Thursday, October 28, 2010

Come Rest Upon Us.

My soul is weary, and my cup is dry,
I am so in need of You,
though my rightesousness is rags,
your mercies are new
my mind is heavy and my days are long,
I lift my eyes up in the night,
my heart it weighs me down,
but your burden is light,
so Lord, come walk with me
until my heart believes
all the bounties that your grace can bring.

- Rest Upon Us, by Caedmon's Call

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Mark of the Lion.

Thanks to my best friend, I just finished the Mark of the Lion series by Francine Rivers last night. I had tried reading book one a year ago almost... and failed. Didn't like it, gave up. But, over the last few months I have fallen in love with this series. It's one of those series I could read over and over again.

The first book is about Hadassah, this young girl who's faith is unsteady. But, throughout the book, her faith strengthens and she starts relying more on the Lord. It's so evident seeing the Spirit work in her life.

Book two continues with Hadassah's story, and tells the story of Marcus - the son of the family that Hadassah serves - finding his faith. I think what hit me most with this book was that because of the way Hadassah lived her life and impacted Marcus, after she was thought to of died... Marcus became a believer. I only hope that my life can influence others and draw others closer to Christ. Every relationship - friends, family, boyfriend, co-workers, etc.

Sometimes when I meet people, I wonder if they're a believer, and I usually find out through conversation or Facebook. It's happened a few times when I start thinking maybe they person doesn't know Christ, find out they do and I'm like oh, crap. In those moments, the Lord reminds/asks me - what about myself, do people think I know Christ by the way I act and talk?

Book three is about Atretes and Rizah. Another story of a girl influencing and impacting other's lives and drawing them towards Christ. Rizpah had such strong faith, and was completely sold out to the Lord. She was so humble and completely captivated by Him. Rizpah said something a lot in the book, something along the lines of, "though he slay me, yet I will trust Him."

I think this is one of the hardest things of walking with Christ. People suffer or go through hardships and turn from Christ, when ultimately we should draw closer to Him. Last year was a hard, hard year. There were so many times that I wanted to give up, I was tired of feeling hated, tired of crying myself to sleep. I kept drawing closer to Him and, of course, it was the best thing I could've done. Rizpah was so, so faithful to the Lord... at times I thought, I don't even know if I could do that.

Hadassah and Rizpah embodied Christ - they lived as He would have. The Bible tells us we're to be different, set apart, not follow the crowd. And that is so what those characters did in these books.

Granted, they look like trashy romance novels. But, I totally recommend anybody read them.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

oh, happiness.

I am torn.

Torn between joy and lethargic.
Torn between feeling close to and far away from God.


God is not a feeling.

and, His joy surpasses all else.

I don't know why I have these conflicting emotions,
almost oxymoron-like.

But, I am full of joy and the happiest I've been since I came to college. Actually, maybe even since early high school. God continues to bless me and work everything out (as usual).

It's a weird feeling being happy on a bad day. But I like it.

Monday, October 25, 2010


Retreat: a period of seclusion, retirement, or solitude. The act or process of withdrawing, especially from something hazardous, formidable, or unpleasant. (example: college)

I think sometimes church retreats get a lot of crap; people consider them boring, or cliche. They don't want to spend more than 2 hours with some people, have to open up. I, on the other hand, love retreats. I love seclusion. And, as hard as it may be to believe, I love turning off my cell phone and not having a computer for days at a time. 

At the women's retreat I went to this weekend, we focused on the passage in Ephesians that talks about the armor of God. We put on and take up His armor. 

truth: agreement with final reality, His word IS our final reality. 
His truth redeems our past. [Isaiah 42:9]

righteousness: faultless in every situation
His righteousness ratifies our present. [Jeremiah 23:6]

peace: tranquility of the soul
His peace redefines our future.

and... faith.
The shield of faith is not just a defense, it can be an offensive weapon too. We can't always hide behind our shield, because Satan will use his arrows of insecurity, doubt, anxiety, nervousness, pride and arrogance and tear it to pieces. [Romans 10:17]

Another verse we focused on was 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, "...for my power is made perfect in weakness..." When I'm weak, and I want to give up and throw the towel in - His power is perfected. Not when I'm strong, but when I'm weak. And for Him to be strong, I have to take my hands off of the situation - let go. 

Isaiah 49:4 has been on my heart a lot lately, "I replied, “But my work seems so useless! I have spent my strength for nothing and to no purpose. Yet I leave it all in the Lord’s hand; I will trust God for my reward.”

Leave everything in His hands; the battles are the Lord's. 

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Faith and Doubt.

As I looked at the cover of our church program, I thought to myself (okay, first I thought it was a good design), that sounds a lot like Hebrews 11:1. My life verse.

And I was right, that's what the message was about. How beautiful.

As believers, we take things by faith. But, even non-believers take things by faith. As you back out of the driveway, you subconsciously have faith that your brakes will work. As you walk in the building, you have faith that the architects did their job correctly and that the ceiling won't cave in. I loved when our pastor talked about that... because it's true. An even better point he made - even science takes faith. Think about it.

We don't ask for proof on everyday things; proof that the chef didn't spit in your food at the restaurant, proof that the architect wasn't drunk the night before he built that skyscraper. If we don't ask for proof on these things, why do we ask God for proof?

It's normal for believers to doubt. Our pastor pointed out that some of the strongest Christian leaders doubted at some point(s) in their life. Something else very interesting he said was that, faith and doubt can grow at the same time. Having doubt doesn't mean you are weak or you don't truly love Jesus. But faith, faith is something you can't manufacture - it's a gift from God.

We live by unbelievable faith. Faith that God is who He says He is, and will do what He says He will. We make decisions about things we don't know and things you can't see because God asks us to do so.

Everything involves something not yet seen. 

Cross the bridge from doubt to faith on God's promises.

Our pastor talked about how people question how he lives by faith, how he can be a man of such strong faith - believing in something he can't see or touch, and it's like Peter said,

Where else would we go?

Saturday, October 16, 2010


I made an art blog. I will probably just use it to post my art pieces... not really sure yet.
Check it out over on that link! ---------------------->

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Mighty to Save.

Everyone needs compassion,
a love that's never failing.
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
the kindness of a Savior,
the hope of nations.

He can move the mountains,
My God is mighty to save,
He is mighty to save.

You know when you hear a verse, or a song for the millionth time, but it seems to ring differently? I've sung and heard this song too many times to remember, but as it came on my Pandora station... it just hit me.

Everyone needs love... it makes the world go round. We are called to love each other, no matter the circumstances. But, I'm flawed. I'm human. I don't love as often as I should, I don't love people that need it the most. I need love - a love that loves me when I screw up, that loves me when I'm unlovable. That's why I seek Christ - unconditional, unending love... when people fail, God prevails.

I hold grudges with the best of them. I've been capable of not speaking to people for months. Forgiveness is a hard concept for me, even when I am forgiven over and over and over. There's usually a lot of stubbornness, holding back, arguing with God, until I let it go and give it to Him. And, I'm to forgive people JUST like He forgives me. No but's. No grudges. But, the kindness of a Savior.

I am weak, and little. A mere human. Who can compare to God? That's what I've been reading over and over again in Isaiah. He is incomparable. But, God... He formed the oceans, He gives everything life, He moves mountains. MOVES them. He can move the huge mountains in my life, even when I think it's impossible. He saves me. Rescues me, each and every time.

"When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you." - Isaiah 43:2


I am a thrifty shopper.
Off-brand, coupons, discounts ... I try and save every penny.

I have a kind of large living room, that has a large space in the middle. I decided that coffee table was needed - to fill space, and for a place to set stuff instead of covering my couches in books and papers.

Looked at tables online - way too much for this college kid.
Next stop, Craigslist.

A college girl in town was selling a nice one for $25. Cheap for a table, expensive for me. I ended up posting a "wanted" ad on Craigslist next to the other random, probably not G-rated wanted ads - thinking I won't be getting a coffee table til the next garage sale season.

One hour later. "I'll sell it to you for $10."

After some awkward texting, lots of complicated changing of plans, it was set that I would drive to the OTHER side of Amarillo last night.

Danae and I ate some hamburger helper, cleaned up the Route 44 DDP that I spilt, plugged in the GPS and set off on our adventure.

Mind you, when the lady told me she lived "out by the airport" she didn't say in a secluded, miniature town that has it's own school district. And, is kind of sketch. I was relieved that the original plan was for her to leave the table on her porch, me to slip $10 under the potted plant and us never have to interact.

Well, when we pulled up to the duplex and there was no table in sight, I had to shoot her a text.

"Oh my gosh, my husband forgot!!!!! We'll be there in a few minutes!! I'm so very embarrassed and sorry!"

While we waited, I turned to Danae and said, "This may be one of the most awkward situations I will ever have to be in..." A few minutes of awkward driveway talk, loading the not-at-all-heavy table in the back and handing over some cash - the table is MINE.

I somehow always find myself in awkward situations. But, a $10 (or free, thanks to the 'rents) coffee table is worth it. Oh, the things I go through to save money.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Who, Why, How!

I have 27 followers. 27! What! Crazy talk.

I also have a tracker on my blog (sounds so creepy)... that tells me WHERE people are from when they visit.

But, I want to know WHO you are! Why are you here? How did you find my blog? :)

... so leave a comment!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Sacred Priorities.

Sometimes, you need a break. Space. Breathing room. Quiet.

Today, I made that my day.
No TV.
Very little computer.
Mild texting.
I didn't even go to church.

Lots of reading and cleaning (my two therapies).

I'm sad to say that my crazy schedule this semester has shaken things up. Some good, some bad. I do read my Word everyday - sometimes it's an obligation, sometimes it's a joy; but I think that happens to everyone. But, sometimes I feel rushed, I need to grab my stuff and head to class. I tell myself I'll read when I get home, as the Bible lays on the kitchen untouched that evening.

Today, though, I made extra time. Not that I consider this to "cover" me for the last week or next week. I did two studies - which coincidentally were almost identical. My best friend and I are going through "Seeking Him" and my Bible study group is going through "Set Apart Femininity" - both very awesome.

The last section of Seeking Him that I did today was rough. One of those very humbling, sometimes painful studies. It took us through a list of things to "put off" (with a list of things to replace it with as well) - jealousy, loving others, impatience, complaining, fear, worldly entertainment, on and on. I'm making it a goal to go through the provided scriptures again this week, hopefully more than once.

I'm not sure which study or book it's from, but Leslie Ludy has something called "Cleaning out the Sanctuary"... which is basically the same concept as the study mentioned before, but more in detail. Although it didn't provide scripture, it pointed out things (or rather, God pointed out things) in my life that are not of Him.

As I was reading this week's chapter for Set Apart Femininity afterwards, more things jumped out at me. It talked about how we are often angry or upset because we feel like God is distant. Yet, we can quote more movie quotes than scripture. We justify watching movies (trashy or mild), or being caught up in the latest TV series by say it's normal and accepted. Personally, I didn't realize how influenced I am by pop culture, even when I hardly watch TV (especially not MTV) or read all the big magazines, etc.

"Most of us feel we don't have enough time for prayer and seeking God. But we don't even consider giving up our nightly TV time or weekend movie fests." - Set Apart Femininity

I was thinking how wonderful it would be to take away school or work, only have to deal with one of them. (you know, like spending a summer in Glorieta!) Then, I could spend more time with God. But, then God reminded me that He's placed me here, with the certain people He's placed in my life, with everything as it - for a reason. He teaches me through circumstances and people everyday.

I watched this video last semester, but I still love it.

Thursday, October 7, 2010


I read this blog and realized some things.

I do find worth in how productive I am at work or school.
I do find worth in how much money I have.
I do find worth in being part of certain groups.
I do find worth when I feel loved and respected.

These are not okay things. God should be the center of my entire being, not just parts of it.

I know I am not perfect. I know my relationship with God could always be better. I worry too much. I think too much of other people's opinions. I stumble. I know there have been times when I've had idols in my life - but never have I thought the things that blog listed were idols.

There is grace.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Now I'm a mobile blogger. :)

And I added this thing that connects similar posts to each other. Such a blog nerd.

Monday, October 4, 2010

On Guard.

I love people watching. I people watch with the best of 'em.

As I was standing in line for some delicious funnel cake at 8:30 in the morning this weekend (see previous post), I noticed something... or someone.

This notice was not a good thing, either. No, I am not about to describe someone wearing a leopard outfit, or spandex shorts, or ugly shoes. This was far worse.

This man was staring. He was talking.

He was staring at women in line like they were pieces of meat. He was talking to his co-worker about who knows what, but whatever it was, he had to turn his back to the customers in line so we couldn't read his lips.

I turned to my (guy) friend in line and said, I don't like him. And told him the reason, at which he quickly noticed what I had already seen.

Sure, I've been around guys when they talk about how "hot" a girl looked when she walked by - in high school. I honestly don't remember the last time I've seen something so rude and degrading. Maybe I'm making a bigger deal about this than needed. I'm really not sure why this bothers me so much.

I'm not trying to make it sound like once again guys are jerks, or whatever. In fact, in the last month I've seen girls do things that made me ashamed. Girls who move from one relationship to the next in a blink of an eye. Girls who wear next to nothing at a football game to try and get stares. Girls who only claim to be a Christ-follower when it's convenient. But, these women (including me - yes, I caught him staring at me) were not being trashy or wanting attention.

Since then, as I've walked around campus, gone to Wal-Mart, worked-out... I keep noticing how much people stare at and judge each other. There was one guy in the gym today that stared at these two girls as they walked down the hallway, and it made me so mad. I feel more self-conscious after noticing these two guys in the last few days.

In Bible study last week, we talked about how society makes it sound like men are always sleazy. How some claim even Christian men can't even be not of this world, different, set apart, etc. They are hard to come by, it's true. But, the Word of God can and does transform and change people.

Women, guard your hearts.
Men, guard your hearts.

Sunday, October 3, 2010


It's weird how a place can feel like home after three short months.

I went to New Mexico Friday, more specifically Glorieta. I was there just two months ago. I only got to walk around for an hour that night, and then I was in Abq/Santa Fe all of Saturday. I was kind of bummed about my lack of time spent in Glorieta, but at the same time, SO thankful I got to go.

As we rolled into New Mexico, it was cloudy. Rain storm was coming. One of my favorite things from this summer. Rain storm in the mountains is a whole new level of beauty.

Then, the sun was peeking out behind clouds. Beautiful isn't a strong enough word to describe that. It looked like God was behind those clouds, just looking down on us a little bit. For a little while, it came out fully behind the clouds. As the sun reflected off the wet pavement, I had to close my eyes because it was so bright. I thought, and heaven is going to be even brighter and more beautiful than this, more than I can even imagine. As the sun set, the sky was a white gold - much like the sunset Aaron and I watched from a hill.

There was a lightning storm as we pulled into Glorieta. I remembered the huge lightning storm we had this summer, where the power was out for hours. I sat on the steps and sang worship songs as Tyler played his guitar.

I sat in traffic on the same highway that we sat in traffic on to go watch fireworks on the 4th. Fireworks and balloon fiesta take place in the same field.

I got to see the restaurant of my boyfriend and I's first date. Sweet memories.

I walked around the plaza that I walked around, and even danced in once, many'a times.

I ate at Bumblebee's, the last place I ate at this summer. There was a group of friends at the table I sat in my first time there. I remember my first time there, was with a huge group of girls... and Justin. It was after church, we went to Blaze.

I went to Thunderbird, where I lived for three months. It looked creepy, sadly. It was quiet, lifeless.... none of the family there. The lobby was actually unlocked, and the TV was on - which creeped me out enough to shut the door and run away.

It felt like home. I knew every turn, every tree, every secret spot.

Somehow Glorieta became a part of me, as did the people I was around. I miss it all.

Friday, October 1, 2010


Everyday, I read a slip of paper, whether it be a quote, scripture, a song to listen to, or a to-do task. My best friend left me a box of 400-some slips of paper. You see, she is far away - Europe. Before she left, we talked everyday, endlessly. These slips of paper were my only "communication" between her and I for the last two weeks. Today, was by far one of my favorites:

"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart." - Elisabeth Foley

I have many'a friendships that are long distance. Yet, by the grace of God, some of these are my closest friends. Pictured below in no particular order:

You three are huge blessings in my life. Only because of God did we meet. I read something today that reminded me of this...

God is still in charge and in control.
He is beside you, behind you, before you, and for you.
No doubt about it, no way around it -
His plan is good, His power is great,
and His best is yet to come.

Outside Dating Advice.

If you are dating someone, or heck... even if you just want advice on Godly dating/marriage, go here. I follow this blog regularly, they do a variety of topics, but this last week they started one on marriages. Real good. :)