Stop Being Stubborn.

One of my favorite lyrics from Addison Road's song "What Do I Know of Holy?"says, where have I even stood but the shore of all Your ocean?

Today, I read in Deuteronomy 3, "O Sovereign Lord, You have only begun to show Your greatness and the strength of Your hand to me, Your servant. Is there any god in heaven or on earth who can perform such great and mighty deeds as you do."

He hasn't even begun to show me what He can do. And even with all that, there's enough to bring me down to my knees. Yet, my stubborn, human heart sometimes still wants more. In the next chapter in Deuteronomy, Moses tells us, Be careful never to forget what you yourself have seen.

I know that I'm stubborn, the Bible tells me this. Thankfully, it also tells me about His unfailing love and the grace that He continually pours out. It also tells us to change our hearts and stop being stubborn (Deut. 10:16).

 I need a change of heart. That's not an easy thing to say, but it's true. The Lord has blessed me in so many ways, I have lacked NOTHING. He may not always give me what I want, but He gives me what I NEED. 

"Stay on the path that the Lord your God has commanded you to follow. THEN, you will live long and prosperous lives in the land you are about to enter and occupy."

I just simply need and want to be content with what He's given me and where He's places me. Staying on His path doesn't equal an easy life, but He will provide all I need. 

"For what great nation has a god as near as to them as the Lord our God is near to us whenever we call on Him?"

Great is Thy Faithfulness.

I am a control freak sometimes. Not in the aspect of friends or Aaron, but more in situations. Most of the time I would prefer to drive in a group, because if it's my car, I can control where and when we go (for the most part), rather than be under someone else's control.

"The question, “are we there yet?” reveals something about human nature. We want to know exactly where we’re going, and we want to know exactly when we’ll get there. That’s a nice way of saying we’re control freaks."

I'm also one of those people who likes to know the game plan. What time are we leaving, what's the plan for the night... really, my detail-oriented style just comes out in many aspects of life. In case you hadn't noticed.

If you had talked to me earlier this year, I was totally game for life after graduation. some people want to avoid the real world. not me - let's do this. Wasn't really nervous, I knew God had a plan, life would just unfold. Well, reality hit a few weeks ago. not that I'm anti-real world now, but the nerves and questions have set in. My game plan hit a glitch and now I have no idea what the 4th quarter looks like. (look at me using sports analogies!)

On my window, I currently have written part of Psalm 89. More specifically, one sentence: You are entirely faithful. I serve and love an entirely faithful and sovereign God. Yet, between my human tendencies and Satan... fear and expectations set in. A year or two ago, I came across a quote that says, His timing is not always our own. Great quote, love it, instantly memorized it and is still stuck in my brain. It wasn't until this summer that I think the fullness of this truth hit me.

Uncertainty is not something I deal with greatly... especially in  "big" situations. But I'm starting to learn that maybe God let's us sit in uncertainty in an attempt to grow our faith and dependence on Him, and to show us His faithfulness.

Tonight our staff did a prayer "exercise" (for lack of a better word), and one of the things we prayed about/over, was His faithfulness. We were to start sentences with, "God I remember you working when..." ...wow. By the end of that prayer, I was crying because I've been reminding myself that He is faithful and food, etc. But to actually recall circumstances and situations in which He was faithful and worked things out for my good was completely different.

I'm thankful for grace in these times where I'm too stubborn to let go.

Crazy Love.

I don't know how to write this blog.

SO much happened this semester.

I lived completely by myself for the first time, which was a learning and growing process. Lots of ups and downs, but enjoyable for the most part. I went to the International Balloon Festival - which involved going to Glorieta for one night. I lost some friends, but made new ones. I got a new job, that I love. I bought a ticket for Passion. I bought my first two plane tickets for flights that I'll fly by myself. I cooked a Thanksgiving dinner with two other people. I fed the homeless. I grew. I sang. I rejoiced. I cried. I loved.

There have been many things the Lord has taught me the last few months. But, there have been two things He's been showing me almost everyday.

Love and grace.

Christ died for me, even when He knew I would mess up time after time.

And time after time, people in my life do the same thing. I can either hold a grudge and get angry, or I can choose to love them anyways. Sometimes this is a real struggle, sometimes I completely fail at it. I just know that I have never been so aware of His love, and there's nothing to do besides pour it out to others; I'm compelled by the love of Christ.


Love is something beautiful... pure, genuine love. it's beautiful.

Turning.

I read this blog and realized some things.

I do find worth in how productive I am at work or school.

I do find worth in how much money I have.

I do find worth in being part of certain groups.

I do find worth when I feel loved and respected.

These are not okay things. God should be the center of my entire being, not just parts of it.

I know I am not perfect. I know my relationship with God could always be better. I worry too much. I think too much of other people's opinions. I stumble. I know there have been times when I've had idols in my life - but never have I thought the things that blog listed were idols.

There is grace.

Beautiful.

Last night in worship we sang, "He Loves Us" ... and how MANY times have I sang this song?

But the verse that says, "and I realize just how BEAUTIFUL You are..." just suddenly overwhelmed me.

How beautiful is our God.

How He made us.
How He made sunsets.
How He made mountains.
How He made oceans.
How He made love.
How He made music.
How He made art.

How He loves us.

His Image.

It amazes me what the Lord has done in just these past few weeks.

Over the past several days, the Lord has really been reminding me that my identity is in Him. I am His. He chose me. He made me.

My identity is not found in anything of this world, or anyone on Earth. HOW AMAZING. He is the only good, constant, firm thing in my life - and when I put my confidence or identity in anything else I fall.

I'm overwhelmed at the grace of being one of God's children. My mind cannot even fully wrap around it. It's not that I haven't known this fact/grace... I've known it for years and years. But it hasn't been until recently that I've embraced this freedom. That I don't have to try and fit in with this world.

Any good part in/of me is not of myself, it's Him. I'm not an inherently good person, I'm an inherently BAD person that sometimes does good things. It's only when Christ lives through me that I do good.

I read a blog/Bible study sorta thing yesterday, that talks on purity (but not just sexual purity, purity of all sorts). It said something that really opened my eyes: that our self-esteem is not based on anything we think of ourselves, or anything we do - it is built on Him. I should seek to promote His worth, not mine - I am so unworthy in comparison to Him.


"Christ didn't die to improve our self-esteem - He died to give us His. He didn't come to build up our self-worth - He came to knock it down."