Sunday, August 29, 2010

And I got my heart set on what happens next.

With the exception of three days, I have been in my apartment for two weeks now. My humble abode, that sadly, still doesn't feel completely mine. Now everything really is hung up and put away, but it's still lacking the feeling of completeness.

My first meal when I got back was a turkey and ketchup sandwich. Yes, you read that correctly. It was that for a few reasons: a) I was too tired and lazy to cook, b) after eating dining hall all summer, I wanted something non-greasy, non-fatty, and c) I lived on turkey sandwiches last spring and I really wanted one after a three-month break.

One morning, I cleaned out and filled the dishwasher, washed what didn't go in the washer, and wiped off the counter. I took a step back and thought, "wow... this is what it feels like to live on your own." In the words of Carrie Underwood, the bills on the counter remind me I'm on my own. Along with buying groceries and miscellaneous items, cleaning up after meals... really makes it set in. This place is mine. I control everything. For two years, I lived in half a room with a plethora of storage tubs and containers. Now, I have to find things to fill the cabinets.

My dad was here for the weekend, and he sadly pointed out that my AC was not on auto, but just "on"... meaning the fan has been running constantly for 2 weeks. I'm sure the electric bill will be quite lovely. I wonder if having one less lightbulb in the living room for those two weeks will have made any difference? Speaking of efficiency, I take out a lot of trash. I'm hoping that changes now that I'm done unpacking and buying random supplies, because for some reason I dread the trek to the dumpster.

Soon, I will not be sitting in here day in and day out, getting miscellaneous to-do things done. I will be rushing from here to campus, to the BSM, to the store to grab something before I start on amass of homework.

I have a lot of hope for this semester. I already see skype video chats happening every week, the nights of chip and salsa splurging with my friends, the sleepovers, and amidst all these fun memories I'm sure there will be times when I cry because I miss friends, or it's been a bad day and I have no one to come home to and vent.

I was listening to Switchfoot the other day, and thought these lyrics described things very similar to my life:

"I've got my memories
Always inside of me
But I can't go back
Back to how it was...

Yeah, this is home
I've been searching
For a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home

I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see
The sunset (right over taco bell....)
I'm gonna call it home."

Saturday, August 28, 2010


I've done a fair share of Walk for Diabetes walks. Do I remember any of them? No, or if I do, it's vague. That's why I put this on my 101 list!

This morning, I checked off #91 - Do Walk for Diabetes.

Meet Team Fruitcake!

and my dad. :) who also participated.

It was kind of sweet, being able to actually participate and remember this... with sweet friends, and my dad, who's been there through it all. We've had our fair share of fights about what I can and cannot eat, needing better control, etc. But, he told me how at the previous walks he pushed me in a stroller or pulled me in a wagon. So precious.

The people called all type 1 diabetic kids up to the front for a picture. While my friend and I stood up there, some little kids stood in front of me. And, I thought... oh they are so cuuuuute! Then it hit me, that was me. I was that little, if not smaller.

It just broke my heart, and then I just wanted to keep in touch with their mommies for all the tough roads ahead. When the school doesn't want to give snacks but they actually have to by law, when the mean sports coach doesn't understand you have to SIT when you're low, how to handle those crazy high school all day events, and sending them off to college. I just want to tell them it'll be alright, that this is a blessing in disguise. That there's hope.

My dad made a joke on the way over to the walk, because both my sister and I have some health issues, he said, "yes, you've both been 'touched' by God." True that. :)

Treasured Delight.

“Submit to God, and you will have peace; then things will go well for you. Listen to his instructions, and store them in your heart. If you return to the Almighty, you will be restored—so clean up your life.

If you give up your lust for money and throw your precious gold into the river,
the Almighty himself will be your treasure. He will be your precious silver!

Then you will take delight in the Almighty and look up to God. You will pray to him, and he will hear you, and you will fulfill your vows to him. You will succeed in whatever you choose to do, and light will shine on the road ahead of you." - Job 22:21-28

"But he knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold. For I have stayed on God’s paths; I have followed his ways and not turned aside. I have not departed from his commands, but have treasured his words more than daily food." - Job 23:10-12

I read these two passages last night, multiple times. God's Word never fails to fill and refresh me, or even convict me.

The very first line made me smile, but also made me think about and realize something. Submitting to God does bring peace. An amazing peace, one that surpasses everything. The part about things going well is hard to embrace. Sometimes what God has best for us requires change or trials to get there, so things may not be going "well" at all times. It depends on your perspective and state of mind.

How amazing it is that HE will be our treasure. But, how often do I try and make something or someone else my greatest treasure? Nothing else compares, and I forget that all too often. Is He my greatest delight? Have I or do I treasure His word more than anything else, even something as basic as food?

Something to think about.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

101 Update.

Last two weeks have been crazy busy, but I did manage to check two things off my list!

#55 -- Do a photo shoot for someone.

These two guys were co-summer staffers, and amazing musicians. They both lead worship at their home churches, and actually got asked to lead worship for a youth retreat here in Amarillo! It's pretty cool the things God pulls together! Check them out on Facebook: Stillwater Worship!

#7 -- Cook something I've never cooked before.

Thanks to my boyfriend, I cooked something new. It was legitimate cooking! When I bought my huge bundle of groceries when I got back, most everything was "cook for 20 minutes" or stick in the microwave. Nothing I got would require cutting or more ingredients. But, Aaron and I cooked this (and this for dessert):

So good! :) ... minus the basil sauce or whatever that green stuff is. GROSS. Don't try it.

Thursday, August 19, 2010


I'm home.

That statement is true in itself, but it doesn't feel true - yet.

I haven't been back in Texas for a whole week yet. It's been kind of a rough transition back to real life. Which, I totally wasn't expecting. I knew I'd miss people and whatnot, but not this.

My world feels surreal. I feel like I will wake up, walk out of my apartment and be outside of t-bird. I feel like when I walk downstairs I will see all of summer staff bumming around. I've never felt something so surreal, besides maybe when I was in Europe. So, yes, I do feel like I'm in a foreign country.

Change is good. I usually like change. Change keeps me on my toes, it stretches me. But, I not only went from the wonderful land of Glorieta to Texas, but from dorm to apartment... community to isolation. Granted, I enjoy isolation most of the time (about as much as I also love community).

But, isolation isn't the best when adjusting. I went from 100 to 1 in four hours. First full day on my own, I was so lost at lunch I just paced in my kitchen.

I'm learning what it means to be at home in Him. Home is not with certain people or at a certain place, it is Him and wherever He leads me. He led me to Glorieta for a few months, but He has me here for a reason... I'm excited and anxious for what He has planned in the coming months. :)

Friday, August 13, 2010

Million-Dollar Summer.

How do I put to words the story of my summer? How do I describe everything in a way that people might get a little insight?

The blog I wrote right before I came here stated that I was ready, I was excited, and I wanted a break. Even though I was "ready"... I had no idea what God was about to do in my life. And, I definitely got a break. A break that was refreshing, reviving, refilling, renewing... and not to mention, fun.

It was fun
...going to Olive Garden with my front desk girls.
...hanging out with homeless people on the square.
...eating sushi for the first time.
...hiking to Pulpit Point (and missing it).
...going to a crazy church with a huge group.
...going to the Abq zoo.
...horseback riding through the mountains.
...going to an Iron Maiden (who?) concert.
...playing rock band at Aaron's.
...seeing the O'Keefe museum with Kelli.
...being in the variety show (against my will).
...eating Coldstone on my diabetic birthday.
...watching fireworks in Abq with sweet friends.
...dressing like a cowgirl for Western Night.
...seeing an amazing view of Glorieta/Pecos with Rod.
...going to the opera with Aaron.
...having staff Christmas in July.
...sucking at atomic bowling with the girls for Hummer's birthday.
...seeing Hillsong in concert with my faves.
...having a girls' night in Santa Fe (dancing in the plaza).
...watching the sunset over the valley/Santa Fe.

These precious memories are just a few. There's so many more little things... each day held something new. A new memory, a new joke.

This week was Collegiate Week. 1,800 college students who are crazy about Jesus were on campus. Despite their incessant need to walk in the middle of the road, seeing a huge community of believers was just encouraging. Last year at Collegiate Week, God got my attention. I came here a little lost, with a lot of hurt and frustration... thinking I could get myself back on track.

But, I can't. It took me awhile to fully realize that. This last year has been an adventure. God has taught me and stretched me so much, especially this summer. There's a lot of things He taught me and ways that I grew, but a few that stick out:

I feel like I found myself. My identity is in Him. I don't want or need to fit in with society, or what people think I should be. I don't need the approval of people, my aim should not be to please them. It's been a rough couple of years, in all honesty. And this summer, I found joy... I thought I knew it before - I didn't.

He's taught me a lot about love and people. Love is an action, not a feeling. We love because He loved us, we love because we are called to love. Being out here in the beautiful mountains, made me realize how beautiful our God is... His beauty is reflected into Creation and into us. Love people because they are His children and He made each of us beautiful and unique, each for a purpose. Being a part of this family of believers for three months, day in and day out, realizing how different we all are was at times annoying or frustrating, but God really opened my eyes seeing the beauty in it.

God has shown me how strong He is, how He fights every battle. God has never failed, He has never let me fall. There's an overwhelming peace knowing that not only am I not alone in my battles, but that He comes to my rescue.

I am not ready to leave Glorieta.
Maybe I'm just in denial of returning to reality.
Maybe I just hate the fact that some of these people I will never see again.
I love this place, what it's all about and what's happened here over the last three months.

This summer, I became so aware of God... so aware of Him working, so aware of what He was teaching, so aware of His presence. I don't want to lose that when I go home. I should've already been aware, I don't know why I had to come out here for that... maybe that's why I needed this break so bad, with so few distractions.

I know when I go home, there are things that will change. There are "old" parts of me that I don't want to come back. My hope for the whole summer staff and myself, is that we would remember what God has taught us this summer and what He's done in our lives and cling to that. Don't let the changes be temporary.

I saw thousands of lives surrendered to Christ.
I made hundreds of memories.
I have an amazing Glorieta family.
I serve an indescribably incredible God.

This has definitely been a million-dollar summer.

Sunday, August 8, 2010


So, I'm not a cook, in the slightest bit.
Nor do I have a significant amount of knowledge about anything IN the kitchen.

The dining hall serves baby potatoes probably once or twice a week.

I didn't know there was such a thing as "baby potatoes"...

And, word vomit happened.

"I've always wondered how they make these potatoes into little balls."


Yeah. I said it. I realize potatoes are grown.
Cut me some slack, it's been a long day.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


Everything in the Bible points to Christ,
but does everything about you point to Christ?

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Beauty in the Breaking.

This last week hasn't been the greatest.
This last week has been awesome.

Both statements are true completely. I'm not sure how that happens simultaneously.

Due to lack of blood sugar control, I got a UTI. I've been having to check about 8x a day now, so that my doctor can figure out what to change. Three days later, I start getting sick. Yesterday, I didn't have a voice. Saturday night/Sunday I was congested, earache, etc. Though, thankfully to lots of sleep and medicine (and prayer) I am feeling a lot better today.

But, during all this, I had a lot of good things happen. Like, I got to hear John Macarthur speak. And, I got to see Lecrae in concert - for FREE. My parents and grandparents came into town for a few days... so that included: phase 10, ice cream, Bobcat Bite, Tucanos, Olive Garden, Sandia Peak, and the (lame) Balloon Museum. I also got my t-shirt quilt (late birthday present)! And, a bunch of us summer staff girls went to Texas Roadhouse and atomic bowling to celebrate a birthday. I also got to eat Pei Wei and see Hillsong (neither for free, but still awesome).

Life has it's ups and downs, it's inevitable. I know life is not perfect, therefore I know at some point something else will go wrong (also the pessimist inside me). But, there's something that God has taught me this summer... and that's this: whatever is currently going wrong, is really not that bad... and I have a hope that surpasses everything else. Him.

I was watching a storm roll in and through town the other day, and I have to add... the clouds/sky here in New Mexico is simply beautiful. But while I was watching, I just felt like God was telling me, "You see how beautiful this storm is? There's beauty in your storms too, not just after... but during."

The pain that comes with the storm draws me closer to Him.
I draw closer to Him, and He continues to transform me.
He breaks down the things that are not of Him.

Sometimes we don't realize, and too often forget...

there is beauty in the breaking.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Boundless #18.

Romans 12 has some good stuff in it. A lot of the Bible tells us how we should live as a follower of Christ. This section tells us how to live within a community.

Two lines stuck out to me in this passage. "Do things in such a way that everyone can see you're honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone."


Everyone watches. What I do, day in and day out, should be honoring to God. The people I work with, my friends, my family, customers, people on Facebook... they all notice. But, my actions should not be honoring to God just to impress or please people, but because He has changed and transformed me.

Living in peace with everyone is easier said than done. Even though we are called to love everyone, regardless of what they've done or who they are, our human nature sometimes takes over. I know personally, I don't always show love - especially to those that I don't necessarily get along with.

Community is stronger when we keep each other accountable, and when we live in harmony. I constantly have to remind myself that we are all a part of the body of Christ. Today's challenge was to read the Roman's passage and also think about the phrase "vis à vis" in relation to God's bigger picture. Vis à vis means "with regard to"... and in regard to His bigger picture, I am a minor detail. I'm an artist, I know how important details are, they make the picture beautiful. We are details in God's masterpiece, each of us individually beautiful and adding our own part.