Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Mindless Thoughts.

Notes of today:

 - I am halfway done with creating my watermark. I just can't figure out how to make it transparent or... whatever, so that I can place it on my photos! 

 - I'm starting on two of my tasks of the 101 in 1001 list tomorrow! 

 - I'm wearing my new summer dress right now. I'm enjoying the dress more than I thought I would... I almost want to go buy one in every color! 

 - I had a blood sugar of 95 before breakfast, and 112 after yoga. BOO-YAH! 

 - I may have found a new work-out buddy; the secretary in the office I work at. 

 - For the first time, I am celebrating my diabetic birthday this year! Some friends and I are going to go eat at Olive Garden on Friday (since Saturday will be filled with 4th festivities). 

 - I'm getting a raise at one of my jobs soon! YESSSSSS! 

 - Only a few days left in the cafeteria, which is good and bad; good because I can eat healthier and not worry about camp kids, but bad because that means I have to cook for myself! 

That's all for today. :)

Sunday, June 28, 2009

101 in 1001.

So, I saw this on Karen's blog and decided I'd give it a shot. It's a new project called 101 in 1001. Here's my list!

1. Run a 5K.
2. Wear a dress to class five times. [8/27]
3. Go to Washington, D.C.
4. Sell some of my art.[04/2010]
5. Study abroad, again.
6. Go on a mission trip with the BSM. [March 2010]
7. Cook something I've never cooked before. [8/20/10]
8. Go a full day, most of it in public, without make-up.[3/26/10]
9. Get a graphic design internship.
10. Roadtrip somewhere out of state to run another 5K.
11. Have an A1C under 7%.
13. Visit Austin.
14. Go to a spa for a massage. [12/29/10]
15. Compete in an art show. [March 2010]
16. See a drive-in movie. [7/10/10]
17. Go horseback riding in PDC.
18. Watch a live Texas Tech game (any sport).
19. Lose 15 pounds.
20. Go camping.
21. Design my own photo branding/logo. [7/5/09]
22. Go a month without eating hamburger.[8/1/09]
23. Be in the states, not on vacation - and go a week without anyFacebook. [06/10]
24. Take a photo everyday for a month. [8/1/09]
25. See a major band/artist in concert. [8/12/2009]
26. For five months, take one day a month to do absolutely nothing.
27. Buy the season three of Gilmore Girls (only one I'm missing).
28. Have a picnic.
29. Watch a scary movie.
30. Become un-scared of Taylor's dog.
31. Have more A's than B's (and no C's) for one full school year. [05/2010]
32. Buy the Grey's Anatomy seasons.
33. Make five new Itunes playlists. [7/20/09]
34. Go to an amusement park.[7/13/09]
35. Have an art weekend (painting, drawing, pictures). [8/8/09]
36. Buy a GOOD digital camera. [8/11/2009]
37. Clean out my iTunes. [7/5/09]
38. Re-do my "100 Things That Make Me Happy" list from high school.
39. Update my address book. [12/30/09]
40. Call my sister once a month for six months.
41. Check my blood sugar at least three times a day, for one month. [8/4/09]
42. Road-trip to at least three football games.
43. Complete p90x.
44. Don't wear a t-shirt (minus working out) for one week.
45. Figure out how to post this list on the side of my blog. [6/28/09]
46. Delete my Myspace. [12/4/09]
47. De-clutter my room. [7/26/09]
48. Go back to drinking 3 bottles of water every day, for a month.[8/1/09]
49. Only go to Wal-Mart once a week (unless for school supplies) for two months.
50. Go star-gazing. [06/2010]
51. Ride my bike in PDC.
52. Road-trip somewhere far away. [12/10]
53. See the ocean again. [3/13/10]
54. Be baptized. [1/17/10]
55. Do a photo shoot for someone. [08/10]
56. Participate in at least one dorm "program" a month for a semester.
57. Figure out how to do a countdown for this list. [7/7/09]
58. Make crafty room signs for me and four friends.[8/8/09]
59. Write Ellie a letter every other week for three months.
60. Join an intramural team.
61. Get a pedicure.
62. Go one week without passing judgement aloud.
63. Buy three tops that are not t-shirts or graphic tees. [12/27/09]
64. See three movies in the theatre before Christmas 2009. [7/16, 7/26, 8/7]
65. Visit my sister in Kansas City. [Winter 2009]
66. Try turkey burgers. [7/1/09]
67. Wear my glasses (minus working out) for a week.
68. Be able to bench press more than the bar.
69. Try a new food. [3/24/10]
70. Go a month without pop.[8/1/09]
71. Fully paint my face at a football game.
72. Watch three WT soccer games.
73. Watch three WT softball games. [2/27/10, 3/6/10, 4/30/10]
74. Participate in five new on-campus activities.
75. Join a Bible Study and only miss once. [11/30/09]
76. Go to the HELC to print, instead of using my own paper for one month. [9/24/09]
77. Buy a new hamper. [12/19/09]
78. Put some sort of furniture in the awkward corner in our suite. [7/25/09]
79. Go to a recital. [11/20/09]
80. Visit the ArtWalk at Sunset Center five times. [8/7/09, 9/4/09, 10/2/09, 11/6/09, 3/5/10]
81. Eat out at a new restaurant. [7/2/09]
82. Celebrate my diabetic birthday. [7/3/09 - one day early!]
83. Do the 365 Day Project on Flickr.
84. Unplug for a weekend (computer, TV, phone). [8/8/09]
85. Make a notebook of quotes/lyrics. [8/14/09]
86. Purchase a TWLOHA shirt. [12/1/09]
87. Name a star after something/someone important.
88. Become certified in CPR.
89. Buy and be comfortable in a bikini.
90. Keep a school planner for one school year. [05/2010]
91. Do Walk for Diabetes. [8/28/10]
92. Donate $5 to JDRF for every task not completed.
93. Document pictures for tasks completed.
94. Keep a food log for two weeks.
95. Convince one person to do this. [7/2/09]
96. Eliminate all sugar (unless low) for 30 days. [9/10/09]
97. Try Geocaching. [5/18/10]
98. Go go-cart racing.
99. Buy ice cream from the ice cream truck.
100. Figure out how to back-up my computer. [12/26/09]
101. Finish this list and make another.

Go, go, go.

I am so out of it. 

Being gone for a week for camp completely threw me off schedule. I can barely sleep, but I'm so BEYOND tired. I took NyQuil and I couldn't even sleep in with that help! Camp has never done this before! And I'm also becoming sick. Awesome. 

I half-way slept in yesterday (halfway because I didn't get out of bed until 10:30, but I was waking up every half hour after 7:30), and somehow managed to sleep an hour in the afternoon. Then, Taylor, Amanda, and I made "breakfast for supper" for the 'boys' (Shay, Travis, and Mike). Which turned out to be quite the adventure. I hadn't seen Shay since the second week of May, so it was good to hang out again. I have a feeling since his guy friends are going to be up here next year, I'm going to have to find a new work-out buddy :/

The guys left, and us girls went to Hastings to steal some Wi-Fi and chill. On our way back it started pouring :) Rain is one of my favorite thing, especially if it's a big storm. Which it wasn't... but it provided some entertainment later on. (Sorry, the picture is blurry!) 

Somehow we ended up laying in the middle of a sidewalk on campus, just talking about life. It was nice, just to sit and talk... no cell phones, no TV, no music. 

Today, I was asked what I thought of my first year of college. Well, of course I said I loved it. When asked why, I said I'd made some amazing friends. My best friends and I can just read each other. We know when the other one is upset just by the way they text. We don't get to hang out every day because of class and work, but we still talk ALL day. I've hardly seen Casey and Shay but we talk enough that our friendship hasn't changed. And you know you have a strong bond with someone when you don't see them for almost two years but you know everything that's going on in their life. 

But, I've realized not all friendships/relationships can work this way. Not all are as easy, which frustrates me. There's people I wish I was closer to, but friendships are a two-way street, and I'm tired of feeling like I have to do all the work.

My roommate and I talked a little today. Which was the first time in.... two weeks? If you don't know the full story - no, we're not fighting, we just don't talk. at all. ever. But, she (finally) cleared a shelf for me in the kitchen - under the sink, yuck - but she didn't clean it. So, I asked her to clean it, and I think she was hoping to get out of it by saying she didn't have anything to clean it with. Too bad I'm Miss Overprepared and had paper towels and 409 under my sink. 

Put down some contact paper after she cleaned it, moved some food and now I have more space :)
Cleaned the toilet; next is the shower, and cleaning and mopping.

Then I'm going for a run. 
No wonder I'm tired. :)

P.S. -- Thanks to Karen, I'm working on my "101 in 1001" list - and it's a lot harder than I thought. Click here to see what I'm talking about!

Friday, June 26, 2009

Twelve times the madness.

I read my last blog post, and laughed at the "reminder" that I love camp. Like I need a reminder after 12 years. 

Yes, there were a few moments that I so desperately wanted to be back in my dorm room in Canyon. But I think that was just the heat getting to my brain. Anyways, back track... I'll start from the beginning.

Fitness class.
Lunch with Stephanie.
Drive 7 hours - by myself - to Salina. 

Unable to sleep in. 
Go shopping. 

Ohmygoodness. I had not seen this girl in almost two years. Made my entire summer to see her. But the funny thing was... we had nothing to talk about. We talk every day. She knew everything. And vice versa. "Did I tell... Yeah, I did. Nevermind." We went to this cute little cafe called Bogey's and got dinner with my grandparents, which was so much fun. Plus, she brought Patty the Pancreas (a little stuffed animal she's had since she was diagnosed, it was how she told her classmates she was diabetic) so we took some pictures. 

We stayed up pretty late talking, about I don't even remember what. Entirely random things, since we had nothing to "catch up on." We did start talking about our diabetes; like having it in college, how weird it's been, what'd it be like, CAMP, etc. 

We went to Old Navy and got tank tops - $2 each. Regular $8.50. Yeah! 
Then, got some Sonic - and a free upgraded Route 44 Diet Dr. Pepper. LOVE. 
This is where it got fun: we realized we left to early, so we decided to just drive around Junction City, and then decided we wanted to go to Wal-Mart. So, we're driving around Junction (in the pouring rain, mind you) for an hour and never found Wal-Mart. Still don't know where it's at. Finally, it was time to go to camp orientation. 

We arrive Saturday afternoon, and have to go to tornado shelter that night - but thankfully there was never a tornado. Sunday, the kids come. Let the madness begin. I was co-counselors with Reyna, who I co-counseled with when I was a CIT two years ago. We didn't talk much that year, but this year we were finishing each others sentences. She's also a graphic designer. :) Our CIT was pretty legit too. Hanna reminded me of one of my camp friends, Kallie, so much that it was creepy. 

My campers were: shy, rambunctious, curious, timid, and so dependent on their parents. I texted (oops, wasn't supposed to have my phone...) the first night and thanked them. Obviously at the age of three I couldn't manage my diabetes, but in the second grade I was giving my own shots and checking my blood sugar. These girls were going into the fourth grade and didn't even know what "points" were (diabetics either count calorie points or carbohydrates). And we only had one newbie diabetic of four months. I realize everyone learns differently and manages it differently, but I was so in shock that I didn't even know what to do. It almost frustrated me. Ellie and I were talking after camp about how it's hard to believe that, because diabetes is a self thing. YOU control it, YOU manage it. Parents help and whatnot, but YOU are the one who knows how you feel and what works. 

We had the normal camp activities; pool, canoes, arts and crafts, nature, rifles, archery, horses (sort of), ropes course, education. And the scavenger hunt, movie night, awards... and we were supposed to have a campfire but that got canceled due to weather. 

Fairly normal year except for a few things; it was unnaturally HUMID and HOT. I was applying a bit of make-up (haha, yes I know...) and then realized I had beads of sweat already dripping off my forehead. At 7 in the morning. I was constantly in a state of either stickiness, sweatiness and at one point I reached slimy. Haha. 

And I guess the major point (not by any means the highlight) of camp was me kissing a dog. Okay first of all, we used to do "Kiss A Pig" because we used to get insulin from pigs before it was made in a laboratory. Well, due to swine flu and the difficulty of obtaining a baby pig anymore - it was changed to a dog this year. Before using it on humans, insulin was tested on a dog. (Her name was Marjorie.) Well, all the counselors have a poster in the dining hall and the kids earn stickers for doing something good, and then place stickers/votes on whoever they wish. Tuesday afternoon, I was doing good. Golden. Not a chance. Ohhhhh, that night things changed. Wednesday afternoon I was forced to face my fear. (Side note: if you don't know me well, I am SCARED of dogs.)


Yeah, it was acollie. My friends/co-counselors were trying to calm me down, but I wasn't having it. I was physically shaking and my heart was pounding. No, I've never been bitten or anything. I talked to my parents and I've come to the conclusion it was one of those "learned behaviors" that we learned about in psychology. As a child, if a dog approached us or whatever, my mom would yell and stomp at it... so that basically "taught" me that dogs were scary. 19 years later, the fear has not disappeared. I can handle dogs better than I used to but..... still. 

Okay, dogs aside. ... I needed camp. Reyna and I were talking, and we're going through the same thing. Our diabetes is kind of out-of-whack right now. We (*deep breath*) both don't do a real good job of checking four times a day, everyday. But only we can fix it. Which I realized the week before camp. And it's frustrating. I'm doing so much damage to myself... And I don't know how it's gotten so out of control. Even the lady who trained me for my pump asked what was going on, and I didn't even have an answer. I'm anxious for this new doctor, but at the same time... new doctor or not, I can only fix myself. I have an appointment on July 8th, so I'm sure I will be blogging about what the outcome is from it :) 

I had this thought before the campers came... and wrote it down, "How can sleeping in un-air conditioned cabins, sweating all day and night, and showering with bugs possibly be pleasant? Because I'm working with friends who have  gone through, are experiencing and will be there through all the same things I am. The kids drive us crazy and wear us out, but we're making living with diabetes just a little bit easier for one week." :)

I'll leave you with a few camp quotes from this year:
"I think you just changed my life." -- Ellie

"This Diet Dr. Pepper just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside..." -- Ellie

"I wonder if those storm clouds are coming or going..." -- Me
"Well, seeing as they haven't been here yet..." -- Reyna

"If you have a problem, talk to your counselor - I'm playing a game." -- Molly (camp director)

"Ewww! You're eating peanut butter on your rice krispie!" -- Camper
"Peanut butter goes with anythiiiing!" -- Me
"Even pickles? I DON'T THINK SO!!" -- Different camper

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Today is my last blog post for about 10 days. :)

I put a smile because I'm going to the best. place. on. earth. 
Well, for me anyways.

Camp Discovery
"Making it pointless for diabetics to brush their teeth before bed since 1973."
No, that's not the camp slogan, I promise. It's just a camp joke.

This place is AMAZING. I mean, even the bugs... old dirty mattresses... lack of sleep... 
ALL you do is fun stuff (okay, and a half hour of "education").
But, it's the one week of the year where you don't feel like an outsider. 
Everyone else around you is going through the same thing you are. 

If you're not diabetic, which probably most of you who are reading this aren't, then no offense... but you don't really know what I'm talking about. 

So anyways, I leave tomorrow. 
But what's even better than going to this camp... 
I get to see my best friend for the first time in almost two years. Yeah. 
TWO. YEARS. (Unless you count facebook videos, which we don't.)

I just want to start driving RIGHT now. I'm mostly packed... but at the same time, not really. 
But, I took off work today. I'm exhausted/halfway becoming sick so I called into Job #2. 
I was trying to get off Job #1, but apparently I had already done that like two weeks ago? 
I'm so out of it. Hahaha. But at least I have time to get stuff done. 

I need to go to Wal-mart.
And pack.
And paint.
And fill up my car.
And nap. 

So, neeeeeext weekend I should have a reallyyyy long blog blabbering about how much fun Ellie and I had at camp, and how much more exhausted I am but how it was worth it. I say this now so I'll read it when I get back, and it'll remind me :)

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Bring on the Moola.

The other day, a friend asked if I was saving up for something... if that's why I was working so much. 

... not really, just saving up to have money, I guess? 

Then, I remembered: 
Summer 2002: Baby-sat devil-like children across the street everyday, only two at the time. 
Summer 2003: Baked and sold cookies at the city swimming pool.
Summer 2004: Baked and sold cookies at the city swimming pool, again. (What I what do to just bake for a summer job again...) 
Summer 2005: Baby-sat two children a street over everyday, and worked at the golf course on the weekends. 
Summer 2006: Worked as a cashier at the grocery store in Sublette four days a week. 
November 2006: Switched to cashier at the grocery store in Satanta, four days a week. 
Summer 2007: Switched to selling books and "stuff" on Ebay and Amazon.com (most boring summer of my life.)
Summer 2008: Switched to baby-sitting three devil-like children across the street everyday and worked at the golf course on the weekends, again. 
January 2009: Worked at Student Employment Services.
March 2009: Switched to gym on campus. 
Summer 2009: Still working at the gym and picked up a second job; a total of 35 hours a week. 

I'm slowly turning into a work-aholic.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Pancreatic Hatred.

Today has been one of those days. Yes, those days. 
The ones where I hate my pancreas more than the day before. 

It's my own fault, but I still hate my pancreas. Better to hate it than myself entirely :)

Every three months, I go to the endocrinologist (a.k.a. - diabetes doctor) and they adjust my insulin and tell me to do this and that, etc. They also do an A1C test, which basically means they tell me what my blood sugars have been in between blood sugar tests and how well (or poorly) I'm doing. A perfect A1C is under 7%.... My mom e-mailed me today that my A1C came back - 10.1%. Yikes. 

I'm frustrated that it's that high, a little upset (from the parental lecture), and confused as to why it's that high. I admit, I don't check as often as I should, and I know "crazy schedule," isn't a very good excuse. But, I eat REALLY healthy and I exercise EVERY day. I don't drink or do drugs. WHY is my A1C absurdly high? 

I've wanted to change doctors for a few years now. I'm not going to specify all the reasons, but lately it's just been because I live in Texas now and I want a doctor near me. Well, due to this A1c, my dad finally looked into insurance and doctors down here - and told me I could call :) 

Too bad I've called five doctors - all which either said they weren't taking new patients or said by referral only. How awkward is that, to call my current doctor and ask for a referral to a new doctor. Obviously I can just tell them it's easier to have a doctor down here because of distance... but still. This doctor's been with me for 16 years. 

I want a new doctor. I want to lower my A1C. I want my parents to understand it's not so easy. 

Mostly, I just want a new pancreas. If you'd like to donate yours, let me know. :)

Saturday, June 13, 2009

The Little Things.

I like the simple things.

Things that made me smile today:
I went hiking with my parents today in Palo Duro. 
I got this little contraption that makes omelettes in the microwave. 
I bought a new pair of soffee shorts. 
I ate Olive Garden salad. 
I went to almost all the food samplings in Sam's Club today. 
I tried tilapia today. 
I watched one of my favorite movies with my best friend. 

There are parts of me, I admit, that are very complicated. But, there are other parts of me that are so low-maintenance. I don't need a guy to take me out to a fancy restaurant and movie every weekend. Watching a movie at home or walking around town is enough. "Doing something on the weekend" doesn't automatically equal going out. Sitting in the lobby talking or going for a snowcone is enough fun for me (though, there are things that are more fun.) I wear t-shirts, I don't care much about what's "in fashion." Never have. 

On the other end, it's also the simple things that make me angry. Little actions, little words. But, I'm not going into that today. 

I think sometimes it's the little things that make you happier.