Thursday, December 29, 2011

New Year's Resolution.

For whatever reason, I've always been one of those make-a-resolution people. Sometimes I couldn't decide, and made a list. And, I have to toot my own horn and say... I'm actually pretty good at keeping resolutions. I'm full of stick-to-itveness. 

So, since the new year starts in three days (already?) I've been trying to think of what my resolution should be this year, or if I should even do one.

Although I'm kind of stealing it from another blogger, it was convicting and although it's not the usual resolution, I know it's something I need to really focus on.

"Wherever you are, be all there." - Jim Elliot

As you've probably read in previous blog posts, I'm a little anxious and/or impatient in general, but especially about moving to Georgia and joining the adult world. Discontent is an accurate description.

So, I'm making a more valid effort to be here. To enjoy this last semester, to fully be here or... wherever I am, doing whatever I may be doing at that time.

If you're reading this, and you read anything in the future that sounds like I'm discontent, kick me and remind me of my resolution.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Try, try again.

Over the last few weeks, people have asked how I'm doing, how my semester went, etc. I hate fake responses, and so I told the truth... doing okay, the semester was a little rough. I always find it a little funny when I say that to people because they're not expecting it, they were expecting the vague, monotonous "good...." reply that everyone else says.

I've had worse semesters for sure, but between homework always kicking my butt, hardly seeing friends, not to mention that it continues to be harder and harder to be away from Aaron. Oh, and the endless and frustrating job search.

I am in the exact same place I was at the beginning of the semester. Square one. I still have nothing waiting for me after graduation. Yes, it's still a little soon to already have a job, but after sending 75 job emails with little to no response... it's hard to stay positive.

I'm a planner.

I have to be ahead of the game, be organized, be on top of things, know the when and where. I don't enjoy just "wingin' it" or waiting until the last minute. So, to sit here without answers is difficult, to say the least.

This semester will be very interesting, and probably more trying than the last. More emails, sending resumes, hopefully some interviews. Not to mention all that school and work business, plus a few trips :)

I have to daily give all my worries and dreams over to God, otherwise Satan starts to use it against me, and I become very discouraged and stressed.

My hope is that five months from right now I will be in some stage of the moving process, or maybe sitting at my new job. The only way I'm going to get there is with Him, because it's all His plans. It's a daily struggle reminding myself it's never my plans.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

"If home is where the heart is, then I'm out of place."

Who knows how many times I've blogged on this topic before... it's something I've been trying to learn for the past 21 years.

Patience: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering, without getting angry or upset.

Y'all. I lack this more than anyone I know. Whether it be waiting on a friend to pick me up, or waiting to graduate. I'm ahead of schedule, ready for the next thing, excited for what's to come.

My customized background on my computer says, "you feel like running, but life is on a stroll."
I made it a few months ago because I liked the quote, and then all the design-y parts of the rest of the background were nice too. Now, when I see it, I think, "yessssss... I know... slow down..."

I received a text from a person today, that I haven't received a text from in probably three years. But, it was something I needed to hear. Very cool how God works that way. "When you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss the fun of getting there. Slow down and enjoy the song."

I love Texas, I love college, I love my friends here. I love where I'm at, and have loved my time here... yet, something inside of me is discontent.

Perhaps, even a little homesick.

I can't deny it. My heart is in Georgia.

But, I'm torn between preparing (literally) to move to Georgia and dealing with all that excitement, and enjoying the last sweet few months I have here in college. Both are exciting, both are begging for my attention.

I have no idea how to handle the situation.
All I can do is pray, which at times makes me feel helpless - but I know He's strong enough to handle all this.

And I know God answers prayers.