to go run 12 miles everyday for the next two weeks.

Sunday, I went out for ice cream with Dino.
Monday, I went out to Starbucks with Molly and Jenny.
Friday, I went to Abuelo's for the first time with my work ladies, and Taylor.

Yesterday, my parents came to town to celebrate. And brought presents. Wrapping pictured courtesy of my sister.

We, along with Sarah, went to "soccermom's" for lunch and then the Cake Company.

 

Then, my parents and I went shopping... for five hours. I hate shopping.
I also introduced them to the Frazzleberry. :)
For dinner, I ate McAlister's Deli for the first time; Angela and Allison also joined in on the fun.

Then, I came home and worked on a typography project. Yes. I did homework.

Sunday! Easter! Birthday!

 

Usual breakfast at Ranch House Cafe (my parents and I eat there every time they come to town). I splurged and got chocolate chip pancakes.
Church, and then Ruby Tequila's with the Meyer family. Where I got free dessert, again.

Come home, ran some errands and got some Starbucks with Tiffany.
Then, nothing. Stores are closed. The lab was closed. Everyone was busy.
So, I instead I got to skype.... for three hours. :)

Maybe not the most exciting birthday. Maybe not what I had planned... but when does anything in life really go as planned? I think what I'm disappointed most in is that in the midst of all the birthday-ness, I never really soaked in the gloriousness and sacredness of what today is first and foremost about. I was selfish and more caught up in me, and besides church this morning, never really celebrated the excitement of Easter.

But, I am thankful. I have some of the best family, sometimes I lose sight of how blessed I am. My friends, or second family, are amazing as well. Really, I don't need presents and more stuff. And really, all I wanted to do was hang out with people. Plans got canceled and changed, but things happen.

I know I'm loved, by family and friends - but more importantly, God. Everything I received this week/end was just another blessing from Him. He's sooooo good.

Changes.

Wow, it's been awhile since I've blogged.
This can be equated to many things: lack of free time being number one, a lot going on and not a lot going on at the same time, I haven't had much quiet or "be still" time to process... which means lack of time for blog-worthy thoughts to form in my brain.

Something God has been reminding me about over the last week that it's not about me.

Yes, God cares about and knows our every little desire and dream, but we have to surrender those over to Him. Maybe those things happen, maybe they don't - but He sees our whole journey. He knows what's best for us, whether or not we need this or that.

I love that God knows everything before it happens. He knew the conversations I was going to have yesterday, that I was going to write this today, what I will do in a week. He knows when we'll mess up, yet He never forsakes us. He does nothing but continually guide us. I look at my life over the past year, over the past three years, and see nothing but how He has guided me so beautifully... people, situations, places.

I've realized lately how much I've been thinking about what I want, me me me. Most of these things haven't been bad, but I've been selfish and discontent. I want my desires to be His desires, my heart to be like His.

I've definitely grown a lot and learned a lot over the past year, but I still see the Lord working patience and contentment in me, among many other things. I know I also need to make some changes. Change is not overnight and it's not temporary, but He is always there in the midst of it.

"If God doesn’t lead you along the shortest path to your goal, don’t complain or resist. Follow willingly and trust Him to lead you safely around unseen obstacles. He can see the end of your journey from the beginning, and He knows the safest and best route."

Life Lessons.

The Lord brings people into our life for various reasons, one of those reasons being to teach us. It may be in a literal way like a Bible study leader, or it can be not as literal and just be the friendship and the stories and insights that are shared.

I made two (okay, four) new friends last fall. April and Brandon (with their two kids), became my adoptive parents. Before you freak out wondering why I was up for adoption - it was through the college service I attended at a church in town. It's called Adopt-a-Buff, and it just gives students a family in town to hang out with, do laundry if needed, maybe even baby-sit!

So, I went over for dinner and laundry every so often, but then we discovered a mutual love of Grey's Anatomy. Then it turned into laundry, dinner, coffee and Grey's. Unfortunately, my Grey's Anatomy/coffee dates have come to a stop - but for a good reason. :) April and Brandon (and their kids, they're not leaving them behind) are headed overseas to be missionaries for a few years.

This family taught me so many things, much like I mentioned earlier - just with sharing stories and insights. But, just being in their house once in awhile taught me so much. They are amazing parents, and it's obvious by the way their kids act. In relationship with each other, and with their kids, there was a huge spirit of grace and love. Their actions constantly reminded of Christ's relationship with us. Their house is truly based on Biblical truths and standards.

Then, today I read this article that my friend wrote. I realized that the longer I've been dating my boyfriend, the more I want for girls to note sell themselves short. There is a difference between Christian men and Godly men, and the Godly one will be well worth the wait (I seem to think so at least!)

I happened to stumble across this blog post earlier, which seems to prove my point. Make sure to read the text, see what he loves about her and how he pursues her. There's not much else to say about this post, because it speaks for itself. :)

Barely.

I promise I'm alive.

Life has consumed me lately, and there are days where I have to try and just survive (as in, stay awake during class).

After beach reach, I was sick for a week with strep throat.
Last week, I went to DSVC, my first Rangers game, and the Village Church!
I'm currently working on four projects, one paper and have two freelance things needing work.

My church-adoptive parents are leaving for overseas mission work next week,
ten days later I turn 21,
four days later, Aaron is coming is coming to town,
and three weeks later I'm back in New Mexico!

I never said this post was going to be interesting, but I wanted to make sure people still knew I was alive. :)

OneLove.

Beach Reach is all about loving on people.
Essentially, we are a free taxi and free restaurant. This year, over 700 Christ-followers traveled down to SPI for a week. From 8pm - 4am, "teams" loaded up in vans and provided free rides to wherever the spring breakers wanted to go - the bar, the gas station, their hotel, Whataburger, etc. We also served a midnight pancake breakfast by one of the largest clubs on the island, and another breakfast outside our church (home base) in the mornings from 8am-12pm.

There was also the handing out of the hotline cards and cleaning Coca-Cola beach every morning (a different team each night, around 4am), when it's layered with cans, trash, shoes, lost cell phones and credit cards. On this beach, during the day, there was also a large sand sculpture - Christ's face and Christ emerging from the tomb were two I saw. One of the most important parts of the week was our prayer room at the church. We have a text message (or tweet) system set up, so while one-half of the team is out giving rides, the other half is on base interceding for their teammates and spring breakers.

The beautiful part about this past week, is that the Lord didn't just change lives of spring breakers, but also moved in the hearts of Beach Reachers. Through all the exhaustion, sharing, caffeine-overloads, sunburns and hours of praying...something inside of us changed.

On the first night of Beach Reach, all 700 of us gathered in a parking lot and prayed in small groups. We prayed for each other, the spring breakers, and everything that will happen that week. I talked with a girl that was a first-timer, and she asked why I came back to Beach Reach and to share about last year. The Lord has given me a heart for college students, especially the girls - and I know it's not just because I'm a college student, I can tell it's much larger than that. That reason, and the fact that I could've very easily been on the beach partying if the Lord hadn't changed my life, is why I go to Beach Reach. I want them to know there are more satisfying things in life.



There were four people I met that impacted me the most this week:
Yadi is a girl who grew up with a father who is a pastor. She knows the Truth, and hasn't totally rebelled against her faith, but was tired of 'that life' and just wants to have fun and party right now. I didn't get to share my testimony with her, but I so wish I could have.


By far, my favorite night of Beach Reach was Tuesday night. WT had the shift of working the midnight pancake breakfast. It was totally of the Lord that this conversation happened, because at first... I wasn't having any conversations, it was like I was invisible. Then, randomly, my new friend David walks up to Amanda and I and starts talking. Like most conversations at Beach Reach, it started with small talk about school, life, the island, etc. Turns out, he was a Mormon missionary for two years - but then stopped because he was tired of people throwing dog food and fruit at him while he was on his bike.

Our conversation eventually turned to faith and Christianity. I could tell he wanted Christ, I saw it in his eyes. I ended up giving him my Bible, yes... with all my underlining and notes. He had only ever read the Bible in the Old King James version, and I know he needed it more in that moment than I did. He told me that when he used to pray, he never "felt" God. Which, oddly enough, I had a conversation about last semester, but I couldn't get across to him how God is so much more than a feeling. It's an active relationship that we have to work daily on and grow in - and even then there will be bad days. He also knew that if he turned to Christ, he probably would need to stop partying. Although it was frustrating to not be there to see him accept Christ, I have been praying for him daily, and I know the Lord will continue to work in his heart.


On the beach, I talked to Jacob, who is already a Christian but really wanted to grow in his relationship with Christ. He and his wife can't find a Catholic church that they get spiritually fed at, and he doesn't have a daily walk with God; Sunday is enough for him. We talked about different denominations, spending time daily in the Word, and religion vs. relationship. I tried so badly to convey the importance of a daily relationship with God, but really all I can do is pray that God continues to work in his heart.


On our last night, Clay and I talked with a guy named Andrew. He grew up in Catholic school, and went overseas with the military for awhile. Clay talked about an active relationship with Christ, trusting in someone we can't see, and about sacrificing for God, after Andrew said he doesn't want to give up partying. Both Jacob and Andrew made a comment about how they try and live good lives, they're not bad people, and so they felt that was enough. Even though I was the one that did some clarifying, it was a beautiful reminder of how I don't have to do x-number of things for Christ to accept and love me. No amount of "good deeds" will make me right with Him - the "good' things I do, are just out of worship and love and a reflection of what He's done for me.


I'm still trying to comprehend everything, while in a state of exhaustion. But, I do know that the Lord has given me a big burden for the people I talked about in this blog, as well as just the lost around me. I literally saw the process of one girl getting some "beads" and it broke my heart, I literally had no words. I know that this week is always a reminder of just how powerful prayer and community are - and not just on mission trips. The Lord works differently in everyone, and every person's testimony is so unique and just proves how good He is - sharing my faith for the first time was one of the most amazing things of my life.

On a lighter note, I am currently rocking the back-of-the-neck sunburn. I have very little voice left. Oh yeah, and my team forgot me one night (and I was told, even a second night!) And, almost all 80-some of our group that went now call me j-sho. :)


But seriously, the biggest take-away from this trip is being reminded that it's not just a "mission trip," but that we should be living mission-minded daily, and reaching out to everyone around us.

oh, the Wondrous Cross.

There are many things I'm passionate about, and many things that frustrate me.
The worst combination is when I get frustrated about things I love.

As sad as it is, we are people that are often consumed by image.
Whether we like to admit or not, and as hard as we try not to be... it happens.

Who has the most Northface jackets?
Who has the newest TOMS?
Who has the latest Apple product?

In this blog last month, I mentioned how as followers, we should carry the name of Jesus everywhere. I thought about that, carrying His name, last night as I saw a table full of girls that had bedazzled, decorated, colored, fancy crosses on their shirts, jewelry, and bags.

What I really thought about, was their relationship with Christ. Not in a judgmental way, but in a curious way - if they know what the crosses they're wearing stand for and represent. I sadly think that some people think of the cross like they do hearts and flowers: decorative. I'm not saying that wearing the cross or having it anywhere on your stuff is wrong - I have necklaces, NOTW shirts are cool, there's nothing bad in and of itself with wearing the cross. I just wish more people would respect it and acknowledge it's meaning.

I fear that the cross has lost it's meaning, it's sacredness and value. The cross (and the word "Christian") means nothing to a lot of people these days. It's seen as just another ordinary symbol or picture. We don't look at the cross as a place of love, redemption and grace. The cross has or is becoming another status symbol and label.

It's frustrating to me when people who in one way or another wear a cross, and shame or blaspheme it by their words and actions - and I've been guilty of this. The cross carries a heavy meaning; it and the call it has on our lives should not be taken lightly.

Satisfaction.

I saw a quote this morning that said,

Having a religion will not save you, having a relationship with Him will.

I honestly can't picture life without my relationship with Christ. Which is funny, kinda, because for a long, long time, I was one of those Christians that just knew it as a religion, not a relationship.

Christianity is not easy, it's not always fun, and it's definitely not always safe. Marriages fall apart sometimes because people stop trying, they stop caring, and things get hard. Our society likes things easy. If things get too complicated or difficult, we cop out. Having a relationship with Christ is the same way. You have to work at it.

And believe it or not, that is much more than going to church and Bible study every week, and having a quiet time every day. It's active communication, a fight, putting forth effort.

Psalm 63 says, You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
Do we really cherish and get more satisfaction from Him than food? sleep? people?

In my Bible, I wrote "the only way to have a consistent walk with Him and reach the fullness of joy!" by verse one...  I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you, my whole body longs for you...

There is fullness of joy in Him.
There is no greater satisfaction than in Him.

Even in the midst of busyness and college life, we (I) should be earnestly seeking Him. Things have to change, I can't continue feeling this way. My heart broke this morning as I thought about and prayed for every person in my life (whether I am aware of their hurt or not) that may be feeling empty, lonely, lost, frustrated... and don't have a relationship with Christ, that don't feel like they can turn to Christ and pour our their heart and their troubles to Him.

Fast-Paced Life.

I lead a busy life. I've decided maybe my mind thrives on it? My body and it's lack of sleep don't necessarily like it, but I look at my life the last five years and see how often I overload myself. I think it goes back to my hatred of boredom and the thrill of completing a challenge.

Two days during the week, I have a roughly 15-hour class/work-day. My days are spent running from one thing to the next, prioritizing what task needs completed next, which one's can be pushed off a little longer... just trying to keep myself afloat.

For some reason, I started having foot problems Saturday. A shot of pain goes up my foot with every step I take, doesn't matter what shoes I'm wearing - all I can do is walk slower and limp in attempt to lessen the pain. It doesn't take much to get me to go to a doctor, so that's what I did today.

The doctor wasn't sure if it's tendinitis, but gave me some anti-inflammatory medicine regardless. As I was driving home, I thought to myself, "I really hope this medicine works and this goes away... I don't have time to 'take it easy' or have surgery..."

And then I just felt like the Lord said,

slow down.

Life may get busy, but it does not have to be stressful. I am one of those people that struggles with telling people no, and just keeps adding things onto the pile. But some things, even good things, can become distractions. 

No matter what age I am, what stage of life I'm in, I have to and want to keep the Lord first. Sometimes that means slowing down and saying no. 

Valentine (pt. 2)

So, I did get a little crafty for valentine's day this year. 

This was my first year to do valentine's day gifts that reached beyond mini candy bars and cartoon scratch-'n-sniff cards.

Aaron and I share a mutual love of Chinese food. I'm not sure if I remember how many times we ate at Panda Express this summer... plus all the times I ate there without him. So, what better gift than felt fortune cookies?

 

Sorry, Martha Stewart... your idea did not work out very well. Luckily, my 4-H sewing skills have not disappeared and that high school graduation gift could be used! 

I made eight, because we have an odd re-occurrence of the number eight in our relationship. The cookies did not contain fortunes, but cute, mushy quotes and whatnot. :) He also got a customized picture frame and handmade card. 

You get cute gifts when your girlfriend is a designer/artist. Just saying.

Valentine.

Dear Boyfriend,

You basically just provided the best weekend I've had since this summer.

The fact that the first and last thing we did on this trip was eat Taco Bell makes me laugh - though not as hard as when you tickled me.

Friday included antique shops, chocolate and spending time with you. Three of my favorite things.

Lunch at the Crimson Moon was delish, even if their speakers were hung with carabiners, and the fonts were horrible on the menu. I also love that your family trusted their stomachs to me (okay, mostly you) to cook valentine's day dinner. I love even more that we did not care to change out of our shirts that held the evidence of a flour fight. It adds some finesse to the picture, I think. Friday was full of food, nom nom nom... oh, and me beating everyone at Wii bowling.

Making me sneak onto the old car at Underground Atlanta on Saturday... priceless. My adventurous spirit doesn't get out too much, so I think I met my quota for the week. I know you wanted to get in the choo-choo, but the crazy security guy with dreads was too scary to try and push out. Next time?

Do you remember the crazy, toothless, homeless lady telling us we were cute? I agree. :)

As if the park wasn't amazing enough in itself, you remembered I wrote down a picnic on my 101 to-do list. Best. picnic. ever. I'm sorry you didn't like saltines and cucumbers, but I knew you wouldn't! I hope we don't get a fine for littering cucumber. I also don't know many people that would take me to Hobby Lobby just for the heck of it. And be willing to take a mirror picture with me. Little stuff like this we miss out on being 1200 miles apart. :)

You also remembered my love of Italian food. Yummmmmmmmmmm. Even though you didn't like my mushroom manicotti, and confused the waitress with your order.... it was relaxing to sit in that too-dark corner with no candles and paper tablecloths to color on. Losing Hand and Foot afterwards wasn't the greatest though, we should work on that.

"I don't want you to leave!" ...this was one of the cutest moments of the weekend.
We sure do know how to make each other laugh - one of my favorite things about us. 

 

I sure did hate saying good-bye to you. I think the Lord is reminding me to be content wherever I am, whether it's dancing with you in the car in Atlanta or sitting in my quiet apartment alone. 

Love, jess

p.s. - I'm sorry I assumed (this summer, I might add) you had no creativity. Seven months later, you prove me wrong. You out-did yourself with the poem and scrapbook. I'm glad the Lord gave both of us some creativity. :)

Day Thirty! Done!

Where do you think you’ll be in 5 years?

This question should not be allowed. The closer I get to graduating, and the more I think about it, the more I think about where I'm going next. 

Part of me thinks Dallas would be fun, maybe a good "first step" after college. 
But, Nashville would be awesome, and the only adventurous spirit I have in me is set aside for moving. Plus, I know people (okay, like three) there. And, hello... awesome concerts and famous people?
Florida would be even greater. I'm tired of this cold, snowy, icy, windy business. I could handle Florida. 


But really, things could change in a year. A year ago, I never even considered Nashville or Florida. It was me and Dallas, maybe Austin. 

Ultimately, I don't have the last say. It makes me kind of laugh when I think about the fact that God already knows where I'll be two years from this exact day. He knows the day I will move, the job I will work, the place I will live. He sees me having all these ideas, and I wonder how off or on track I am according to His plan. I wonder if God ever giggles at me.

I'm probably like His afternoon sitcom.




------
p.s. - I'm glad this is done.

Day Twenty-nine.

Write about any particular habits/mannerisms that you have.



This is a hard one... I think it's hard to pick out habits I have, because they seem so normal. Ha. 


First of all, I do the same thing every morning. Not always in a precise order, but if you were to video me every morning in the kitchen... you would be bored by day three. Eggs, cheese, skillet. Coffee. Bible. Proceed in getting ready. 


I play with my hair a lot. Not in the girly-twirly way, but I comb thru it with my fingers or pull it up into what would be a ponytail and let it fall. 


I know I have more. Somebody point them out to me.... what habits do you see of mine?

Just came across this...

Day Twenty-eight.

If you had three wishes, what would they be?


1. That Aaron and I lived closer together. I can do long-distance. But, the 1200-miles-apart-only-see-each-other-every-few-months sucks, majorly. I have to remind myself almost daily there is a season for everything, and it is beautiful in it's own way. I hope when I look back that I see the beauty in it. :) 


2. That I could fly anywhere I wanted for free, as many times as I wanted. I would fly to KC and see my sister, to Cali to see Kelli, to Georgia, to Houston, to D.C., to Oxford... oh my gosh. There would be so many places I would go!! Not that I think about it every minute of every day, and not that it pushes me into depression, but I really hate how many of the people I love dearly live so far away. 


3. Okay, now usually I say that I wouldn't wish it away, but if wishes really did exist... I don't know that I would be able to pass it up. I would wish for a healthy pancreas. Not that I don't value the things I have learned from diabetes, the people I've met because of my diabetes (Ellie and Lora), or how much smarter it's probably made me (even though I suck at math, still)... but it would really un-complicate my life. Just saying.

Day Twenty-seven.

Where is somewhere you would want to visit?


Prague.
Bolivia.
Brazil.
New York.
D.C.
China.
Italy.
Austin.
Washington.
Hawaii.


oh, and Georgia.
But I'm going there Thursday. :) 




p.s. - it's aaron and I's six month anniversary today :))

Day Twenty-six.

Write about something you once loved, but now despise.

There are more things I can think of that I used to despise, but now love. Most of them being food... but also running, and some music. I'm sure there's more, that seems like too short of a list. 

I know there's something that I just can't think of right now... something bigger or more significant. But honestly, the only thing I can think of is....




cottage cheese. 


Obviously my brain doesn't want to cooperate right now. Hopefully you enjoyed this short and sweet little tidbit.

Day Twenty-five.

Write a letter to someone you miss.

Dear Grandpa,
I wish I had known you when I was older and could remember you more. I feel like we have a very similar personality from the tidbits I do remember.

Dear Ellie,
I wish we lived closer. For once in my life.

Dear Kelli,
I miss our morning notes and long hugs. Waking up to nothing on my mirror and no one to giggle with is boring. You also can tell when I'm lying through my teeth, which helps keep me in line.

Dear Stephen,
I miss our bike rides and heart to hearts.

Dear S,
I miss you. The End.


There is a time and purpose for every season and situation. There is a wonderful reason that so many people I love are so far away from me - hopefully in ten years I can look back and see why. I would say that that's something I'll ask when I go to heaven... but I know by then I won't even care. :)

Day Twenty-four.

How has your week been?


My week has been... crazy.

Beach Reach training.
Snow and negative windchill temps.
New projects in class.
Glorieta recruitment.
Bible study.
Work two jobs.
Freelance stuff.
Laundry, dishes, cleaning.
Scholarship applications (last semester of this!)

Not to mention everything I need to do today.

I really try to get all of my "tasks" done before Sunday, so that I can fully and truly enjoy my Sabbath. I think it's important no matter what stage of life you're in, but this semester, I can tell that I will really need a day to relax, de-stress and just be. So, with that being said....

Day Twenty-three.

Describe what you spend most of your time on.


Design.
Hands-down.


School: four studio classes, one art history class.
Work: two design jobs.
Free-time: doing homework or freelance. 


That's how I know it's a God-given talent and skill. I so badly want a job after I graduate that furthers His kingdom, in one way or another.

Day Twenty-two.

What made you smile the most today?


Today was a very rough day. I hate when one person can affect your day so much, sometimes it's good... sometimes it's bad. But what I love, is that for every bad egg there are eleven good ones out there. (cliche, I know. don't judge me.)


I had some encouragement from friends and co-workers. I called my daddy to vent. After the mishap happened, it was nothing but encouragement for the rest of the day from everyone I talked to or saw. Even though I loved and needed the words of comfort, what made me smile the most was two very small things. 


Eden and Salem. 


I went through phases; I loved kids for a long time, and then I did not love kids for awhile, and now I'm back to loving kids. They amaze me. The way kids giggle warms my heart, it is truly one of my favorite things in the world. Especially the giggle that happens when you tickle them. 


Tonight, I went over to my church-adoptive parents house for laundry and dinner. Every time I go over to their house, the kids are more and more used to me - and today they ran up to me and gave me huge hugs without mommy even telling them to do so. 


I love that the Creator of the universe cares about the smallest details like bad days and hugs.

Day Twenty-one.

How has your life changed over the past year?

Whoa.


How has life changed? How has life not changed? 


I think my relationship with Christ has grown and changed, which has in turn changed many things. Certain things and people are no longer in my life - most of which I'm okay with, but wish was different. My heart has been opened to missions. I'm so aware of Christ's love and beauty, I see it everywhere. I sponsor a little Bolivian girl. I met one of the most amazing, Christ-like men I've ever known. I've experienced joy, freedom and peace like never before. 


Then there's other stuff like, I moved out of the dorm. I live by myself. I got a new job. My idea of what I want to do after I graduate has changed. I now know the gloriousness of Gungor music. I've actually eaten at one of the Thai restaurants in Canyon. I have a legit camera now. My pump now has a name.

Day Twenty.

What did you eat today?


Coffee.
Egg with bread.
Boston Creme Pie sugar-free pudding.
Half-turkey sandwich.
Austin PB snack crackers.
Small orange. 
Hamburger Helper. 
Veggies.

Not the most exciting day...

Day Nineteen.

Write about your last birthday and how you plan to spend your upcoming birthday.


Ohhhh. Last year's birthday was magical. By far the best birthday I had, therefore ending my bad birthday streak. :)


It started with a midnight run to Waffle House.
I went to a Beth Moore simulcast, where my friends surprised me with balloons and flowers. 
My roommates decorated my door and bathroom suite with streamers and writing on the mirrors. 
I think I went and ate Thai food for lunch...
Ate at Cheddar's with like nine of my favorite people, that also bought me dessert! 
Then came home and had ice cream oreo cake made by my suitemate :) 


Basically, my birthday consisted of Beth Moore, food and friends.
Really, does it get any better than that? I think not.

Worth the Read.

I document a lot.
I write, design, draw, paint, take pictures. All of them document something.

Today, in college group, we talked about seeking God's will. I feel like that's been on my mind and in my conversations a lot lately. People graduating, people getting engaged, new jobs, friendships, on and on. And for as much as we talk about it, we only pray about it half the time - I'm included in this.

Twice in one week, Jeremiah 29 has been brought up. Verse 13 says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Do we, or do I, know what it means to really search for Him with all that we are? We wonder what we're supposed to do, and go on with our day expecting a flashing sign to appear on the sidewalk - but praying, reading the Word, fasting and seeking counsel are usually not on the radar. That's why it's not finding the time to spend time with God, but convincing ourselves that it is important enough to set aside the time.

Part of asking is a willingness to go. But we can't pray for Him to send us where we want to go, our prayers bend our desires to His will. We can't be like little kids, running around yelling, "mine!" or "I don't wanna!" But how often do we do that? How often do we create ways to change or bend His will?

God has called us to be salt and light, but too often we don't see the glory and satisfaction of doing what God has called us to do. The world wants people of authentic change. Not just the only difference being which building we go to on Sundays.

God is writing each of our stories. Don't take the pen from Him.
But make sure to put words on the page that people would want to read.

No matter what stage we are in in life, there's something we can each do. Doesn't matter if we're just students, or live in a small town, or single. We are called to live a life worthy of our calling.

If your last week was a chapter in a book, would it be worth documenting?

Day Eighteen.

Post one confession/secret.


When I was diagnosed, I couldn't say glucometer (say that word around people who don't know much bout diabetes and it'll freak them out), so my parents nicknamed it George. My family continued to call it George for the next.... 12-15 years. No joke. 


Thanks to a cheesy youtube video and my sister, I have now named my insulin pump. I mean really, if I'm going to name a machine that I interact with daily... I think a machine I'm attached to 24/7 deserves a name. Cue Milly.

She is almost two and a half years old. We have a love-hate relationship, I might add. 

Day Seventeen.

Bullet your day.


Woke up 8:45.
Ate breakfast, drank coffee.
Read the Word. 
Organized pictures.
Ate at Thai Kitchen (for the first time) with Danae.
Homework.
Photo adventure with Becky.
Homework.
Dinner at mi casa with Becky.
Coffee date with Becky and Tiffany.
Currently on the phone with Aaron. :)

Day Sixteen.

Upload a picture of your room and talk about your room.


My room is not clean, and always looks weird in pictures... so you don't get a picture today. 


My room, is full of memories. I'm sure that's what everyone thinks or says about their room, but truly, it is. 


I have my painting from high school. 
My desk that is a hand-me-down. 
My dresser from grade school (that I didn't use between then and now).
My picture board that I've had forever.
My picture of Leydi. 
My written-on-gift-bags from Ellie. 


There's more, uninteresting things. I look around not only my room but my apartment and see things of my own actual possession, things given to me or passed down, things I bought at a garage sale. I look at some of my hand-me-downs and remember old memories of home or my grandparents. 


I see things of mine that I've had since grade school and wonder how they've managed to last. I look at them and see all the things that they've been a part of in my life. These mere objects survive moves, rearranging, being knocked over... just like me. I survive all these things with the help of God.


"He alone is my rock and salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken." - Psalm 62:6

Breakeven.

this is so beautiful.
 "What kind of guy would I be if I walked out when she needed me most?"

Day Fifteen.

Write about something you worry about a lot.


In the words of my boyfriend, I worry too much. I think there are things I worry about, and things I just ...think about a lot.


Right now, my biggest worry is this semester. 15 hours and two part-time jobs. Not to mention the extra activities, church and what little social life I do have. Almost done with my first week and I'm already feeling a little overwhelmed. 


Outside of this semester...
I'm not really worried about my future, as much as my professors try to scare me about that. Read the verse just this morning that reminded me God has a plan for my future. It may not be what I was expecting, but it's probably better than that anyways. 


Last night at Bible study, we talked about surrendering everything to the Lord. All of our hopes, dreams, fears, free time, school, relationships, all of it. Yes, the Lord was faithful to open my eyes to a few things I've been holding onto. Letting go is so much easier said than done, but it's truly the best step of obedience. 


I am one of those few that never changed her major during college. Yes, I have known for six years what I wanted to do. I remember two distinct times that I doubted and considered running another way, but decided to hang on a little bit longer - and the Lord affirms this is what I'm supposed to do more and more. When I think about the fact that I've known this for six years, I realize that God has something really good planned. And that makes me more excited than I can almost describe. 

That being said, I have no idea where I'm going or what's next. There's a lot of things I want after I graduate, but I wonder how many of them are just what I want, and how many are what He wants. I think more than the actual plans, I'm worried that I will act on my own desires, and not the Lord's. I'm worried I'll be too afraid or unwilling, or that I'll want something out of my desire before I follow Him. But, that's not what the Bible says; it doesn't say "if we feel like it," or "after.." but that we wholeheartedly and obediently follow Him. 

Day Fourteen

Post your favorite book, favorite movie, favorite band, and favorite food.

Book: besides the Bible, probably Redeeming Love.
Movie: I don't know if I can pick just one, it's a tie between Now and Then, and My Sister's Keeper!
Favorite band: Needtobreathe or Tenth Avenue North
Favorite food: peanut butter, hands down.

Day Thirteen.

What are your plans for the future? Far and near. 


First of all, this could change at any given moment. I don't control my days, the Lord does.

But, I do have some plans. Georgia in February, possibly skiing in Santa Fe. Beach Reach and a design conference in March. No April plans besides turning 21. Then, headed back to New Mexico for the summer!

As for far away plans.... that's up the Lord.
I'm in school for two more semesters after this one, and then I'm not sure after that. Probably (or hopefully) get a job somewhere. There's a few cities I'm leaning towards (Nashville, Tampa, Atlanta...) but, that wasn't what I thought a year ago, so who knows where I'll be a year from now :) At some point get married, and probably do missions in one way or another.


I've realized over the past several months how greater the Lord's plans are, and how exciting it is to follow Him. Yes, there will be rough parts and probably some stress... but it's amazing how much He works everything out.

Day Twelve.

Write about the best day of your life.


Best day? Out of my twenty years, I'm supposed to pick one?

Three-way tie between:

High school graduation,
being baptized last year,
and any given day of this past summer.


If you really think about it, every day should be the best day. Do you ever think about the fact that God allows you to wake up in the morning? Or that He allowed you to breathe that breath you just let out? Shouldn't everyday be the best day, or at least shouldn't we appreciate each day, just because we're alive and our Creator is letting us?

Day Eleven.

What's the meanest thing someone has ever said to you?

I try to block those things out. Ha.
But, I guess recently it would be my professor saying that I am doing well (overall, as a student) but not as good as he thought I would (when he met me freshman year). I know it was probably supposed to "motivate" me or something, and it partially did, but was also kind of a downer.

That's really not the meanest thing someone has ever said to me, but I really don't want to think back and try and remember that.

Day Ten.

What's the nicest thing someone has ever said to you?

I don't remember any exact comment, but of the few compliments I have been given... I definitely appreciate the art compliments the most. Although I try not to take too much offense when someone doesn't like my art, it means the world to me when people love something I've made. Whenever people come to my apartment for the first time, my 5x5 tree painting is the first thing they comment on and/or notice. Parents talk about their kids being their pride and joy, well... for the time being, my art is my kid. :)

(Painting above is one of my favorites from last semester.)

Day Nine.

How do you feel today?

Okay, I slightly laughed at this one. It just reminds me of psychiatrists saying, "and how does that make you feel?" Though, a) there's nothing wrong with psychiatrists, and b) I wonder if they actually do say that. 


Anyways, a day that starts with that sunrise can only be good. 


Photo adventure.
Fun and easy shift at work.
Wal-mart adventure.
Two hour phone conversation. 


Really? I hope I can remember this day in a few weeks or months when I'm having a bad day, and remember that it's always the little things that really matter.