Friday, July 20, 2012

Skewed Perfection.

I have been reminded many times this week about how broken of a world we live in today. Affairs and divorce – by Christians and Christian leaders both, skewed views of submission and control in relationships, shooting rampages, on and on.

The first few instances that I heard were saddening, but the more the week went on, and the more horrible things I heard happening, the more I wanted to ask God about what is going on in our world. Bad things happen all the time, some I don't hear about, some I do and they don't even phase me. But, it seemed this week that I caught news of things that shocked and deeply saddened me.

I couldn't help but wonder if God was trying to tell me something. Not that He had these things happen to try and tell me something, but I think He made sure I saw/heard about these situations. I'm not entirely sure what He's trying to tell me, but one thing crossed my mind as I was reading this morning.

We live in an unperfect world where perfection is often expected.

We're expected or want to have perfect relationships, be perfect at our job, have the perfect body, the perfect family. We don't like messiness or mistakes. A large part of this is a skewed expectation or perception from society, but often we place this on ourselves too.

I am guilty of doing this - in many area's of my life, but especially in looks. I do not want a perfect body, the one's plastered in magazine's and such. But, to be honest, I'm not happy with my body right now. I want in the middle somewhere.

I read Psalm 139 earlier, where it talks about His workmanship, and how we are fearfully and wonderfully made - in His image. What really caught my attention after reading that, was the footnotes at the bottom of the page, "We should have as much respect for ourselves as our Maker has for us."

At first, I thought, I'm respectful - I don't wear skanky clothes, I eat healthy and exercise fairly often, etc. But, then I thought, if someone else came up and told me the things I tell myself – I would consider them rude and disrespectful, and probably run off crying. What a change of perspective.

I read this blog earlier this week, and am grateful that I'm not the only one alone in this struggle. When Katie wrote, "We spend our lives pretending this isn’t something that consumes our minds!" I thought of 2 Cor. 10:5, that says, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." I feel so convicted with that verse, knowing that my thoughts are not parallel to His thoughts about me, nor is God probably pleased with those thoughts. Satan's arguments and claims are against what God says and knows about us – that we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

I have to daily take Satan's lies captive, and replace them with the Truth.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Ready or Not.

Yesterday, I was asked if I was ready.

"For the wedding? or marriage?"


Am I ready?

Are all the wedding preparations ready? Not quite.
Am I ready to have my wedding? YES.

I know sometimes women are more interested in planning a wedding than actually being married. Not the case with me. Don't get me wrong, I want a wedding. I'm excited about my wedding. I've enjoyed all this wedding planning (or most of it). But, that's not what I was longing for, before I got engaged. I want the marriage. I want to "do life" with my best friend.

Am I ready for marriage?

I don't know, I've never been married...
I heard it's similar to "are you ready to have kids?" No one is ever ready for that, apparently.

I would like to think that I'm ready. That I'm mentally and emotionally prepared for what I've heard is the most sanctifying and challenging things someone can go through in life.

Yeah. That sentence just intimidated me a little. How am I supposed to be "ready" for that?

But, this is the next chapter, season, step, etc. that God has called us too. And He doesn't send you into something without equipping you.

I'm not sure how well I will do at fulfilling wife-y duties like cleaning and cooking dinner. I don't know how good of a mom I will be whenever that happens.

But, I'm ready to see Aaron on a daily basis, through the good and bad. I'm ready to be frustrated at times, laugh uncontrollably at others, make big decisions, make memories.

I'm ready to be a wife and a best friend, day in and day out.  Nervous, but ready.

Thursday, July 5, 2012


I've been meaning to sit and write for awhile now, but as will be evidenced by this blog post... life has been a whirlwind lately.

I feel like two weeks ago I was sitting in my apartment, crying, being impatient and full of worry about my future. This past spring was rough. I was away from my fiancé, didn't think I was ever going to find a job, stressed about school and my future, etc.

Fast forward to the present.

Here I am, sitting in a (mostly) wonderful apartment. I'm an intern at a contemporary and completely awesome church in Atlanta. I'm getting married in 44 days. I have a full-time job starting August 1st - and not just any job, a dream job.

In late April, I felt convicted about my prayer life. I wrote about this before, but I felt like God was telling me that I needed to start praying more specifically. Not just the, "God, you know what's going on... please help" kind of prayers. Specific prayers that ask big things of our big God, that require being backed by a lot of belief.

I just want to show you a little timeline. Because, this is not the timeline I really wanted or had in mind, but God knew it was going to happen this way the entire time.

On April 21st, I started praying specifically (and asking for others to pray) that I would find/get a job on my birthday. My birthday is April 24th. I knew He could make it happen, if it was supposed to happen.

April 23rd - I had a phone interview (of sorts) with a church in Atlanta. Very promising talk, about a job that was perfect for me.

Few weeks pass, no second interview, no solidified word from the church.

On May 9th, I was offered a paid design internship at North Point Community Church in Alpharetta, where Andy Stanley preaches. Having no other job offers, and realizing that this was an awesome opportunity, I took it.

I left my home of four years in Texas and drove across the U.S. on May 16th, arriving in my new home the next day. 640 days of being apart from Aaron, and I was finally here. Luckily, I had awhile before my internship started, so I could find a place to live and move in.

One week later, on May 24th, we found our first place. Technically, it's mine this summer, since Aaron is not staying here, but it will be OURS in 44 days.

The next few weeks involved lots of changes. Adjusting to my new home, unpacking, finding doctors, storage units, banks, etc. Lots of to-do lists, but lots of fun as well.

On June 21st, I had an interview with the same church that talked to me in April (and really, our conversation began way back in February). Two hours after my interview, they called and offered me the job. (Notice both 21st's?)

It has been crazy, as you can see. And, my apartment is not even fully "complete"... all that really needs done is hanging of some frames and such, just small things. And here I was thinking I would have all this ample free time to be bored this summer... but every night, I wonder how it gets to be 11.

Moral of the story: God is faithful beyond belief. I am still amazed today at how everything has fallen into place so perfectly. I keep telling myself to remember this, because I know sometime again I will be stressed or worried about the future... but my life in the past two months is a prime example of God's provision. I have no reason (and never have) to doubt Him.