Friday, July 31, 2009

No Creative Title.

I know, I know... I haven't blogged in awhile. 

Nor have I uploaded my daily photos. I've just been crazy busy! 

Good things:
- Last night was my last night shift at the gym, I work two 3-hour shifts this weekend and I'm DONE!
- I am about to finish my powerpoint for my online class, and then I have a test this weekend and then I'm DONE!
- I'm going to Glorieta, NM next week with some of my favorite people! 
- I made $100 with my photography at the county fair back home!
- I made $90 selling one of my camera's on Amazon.com (I still have another I need to sell, if you know anyone who wants a good camera, let me know!)
- I have the easiest office job ever.

Bad things:
- I need to do really really well on my last test in this online class.
- I've had to scrape off label stickers off of millions of chairs, I hate that part of my job. 
- I really want to sell my camera so I can buy myself a new one :) 
- I keep getting headaches.



Tomorrow, I will have gone a month without eating hamburger or drinking pop. I probably won't go buy a hamburger right away, but I'm taking myself to happy hour! MMMMMM. I will have also gone a month with drinking 3 bottles of water (or equivalent) every day and taking a daily photo! Just a few short days after that, I will have gone a month with checking my blood sugar three times a day! :)

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Hope.

It hasn't been a bad day.
Actually, the last week or two has been pretty good. 

But I'm frustrated, and I can't help it. 

I'm tired always being "the friend," and never anything more. I'm tired of watching my friends go on dates and my love life continues on this path of nothing. I'm tired of working out like crazy - for the last seven months - and feeling like nothing has come of it. I'm tired of not having a work-out partner. I'm tired of fighting over nothing with one of my best guy friends. I'm tired of going to two pointless jobs, where I do nothing productive. I'm tired of never being able to sleep in. I'm tired of having a suitemate who won't even look at me. I'm tired of feeling like the bad child in my family. I'm tired of fighting with my sister. I'm tired of always having something to do or finish. I'm tired of being the joke. I'm tired of being beat up about my diabetes. 

I'm not tired of God, and the hope He gives me. The list above isn't ruining my happiness, because of one reason.... 

"But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." -- Isaiah 40:31
    

Monday, July 27, 2009

Solid Ground.

I wrote a devotional for the BSM... so I thought I'd share it, along with my daily photo :)

How many times have we heard, “Everything is part of God’s plan”? But, for as many times as we’ve heard it, how many of those times do we let go, and trust God, knowing that He’s in charge? I've learned to control the perfectionist in me and let God lead me where I need to go and what I need to do. Everyone hits a rough patch sometimes, when we’re filled with uncertainty. I read this verse during Bible study last year, at a very appropriate time in my life. I was struggling with problems in all aspects of my life, and feeling very apprehensive. "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." - Hebrews 11:1. This verse reminds me daily that God gives us what we need, when we need it – not always when we want it. He never gives us more than we can handle. He has a plan for us; what he wants us to do - this month, this year, and eternity. Remember - it’s God’s timing, not our own. 


New fave.

ohmygosh.

I ran in the rain this morning.... so. amazing.

But, my body right now is like, WHY did you do this to me?!
I got much more of a work-out running outside than I did on a treadmill.

I don't really like running outside, except this morning. 
We'll see if I go back to the treadmill or not..... 

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Mark 10:18

God is so good. 

Actually, "Only God is truly good." 

Today, in church we read Mark 10: 17, "As Jesus was starting out on his way to Jerusalem, a man came running up to him, knelt down, and asked, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” 
“Why do you call me good?” Jesus asked. “Only God is truly good. But to answer your question, you know the commandments: ‘You must not murder. You must not commit adultery. You must not steal. You must not testify falsely. You must not cheat anyone. Honor your father and mother.’”
“Teacher,” the man replied, “I’ve obeyed all these commandments since I was young.”
Looking at the man, Jesus felt genuine love for him. “There is still one thing you haven’t done,” he told him. “Go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
At this the man’s face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions.
Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God!” This amazed them. But Jesus said again, “Dear children, it is very hard to enter the Kingdom of God. In fact, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!”
The disciples were astounded. “Then who in the world can be saved?” they asked.
Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God.”

There is more to being Christian than following the Commandments, praying and going to church. As the pastor said, you can't just plan for now or your future in 10-15 years. Eternal blessings, living in eternity... are far more rewarding. Living in Heaven in your second life or living with in the city with your non-existent future husband in five years? :) 

Today was such a great reminder about not trying to control everything, and proof of God's work in my friends and family :)

Updating the 101.

Kudos to my parents! They gave me (or lent me...?) the ol' coat rack from home - that wasn't being used - and now I can check number 78 off of my list! 



And, I de-cluttered my room! I actually did it over the last two weeks-ish, but I didn't want to check it off until the clutter was actually GONE. I didn't take a picture, because a huge bag of random items from my room didn't seem very interesting........ But, check off number 47! 

Today, after church, the girls and I went and saw: 

Which makes the second movie that I'll have seen since I started the list! One more and I can check off number 64 :)

Five more days on:
- 3 bottles of water daily
- daily photo
- 3x daily blood sugars
- No hamburger
- No pop

WOO HOO! :)

Friday, July 24, 2009

Fat Fish.

"God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else. Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death." -- James 1:12-15

Last night at Bible study, we talked about temptation and lust and how it affects our walk with Christ. Temptation being anything from cinnamon rolls (haha!) to the hot guy that walks by work every afternoon. We're tempted everyday, and sometimes it becomes a test of your faith. 

Lust is not just a sexual lust, wanting someone. It's desiring... to make everyone happy, to look a certain way, to have something. When does desire become sin? When your desire for that thing becomes stronger than your desire to follow God's will. 

We talked about "bait" ... about what lures you away from God, what tempts you. I knew it was bad that I could think of a few things immediately, but I guess, maybe it's good that I realize what "baits" me, because then the problem is easier to fix. 

In 1 Corinthians, it says, "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." My dad and I talked about this once, how our body is a temple and that's why we should eat healthier and stay in shape, etc. But, compared to how we were "staying healthy" at the time of that talk and right now... I have drastically changed. Not that I have an eating disorder or a serious problem, I'm fully capable of splurging or skipping a work-out. I just consider myself very disciplined. But, last night I realized my desire to be in shape, or healthy, or a certain size has become a big part of my life. I've got my priorities out of line, and I need to fix it. 

In high school, I sometimes thought that having a boyfriend would make everything better. My first semester of college, I finally realized that frame of mind was entirely wrong. And I have maintained that mind set, don't get me wrong. But, (like any other girl) I see guys all that time and it's so easy to just be like "oh, he's cute..." I never considered this lust, and I don't consider this desire stronger than to follow God.. but it's something I thought about last night and need to fix. 

Fat fish is the term used last night... when you're fully following God and doing his will. Fat fish don't give in to temptation. Fat fish don't take the bait. 

It's not about what I want or need, it's about who God wants me to be and do. 

It's God's timing, not our own. 


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Truth.

Why do we all
hang onto something 
we know we're better
off letting go. 
It's like we're scared 
to lose what we 
don't really have. 
Some of us say we'd 
rather have something 
than nothing at all 
but the truth is, 

having it halfway is harder than 
not having it at all.

Monday, July 20, 2009

#33...

DONE!

Five new playlists:
 - Bee Happy (music to cheer me up)
 - Country (best of my country music)
 - Dance (self-explanatory)
 - Inspired by Taylor (various bands/music she's given me, music will change)
 - Hold My Heart (best of my Christian music; chose the name after a song :)

And thanks to my Mac, I can easily share one of my playlists with you... 



I didn't organize it any particular way - sorry, Taylor! :)



And here's the photo of the day (I kind of just wanted to show that I'm having a good hair day, they don't happen often. hahahah.)

Sunday, July 19, 2009

"Come close, and hold my heart."

"Do you sometimes feel God's hand really strongly in your life?" was a question I was asked tonight. I'm not going to recap the conversation, but it got me thinking. 

I planned on going to KSU for the first 17 and 1/2 years of my life, and when I came here for a campus visit... I just, had a feeling. When I look back now, I know that that feeling was God telling me I was supposed to be here. Yeah, it was a tough and rollercoaster of a year. Made friends, lost friends. Fell for guys, hurt by guys. But I learned from it, and became stronger - as cliche as that may sound. 

I know the people and friends I met this year weren't just by coincidence. I think the people I'm friends with right now are my friends because we help each other be stronger, understand each other and to teach each other. Through the friends God gave me, I know it's okay to not be "okay," I've become more independent, I'm healthier... I'm becoming more of the woman God wants me to be. 

Even when I lose a friend or get hurt by a guy, or whatever mishap gets thrown my way... I know it's going to be okay. God has a plan. Even though I don't know the plan, and sometimes think that the plan has gotten messed up... it's not. God doesn't give us anything bigger than we can handle. Everyone and everything comes into your life for a reason, whether it's to help you or hurt you. 

Temptation either takes you farther away from or brings you closer to God. Give in, and give in to Satan's temptation and become farther from God. Don't fall to temptation and grow closer. There were a few times this past semester I really felt that Satan had tempted me, but I didn't fall. There were probably a lot more situations that I didn't realize, but I remember a few times afterward wondering if things would've worsened if I had chosen the other path. But, sometimes there's that other type of temptation... when you're attracted to someone but it's not reciprocated. What do you do... give up? keep trying? Maybe he's not part of the plan, or maybe he's not part of the plan yet. Sometimes, I wonder why God puts certain people or situations in front of me. Why would he put someone or something in my life that seems so great just to find out it's not or to be taken away? 
    "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." -- 1 Corinthians 10:13
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you fall into various temptations, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance." -- James 1:2-3

I couldn't be happier that God brought me here. I don't know if he brought me here to grow closer to Him and bring my friends closer to Him, or just to help my friends, or if for some reason I don't know yet... But He has a plan. And I need to let Him take control, fully. 

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." -- Proverbs 16:9


"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -- Matthew 6:34

Relax is not in my vocabulary.

Last day of somewhat "relaxation" and I:
- rearranged my room 
- de-cluttered some more
- spent an hour at the gym 
- cooked lunch and dinner :)
- talked to my best friend for 30 seconds short of an hour 

I also organized my bathroom and realized I have 40 of these... 





One month until everyone is back on campus :)

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Baby Cuts... er, steps.

I'm becoming better at cooking... luckily I only have a little over a month left :) 

While in Dallas, I bought this eco-friendly cutting board (I was being bad and cutting on the counter...), which is my daily picture because I'm about to cut up some squash and zucchini!


#12 - DALLAS!

So, I spent the last week in Dallas. I had never been, which shocked a lot of people (until they found out I grew up in Kansas). Some plans failed, and we got lost a few times but overall I loved it. I've been to a few big cities, but this time we were driving in the city and had control over our plans. I don't want to go over every single detail, because no one will want to read that long of a blog. Small recap:


Monday
- Take the long route through Lubbock and Seymour, get to Frisco about 10. 



Tuesday
- Go to the Grapevine Mall
- Go to the Frisco Mall
- Visit IKEA for the first time (new favorite store)
- Stir fry and homemade rice krispy treats for dinner



Wednesday (day of the dresses!)
- Visit the Dallas Museum of Art... we were supposed to see the whole Dallas Arts District but we couldn't exactly find it? 
- SIX FLAAAAAGS! So many roller coasters :)
- See the old Cowboys stadium 





Thursday
- Attempt to shop on Fairmount street (it's supposedly a huge street of shops and galleries, we found four)
- Attempt to find Harry Hines Boulevard a.k.a. "Shopper's Alley" (fail.)
- Eat at Pei Wei (always wanted to!)
- See the NEW Cowboys stadium
- Eat at CiCi's (always wanted to!)
- Watch "My Sister's Keeper" ---> bawled like a baby, fell in love with the movie. Offically Top 5 favorite movies. 





Friday
- Planned on going to the zoo and Galleria.... 
- Plans were changed, went to Prosper and ate lunch with some of Taylor's relation
- Decided to drive home a day early; good thing, we had a two hour detour! 




Doesn't sound like the greatest week, but it was a lot of fun! Even with getting lost multiple times. We had a GPS, but it wasn't updated (or so we assumed), so we got lost a few times. I drove in Dallas, and enjoyed it! I don't know if I've ever heard someone say they "enjoyed" driving in Dallas.... 



I bought some storage/decor for my suite, and a couple of shirts. Ate a lot of unhealthy food and splurged off of my healthy eating. Made a ton of inside jokes and memories :)

And I learned the following:
My body does not like unhealthy food
I really am a city driver
I need a GPS
Cheap vacations are possible :)


Sunday, July 12, 2009

Twittwha?

So, this spring I declared a minor: Marketing. But, due to my schedule I hadn't enrolled in any marketing classes for the fall (I only have 18 hours to take for it). Due to some conflict with Residential Living and whatnot, I had to take a Summer II class. Well, I did not want to actually go to class (it's summer!) - online all the way! Luckily, one of the classes I need for my minor is offered online. 

Well, today I took my first test (okay, well I took it the other day and didn't do so snazzy. But, my professor is amazing and lets us take the exam twice!) today and got a 74%. Which is not the grade I wanted, but it was over six chapters. I hope the next two (only three tests) go better!

As I was about to sign out, I noticed it said "Extended Learning Activity due Thursday." Oops. I forgot the next assignment was due in a few days. Seeing as I'm leaving in the morning (YAY!) for Dallas, this was a problem.

Luckily, I'm a baller at making powerpoints. But the topic made me laugh: "Your task will be to examine Twitter extensively and develop a presentation selling the idea of Twitter to management." I just joined Twitter last week, and so far I'm not sure that I want to keep it... but I whipped up a pretty spectacular slideshow! 

Seeing as most of my day was spent studying and/or doing my last-minute assignment, I figured this picture would be appropriate :)



This is my last blog until Saturday! DALLAS, HERE I COME! :) ... now I need to go pack. 

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Scatterbrained.

Today was nothing short of chaotic randomness, and me feeling scatterbrained. 

At last minute, I ate lunch with Jonathan since he was in town. Andddd, he chose Chicken Express. Which I've only eaten at the BSM and work, so today was first actual time at Chicken Express. Shocking to some of you, I know. 

Then, we're just watching TV in the dorm lobby when I get a phone call. This phone call informed I was supposed to be at work thirty minutes ago.... oops. I thought I had the later shift. So, I ran upstairs and quickly got ready. 

Get off work and eat. 

Go work out (some of you will laugh that I did this after you see what comes next). 

Go to the 24-hour clinic since I've been semi-sickish for the last... two weeks. Got a shot in my booty and some drugs to make me feel better :) 

I took this picture because a) it's been in my head for the last few hours; b) it's Taylor and I's current favorite song; c) today I had a lot of "feelings" ... tired, excited, stressed, sick, content, hyper, tired.... 


Friday, July 10, 2009

That's Definitely a Cucumber.

So, the last 24 hours hasn't been so bueno. Recap: 

- Felt like crap throughout my entire 5-hour shift last night
- Also had to deal with orientation students for those five hours
- Woke up at 3 a.m. with a blood sugar of 57, and decided to eat half the fridge
- Woke up with a high blood sugar (due to overtreating)
- My pump site has been pinching/hurting all day
- Rammed my fingernail into my car door while rushing to work since I was late
- Had to pack up not one, but three offices at work
- Went low while walking across campus to get the mail


Bad day aside, I had/am having a good night:

- Got a new haircut!



And.... 
- Tilapia, veggies and fruit for dinner (One bad part; I bought a zucchini the other day, or so I thought. But tonight, I realized that no... I had a bought a cucumber. Oops.)
- Continue the night with Taylor and Kayla by gorging ourselves with popcorn and ice cream
- Watch movies (and I have to admit the other two are falling asleep while I write this...)

Watermark + HOT.

By request of Karen, I'm finally posting proof of my watermark... I totally spaced and forgot to post it last week. Here it is, though once I learn more on Photoshop next semester, I may change it... (bottom of the photo):



Bam, now you Facebookers can't steal my snazzy photos :)

Here's the daily photo from yesterday... 



That was the temperature outside when I got off work at 4.... but, by the time I got back to my room... 



Welcome to Texas. 

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Awkward Moments Define My Life.

Today has just not been my day... 

Alarm went off, and my eyes were burning and I didn't feel good, so I decided to call today my "rest" day (from working-out) and went back to sleep... for 30 minutes. I hate not being able to sleep. I think I'm developing insomnia. 

Decided I should go get a prescription refilled since they wouldn't refill it last week.... almost didn't let me refill it again. Then, called my endocrinologist to get the script for my insulin because I forgot to get it yesterday when I was there. Called, got transferred to a voicemail. Hung up, realized I forgot half the information I was supposed to say, called again, left a second voicemail. Got a text from my mom this afternoon to make sure to say I needed three bottles of insulin, called again, left a third voicemail. Why do pharmacies/doctor's offices make things so complicated?! 

Started fixing lunch: turkey burger, leftover mashed potatoes, asparagus and a fruit smoothie. Since we don't have a kitchen table of any sort and no TV to even watch in the living room, I eat in my room. Scooted my laptop up so my plate would (mostly) fit on the table. Ate a little bit of the potatoes and asparagus, and started to eat my burger... poof. I guess the strength I was pushing on the burger cause the plate to flip up. Mashed potatoes and asparagus ala dorm room floor. 

Go to work, blah blah blah. Everyday, Taylor and I get the mail together. So, walk over... get the mail, etc. We're in her office just talking, when her boss walks in. Now, a slight detail that's needed to realize why this story is important: I used to work in this office (like within the last 6 months). Yvonne and I had a few struggles and whatnot. I started to look for another job, while working this one (this is the Student Employment Office - I see all jobs available, and she sees all the paperwork that gets sent it... like when I apply at other jobs.) Found one, and called in (I was sick the day this happened) to tell my boss I would be quitting. I offered to finish out the week, two weeks, whatever she wanted. Nope, I was done. Anyways, today she walks in while Taylor is supposed to be working and we're talking. AWKWARD. I left immediately. 

I still have to work a 5-hour shift tonight at the gym. There's going to like 100-some incoming freshman running around for student orientation. I'm sure I'll have more awkward moments to post later (with a daily photo). 

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

A Lesson I Already Knew.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."

was the motto of my day, but really… I need to just listen to this more often.

 

Today, I learned that I really can not change things or handle everything. I can’t make everything perfect, which is a hard concept for me since I’m a perfectionist. All of my problems, and everything part of His plan is in His hands.

I knew this. Really, I did. But, sometimes I override that fact in my brain and try to solve things anyway. You can’t change people, ever. You can influence them, but you can’t just say a magic word and they be perfect. I saw something on a friend’s Facebook status that I loved: “Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and help them to become what they are capable of being.”

I need to be happier with what I have. Today, I had an appointment with my new diabetes doctor, which went very well. Then, I went to Wal-Mart with one of my best friends and we cooked dinner. (Daily photo is again, a meal.)


We were going to go visit Amanda in Montana next week, but plans fell through. So, since we both already took off work… we decided to go to Dallas. Because I have never been. YES, I have never been to Dallas. Everyone alert the media…. Hahaha. I hung out with April too, tonight. Went to Wal-Mart again, and then watched Catch and Release (had never seen it).

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

El Foto!

Daily photo:



One of my best friend's, Marci, got her tonsils out last week. Bleccch. Been there, done that - fifth grade. So, in an attempt to try and make her feel better... I stopped by the snowcone stand and picked her (and, myself....) one :) 

Snowcones are my favorite part of summer, but I rarely treat myself to one.

Things On My Mind.

My roommmate: is annoying me. She ignores me and acts like I intimidate her, and the next day will just walk up to me and talk to me like we're friends. Do you like me or NOT?! I understand people have shy tendencies (including myself), but it's like she's bi-polar with whether or not she wants to talk to me. Granted, at least she is quiet and not messy. But I'm realizing more and more that we are complete opposites (which some people say, make the best roommates) because of the following: she does not work or go to class - I work two jobs and take a class, she eats unhealthy - I eat very healthy, she's quiet - I am clearly not. 


Dogs: Why am I scared of dogs? My parents said it was because growing up, anytime we saw a dog, that my mom would stop and yell at it to go away. Basically, a learned behavior. You would think being 19 years old I would have dropped this "learned behavior." I've concluded that I'm scared of big dogs, and just do not like little dogs. But, in general, I do not like dogs... I don't like when they sniff me, bark, try to lick me, and I especially do not like when they try to jump on me. That's the worst. 


Relationships: First and foremost, I just want to clarify that I do not think that I need a guy to be happy in life. I am fairly happy with life right now, actually. But, it seems like many of my friends or people I know either have someone, or are in the process of having someone. I, on the other hand, have no future prospects. Yes, there are a few I admire, but I have that feeling that I did in high school - I am always just "the friend." And that feeling is getting old. 


Faith: I'm in no way shape or form the perfect Christian, not even close. I do not go to church every week, partly because of schedule/lack of someone to go with - and, because I fully agree with a statement I heard once: "Going to church every week doesn't make you a Christian anymore than sitting in a garage every day makes you a car." I'm not saying that everyone should be Christian either, that is your own choice. What frustrates/confuses me is people who say/claim/believe they are Christians but don't rely on God. 


Diabetes: This is what is confusing/frustrating me most right now. I fully admit that I did not use to check as much as I should have. I had/have a high A1C (10.1% to be exact). I went to diabetes camp, came back. I have not changed my insulin or exercise, and my eating has only slightly changed (I now fully cook for myself and don't go to the cafeteria - even then, I eat as healthy as possible and ate the accurate amount of calories). Since I've returned to camp, my blood sugars have been perfect. Like insanely. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Though, instead of being apprehensive and nervous like I was last week... I am excited and anxious. I hope that my new endocrinologist will actually participate in my care and listen to me. 


People: This is kind of a broad thought. But, I have a few points. First of all, why do people not open up and talk? I understand at some points (I do this sometimes) you just do not want to talk about what's bothering you. But, do you realize how much better it is to let things out? Some people don't want to feel like other people's problems. I have personally never felt like a friend who wanted to talk to me was a problem. Second, last night I said, "Wish I was important enough to get away with that..." but really, I don't. I don't want to be important or a big enough of a "star" to get away with things. I think those people sometimes come off conceited. Third, I wish we stood up for ourselves more. I've gotten a lot better at this, towards friends and family... and just in general. But, I could do it more often. And, I wish other people did. I think back when I let people walk all over me, and I really don't know how I stood it. 


Myself: I'm happy with how far I've come over the last year. I'm not as shy, I'm more outgoing. I'm very driven, always have been though (or at least I think so). I think I've learned a lot about people and myself through different situations and people who have come into (and out) of my life. I have become more confident, but I still wish I didn't let what other people think of me get to me. I wish I didn't let people's comments or actions get to me as much as they do. I was told that I'm good at balancing things; work-out/relax, social life/working, fun/to-do lists... but I think I take after my sister and dad in the way that I work and whatnot a lot more than I allow myself to have fun and kick-back. I worry a lot, and I need to stop that. 

Okay, that's enough for now. I just have a lot on my mind... photo of the day to be posted later :)