Believing.

So, here's my fun fact of the day.

I was rejected.

I was rejected by a company that, for the last three and a half months, I thought I had a strong possibility of working for after graduation. Alas, they do not a designer. And, if we're being honest - it was very discouraging.

I would not classify the job search as boring, but definitely emotional, and has definitely been testing my faith.  I get my hopes up, I get excited, and then disappointed, and scared. It can make you feel inadequate, unwanted, confused, and frustrated.


"He has placed the land in front of you. Don't be afraid! Don't be discouraged! The Lord your God is going ahead of you. You saw how the Lord your God cared for you ALL along the way as you traveled through the wilderness, just as a father cares for his child. Now He has brought you to this place. He goes before you, looking for the best place to camp, guiding you..." - (pieces of) Deut. 1:21-33

This passage (or bits of a passage) is a reminder that I have all I need right now, and I will have all that I need. My God chose me, and loves me - and though I don't understand a lot of things right now... He is in complete control. Searching for a job can be frustrating to the point that it lowers your confidence, so even though I may be struggling with that - I have to be confident in His sovereignty. 

My hope can only be in Him - all other ground is sinking sand.
I have to believe that He has a plan, and I know He does.

Processing.

It has been an interesting, rough few weeks.

Maybe I was in denial, or being naive, or... something. But, when I came back from Christmas break, reality hit me pretty hard.

First and foremost, it is really hard to be away from the one you love. It's no lie that LDR's are not for the faint of heart. Luckily, Aaron is a huge encouragement and supporter... and listens to me whine :)

Secondly, I feel like I should write a book after all this job searching is done. And, I think the hardest part is knowing that I have barely begun the process. And I'm not exactly referring to just the job search - because I started that way back in September. But I've only had preliminary interviews, so I know more in-depth interviews in my future, not to mention apartment looking and applications, thinking about insurance, moving trucks, and changing my license plates, on and on...

I have my good days and my bad days. The good days, I wake up and am ready to take on the day, enjoying my last semester of college, even with all the homework and stress. I am confident that God will lead me to the next step of life, that in 6 or 8 months I will be settled in, working, etc. The bad days, I'm plagued with fear and doubt (no thanks to Satan for that one), wondering if I'm going to homeless, and never be able to put these four years of knowledge to work.

I may have to take a leap of faith in a few months. Which scares me, incredibly. I'm a planner, I like to be prepared. That's not how God works all the time, and that can be hard to embrace.  

But, I have learned some things through this process, which I have decided is called "growing up" - maybe you've heard of it. I know God does what is best, even if we don't think it's fair. I know God doesn't need our permission to mess up our little plans (which He has been doing a lot of lately.). His timing is not always my timing - He will reveal things when it's right. Life creates more questions than answers, but that's when I have turn to Him.

Our greatest test may be that we must trust God's goodness even though we don't understand why our lives are going a certain way. That simply requires a change in perspective, because right NOW is right on time.

And as hard as it may be, understanding everything is not required to follow His path.

Last Semester.

Christmas break is officially over. (It was yesterday, if we're being technical.)
My last big break before I join the real world. Even teachers got about two weeks, but not the rest of us! Which is okay, I guess, but it's just weird to think that that was it.

It was a good break for the most part, and weirdly, wasn't short. Usually you hear college students talking about how the break flew by and whatnot. And not that my break was long either... it was a much-needed and well-appreciated break.

I went home right after finals to clean out and pack up my room before we started traveling. I've taken with me or sold a large majority of my belongings, but there was stuff I hadn't touched or thought about in a long time. Of course, a large majority of it went to be sold or thrown away, but there were a few things I kept. It was funny to re-read old notes, old journal entries, see pictures that never got put in an album. So many memories packed into boxes (or simply thrown away). If having a job interview didn't make my graduating more realistic, packing up boxes to move sure did.

I then went to spend time with my sister - also probably the last time we'll spend that much time together for awhile. We got massages, drank Starbucks, ate Chipotle, watched movies... and I helped her at work. She teaches junior high math, so rather than sitting at home all day, I went to her classroom. I didn't do a whole lot of "helping" but it was still fun and interesting nonetheless.

Did the Christmas thing. This family, that family, these gifts, those gifts. Same routine every year. It's always good to see family, and it's interesting watching my younger cousins grow up. I only see them once or twice a year, and now that I'm getting old enough to start "feeling old" - I notice how much they're growing. It was weird to think my aunts and uncles, and older cousins, did the same to me!

Then, I went to Georgia. A great start to my semester, and great ending to my break. I attended Passion with two of my best friends. One thing I took away from those few days was being reminded how much I need to be diligent about being in the Word, and what it means to really follow God's will.

As a soon-to-be graduate, I want nothing more than to do God's will. As Louie Giglio said, it doesn't matter where we're at or what we're doing, His will for our lives is to glorify Him. And, it's not a "yes-I-know-that-but-what's-His-REAL-will-for-my-life" deal, there's no secondary part. Yes, He has a plan for our lives and whatnot... but that's it. I think rather than praying about knowing His will, we should pray about how/where He wants us to proclaim Him.

So, one last semester before me. Lots of lasts, more memories, and hopefully some answers for what's to come after graduation.

January Trip.

[a little late]

Dear Boyfriend,

This made two NYE's together, and I'm sure there will be plenty more to come. After two long days of driving, it was nice just to hang out with you and Taylor... and be silly.

 I can't believe you a) took this notebook to Passion, and b) made me carry it. And yes, I really am posting this picture of you on here.

Remember that time we got off on the wrong Marta stop and had to walk halfway across Atlanta with our luggage? Ohhh yeah, that time... yeah. Okay, maybe we didn't walk that far, but still. I'm sure people thought those four people carrying luggage were crazy!

I still laugh when I picture your face during all the crazy light shows at Passion. (You know what else makes me laugh? Lucky 101. Can't say I didn't warn ya'll... but at least the food was good!)

Even though it's rare (for now), I love going to church with you. Passion = four straight days of church = one of my favorite things we've done together so far.

It is slightly ridiculous how addicted to Foursquare you, Taylor, and I are now. So glad I took a screen shot of the "BFF Bonus"... haha! Does it know we really are best friends?

You can tell how tired I am in this picture... but can you blame me after all the walking we did? Not to mention those few runs down the HOV lane on the sidewalk. I still can't believe we did that. How we went shopping after this, I'm not sure - but seeing you try on a cardigan was worth it.

Last year after Passion we took a picture in your driveway, and that was a favorite... and I have to say, this is becoming a new favorite as well :)

Can we maybe make the Atlanta Botanical Gardens a yearly occurrence, say... in December or January? It was so relaxing to walk through all the lights (and people).

Most girls love flowers, but most girls would be surprised if those flowers came accompanied with a Diet Dr. Pepper. I love all the little ways that you love me. 

I'm not only thankful that Taylor let us stay an entire extra day, but that she made/let us go on a date by ourselves. We may not have done anything super exciting, but the slightly mundane and simple things I love just as much, if not more than the extra special dates.

My 12 days spent in Georgia made up the best mini-vacation I could have asked for to start off the new year and my last semester. I can't believe that was our longest time spent together since August 2010... sure doesn't feel like it :) see you in a few weeks...