Art, Art, Art.

I have three pieces for sale.

The first two are available either: 8x10 prints, 11x14 frames OR 16x20 prints, 18x24 frames.

And this one is only available in 8x10.

Smaller ones are $20, bigger ones are $30. (Five dollars off if I don't ship and just deliver.) Message me if interested! :)

John 13:7.

I'm not a fan of crutches.

I actually don't really know if I've heard of anyone actually be a fan of crutches.

But, I'm trying to find joy in all circumstances.

And God uses everything to teach us, so I'm trying to learn.

This has been painful, yes. But, also humbling.

I don't like having to ask my suitemate to fill up my bottle of water. Or to have someone open a door for me. Or... anything. For one thing, I feel like I'm inconveniencing them. And, they're doing this just out of the pure goodness out of their hearts. Just because they love me enough.

Yesterday at my small group meeting, we somehow got on the topic of how we are dirty, sinful people. God loved me enough to send his Son, to die for me.. to save me. He sent His son to die for me, when I'm inherently bad. Not only that, but everything else He has given me - is a blessing.

My pastor did a sermon over how we are bad people who occasionally do good things. Yes, I agreed, and I had never really thought about it. But, it wasn't until yesterday that it really hit me.

He pours out His love on me everyday, regardless of how much I screw up. And as followers, we are called to love others - regardless of who they are or what they've done.

I don't deserve His love, but, oh, how grateful I am for it. I don't deserve the love and help of those around me this week (or anytime for that matter), but I don't know what I would do without it - without either of these.

I am thankful that there are still people - even complete strangers - that pour out His love to me.

Under the Knife.

In case you didn't already know, I'm having surgery tomorrow.

Kinda freaking out.

Not only about the surgery itself, but recovery.

The right-after recovery.

The last time I had surgery (wisdom teeth removed), I lost 10 lbs because the pain medication made sick - so I couldn't eat anything, and if I tried, it just came back up.

The surgery before that (tonsils removed), I woke up in the recovery room bawling, which was just weird... that I was "under" and then... woke up and had been crying.

Luckily, I should only be on crutches at the absolute most, for a week... but more likely just a few days. They won't know for sure until they're in there and see what my knee looks like.

Psalm 112:7 - "They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them..."

No More Tuna.

So, today at lunch, I ate with one of the funniest people I know. Yun-Lip Kim, or Lip for short (prounounced "leap").

She had this plate full of fruits and veggies, and whatnot. And a bagel.

I thought the bagel was slightly random, but to each his own.

Then, she started putting stuff ON the bagel. Not cream cheese, or jelly, or peanut butter.

Egg salad.

Tuna salad.

I started making gagging noises, and commented that it looked really gross. Of course, she got defensive and said it was delicious, and that I had to try it before I dissed it.

What did she do? Shoved it in my face, forcing me to eat it.

The egg salad.... not as bad as I imagined.

But the tuna salad...

First of all, did not look like that picture. It was more gray... and not as chunky. Second of all, I ate a smidge of it and thought I was going to hurl right then and there.

Then, I (being a nerd) got excited because I thought I could cross "eating something new" off of my 101 list. :)

#53 - See the ocean again!

I don't know if I love mountains or beaches more. Mountains are so majestic, so wide. As are oceans - but they seem to go on infinitely. You never really see the end of an ocean.

I heard something on the way home; the ocean is like God's love. You can be standing up to your head in head in water and you are still only on the shore. There is still so much more. There is so much more of God's love and mercy, there's so much more of Him that we haven't even grasped.

There are so many things in this world that are so beautifully created by God. I wonder how some people think there's not a God...

God of this City.

Beach Reach 2010. Wow.

Amazing experience, a few lows, more highs, and a ton of fun.

I'm not sure I even know where to start...

First of all, the reason I went on this trip is a) because I felt like God wanted me too, and b) because I've been in the party scene... and I really felt like I could share and relate with the spring breakers. Like, that's where I was, this is where I am now. I didn't get too though, I didn't really see any open doors... and I didn't want to bombard them.

Being thrown into that atmosphere... honestly, I didn't know what it was going to be like. Did I miss it? Only the thought of just being able to relax on the beach. Haha. It was so heart-breaking to hear guys we picked up talk about girls the way they did, to see girls all but sell their souls, and see people so entirely intoxicated that they didn't know who they were or where they were staying. I just wondered, how I ever found satisfaction in that?

I felt like God really spoke to me this week, about how I try to find satisfaction in other things... small things even. God is the only thing that is truly satisfying and fulfilling, and even though I already knew that - I just needed to see it. or more like, thought I needed. "My soul will be satisfied as with the richest foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you!" - Psalm 63:5

Two of the things that stuck with me this week: 1) When a guy asked why we believed what we believed, and 2) when another guy quoted Ghandi and said, "I hate your Christians, but I love your Christ." [or something along that line]. Why do I? Yeah, I grew up in the church, but I've really made my faith my own. We had one guy who kept asking what if we were wrong, what if even people who aren't Christians or believe in another god are wrong... Well, at least I lived a happy life. But, of course I believe God is real, or else I wouldn't believe. The Ghandi quote really made me think - how many people are hurt by a Christian, or by the church, or just get the wrong idea about Christians. We are called to love each other.... believers and non-believers alike.

Why does it matter if they're living in a life of sin, or a different religion, different ethnicity, homosexual, criminals, etc. We are STILL called to LOVE them. God accepts them as they are, and so should we. The more they surrender their lives to Christ and follow Him, He will chip away the parts that don't glorify Him. It was hard, I can't lie. It was hard at times to love these people instead of asking "why?!!" .. it was hard to love without judgment.

I didn't get to share Christ with anyone, but it's okay... because Beach Reach isn't over when you come back to school. I wanted God to work through me, and He not only worked through me, but in me - just not the way I expected (or maybe even wanted at first).

"You're the Light in this darkness, You're the Hope to the hopeless, you're the Peace to the restless." He is the God over everything; every person, city, nation - and has an infinite amount of love, grace and mercy.

God-love.

Do you ever have those days, that you wonder if maybe you should've stayed in bed? I did. That day was yesterday.

Although it didn't start or end to bad, smack dab in the middle was war.

I'll spare the long, rambling story and just give the jist of it:

On my way to Leadership Lunch at the BSM (with Taylor), I had a fender bender. With a Lexus. Sweet lil' Boo (my car, haha) just decided to hit the Lexus. In my defense - a) I was looking over my shoulder the whole time, b) she was in my blind spot, and c) I was further out of my space than she was...

Thankfully, she was super nice. And she actually was the one apologizing when we got out of our cars. And there were no injuries. We did end up going to campus police and filing a report, etc.

Bad part #2 - while I'm sitting with Mr. Po-Po (who's last name ironically was Godlove...) and the other girl, my phone rings - luckily not out loud, it was on silent. But, finish the whole police report jazz and when I'm heading to lunch, late, I check my voicemail. Oh, hello, doctor. What's that? I have a tear in my meniscus?

Torn meniscus = minor surgery. Cue sarcastic "awesome" comment.

It's not for sure when, or even 100% it'll happen (but PT told me I should if I want to run again). I'll update when I find out more.

Among everything that's been happening, I just broke down. I couldn't handle it, didn't want to hear it or deal with any of it.

But, I was reminded of something: "We live in a poopy, fallen world and God is the only comfort and good thing we have. His glory and love will shine thru your accident and surgery." - Elizabeth

At the end of the day, I realized that even though I had a horrible, stressful day... I still had so much to be thankful for. We may trip, but he won't let us fall.

Slow Cooker.

No one ever said being a Christian would be easy. Actually, Jesus said quite the opposite. He told us that there would be suffering.

It's not that I forgot this. Or that I want to give up on my faith. I just wanted to fix all my problems by myself. God is probably laughing at me...

"Are we patient? We and the world will only know it if our patience is tested. Are we loving? It will not be seen until we are confronted with hatred. Are we full of faith? There's no evidence until circumstances dictate against it. Every fruit of the Spirit is latent within us until its antithesis appears."

Job talks about being tested, and going through trials. In chapter 23, he says, "When He has tested me, I will come forth as gold." We can't run from trials. We have to be still, and let God work through us. And then shine.

Obviously, the hardest part of trials, is that time right in the middle of them. And it's because of something a lot of people lack - perseverance. James tells us that through perseverance, we gain maturity and completeness. Trials are the only way to grow.

I love this quote, "We're not accustomed to pains that can't be relieved and problems that can't be corrected. When they come, we send up prayers with almost the same expectation as when we press the buttons on our microwave. A few seconds, we think, and we should be done with it. God doesn't usually work that way. He is thorough and precise, and He will not be rushed."

We bought a slow cooker and expected it to be a microwave.

Instead of asking for deliverance in trials, we should look for the benefit, endure the pain, and ask God what He's accomplishing and participate it in willingly.

Live to Serve.

SVU has become one of my favorite shows this year.

I just watched a really good episode. I missed parts of it, unfortunately but this is most of it: A deaf girl was dying, and was somewhat suicidal, she blogged and tried to help other people who were also suicidal. A diabetic girl was given too much insulin (or took?) and died, and (I think) was depressed.

Diabetes is depressing sometimes. But it's never actually made me depressed, though.

But during the trial, they asked the deaf girl how she coped, how she managed to stay alive. She said there would be no one to help the people on her blog/website. Although they never mentioned God, helping and encouraging others is Christlike.

Even when she wanted to die, she stayed alive to help others... to serve others.

Lose Control.

I kind of have road rage. Not that I cuss and scream, ever. I think I've honked at someone once in my life?

But I'm the one tailing you. I mutter under my breath for you to speeeeeeed uppppp.

Yesterday, I drove home to Kansas. It was a good drive, not too much traffic, nice weather, some of it cloudy (which I love driving in). But. 95% of the people I drove behind were going 10 mph under the speed limit. Or we played tango; you pass... I pass... you pass... I pass... (that happened with three different cars in three hours). I was about to scream by the time I got home.

In the middle of all this, I realized something.
I drive like I think.
From the time I was a sixth grader, I just wanted everything to hurry up. I wanted to wear make-up. I wanted to shave my legs already. I wanted to be in high school. I wanted to drive. I got in high school, I wanted to graduate. I wanted a boyfriend. I got to college, I still wanted a boyfriend.

God is trying so hard to get me to be patient, to trust Him and stop making things happen on my own. Which, I can honestly and proudly say I have done so much much better progressively over the past several months. I have a quote hanging on my door: "God's timing is not always our own."

I love road trips, and I love driving by myself. But sometimes, I forget that God is the best driver and need to let him have full control over my steering wheel. I can't be the little kid sitting on His lap trying to steer.

As heard by...

Becky Propp.

"I have this idea... wanting a boyfriend is kind of like wanting your Christmas presents. You don't exactly want to know what (or who) it is, but you want to know the gift is there, waiting for you. You know if it's there, you'll eventually get it (a boyfriend). It's just nice, knowing that the gift is there. You just have to be patient and wait to open it."

Humble Pie.

Sometimes we're reluctant to serve.

We don't want to spend a whole summer away.

We want to relax over break.

But, what we often forget is that we are here to glorify Him.

Yes, He died for us.

... but so that we would also glorify Him.

I was talking with some friends yesterday

about being discouraged while serving.

They told me these missionaries had been serving for years,

and only 3 people had been saved.

My friend asked them if they were discouraged by this, and they replied,

"Every time I start feeling discouraged, God reminds me what an honor it is to even just be serving Him here."

God doesn't need us. I mean, He is pretty powerful and all....

But He chose us. He wants to use us.

I had never really thought about that... how humbling, God wants to use me; how selfish, I'm reluctant.

Being Human.

I stumbled upon a quote that I heard last month....

"Why do you need THE comforter if you're already comfortable?"

Life is not easy. And lately, it's been kind of rough.

I know God is trying to draw me closer.

But I've been doing that human thing, where I seek other things for comfort, or try to just deal with it on my own.

There is a purpose in everything, and God's going to get all the glory from this. :)

Wait.

by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

Creating...

This is the beginnings of my new website... not that I had an old one, though.

This is our first website project, after this we'll create our website from scratch. (This is from a template.)

Motivator.

I read this in the Village Church blog....

"The apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 5:14 speaks of a very different motivator: love. He writes, “For the love of Christ controls us…” The verb “control” carries the idea of being managed, directed and guided. The picture Paul is alluding to is that of two walls hemming one in and dictating one’s direction. In essence, love has become the dominating reality in his life. The apostle John writes similarly in 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” Paul elaborates in verse 15 that the reason love is able to control us and motivate us is because of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. We no longer live for ourselves, but for him who died and was raised. Our very disposition is now Other-centered; primarily to Christ, secondarily to others and then to self. The incessant calls from within and the painful monuments of personal experience that cry out, “I am not loved,” “rejected,” “abandoned,” and “failure” are all redeemed in the cross of Jesus Christ. God demonstrated his love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). We are forever adopted as children and bound to Him forever (Galatians 4:5, Romans 8:35-39). He will never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). I am not lovely, yet I am loved. I am not rejected, but received as a son. I am not abandoned, but bound. I fail, but He is sufficient. Fear is brittle in light of the strength of the cross."

Valentine.

I am anti-Valentine.

I think it's a ridiculous holiday... why do we need this day to tell our significant other we love them? Why can't we buy them presents and goodies just randomly? It's forced. I am not anti-Valentine due to my lack of romance. I am just opposed to ridiculous things. :)

My cousin told me this, and I liked it... kind of shifted my thinking.

"It's just become something that it's not. the core of what it is, is a good thing. whether or not you're romantically involved. cheer up. know you're loved by the Lord, family and a lot of friends. maybe choose to bless someone who NEEDS it today with unexpected love."

Summer.

I'm spending my summer (May 12 - Aug 14) in Glorieta, New Mexico.

All of us are called to serve God, it just varies by when and where. And even though the prospect of going overseas during the summer sounds amazing... it would be for the wrong reason. But instead, God gave me a heart to serve somewhere I've loved going for years - camp. This isn't just one camp, but a conference center.... but regardless, it's where He wants me.

I am SO excited. I found out ...seven hours ago, and feel like I found out five minutes ago. I have some nerves and whatnot, but it's okay. God is faithful, and I have a feeling this is going to be one of the best summers of my life.

"Only those who throw away their lives for My sake and for the sake of the Good News will ever know what it means to really live."

Now to sit and wait. :)

Potholes.

So, I'm thinking about starting a campaign against potholes.

Not really, BUT a little pothole yesterday caused me a great deal of stress and trouble.

Going into the Hobby Lobby parking lot, I hit a pothole. Didn't notice until I was trying to leave. Tried to go to the Phillips 66 air pump across the street. Lost two quarters since I didn't notice that some kind-hearted person decided to cut off the end of the hose.

Luckily, my roommate was with me, and her uncle lives in Amarillo. He came and put the spare on, then we went to Sears. An unnecessary hour and a half later, new tire!

Sometimes I overreact, and yesterday was one of those times. I needed to do some homework, because I have a tonnnnn. (Waiting for paint to dry currently, so I thought I'd blog.) I knew this tire escapade would set back my schedule, and that my parents probably wouldn't be too happy with me. Rachel kept trying to calm me down and just to laugh at it so I wouldn't have a stress ulcer.

It ended up being okay. Got some good quality time with my roommate, ate Taco Villa for the first time and saw Dear John. (Mmmmmmm, Channing.)

Today in church, our pastor told a story about how at his first church, some elders hated him... thought he was Satan. And it really troubled his wife, that people would hate them that much. Fast forward to the present time, and he was talking to one of his doctors. The doctor talked about how out 100 patients, 99 will love him, but one will hate him and won't come back. My favorite part of the sermon:

"And why do I lay in bed awake at night thinking about that one patient who hated me, instead of the 99 who love me?"

What he said after that is a little rambled, but I did write down: "Why worry about one problem rather than thinking about all your blessings?"

I realized this is one of my biggest weaknesses. It's probably not just me, I mean, I am human... so I'm sure there's other humans out there who do the same thing. It just made me think of my worrisome self in general, but especially how I let that stupid pothole ruin my whole day...

Hard to Smile.

God's will, not mine.

If that means you're happier without talking to me, and it brings you closer to Him....

then let it be.

And one of my favorite verses....

"So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you." -- 1 Peter 4:19

Don't be an Orpah.

Tonight in Bible study we talked about being a Lady of Faith, and having "eyes of faith."

In this society, people are so caught up in getting a husband - especially during or coming out of college. You're supposed to get your Mrs. degree. So, what do girls start doing? Trying to take the controls away from God. We go to this basketball game because he might be there, we walk this way to class because we know we'll see him, .... you get the picture.

But in the Bible, Ruth doesn't go "where the boys are," but instead, follows God. And instead of trying to find a guy, she just tries to serve the Lord. And what does He do... he brings Ruth and Boaz together. And He didn't just wake up and decide to do this, He intended it.

Instead of stressing and throwing pity parties, we should be letting God do the work. That's what He's here for :) Don't be like Orpah and run away from God, trying to get a guy.

"Don't be afraid. Have faith." -- Mark 5:36

Hebrews 11 talks about how people did all these things by faith. [Hebrews 11 is the home of my all-time favorite verse of the Bible... verse one.]

Is there anything you can't do by faith?

Reason.

"But Joseph replied, "don't be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you? You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people." -- Genesis 50:19-20

Calming.

This blog is very true. I needed to hear it, for spring break and this summer.

Again, and again.

God is so faithful, and He just reminds me over and over... and sometimes I don't even realize it until I look back.

Last night was the second week of my Bible study. There were 11 of us girls. Eleven. That's the most I've had, which isn't even a lot.. but to me it is a lot, because I'm not a huge fan of speaking in public. But, a few weeks ago before school started, I was nervous people weren't going to come... that it was going to be smaller... obviously not :)

We talked about diligence and being diligent in ministry - which includes just encouraging others, helping, talking, listening, writing, cooking, etc. From that, my girls (haha... "my") decided that they want to go find or buy some food and coats and give them to the homeless in downtown Amarillo. Just, on their own. So amazing!

I've been reading "Purpose Driven Life" and a chapter I read the other day talked about how one of the greatest ways to worship is through obedience. And, I am going on my first mission trip to South Padre... "Beach Reach." We serve pancakes and give free van rides to drunk people and just spread the gospel to thousands of college students. I've heard it's exhausting, but more than that... I hear nothing but how amazing of a trip it is, and how much God teaches you. It's $400, and I have no idea how I'm going to get that money! But, as our BSM director said, "Say yes, until God says no." [PS -- if you feel led to help support me financially or through prayer, let me know!]

And while I'm on the topic of missions, I've been thinking about my summer. There's an organization called GoNow that sends students all over on various mission trips. I felt an obligation to go, and not a desire... and I didn't want to go for the wrong reason. What I do have a desire for is serving at a camp. I want to a "camp fair" last year, and all these camps from mostly Texas, but some other states, were there just trying to get workers. I considered it but never followed through... but I feel like I really want to do this. I have two in mind so far, one far and one close, so I'm just praying that God leads me to one of those if that's where He wants me.

I'm nervous about Spring Break and my summer... but I know God will place me where He wants me. I thought about last semester, and how I almost got a house. But that fell through. Then, I moved out of a suite... into another... and out of that one and into another. Lots of moving. But, I realized how blessed I am to be in this suite, and how God just worked everything to put me in here. I have an amazing roommate, who has never gotten the chance to go to a Bible study until now. And who wants to go to church with me more regularly. Another one of my suitemates actually went to my Bible study last semester, and I just love her! My other suitemate also is going to try and start going to Bible study (it's in our living room... so they don't have too far to walk).

On top of all those new Bible study girls and trips, my roommate and I went to church with eight other new people. Two of the people are regular church go-ers, but not to my church... the others, I'm not sure where they go or how often.

I have just been so encouraged this week, despite other problems and the stress of life. Haha. But I love when God gives me these reality checks!

Thoughts of Living.

I've realized this year, that I have a lot of strong opinions about how Christians live, or should live. I realized this is because for a long time, I didn't portray Christ. At all. I was the exact opposite. And I don't want to make that mistake again.

I prefer to stay away from the party scene - I get so uptight, I don't like drinking, people get stupid, there's drama, and I don't see anyway that it glorifies God. I don't want to do something to cause another believer to stumble in their faith.

In Matthew 15, it talks about how what you say (and I think to an extent, even think) is what defiles you. That's another reason I stay away from the party scene... what goes into your mind is what you start thinking about and speaking. I think even music affects that somewhat, and what you watch on TV.

On the other side of this scale, there's good things we, as Christians, forget to do that in our lives. In "Purpose Driven Life," it talked about how living each day as a test. There are big tests and little tests, and our goal is to pass (obiviously)... and we pass by how we live and go throughout the day, how we react.

God always provides, for what we need... what He's called us to do. In retrospect, we should have a generous heart. Not only tithing, but helping others, giving others your time. In doing this, we love. Which has been a big prayer of mine this semester... to love others more. Love the people around me I don't know, love the people around me that don't like me (or vice versa).

Worship is more than music. And it's not for you, it's for God. Part of this includes obedience. I love this from PDL: "Often we try to offer God partial obedience. We want to pick and choose the commands we obey. We make a list of the commands we like and obey those while ignoring the ones we think are unreasonable, difficult, expensive, or unpopular. I'll attend church but I won't tithe. I'll read my Bible but won't forgive the person who hurt me. Partial obedience is disobedience. Wholehearted obedience is done joyfully, with enthusiasm."

#54 - Be baptized!

Now that I look back, it was kind of weird to put baptism on my list. I've been Christian my entire life, but was never baptized (until today!). It shouldn't be something I just check off a list. Which, I can honestly say it wasn't. When I made this list, I was just starting to actively follow Christ and form a relationship, instead of "yeah, I go to church....." But, I felt like this was the right time.

As they said this morning, being baptized is the first act of obedience as a Christ follower.

"For you were buried with Christ when you were baptized. And with him you were raised to new life because you trusted the mighty power of God, who raised Christ from the dead." -- Colossians 2:12

My life has already been changed since I actively started following Christ, and this is going to be a new, exciting chapter in my life. I am very excited for whatever God has in store.

Ironically, this morning I read Matthew 20: "But Jesus answered by saying to them, “You don’t know what you are asking! Are you able to drink from the bitter cup of suffering I am about to drink?” ... God never said following Christ would be easy, in fact, He said it would be difficult. But, He is always there to comfort us and give us strength. He never gives us more than we can handle, even when I feel like I'm about to crumble.

First week.

Mayhem.

I think that in the dictionary, "first week of each college semester" should be added under mayhem, or chaos, or craziness.

It wasn't actually a bad week. Classes, ya-da ya-da. Work... that was mayhem. Everyone and their mom decided to go buy books this week. I wondered if some people didn't realize you can get them before break, or even over break.

Of course, we started BSM activities. I didn't start my Bible study though.... but I am this week! :) Then there's all the extra schtuff: working out, reading, sleeping occasionally, eating, game night. Haha. Not to mention, loving my new roommate. I started this semester on such a good foot... even though a few "bad" things did happen, I never went to bed thinking I had a bad night.

I started reading "The Purpose Driven Life" this week. I've never really had a devotional book before. I usually just read from my Bible every morning. This book really makes me think, though. And I love it.

At Passion, one of the most impacting messages was about how the cross isn't about us, it's about what He did, and that we are here to glorify Him. One of the first lessons in this book was about what drives our life, and what do others see that drives my life? I've re-learned a lot over the last three or so weeks that just reading my Bible every day, going to the BSM three days a week and leading a Bible study isn't enough. Sure, I'm nice... loving... whatever... but to people I know, and know well. Not to strangers, or people I don't especially like.

I read Psalm 15 today and it made me realize how much of that I did do, maybe not every day, but that doesn't make it less worse. Sometimes I get so caught up in the things of this world... and I sit there and think, wait a minute... that's not what I really want.

"What is your life?" - James 4:14

No!

"Is anything too hard for the Lord?" -- Genesis 18:14

Happy Room.

I'm a librarian's daughter. So, as expected, I love reading. Right now I'm in one of my always-want-to-read phases. I'm finding that some of the books I want to read though, are not in the Canyon Public Library... and I don't want to go buy them. This could be problematic.

Anyways.

So I just finished "The Happy Room" by Catherine Palmer.

Basically, it's a story of this family where the kids grew up with parents as missionaries and each child kind of has a messed-up or unhappy life in some way. The back of the book said, ".. and they discover the God who never left them." Sounded kind of cliche to me, but I tend to judge a book by it's cover (especially being an artiste)... and this was a pretty book.

Wasn't the best book I've ever read, nor was it the worst.

One "theme" of the book talked about how there's always going to be some form of suffering when you're following God's will.

But my favorite part, was this quote: "God is not rosy. He's real. And you can be honest about the pain you've gone through without having to stay angry at God and everyone else who had a part in it. You'll get to where you can admit the pain, and love God too."

For the longest time I was mad at God for my diabetes, and many other things over the years.... but I realized it's never going to get easier.