Tuesday, June 9, 2009

knocking down walls.

[from Facebook.]
To not live in fear, to live each day like it’s your last, to live in the moment… is easier said than done. 

It’s always on the back of my mind, every time I forget a shot or don’t eat enough. Diabetes causes complications, sometimes even if you do take care of yourself. It forms a sense of helplessness. It’s hard enough trying to manage it with the hectic college schedule, though it can be done.. I did it this year. But, then throw in random factors like the weather, stress, and exercise? Some days I feel like no matter what I do (or don’t do) that diabetes controls me. 

How many times at camp were we told to not let diabetes control us? Or, that we’re stronger people because of diabetes? After 16 years, I fully believe that I am a stronger person, even though I do feel defeated sometimes. 

And then I catch myself too scared to take a chance, color outside of the lines, to be out of my comfort zone. Even when I shouldn’t. If you knew me at the beginning of the school year, or before that… you know I’ve come out of my shell, a shell I didn’t even realize I was in. But a small part of me is still holding back… and I don’t know why. 

It’s easiest to accept what we expect and are used to, but how will you ever know the outcome if you don’t take a risk? 

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." -- Proverbs 3:5

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