Reflection.

Summertime has begun.

It has been an interesting first week of summer, being back in New Mexico. Waves of emotion between excitement, anxiety, fear and peace. This place and the people last year did so much for me, and I'd like to think I did the same for other people.

Not a lot of summer staff has arrived yet, so it's been a quieter week, allowing time for relaxation and alone time. As usual, the last few days have been thinking a lot about the last semester, and year. I've grown immensely from where I was this time last year. Life has changed, and I've learned through the good and bad times. Lost friends, gained friends, fell in love, traveled and worked my butt off.

Not having a social life this spring was rough, but the 4.0 at the end was pretty nice. But, for once, I almost agreed with my professor... I felt a huge sense of satisfaction with my grades, but wondered if missing out on fun times and community was really worth it. I felt a pull from God to break away from my community. I had a new one to join, one that is building and growing, but not as tight-knit.

Satan used my busy schedule and lack of community against me. I missed the accountability and just being able to talk things out. That is one of the reasons I was so ready to come back to New Mexico - there's community here, even outside the covenant groups.

I can already see reasons I was brought back here, and am reminded of God's faithfulness. I am excited to see how the Lord is going to work not just in me, but my co-workers and in our guests. He is so good. Even though I am being continually transformed, I'm ready for this "season" and what's to come.

Reasoning.

Life is not perfect.
Oh, were you not aware of this?

I think there have been a few times when I've felt like it was, until something brought me back down to earth.

Not that life can't be enjoyed, or we can't love life. I think it's as simple as just focusing on the positives rather than the negatives. Which is actually easier said than done, coming from a pessimist like me. Most people don't consider me a pessimist, since I don't tend to walk around grumbling and pissy all the time. But, more than half the time, in any given situation... I will think about the downsides or negatives of something without meaning too.


A few things heavy on my mind lately. Mainly, summer - which translates to New Mexico. Glorieta holds a very special place in my heart, it's where I found my two loves. Two years ago, I went to collegiate week at Glorieta and the Lord grabbed a hold of my heart. I realized I wasn't living the life I needed to and recommitted my life to Christ. Last summer, with no intention of doing so, I found someone. In nothing but a God-scripted way, Aaron and I just... clicked. Nine months later, still together and going strong. Geography means nothing to the Lord - 1200 miles can't quench this kind of love.

This semester has not been the easiest though. My spiritual community changed, classes were overwhelming, it became harder to be away from Aaron more and more, my diabetes has been crazy. Although I'm in a much better state than I was a year ago, I find myself ending the semester and so ready to get away again. The Lord has taught me a lot this semester, this year. But, I couldn't help but agree when I saw a friend post a status about wishing she praised the Lord not just in the good times, but in the bad as well.

As I was reading through Job this morning, these thoughts were running through my head. Of course, as humans, it's harder for us to praise God when things aren't what we exactly wanted. Things may not necessarily be bad, just not what we wanted. But... it's more about what He wants.

In chapter one, Job says, "The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!" The next verse says, In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.

I may not come right out and blame God, but too often I know I've asked God, why? "So who am I, that I should try to answer God or even reason with Him? ... For God is so wise and so mighty." (9:10, 4) It's not that I doubt God's plan or His wisdom, but I know sometimes my thoughts seem that way. My desires need to go back to His desires.

"But true wisdom and power are found in God; counsel and understanding are His." (Job 12:13)

I need not understand, only trust.

Weekend.

Dear Boyfriend,

I hope while watching me wander around in circles in confusion, the airport security officers laughed as much as we laughed at Furr's. Speaking of security, anybody shine a flashlight in your face lately?

Now you see why I love my job and why we love Oscar's. Sorry, I had the better burrito. :)

You weren't kidding when you said the five-year-old you was going to come out in the Discovery Center. The bubbles were my favorite part, in case you didn't notice. The light show with 80's graphics was my least favorite though - I still get nauseous thinking about it.

And I don't really care what my parents say, I think two trips to Orange Leaf was necessary this weekend. I enjoyed our eating-only-at-local-restaurants (minus Taco Bell) and always eating dessert.

I'm glad I now know how to make fettuccine alfredo.
Your cooking skills are slowly rubbing off on me! Don't give up on me yet, please!

You really love helping me finish my 101 list, don't you? This was probably one of my favorites, besides the really long roadtrip (since I was driving to see you...) Maybe someday we can ride a Tonto and Durango instead of Peanut and Rascal.

Although I don't do it very often, I'm glad I had a reason to wear my little black dress. I'm also glad you didn't judge me for how much bread I ate at Napoli's. And if you ever wear a baseball cap like those dumb high school prom dates though, we will have problems.

Two of the things I miss the most about being away from you is not being able to go to church together, and hanging out with my family. I'm glad my parents got to be part of your first-time-at-Braum's experience.

You proved me wrong when I said boys aren't very creative, and this weekend you proved me wrong on your predictability. Seven flowers each given separately, even one in the sock drawer? You're pretty sneaky, mister.

Thanks for walking around Wal-Mart with me while I finally got my oil changed, and then helping me wash my car for the first time in a year. I enjoy even doing the mundane things with you. Although it wasn't mundane, I also appreciated the help for my photo project. :)

I already miss you, our tickle fights, reading the Word at night, and randomly saying parsley... :)