101 in 1001 - done!

Well, today is the end of my 101 in 1001 list! Crazy to think it's been 1001 days since I started this. Unfortunately, there were several things that didn't get checked off my list. 

-----

Run a 5k, roadtrip somewhere out of state to run another 5k, complete p90x -- well, due to knee surgery and foot problems at various times over the last three years, this did not get accomplished. But, I tried many times! 

Wear a dress to class five times -- well, I had written it down once, but I think it maybe happened twice. No real good reason for this except laziness :)

Go to Washington, D.C. and Austin -- I really wanted to go and see Ellie, and I've always wanted to see D.C. and Austin, but schedule and money got in the way :(

Study abroad, again -- again with the money and schedule.  

Have an A1C under 7%, keep a food log for two weeks, lose 15 pounds -- I got close on the first two, but no cigar. This will be an ongoing effort though!

Watch a live Texas Tech game -- had a few chances, but never happened. Oh well!

Go camping -- Texas isn't very ideal for camping, but I feel like this may happen after I get married :) 

For five months, take one day a month to do absolutely nothing -- I am way too busy to do this. But, for awhile I took one day off a week to relax... that only lasted awhile though.

Watch a scary movie -- I was never brave enough to try this one :)

Buy the Grey's Anatomy seasons -- who needs to buy them when you have Netflix? I still want the seasons though.

Call my sister once a month for six months -- schedule problems again.

Road-trip to at least three football games, fully paint my face at a football game -- I was way more into football when this list was made! I made it to one away game! Money and schedule, again. 

Don't wear a t-shirt (minus working out) for one week, wear my glasses (minus working out) for a week. -- I am such a t-shirt girl :) and love my contacts too much!

Only go to Wal-Mart once a week (unless for school supplies) for two months -- close, but no cigar. Living five minutes away for Wal-Mart is so convenient!

Ride my bike in PDC -- this was problematic since I don't have a truck to take it down there/no one to ride with!

Participate in at least one dorm "program" a month for a semester, participate in five new on-campus activities. -- my dorm didn't have good programs the year after I made this, and then I moved off campus. woops. college schedules are crazy, if you hadn't noticed.

Write Ellie a letter every other week for three months -- I got close, but failed as a pen pal :(

Join an intramural team -- I did this before I made the list, but never joined a team again.

Get a pedicure -- that'll happen right before I get married! ;)

Go one week without passing judgement aloud -- I'm sure this happened at some point, but I never kept track. Should have made a more asserted effort towards this :( 

Be able to bench press more than the bar -- I wanna say I did this at some point.

Do the 365 Day Project on Flickr, name a star after something/someone important, become certified in CPR, buy and be comfortable in a bikini -- one day these will happen....

Donate $5 to JDRF for every task not completed -- that's a lot of money... we'll see! haha!

Go go-cart racing -- maybe after I'm married, Aaron and I can find time to do this :)

Document pictures for each, finish this list and make another -- pictures for most, but making another... I think I'll make a bucket list instead :)

Home Stretch.

Well, here I am... the home stretch. 55 days until I graduate from college.

The scary part is, I don't have anything "lined up" for my life in 56 days. As of this moment, I have no job and no where to live.

In 70 days, I will move to Georgia. 70 days. I will more than likely be there before that date, but that is the day all my schtuff will come in a moving truck.

This past week I made lots of cold calls, looked at apartments, took engagement pictures, planned some more of my wedding, spent time with my fiancé.  All things that I (mostly) enjoyed, and things that made this whole "growing up" thing a little more realistic.

The hardest part of it all is having to say, "I don't know" after people ask what I'm doing after graduation, or what I'm doing in Georgia. The best part is that God does. I heard on the radio tonight, a very cliché thought - in life sometimes we feel lost and want a GPS, and sometimes that translates to God's Provision Stands.

I am expecting and asking big things of a big God, who has always provided and who is sovereign. As my cousin said tonight on Facebook, God is not limited to our economy. He has promised to supply our needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. [Phil. 4:19]

Pushing Through.

In high school, you couldn't pay me to run the 100 yard dash. Now, I love running and wish I had time to do it everyday. It clears my mind, and relaxes me.

I'm building back up my running time/distance. I hurt my foot last semester, and had knee surgery two years ago, so I have to ease myself into these things.

But, today I was on the treadmill and decided to run for five minutes. (Hey, I told you I have to start off slow...) and sadly, the last two minutes were torture. I wanted to stop so badly, my legs were starting to burn. Of course, I started pep talkin' myself, because there's always a point where the run starts becoming mental. I told myself to push through.

And while I'm thinking over a million different things in my head, I kind of smiled to myself at the thought of pushing through. High school was rough. College had it's rough points – and no matter the duration, they were rough.

But, I kept pushing through. I'm almost done. I'm about to graduate college, and get married.

Not that graduating and getting married will solve all of my world's problems, in fact it will probably bring on more. But, I know how to push through.

I came to college and had my fair share of bad roommates.
I dealt with a broken heart,
losing close friends,
fighting with people I love,
dealing with injuries,
on and on.

At times, it felt like I couldn't catch a break. But, I don't give up easily.

I can honestly think of one time that I've ever wanted to quit something – high school cheerleading.

I've found myself in some problematic or frustrating situations over the years, but I never wanted to quit – I wanted to fix it. I wanted to change things. I wanted to make things right, or go back in time.

By the time this thought process was over, I had ten seconds left in my run. Pushing through things usually requires concentrating on something else – like God. Putting my focus on Him got me through some of the toughest things over the past few years, even running.

Wait and See.

The next six months of my life are going to be anything but boring.

Graduating from college.
Moving to Georgia.
Getting married.

Not to mention that before I move to Georgia, I really need to find a job. And, before getting married, we will have to have a place to live.

Finding a place to live is not as scary to me as finding a job. There are plenty of apartment complexes – and if I have to live in a less than ideal place for a few months... at least I'll have a roof over my head, right?

In my dream world, I will find a job next week. From there, find a place for me to live a few months until Aaron moves in after we're married.

If I'm being honest, a part of me is nervous. I told someone today about all my "big life changes" that will soon happen. I finished with, "the fun part is - I don't have a job or a place to live as of right now." I move in 86 days, if not sooner.

The other part of me is confident and excited. I keep recalling Ephesians 3:20 - "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us." Things may not be perfect, or happen in the timing I want, but I have a feeling that when I look back eight months from now... I will see how God orchestrated everything to work together.

February Trip.

Dear Fiancé,

Well, you sure started the trip off quite well. You surprised me (even when I said it would be hard to do so!), and now we're engaged! We're getting married!!

Could it get any better after that? Hardly. Haha, but it did. We always have a good time. Remember getting me a DDP before my interview so I would calm down? Then, afterwards, I had to change into less formal clothes in a gas station bathroom. We took the MARTA (it's probably weird how much I enjoy doing that) to Midtown to meet up with new friends.

Now I can say I've been jay-walking in Atlanta! And, we tried a new restaurant, so we got an early start on our to-do list. Maybe next time I'll try something more adventurous than a Turkey BLT, because I hardly consider that to be New Orleans-type cuisine.

It took me 21 years, but I finally went to the circus! Sorry that little girl threw up on you :) But, we have to go back next year when there's dragons and whatever else they said would be there!

If we continue to make impromptu breakfast trips to Waffle House, we are never going to get into shape. Maybe if we limit it to once a month, because I find it fun in it's own little way. Maybe it's just because you're there.

I'm so proud of how productive we were, we got a lot of wedding planning (or brainstorming, I should say) done. Remember that time we were so in the zone of planning that we rode the MARTA an extra 20 minutes on the wrong train? Yeah, let's not do that again.

Even though I am not a fan of Valentine's Day, I do enjoy your family's tradition of the Valentine's Day dinner. If we start our own though, the dish must be something without ham... please. :) And, seeing The Vow was fun, that's only the second or third movie I've seen in three years. You are such a bad influence on me, sir.

I really hate those early morning flights. Being at the airport before 5 a.m. makes for an extremely long day. It should be illegal to say good-bye that early. But, it won't be happening again... hopefully, ever. Because, we're getting married. :)

I'm getting married!

Here's the website for more details!

The Proposal!

I woke up at 6:15, more awake than any other day - only because I knew I was going to Georgia that day. Got ready, triple checked my packing and headed off to the airport.

There were no delays, and I got a good window seat on each flight. Flying into Denver was a beautiful sight of clouds and mountain tops. I met a couple in the airport from Portland, that has a daughter who is a graphic designer there, and a son in Georgia. On the flight to Atlanta, I had a conversation with the lady next to me during the whole flight - we talked about everything and anything. And once again, the sky was stunning flying into Atlanta. It could not have been a more perfect day of travel, and much better than my last experience in the airport.

I came up the escalator, to see Aaron standing in the crowd of people, holding a Diet Dr. Pepper :) We hopped on the Marta train to get back to his car, just glad to be reunited. Of course, one of the first things we talked about - where are we eating dinner? (He knows me so well.) And, as always, we chose Panda Express. To our luck, there was a Menchie's ice cream place riiiight next door.

We drove home, listening to our favorite songs. He had told me a few days before, to bring a dress - but wouldn't tell me why. So, we got home, and he told me to change before coming downstairs. I changed, grabbed his valentine's day gift, and headed down.

When I opened the door, I stood there with my mouth open. I looked down the stairwell to see purple string strung from corner to corner, with pictures of Aaron and I, letters I've written, things I've sent him... all hung every few inches. Not to mention, there were lights placed along the edge of the stairs. The string continued around the corner, and led into the living room.

I reached the final stair, and my jaw just continued to drop. The string was going in every direction around the room, latched in door knobs, hooks, etc. still covered in pictures and letters. There was a cut-out of the state of New Mexico, Texas and Georgia hanging on the wall. Each with a picture near it that was taken in the state.... and the string ended in Georgia. :) [blurry, because I was shaking with excitement afterwards.]

Below the states, was the table filled with candles, among other things. For his birthday last May, I sent him 80-some fortunes, one to read each day until he saw me next. Over the course of this last summer, I sent him a few puzzle pieces with every letter - all the pieces were scattered on the table. All the pieces together formed the lyrics to "Forget Me Not" by the Civil Wars, that I had printed out and cut up. The journal that tells our entire story was in the middle, plus books we've read over the course of our relationship.

I finally managed to walk over to him, handed him his gift (which he just set aside, haha!). He pointed out a few special things around the room, turned on the TV, which said "Forget Me Not" :) And asked me to dance, "I even found the video for the song." which turned out to be just pictures of us. So, we danced to the song...

...and then, it ended. He told me he loved me, some other sweet words, and said, "I'm tired of living life without a helper." [Genesis 2:18] to which I agreed. :) Then, he reached into his pocket - at which, I thought, he is not doing this... - and got down on one knee, asking me to marry him.

Through all our conversations about our future, he had always told me that nothing was happening until graduation. In the very beginning of our friendship, I had made a comment about how guys are not usually creative - oh, how he has proved me wrong so many times. And, one time over the last several months, I made the comment about how I'm hard to surprise - oh, how he proved me so wrong that night!

The ring is perfect - which is what every bride-to-be says - but really, it is perfect for us. We have a lot of 8's in our relationship (dates on the 8, or is a factor of 8, has an eight in - we've been dating for 18 months!) which, is also the infinity sign. When I had seen this ring online, I loved it, because it has the infinity in it. I looked at and liked so many rings, but this one is perfect.

 

I just stared at him, and asked if he was kidding. It felt like a dream, I was almost sure that I was imagining it all, or it was a (very cruel) joke. It was in fact, not a joke. So, we ran upstairs and told his mom. We called (and called, and called...) people, texted people, finally made it "Facebook official" and just tried to soak it all in for the rest of the night. It took me forever to fall asleep.

We don't have anything 100% decided yet, but many ideas :) I won't post anything until it's official, and it'll be on our wedding website whenever that finally gets made. Thank you all for your encouragement and support!

Do you believe in "the one"?

I don't know how many people read this, or if any of you will actually comment... but after a discussion last night, this has been on my mind all day.

Do you think there is ONE person for you in the world? Or, are you of the belief that there are a few/several people out there for you, but because of life's path... you end up with this or that person?

I do not fully side with either belief, mostly because I'm human, and my mind can't comprehend all of God's works. God, on the other hand, is outside of time.

With all of the people in the world, is it really possible for there to be only one person? Some say it seems impossible. But, is God not powerful and sovereign enough to arrange a divine encounter of you and a specific person?

There's also the issue of free will.

But, the way I see it - if there is more than just "the one" for you, that makes it seem like God has Plan A, B, C... etc. He already knows the day I will die, so He already knows the person I will spend the rest of my life with. I don't think God gave free will and made out different plans for if I take this path or that path.

Granted, if there is more than one person, God can still use your marriage for His glory. Maybe there is one person for each of us, and we find them only when we are actively seeking His will. God still works in the lives of those who don't believe or follow Him... is there marriage by choice of free will, or do they end up with "the one" that God has planned?

Maybe God doesn't intend for us to be with one person, even though He knows who we'll spend our life with?

Too many questions. What are your thoughts?

One of Those Days.

Today was a good day. A day that I have needed for awhile.

Even though, I don't have class or work on Tuesday/Thursday's (awesome, right?) I still am busy going here, doing that, etc. They are my check-off-my-list days.

Want to know what I checked off my list today? Nothing. Okay, sure, I applied for a few jobs, wrote a few bad sentences on some homework, tried studying for a quiz tomorrow. Nothing productive.

But, like I said, I needed today. It was a day full of rest, ending with some kickboxing and a Skype date. There were some other things that made it a good day.

I am trying to get my foot in the door in Atlanta more and more. Not just jobs, but people, places, things. I want to know a few things when I get there. I didn't know anything about Texas when I came, and it was very obvious!

Long story short, because of a harmless click of a "follow" on Twitter, I now have a new friend, who feels like a sister. Don't you love technology? Not only technology, but I love how God doesn't care about geography or any of that business - He brings people together, even if it's only electronically.

I don't know who is reading this, but if you have not experienced a big transition yet - don't be alarmed at what I'm about to write. But, it is frustrating, overwhelming at times, lonely (especially when your boyfriend lives 1200 miles away), and is one of those things that when you try to vent to people, they just nod their head because they have no idea what to say.

I believe that today, the Lord answered two prayers. I believe this is another start to something good. I know it is, because I would not both cry and have so much joy over a few emails - that is one of those things that could only be of God.


It gets better - that wasn't even the first good thing of the day. I set up a job interview for next week, in Atlanta. I'm not as excited about this one as I was the last two. Partially because of the let down, and partially because I've learned I really shouldn't get my hopes up about every interview. And, if we're being honest, a smidgen of me thinks this isn't the place for me. Why go to the interview? Practice. And, maybe it is where I'm supposed to be... maybe I'm really trying to not get my hopes up. We'll see.

I also got an email about setting up a phone interview with another place in Georgia, it's an internship. I don't know if it's paid though. Phone interviews are weird to me, because I don't feel like I convey myself very well via phone. And, I get distracted easy.. I start walking around, looking at things, etc.

This start of transitioning is scary. I'm afraid I will move, and be jobless, which will lead to being homeless, and alone. I know, it sounds ridiculous - I laugh a little inside whenever I write or say that. I don't like failing - I've never totally failed before though, so it's hard to say. But, I like a plan. That's the hardest part of it all. Not having a plan kills me.

Earlier, I said I felt like God answered two prayers today - but it was actually three. I've needed some encouragement. And because of a few emails, and a few phone calls... that's what happened. I feel like every small "yes" that comes from Georgia is affirmation and pulling me closer.

Our Plans, His plans.

(this is not mine, I stole it from Facebook.)

Me: God, can I ask You a question?
God: Sure.

Me: Promise You won't get mad...
God: I promise.

Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?
God: What do you mean?

Me: Well, I woke up late.
God: Yes.

Me: My car took forever to start.
God: Okay.

Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait.
God: Huummm..

Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call.
God: All right.

Me: And on top of it all, when I got home - I just wanted to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?

God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that.
Me (humbled): OH

GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.
Me: (ashamed)

God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they had, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.
Me (embarrassed): Okay.

God: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.
Me (softly): I see, God.

God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a short fuse that was going to electrocute you, So I stopped it from coming on.
Me: I'm sorry, God.

God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in all things, the good & the bad.
Me: I will trust You.

God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is always better than your plan.
Me: I won't, God. And let me just tell you thank You for Everything today.

God: You're welcome, child. It was just another day being your God and I love looking after My Children...

Jeremiah 29:11

Believing.

So, here's my fun fact of the day.

I was rejected.

I was rejected by a company that, for the last three and a half months, I thought I had a strong possibility of working for after graduation. Alas, they do not a designer. And, if we're being honest - it was very discouraging.

I would not classify the job search as boring, but definitely emotional, and has definitely been testing my faith.  I get my hopes up, I get excited, and then disappointed, and scared. It can make you feel inadequate, unwanted, confused, and frustrated.


"He has placed the land in front of you. Don't be afraid! Don't be discouraged! The Lord your God is going ahead of you. You saw how the Lord your God cared for you ALL along the way as you traveled through the wilderness, just as a father cares for his child. Now He has brought you to this place. He goes before you, looking for the best place to camp, guiding you..." - (pieces of) Deut. 1:21-33

This passage (or bits of a passage) is a reminder that I have all I need right now, and I will have all that I need. My God chose me, and loves me - and though I don't understand a lot of things right now... He is in complete control. Searching for a job can be frustrating to the point that it lowers your confidence, so even though I may be struggling with that - I have to be confident in His sovereignty. 

My hope can only be in Him - all other ground is sinking sand.
I have to believe that He has a plan, and I know He does.

Processing.

It has been an interesting, rough few weeks.

Maybe I was in denial, or being naive, or... something. But, when I came back from Christmas break, reality hit me pretty hard.

First and foremost, it is really hard to be away from the one you love. It's no lie that LDR's are not for the faint of heart. Luckily, Aaron is a huge encouragement and supporter... and listens to me whine :)

Secondly, I feel like I should write a book after all this job searching is done. And, I think the hardest part is knowing that I have barely begun the process. And I'm not exactly referring to just the job search - because I started that way back in September. But I've only had preliminary interviews, so I know more in-depth interviews in my future, not to mention apartment looking and applications, thinking about insurance, moving trucks, and changing my license plates, on and on...

I have my good days and my bad days. The good days, I wake up and am ready to take on the day, enjoying my last semester of college, even with all the homework and stress. I am confident that God will lead me to the next step of life, that in 6 or 8 months I will be settled in, working, etc. The bad days, I'm plagued with fear and doubt (no thanks to Satan for that one), wondering if I'm going to homeless, and never be able to put these four years of knowledge to work.

I may have to take a leap of faith in a few months. Which scares me, incredibly. I'm a planner, I like to be prepared. That's not how God works all the time, and that can be hard to embrace.  

But, I have learned some things through this process, which I have decided is called "growing up" - maybe you've heard of it. I know God does what is best, even if we don't think it's fair. I know God doesn't need our permission to mess up our little plans (which He has been doing a lot of lately.). His timing is not always my timing - He will reveal things when it's right. Life creates more questions than answers, but that's when I have turn to Him.

Our greatest test may be that we must trust God's goodness even though we don't understand why our lives are going a certain way. That simply requires a change in perspective, because right NOW is right on time.

And as hard as it may be, understanding everything is not required to follow His path.

Last Semester.

Christmas break is officially over. (It was yesterday, if we're being technical.)
My last big break before I join the real world. Even teachers got about two weeks, but not the rest of us! Which is okay, I guess, but it's just weird to think that that was it.

It was a good break for the most part, and weirdly, wasn't short. Usually you hear college students talking about how the break flew by and whatnot. And not that my break was long either... it was a much-needed and well-appreciated break.

I went home right after finals to clean out and pack up my room before we started traveling. I've taken with me or sold a large majority of my belongings, but there was stuff I hadn't touched or thought about in a long time. Of course, a large majority of it went to be sold or thrown away, but there were a few things I kept. It was funny to re-read old notes, old journal entries, see pictures that never got put in an album. So many memories packed into boxes (or simply thrown away). If having a job interview didn't make my graduating more realistic, packing up boxes to move sure did.

I then went to spend time with my sister - also probably the last time we'll spend that much time together for awhile. We got massages, drank Starbucks, ate Chipotle, watched movies... and I helped her at work. She teaches junior high math, so rather than sitting at home all day, I went to her classroom. I didn't do a whole lot of "helping" but it was still fun and interesting nonetheless.

Did the Christmas thing. This family, that family, these gifts, those gifts. Same routine every year. It's always good to see family, and it's interesting watching my younger cousins grow up. I only see them once or twice a year, and now that I'm getting old enough to start "feeling old" - I notice how much they're growing. It was weird to think my aunts and uncles, and older cousins, did the same to me!

Then, I went to Georgia. A great start to my semester, and great ending to my break. I attended Passion with two of my best friends. One thing I took away from those few days was being reminded how much I need to be diligent about being in the Word, and what it means to really follow God's will.

As a soon-to-be graduate, I want nothing more than to do God's will. As Louie Giglio said, it doesn't matter where we're at or what we're doing, His will for our lives is to glorify Him. And, it's not a "yes-I-know-that-but-what's-His-REAL-will-for-my-life" deal, there's no secondary part. Yes, He has a plan for our lives and whatnot... but that's it. I think rather than praying about knowing His will, we should pray about how/where He wants us to proclaim Him.

So, one last semester before me. Lots of lasts, more memories, and hopefully some answers for what's to come after graduation.

January Trip.

[a little late]

Dear Boyfriend,

This made two NYE's together, and I'm sure there will be plenty more to come. After two long days of driving, it was nice just to hang out with you and Taylor... and be silly.

 I can't believe you a) took this notebook to Passion, and b) made me carry it. And yes, I really am posting this picture of you on here.

Remember that time we got off on the wrong Marta stop and had to walk halfway across Atlanta with our luggage? Ohhh yeah, that time... yeah. Okay, maybe we didn't walk that far, but still. I'm sure people thought those four people carrying luggage were crazy!

I still laugh when I picture your face during all the crazy light shows at Passion. (You know what else makes me laugh? Lucky 101. Can't say I didn't warn ya'll... but at least the food was good!)

Even though it's rare (for now), I love going to church with you. Passion = four straight days of church = one of my favorite things we've done together so far.

It is slightly ridiculous how addicted to Foursquare you, Taylor, and I are now. So glad I took a screen shot of the "BFF Bonus"... haha! Does it know we really are best friends?

You can tell how tired I am in this picture... but can you blame me after all the walking we did? Not to mention those few runs down the HOV lane on the sidewalk. I still can't believe we did that. How we went shopping after this, I'm not sure - but seeing you try on a cardigan was worth it.

Last year after Passion we took a picture in your driveway, and that was a favorite... and I have to say, this is becoming a new favorite as well :)

Can we maybe make the Atlanta Botanical Gardens a yearly occurrence, say... in December or January? It was so relaxing to walk through all the lights (and people).

Most girls love flowers, but most girls would be surprised if those flowers came accompanied with a Diet Dr. Pepper. I love all the little ways that you love me. 

I'm not only thankful that Taylor let us stay an entire extra day, but that she made/let us go on a date by ourselves. We may not have done anything super exciting, but the slightly mundane and simple things I love just as much, if not more than the extra special dates.

My 12 days spent in Georgia made up the best mini-vacation I could have asked for to start off the new year and my last semester. I can't believe that was our longest time spent together since August 2010... sure doesn't feel like it :) see you in a few weeks...

New Year's Resolution.

For whatever reason, I've always been one of those make-a-resolution people. Sometimes I couldn't decide, and made a list. And, I have to toot my own horn and say... I'm actually pretty good at keeping resolutions. I'm full of stick-to-itveness. 

So, since the new year starts in three days (already?) I've been trying to think of what my resolution should be this year, or if I should even do one.

Although I'm kind of stealing it from another blogger, it was convicting and although it's not the usual resolution, I know it's something I need to really focus on.

"Wherever you are, be all there." - Jim Elliot

As you've probably read in previous blog posts, I'm a little anxious and/or impatient in general, but especially about moving to Georgia and joining the adult world. Discontent is an accurate description.


So, I'm making a more valid effort to be here. To enjoy this last semester, to fully be here or... wherever I am, doing whatever I may be doing at that time.

If you're reading this, and you read anything in the future that sounds like I'm discontent, kick me and remind me of my resolution.

Try, try again.

Over the last few weeks, people have asked how I'm doing, how my semester went, etc. I hate fake responses, and so I told the truth... doing okay, the semester was a little rough. I always find it a little funny when I say that to people because they're not expecting it, they were expecting the vague, monotonous "good...." reply that everyone else says.

I've had worse semesters for sure, but between homework always kicking my butt, hardly seeing friends, not to mention that it continues to be harder and harder to be away from Aaron. Oh, and the endless and frustrating job search.

I am in the exact same place I was at the beginning of the semester. Square one. I still have nothing waiting for me after graduation. Yes, it's still a little soon to already have a job, but after sending 75 job emails with little to no response... it's hard to stay positive.

I'm a planner.

I have to be ahead of the game, be organized, be on top of things, know the when and where. I don't enjoy just "wingin' it" or waiting until the last minute. So, to sit here without answers is difficult, to say the least.

This semester will be very interesting, and probably more trying than the last. More emails, sending resumes, hopefully some interviews. Not to mention all that school and work business, plus a few trips :)

I have to daily give all my worries and dreams over to God, otherwise Satan starts to use it against me, and I become very discouraged and stressed.

My hope is that five months from right now I will be in some stage of the moving process, or maybe sitting at my new job. The only way I'm going to get there is with Him, because it's all His plans. It's a daily struggle reminding myself it's never my plans.

"If home is where the heart is, then I'm out of place."

Who knows how many times I've blogged on this topic before... it's something I've been trying to learn for the past 21 years.

Patience: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering, without getting angry or upset.

Y'all. I lack this more than anyone I know. Whether it be waiting on a friend to pick me up, or waiting to graduate. I'm ahead of schedule, ready for the next thing, excited for what's to come.

My customized background on my computer says, "you feel like running, but life is on a stroll."
I made it a few months ago because I liked the quote, and then all the design-y parts of the rest of the background were nice too. Now, when I see it, I think, "yessssss... I know... slow down..."

I received a text from a person today, that I haven't received a text from in probably three years. But, it was something I needed to hear. Very cool how God works that way. "When you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss the fun of getting there. Slow down and enjoy the song."

I love Texas, I love college, I love my friends here. I love where I'm at, and have loved my time here... yet, something inside of me is discontent.

Perhaps, even a little homesick.

I can't deny it. My heart is in Georgia.

But, I'm torn between preparing (literally) to move to Georgia and dealing with all that excitement, and enjoying the last sweet few months I have here in college. Both are exciting, both are begging for my attention.

I have no idea how to handle the situation.
All I can do is pray, which at times makes me feel helpless - but I know He's strong enough to handle all this.

And I know God answers prayers.

You are Peace, when my fear is crippling.

It's been a rough and crazy last week or two.

I feel like I've hit a wall. I'm in some sort of funk. Everyone blames it on "being ready for break" - which is true, but I'm just exhausted, emotional, and unmotivated.

There are several things I could write about in this blog, but the heaviest on my heart is life six months from now. Actually, it's less than six months. I have nothing, right now. Nowhere to go. I have possibilities, but that's where it stops.

Which is the most frustrating part.

Although I don't really forsee myself working the local drive-thru after graduation, that's what is on the list right now (joking... sorta).

Forgive me for being human, but I want to know answers. I want the future to be solidified. Want, want, want, me, me, me. My prayer for the next few weeks (though this should be more of an all-the-time prayer) is that God would rid me of myself and my desires. Wanting anything other than what He wants causes heartbreak.


I looked back through my November blogs over the last two years. Two years ago, I was growing and learning, and it was painful. Last year, I was happy and thankful.

Not to say I'm unhappy or ungrateful now, because that's not true. I'm in a state of restlessness. Discontent is a frustrating emotion, because no matter how many times you tell yourself to enjoy the season you're in... your heart and your mind don't always agree.

In the words of Kari Jobe, He is faithful, constant, loving and true, and He will never forsake me in my weakness. He is patient (thankful He is, even if I'm not), gracious, merciful and true, and so wonderful in all He does.

I know when I look back a year from now, I will laugh at myself for doubting, for wasting my time worrying about all this when God knows everything, and is in control. Last year, I had no fear of the future. Somewhere along the way, I picked it up... and I wish I hadn't.

Remember earlier when I said I read through some old blogs? Sometimes I think He uses my blogs to write future notes to myself. I saw a post about Psalm 81:6, "Now I will take the load from your shoulders; I will free your hands from their heavy tasks."

He's willing to take our burdens, when we're willing to give them up.

"When I am afraid, I will trust in You." - Psalm 56:3

Food Blog!

As part of my senior project, I have started a food blog... we (me, and a few friends) will be posting the recipes we're trying out, as well as health and fitness tips here and there. Check it out!

Cookbooks for sale!

Hey!
Help me out, buy a cookbook (or two!)

You can find more info at my art blog, or on my Facebook page.

They are only $7 each, or $10 if you buy two - includes shipping - and make great Christmas presents! :)

Summer Vegetable Pasta Salad.

I don't know what's come over me, as I'm starting to enjoy cooking finally. I have this sudden desire to want to know how to cook yummy things and cook big meals for every meal. When my family learns of my new hobby, they will probably say, "it's about time..."

So, here is my latest cooking endeavor - one that I can already see will be repeated many times as it is healthy and incredibly easy to make - and not to mention, delicious. I got the recipe from Budget Bytes - a new favorite website of mine.

Total Recipe cost: $7.59
Servings Per Recipe: 8
Cost per serving: $0.95
Prep time: 20 min. Cook time: 10 min. Total: 30 min.

Ingredients
12 oz. bow tie pasta (I ended up having to use a different pasta)
2 medium roma tomatoes
1 medium summer squash
1 medium zucchini
1 medium broccoli crown
1/2 medium red onion
1/2 bunch parsley

Vinaigrette
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup olive oil
1/3 cup red wine vinegar
1 Tbsp dijon mustard
1 tsp dried oregano (used cilantro instead)
1 tsp minced garlic
3/4 tsp salt
to taste: fresh cracked black pepper

[I'm at the point right now where if it's too expensive or if I'm not crazy about it, I just leave it out. Yes, I know, not the best technique but it's worked so far. What's italicized in the ingredients, I left out. Yes, I realize that's not really a "vinaigrette" with it being just oil... but it still tasted great!]

STEP 1: Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add the pasta and boil for 5-7 minutes or until tender. Drain in a colander.

STEP 2: While you're waiting for the pasta water to boil and the pasta to cook, prepare the vegetables (squash, zucchini, broccoli, tomato, onion, parsley, red pepper). Give the vegetables a good wash and then cut into bite sized pieces (onions and red pepper thinly sliced; parsley removed from stems and chopped).

STEP 3: While the pasta is cooling, prepare the vinaigrette. In a small bowl whisk together the vegetable oil, olive oil, red wine vinegar, dijon mustard, oregano, minced garlic, salt, and pepper.

STEP 4: Combine the cooked pasta, chopped vegetables, and vinaigrette. Stir until everything is well mixed and coated with vinaigrette. Serve immediately or refrigerate until ready to eat.

Five Minutes of Fame.

I know everyone thinks they have the best grandparents around, but really, mine win. Because they aren't awesome grandparents, they are awesome people.

I don't know how many times they've made us (the grandchildren) things, gone out of their way to get us something, driven to us and back home in one day just to watch us get an award... they are getting extra jewels on their crowns in heaven.

They are so cute together. I want to be like them when I'm that age. My grandpa loves woodworking, and up until this year, that's all he did. He would go out into his self-built shop, while my grandma stayed in the kitchen and cooked up some of her wonderfulness.

Turns out, they are so awesome, that the local newspaper wanted to feature them in a story again (this is NOT the first time people have found out how awesome they are.)

Here's a link to see pictures, but I'm afraid that the article will be taken down, so... here's the story!


"Orin Shogren wasn't about to let his 3-year-old granddaughter miss out on Halloween.

Diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes in 1993, Jessica Shogren dressed up for the holiday, just like all the kids, but her intake of treats was strictly monitored.

"I could never eat much candy. It lasted an entire year," said Jessica, now 21, who was reared in Satanta in southwest Kansas.

Through her childhood, when she visited family in Salina, Jessica knew that sugar was not an issue when she rang grandpa Orin Shogren's doorbell. To her heart, his offerings were priceless.

The wooden figurines of cats, ghosts, goblins and other seasonal creatures he began fashioning in a basement shop -- now in a shop out back -- became a hit to Jessica and her grandpa's five other grandchildren.

"It was really cool seeing the things he would create for us," said Jessica, now a senior at West Texas A&M University in Canyon.

"It's just a special way of showing his love for us. Our grandparents are really loving toward everyone, not just family," she said.

The handcrafted artwork also made Orin a neighborhood star. The Shogrens live in the 900 block of Sunrise Drive.

"I usually make 45 or 50 of them. It's nothing fancy. They're very crude things, but that's what they want," said Orin, 80. This year, Shogren's saws have been silent, thanks to his bad back and broken finger.

"It just didn't work out this year," Orin said. "Maybe I'll do it again next year."

The tradition he began some 18 years ago has contributed to making the holiday special for many youngsters, some who are now just young at heart.

"We have a couple of kids who are in their 20s, who dress up and come to our house every Halloween to get the things that he makes," said Dorothy Shogren, Orin's wife.

Keenan Bowles, 13, who lives in the 1100 block of Sunrise Drive, targets the Shogren house every year, aiming to add to his collection.

"I think it's pretty cool," he said. "I've gone there since I was a little kid. I thought it was pretty unique and nice that he made things himself and gave them out to people."

Shogren's treats met with the approval of Staci Arnold, Keenan's mom.

"They get plenty of candy, and that's something we can keep," she said.

They're important to Keenan, Arnold said, judging from her son's near "meltdown" two years ago when their trick-or-treating excursion arrived late to the Shogrens.

"(Orin) had just handed out the last one," Arnold said.

Luckily, Keenan was able to negotiate a trade with a girl and snared another figurine for his collection.

While he's not thrilled that no figurines will be available tonight, Keenan understands.

"If (Orin) has a problem, he shouldn't have to make them," Keenan said.

Shogren doesn't confine his handiwork to Halloween, Jessica said. He gifts grandkids with other creations throughout the year, such as Thanksgiving and Christmas.

"He's an awesome grandpa, and that's an understatement," Jessica said.

But don't think grandma goes unnoticed.

"Grandpa's carpentry skills are matched with her cooking skills," Jessica said.

Molasses cookies are her favorite."

(Story by Tim Unruh at the Salina Journal)

Reminder.

October Weekend.

Dear Boyfriend,

I can't tell you how glad I am we share a love of Chinese food and fortune cookies. I say we incorporate this into our list of goals, maybe.. eat at every Chinese restaurant in Georgia? P.F. Chang's in Birmingham was good, but we obviously have to test out the one in Atlanta sometime.

The bakery and deli were obviously my favorite parts of my first visit to Publix. nom nom. Perfect way to start my arrival in Georgia.

 

You always said Georgia is beautiful in the fall, and you were so right. Wow.

Only we would eat lunch in your car in the Publix parking lot before my big interview. I'm almost positive the DP Ten (and the dance party) helped me in the interview. The creepy smoker guy who stared at us from his car, not so much...

 

I'm glad you understand and/or encourage my love of photography. It's nice to have someone help you choose good photography spots, rather than grudgingly follow along. Photo adventures are the best way to kill time, even in random towns we don't even know our way around.

And I finally got to go to my first corn maze! Even if I was horrible at it... oops. But, the hay ride was fun :) Maybe next year we can do the jumping pillow... Any reason to be with Glorieta family and you at the same time!

Amicalola Falls is going to a be a frequent spot for us, I can already tell. But, next time I will make sure and bring proper hiking attire, instead of moccasins. I also enjoy the fact that we blatantly ignored the "stay on the trail" signs. We're such big rebels. 

Us in this picture > the group of old people we took a picture of, in terms of cuteness.

I hope we have a backyard someday, so we can just lay around in the grass, relaxing in the shade. But, if any more dogs run up to us, we're putting up a fence. I don't care if that dog was only the size of my foot! 

You and your chef's hat... adorable, really. I think I'm going to have to design some signs for the kitchen to match.

Another fall first - carving my first pumpkin. Okay, really, you carved most of it while I sat there. Just means I have to practice and carve a pumpkin every year. We can roast the pumpkin seeds, and then spit them at each other on the porch... it'll be a yearly tradition, unless the neighbors report us.

Church is a rare occasion for us, due to the flight schedules. But, it's a favorite of mine when it does happen. Your church has prettier surroundings than mine :)

 

Leaving you is always the worst part of the weekend. This trip home was even worse thanks to that Dallas fog. But, hopefully that'll be the last time it happens.

Love you, miss you, see you on New Year's Eve :)

Pumpkin Pudding.

I bought pumpkin puree in the hopes of trying a Pinterest recipe... but they all called for 10+ ingredients that I didn't feel like buying.

So, instead, I just formed my own simple recipe.

Sugar-free pudding mix (add milk as it calls for)
Can of pumpkin puree
1-2 tbsp. of sugar
Few shakes of cinnamon/pumpkin spice
One small shake of salt.

Mix and let sit.

Home is where the heart is...

Monday was a day of frustration.

Woke up at 2 a.m. unable to sleep - didn't need to be up until 3:30.
Long line at security in the Birmingham airport.
No breakfast.

Little things, really. But then, the fun really started.


A heavy fog in Dallas prevented our plane from landing. Four hours later than needed/expected, I finally walk in to the DFW airport... mass chaos. I had to stand in a long line to find a new flight.

Wait, wait, wait.

I start getting emotional. I'm running on three hours of sleep, I'm sick, exhausted in all aspects, hungry, missing Aaron, wanting someone to talk to, and then my phone dies. I sit by a trash can, on the floor, plug-in my cell charger, and eat a Cinnabon (the second thing I'd eaten all day)... in tears.

I stand in line (for the third time), to get a boarding pass for a "guaranteed" flight. Mmhmm. "Your name is not on here. We can put you on stand-by, and if you don't get on then, you'll for sure be on the next flight." I even tried pulling the I'm-a-diabetic card, and it backfired.

But, my name was called, finally. I got on the 5:30 flight. Even got front row... it was center seat, between two elderly people each doing their own crossword, but I was going home.

The pilot announced we were descending into Amarillo. I looked out the window to at the sunset, combined with clouds that made it look like we were flying into heaven. I smiled, and thought to myself, "mmmmm..." and then my thought stopped.

I realized, that thought is typically followed by the word home.



Two things hit me at that moment.

I've been struggling with discontent in being in Texas, away from Aaron. I dreaded saying good-bye, coming back to school, being away from him for another two months. But, those five hours in the airport, my only thought was I-want-to-go-home. But, "home" has two places in my heart right now. Seeing the sunset, and the huge relief of being done with travel made me appreciate this home more. I felt God telling me to stop and enjoy this season, these people, this area.

I felt trapped in the airport. Alone, and trapped. It was just a transition (and a long one, at that). I freaked out. I got emotional. I knew I was going to leave eventually, I wasn't really trapped. I kept saying there was a reason for all of it, and looking back it was just a lesson. I'm in a slow transition in life right now. Slow is not in my vocabulary. I want to jump on the next plane of life.

Maybe I'm starting to disconnect, to try and transition. Maybe I'm wrong for feeling this way. Maybe it's normal. I don't know. I'm still learning. How do I stop looking forward to something so exciting, and enjoy this moment?

For the first time in three years, this area does not feel like home to me.
Home is where the heart is...

Pinterest Recipe #2.

Continuing with our theme of Pinterest recipes, we switched it up a little with a lunch.

This recipe is INCREDIBLE. I know, it sounds weird, maybe even gross. If you eat turkey burgers, or ground turkey, instead of hamburger meat - and think it tastes the same... this is the same way. There is a little different texture, but same taste. We ate the entire pizza between two of us (shhh...)

Cauliflower Crust Veggie Pizza

Before and after. See, told you we ate it all!

Use whatever toppings you want. We loaded it with toppings, because that's how we like it. Ours had olives, mushrooms, bell peppers, onions and cheese.

Pinterest Night #1.

So, you've heard of Pinterest, right? If not, go sign up - right now.

It's basically a place to visually keep bookmarks. You post ("pin") things you find on the internet; designs, cool things for your house, recipes, tutorials and tricks for anything, photography, etc. etc.

Well, Taylor and I decided to start cooking two weekly recipes that we find on Pinterest. Last night was the first night, and it was a huge success - especially considering my huge lack of cooking skills.


Avocado and Grilled Corn Salad (with grilled chicken)

 

The recipe can be found here.

But, since we try to save money on groceries we did a little editing:

No vinegar,

Cilantro flakes (in the seasonings) instead of real cilantro, 

Canned corn instead of husked corn, and

More feta than it called for.

This makes a TON, so although it is excellent, it's not great for two people. Either cut the recipe in half, or plan on eating this with every meal for several days. We also used it as a "dip" with chips, after eating it with chicken. I ate it with some egg for breakfast this morning (okay, that wasn't as good as I thought it might be.)

Helpful hint: keep the middle of the avocado in the bowl to help keep it from turning brown!

Right Doors.

You try one door after another, yet no one responds to your résumé. No university accepts your application. No doctor has a solution for your illness. No buyers look at your house.

Obstacles pack your path. Road, barricaded. Doorway, padlocked.
Do you know the frustration of a blocked door?

God uses closed doors to advance his cause.

He closed the womb of a young Sarah so he could display his power to the elderly one. He shut the palace door on Moses the prince so he could open shackles through Moses the liberator. He marched Daniel out of Jerusalem so he could use Daniel in Babylon. And Jesus. Yes, even Jesus knew the challenge of a blocked door. When he requested a path that bypassed the cross, God said no. He said no to Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane so he could say yes to us at the gates of heaven.

It’s not that our plans are bad but that God’s plans are better. 

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.

“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your waysand my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

(Isa. 55:8–9 NLT)

Your blocked door doesn’t mean God doesn’t love you. Quite the opposite. It’s proof that he does.

[taken from Max Lucado devotional]

Time.

Life is so chaotic.

I just want a break, just a measly two days of nothingness would suffice. I just need a chance to catch my breath, I feel like since day one I hit the ground running and haven't slowed down yet. Thankfully, I have been enjoying my classes. I haven't had to deal with mundane classes and homework like geology or history.

Doing more and more freelance this semester has also made me more excited to become a "real" designer, to have a real design job.

So, here I am, struggling to be content. I'm being pulled between wanting to graduate tomorrow and move, and wanting time to slow down so that I can breathe, and enjoy the last of my college days. I've been told not to grow up too fast, but it's hard when I've started job searching, I have my first job interview in two weeks, printing resumes, etc.

I've always been ready for the next step of the game, wanting to move on.

But, here I am trying to learn patience and contentment, waiting on His timing.

Art Updates.

Hey, you.
Go like my facebook page for Jess Creatives.

And pass along the word to your friends. :)

Website!

This post is short and sweet.

After a week of long hours, late nights, and lots of frustration and excitement....
my new website is finally up!

Check it out: www.jesscreatives.com!

Loss.

No one really deals with loss well.
I've lost more friends than one should at this age, but thankfully it's been minimal and hasn't been immediate family.

Unfortunately, this week I've dealt with different types of loss. Not as traumatic, but hard and very frustrating still. First, there was my foot, and then...

[There's no great way to segway into this without sounding trite.] 

Glorieta, my second home, is shutting down. The conference center is not shutting down completely, but it's only going to be open during the summer. They posted this explanation on their website.

It's understandable, from the logistic side. But, our hearts don't understand. My Facebook feed was filled with remorse and talk of memories. After two years of attending Collegiate week, and working a total of six months there - it becomes home.

It's where I re-committed my life to Christ, it's where I met the love of my life, it's where I've grown the most - spiritually. Not to mention the incredible friendships, and the memories. It sounds dramatic, but it feels like someone has died, or a part of me has died. It breaks my heart to know (not as many) people will be able to experience the peace and growth that happens at Glorieta.

Glorieta holds so much importance in my heart, but I know God is doing something good in the midst of all the emotion and trouble.

Crutchin'

My life is frustrating sometimes.

You know, I'm blessed with awesome friends, family, and my boyfriend. I have a great job, I love my major. I'm loved by the Creator of the universe. Yet, despite the misconception that Christians are happy and their life is full of rainbows, I am frustrated.

Before college, I was semi-athletic. I played a few sports, and I loathed running. First summer of college and had to do physical therapy. Healed, slowly got back into working out. Surgery in March '10. More physical therapy.

Pause story: I have never, ever, broken, sprained, fractured, or rolled anything. I tore my meniscus... and that's the most damage I've ever done. 

After a failed attempt of 5k training this summer, I re-started after returning to Texas. And what happens? I injure myself. As of yesterday, I'm in a walking boot and on crutches for the next three weeks. I was running on the first day of school (yippee!), and landed wrong on my foot. Turns out, I chipped off some bone on the top of my foot.

I've always been a busy bee. As a kid, I could not stand being bored. It's only gotten worse as I've gotten older. Except now, it's not just being busy, it's being active too. Although I've started swimming since my foot was/is out of commission, I miss running. I miss just getting on the treadmill and going.

It's frustrating. It's frustrating to want to do something healthy, and not being allowed. For the last three years, every time I started working out consistently - I either injured myself, shin splints started acting up, or my schedule was too busy and I couldn't work out at all.

I am not looking forward to crutchin' around for the next three weeks. I woke up with sore arms. (and, it's raining right now.) I am trying my hardest to live out Philippians 2:14, but it was hard to get out bed knowing that I will hobble all across campus today - in the rain.

God will use this for something good, that much I know.

Walking Blind.

I love Addison Road, as you should know... since they appear in my blog a lot. The lead singer, Jenny, blogs off and on as well, and today she wrote a blog. This blog. I think her blog is one of my favorite's to read because she doesn't cover up things with happy rainbows and trite sayings.

Although I am not in a life storm right now, this is one of those blogs that just spoke something to me. It made me realize that so often I feel like I'm supposed to be in a storm, or the opposite... whatever that "part" is called. I haven't made any huge life adjustments like she has, but I still feel like I'm in the in-between.

I'm en route to graduation, I'm beginning to see the light. I mean, I sent off my first resume today - it's starting. NOW. Not next semester like I thought it would. I feel like I'm living in the unknown.
Faith is still here, I don't doubt God.

You know when you get up in the night to go to do whatever, and you're walking quietly, slowly through the pitch black? You feel like any moment you will trip on some huge obstacle in your room that wasn't there when you want to bed, or you'll run into a wall that moved after you fell asleep? And then after a certain point, you feel more comfortable and stop walking like an awkward, paranoid freak. I feel kind of like that freak right now. I know the end is right around the corner, and although I may bump a corner or two, I'll still get there fine.

It took me awhile to realize, or maybe just admit it, that all these "plans" and "ideas" that I kept saying were God's plans were really... mine. It wasn't so much the plans themselves, just the route or order of them came from me, not Him. It takes a lot of prayer to get those desires out of your heart... they're not completely out of mine - even though I know it's for the better.

"Curiosity abounds. Excitement fights to shine through. Fear and self-doubt dominate. If nothing else, the in between seasons are great reminders to hold life lightly. Hang on too tight - to your own version - and you are bound to be heartbroken." (Jenny Simmons)

Crazy Dreams.

So, I don't think I've ever posted about this. But, I have crazy dreams. Like, cuh-razy. It wasn't rare to say to my mom in the morning, "I had a weird dream, wanna hear it?" You can ask her... it's happened for as long as I can remember. I also remember my dreams pretty vividly most of the time.

Last night I had two dreams that were somewhat correlated.
The first one:
I sneak into this huge house; I'm on a mission. I came to this house because there are about 200 African teenage girls that are sex slaves. It's my job to free them. But, of course, the owners/adults are mean and vicious, and I know that if they find me - I will die. So, a majority of this dream is finding all the girls, sneaking around the house, hiding in the most random places, and then he finds me. I look up at him (he resembles Hagrid from HP), and... I woke up.

But, not only did I wake up... I thought the killers were in my apartment. This too has happened before. One time, I watched Rush Hour 2 before bed (as a grade schooler), woke up thinking the bad guy was outside window. So, I'm laying there, somewhat out of breath (because I had been running in my dream/nightmare), paranoid that someone is in my apartment. It also seems extra dark.

And then I noticed, it was raining. Beautiful. I love rain. So, I concentrated on that, and fell back asleep. Which led to my second dream:

I'm on a college campus, not my own, and there is a mass power outage. Chaos ensues. I'm in this strange house/apartment thing that is just a little off campus. And like most dreams, things start to jump around and things happen that dream "me" knows why, but it's not really evident in the dream. So, once again, there are bad guys trying to find people and kill them. So we (there's about 10 of us - none of who I know) are hiding in my apartment, which is very long, and resembles my room in Glorieta. Somehow I keep managing to hide in boxes, or my favorite - under a piano. The bad guys open the door, but don't see us. I run to campus to find someone. It's like one big giant party. Also, the Coliseum (from Rome) is on our campus. Cool, right? I found whoever, went back to my apartment, started hiding again, and then... woke up.


So, this summer I started looking at dream interpretation. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Not sure I fully believe it, but it's interesting - especially when it kind of relates to life right now.

To save a child in your dream signifies your attempts to save a part of yourself from being destroyed.

To see a killer in your dream suggests than an essential aspect of your emotions have been cut off; that you are losing your identity and your individuality. 

To dream that you are being kidnapped denotes feelings of being trapped. Something may be diverting your concentration and your attention away from your goals.

To dream that the electricity is out indicates your lack of insight and perspective on a situation.

To dream that someone is hiding indicates that you are looking for a sense of security and protection. To dream that you are hiding suggests that you are keeping some secret or withholding some info.

To dream that you are at a party suggests that you need to get out more and enjoy yourself. If the party is a bad one, then it indicates you are unsure of your social skills.  (haha!)

To dream that you are in a dark room suggests that you are waiting for something to happen. You are curious to see what might develop in a situation.

To see an unruly crowd in your dream signifies that the worries and problems around you are pressin in on you; signifying great distress.


Weird, right? They somewhat kind of all relate. Do I really know what this means? Not really.

Waiting It Out.

"Sometimes what you want to do and what God wants you to do are two different things. I suggest you go with God because... well, for one: He loves you, and two: He knows what's best. Even if it hurts at the time, being healthy is way better in the end." (taken from Jessica Moritz)

When I first saw that, it hit me in this face for two reasons.
a) too often I think I focus on what I want instead of what He wants
b) even if it hurts now, He knows what's best and could be saving me from more hurt

I'm a senior in college. Yep, it's that year. That year of huge decisions.

Do I know what's going to happen? No.
Do I have a few ideas? Yes.

I look at the past several years, and see how He timed things perfectly - over and over. God is able to handle every detail, and even the biggest situations. My brain knows this, but I'm human and something inside of me still wants to know, still wants control.

I think part of it is that I'm so excited about the future. I'm not scared to go out "there," I'm only scared that I'll end up homeless or jobless. But, totally excited about having a real design job, moving across the country, and all that jazz.

The fact that I've never been a patient person has never been more evident than now.


Isaiah 30:18 says, "For the Lord is a FAITHFUL God. Blessed are those who WAIT for His help."