Friday, April 27, 2012

Birthday and Friends.

I am normally jinxed with birthdays - I have been for years.

Friends bail on me, plans fall through, things happen.

This year, besides the usual work and school going on, I'm trying to find a job, a place to live, pack, planning for our wedding, etc. So, my birthday went on the back burner.

My best friend Taylor told me the week before that her and another friend were going to take me out to dinner, and hang out after. I happily obliged.

I chose Joe Taco, as chips and queso are one of my favorite foods. Earlier in the day, I bought us some mini cupcakes to eat after dinner. You know, because I'm turning 22 and wanted cake on my birthday, and cupcakes were close enough.

As I opened the door to my apartment, I saw a streamer flutter in front of me. I thought, "oh, they hung streamers! ...wait, but we were at Joe Taco?" I peeked around my door, and saw two shadowy figures standing in the kitchen, and just as I was about to say, "whaaat..."


About 10 of my friends jumped out at me, scaring me half to death.

As the lights were turned on, I see my apartment is fully decorated, and there are tons of cookies and sweets in my kitchen..

Remember - I am jinxed with birthdays. Never had a real, decent party. Never been surprised (but always secretly wanted a surprise party)... and it was the one birthday that I was just going to not even make an effort towards!

We ate, talked and laughed. Some of my favorite people were all in the same place at once. I was actually having the birthday I've always wanted.

Taylor told me she just threw the party because she wanted my last birthday here to be extra special. I realized I'm going to miss these moments, but moreso these people.

I cannot even fully explain how much of a blessing my friends have been these last few years. To be honest, I think college was one of the first times I experienced real friendships. Friends that I can be transparent with, that I can be silly with, that I can cry with.

I wish I could take all my favorite people with me to Georgia.

To be honest, that's one of my fears... not having friends, not having community. Everyone tells me that I will have my fianceƩ to hang out with, which is all good and dandy - but I need other friends too. I'm a friend person. I need some girlfriends in my life.

It will happen, soon I will be having girl's nights and such. I know He will bring the people I need into my life, just as He has in the past.

Friday, April 13, 2012

You are enough.

I was the weird one growing up. The outsider. I've never been a size two. I've never followed the crowd.

If we're being honest, I struggle daily with self-esteem. My entire life, I was called ugly and fat. I was never good enough for boys, and my girl friends sometimes made me feel like I was too weird. Maybe I don't feel as much of that nowadays, as I used to in junior high and high school... but the struggle is still there.

One day, I just sat and tried to comprehend how Jesus loves me as I am, even with all my mistakes and flaws. It's so comforting, yet so hard to embrace that truth.

I love this article.

If I have a daughter, I don't want her to go through the same struggles I have... and I don't mean that I'm going to make her exercise until she's skinny. Regardless of her looks or talents, I want her to know that she is loved by the Creator of the universe. There is a beauty on the inside that is so much more important.

Whether she is good at sports or is a nerd, I want her to be grounded in the love and freedom in Christ - not to feel like she has to measure up to something for the rest of her life. My identity is found in Christ. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean Satan will stop trying to throw society's skewed views at us to try and tear us down.

As the author of the article said, we are so broken, we never will be enough... but Jesus loved us enough to give His life for us - regardless of our looks or talents.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

It's Happening.

I think it's setting in.

I'm moving. across the country.
essentially, by myself.
even though I will have someone permanently with me in a few months.

oh yeah, that's setting in too.

I'm getting married.

I'm moving, and I'm getting married.

wait, there's a few pieces missing.

a job.
a place to live.

....... sorry, no details yet.
still waiting and praying.

Six saturday's.
That's all I have left here.
Four of which are already busy.

The week after my birthday is my last full week of class.

And then, I graduate.

Find a job, and a place to live, and get married.

I don't mean this to sound like I'm dreading it. Because I'm not in the slightest. I wish I was moving tomorrow. Even though, there is one part I'm dreading - being away from some of my favorite people. But it's worth it to be with my favorite person. My soon-to-be husband.

All of this is surreal right now. Things I have dreamt about for months and years is about to come true. I know it won't be perfect, it won't be easy, but what in life is?

I've begun packing too. Along with that equals extra trips to the dumpster. Part of me is reluctant in throwing things away, because I'm a hoarder and everything has a memory with it. Not that I'm getting rid of that many things, but I realize not everything really needs to go to Georgia.

It may be too late, but I think I am finally intentionally trying to soak up my time here. I've been told to do it all year, I've seen others posting about it online, and while I have thoroughly enjoyed this year, a part of me has been longing for the next step as well. But, part of me is not ready to leave yet... to leave the people. The things and the places can be replaced, it's the familiar faces I will miss.

I think part of me doesn't want to graduate yet because I don't have a plan. I always need a plan. I thrive on plans. I don't have a plan. I don't know what I will be driving towards as I travel cross country next month. I don't know if I will know even as I'm driving. Part of me wonders if God is holding out until the last week or so, to keep me motivated and here, while I'm here. God knows me well (obviously), and I think if I accepted a job tomorrow that I may lost all focus for the next few weeks. But, it would also help lower my stress level. :)

Until then, I continue to trust in His timing, because it sure isn't the same as my timing.