"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen, if gives us assurance about things we cannot see." - Hebrews 11:1.
It was the first verse I underlined in my Bible when I came to college. I was in the Cross Hall lobby at Angela's Bible study... we were supposed to be looking somewhere else, and I was flipping through and my eyes landed on that verse. That little tidbit is beside the point though.
I feel like for the first time, I'm living it out. Breathing it in. Embracing it.
I feel lost, surreal, maybe even purpose-less.
I'm not leading a Bible study, I don't have a "ministry" I guess you could say is how I feel. I feel as though many of the people I love dearly are far away from me, or soon will be. Relationships are different this year. There are so many things that I'm uncertain about, that I'm just crossing my fingers about and taking one step at a time.
That's what faith is about. Being uncertain and moving forward, trusting the One who does know. When we believe that God will fulfill His promises even though we don't see those promises materializing yet, we demonstrate true faith.
Today's church service was... unconventional, different, amazing. A huge part was talking about a change of heart, of spirit. That's me. I've changed. From two three years ago, a year ago, three months ago. Right now, I'm not sure what the next step is in this change. There's a lot of change in my life right now. If last September you would've told me I was going to live by myself, have a boyfriend halfway across the country and not lead a Bible study (which is funny, because I never expected to lead one in the first place)... I would've laughed.
It's about faith. Stepping out to the unknown and hoping, trusting He will not let me fall face first on the concrete.
Jess, first of all I LOVE how honest you are in your blog. I know totally and completely know how you feel. I feel like I don't belong here. I never would have thought that getting accepted to a nursing school would be so hard or thatnhaving frienships across the country would be so hard. My life, like yours right now is very much an "up in the air" game. As scary as it is we HAVE to take that leap of faith. Trusting and KNOWING that God has things under HIS control. Matthew 17:20 talks about how if we have faith the size of a mustard seed that it can move mountains. I have no doubt that God is using the fact that you are not currently leading a bible study and that Aaron is so far away to see your faith in Him. He is wanting for you take faith-even as small as a mustard seed-so he can move mountains through you. So, jump, dive, whatever, and do it and KNOWING (not hoping) that He WILL catch you. I dont know if this made any sense, but I hope you kinda get what Im saying...
ReplyDeleteKelli