And I got my heart set on what happens next.

With the exception of three days, I have been in my apartment for two weeks now. My humble abode, that sadly, still doesn't feel completely mine. Now everything really is hung up and put away, but it's still lacking the feeling of completeness.

My first meal when I got back was a turkey and ketchup sandwich. Yes, you read that correctly. It was that for a few reasons: a) I was too tired and lazy to cook, b) after eating dining hall all summer, I wanted something non-greasy, non-fatty, and c) I lived on turkey sandwiches last spring and I really wanted one after a three-month break.

One morning, I cleaned out and filled the dishwasher, washed what didn't go in the washer, and wiped off the counter. I took a step back and thought, "wow... this is what it feels like to live on your own." In the words of Carrie Underwood, the bills on the counter remind me I'm on my own. Along with buying groceries and miscellaneous items, cleaning up after meals... really makes it set in. This place is mine. I control everything. For two years, I lived in half a room with a plethora of storage tubs and containers. Now, I have to find things to fill the cabinets.

My dad was here for the weekend, and he sadly pointed out that my AC was not on auto, but just "on"... meaning the fan has been running constantly for 2 weeks. I'm sure the electric bill will be quite lovely. I wonder if having one less lightbulb in the living room for those two weeks will have made any difference? Speaking of efficiency, I take out a lot of trash. I'm hoping that changes now that I'm done unpacking and buying random supplies, because for some reason I dread the trek to the dumpster.

Soon, I will not be sitting in here day in and day out, getting miscellaneous to-do things done. I will be rushing from here to campus, to the BSM, to the store to grab something before I start on amass of homework.

I have a lot of hope for this semester. I already see skype video chats happening every week, the nights of chip and salsa splurging with my friends, the sleepovers, and amidst all these fun memories I'm sure there will be times when I cry because I miss friends, or it's been a bad day and I have no one to come home to and vent.

I was listening to Switchfoot the other day, and thought these lyrics described things very similar to my life:

"I've got my memories

Always inside of me
But I can't go back
Back to how it was...

Yeah, this is home
I've been searching
For a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home

I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see
The sunset (right over taco bell....)
I'm gonna call it home."

Surreality.

I'm home.

That statement is true in itself, but it doesn't feel true - yet.

I haven't been back in Texas for a whole week yet. It's been kind of a rough transition back to real life. Which, I totally wasn't expecting. I knew I'd miss people and whatnot, but not this.

My world feels surreal. I feel like I will wake up, walk out of my apartment and be outside of t-bird. I feel like when I walk downstairs I will see all of summer staff bumming around. I've never felt something so surreal, besides maybe when I was in Europe. So, yes, I do feel like I'm in a foreign country.

Change is good. I usually like change. Change keeps me on my toes, it stretches me. But, I not only went from the wonderful land of Glorieta to Texas, but from dorm to apartment... community to isolation. Granted, I enjoy isolation most of the time (about as much as I also love community).

But, isolation isn't the best when adjusting. I went from 100 to 1 in four hours. First full day on my own, I was so lost at lunch I just paced in my kitchen.

I'm learning what it means to be at home in Him. Home is not with certain people or at a certain place, it is Him and wherever He leads me. He led me to Glorieta for a few months, but He has me here for a reason... I'm excited and anxious for what He has planned in the coming months. :)