Write a letter to someone you miss.
Dear Grandpa,
I wish I had known you when I was older and could remember you more. I feel like we have a very similar personality from the tidbits I do remember.
Dear Ellie,
I wish we lived closer. For once in my life.
Dear Kelli,
I miss our morning notes and long hugs. Waking up to nothing on my mirror and no one to giggle with is boring. You also can tell when I'm lying through my teeth, which helps keep me in line.
Dear Stephen,
I miss our bike rides and heart to hearts.
Dear S,
I miss you. The End.
There is a time and purpose for every season and situation. There is a wonderful reason that so many people I love are so far away from me - hopefully in ten years I can look back and see why. I would say that that's something I'll ask when I go to heaven... but I know by then I won't even care. :)
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Day Twenty-four.
How has your week been?
My week has been... crazy.
Beach Reach training.
Snow and negative windchill temps.
New projects in class.
Glorieta recruitment.
Bible study.
Work two jobs.
Freelance stuff.
Laundry, dishes, cleaning.
Scholarship applications (last semester of this!)
Not to mention everything I need to do today.
I really try to get all of my "tasks" done before Sunday, so that I can fully and truly enjoy my Sabbath. I think it's important no matter what stage of life you're in, but this semester, I can tell that I will really need a day to relax, de-stress and just be. So, with that being said....
My week has been... crazy.
Beach Reach training.
Snow and negative windchill temps.
New projects in class.
Glorieta recruitment.
Bible study.
Work two jobs.
Freelance stuff.
Laundry, dishes, cleaning.
Scholarship applications (last semester of this!)
Not to mention everything I need to do today.
I really try to get all of my "tasks" done before Sunday, so that I can fully and truly enjoy my Sabbath. I think it's important no matter what stage of life you're in, but this semester, I can tell that I will really need a day to relax, de-stress and just be. So, with that being said....
Friday, February 4, 2011
Day Twenty-three.
Describe what you spend most of your time on.
Design.
Hands-down.
School: four studio classes, one art history class.
Work: two design jobs.
Free-time: doing homework or freelance.
That's how I know it's a God-given talent and skill. I so badly want a job after I graduate that furthers His kingdom, in one way or another.
Design.
Hands-down.
School: four studio classes, one art history class.
Work: two design jobs.
Free-time: doing homework or freelance.
That's how I know it's a God-given talent and skill. I so badly want a job after I graduate that furthers His kingdom, in one way or another.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Day Twenty-two.
What made you smile the most today?
Today was a very rough day. I hate when one person can affect your day so much, sometimes it's good... sometimes it's bad. But what I love, is that for every bad egg there are eleven good ones out there. (cliche, I know. don't judge me.)
I had some encouragement from friends and co-workers. I called my daddy to vent. After the mishap happened, it was nothing but encouragement for the rest of the day from everyone I talked to or saw. Even though I loved and needed the words of comfort, what made me smile the most was two very small things.
Eden and Salem.
I went through phases; I loved kids for a long time, and then I did not love kids for awhile, and now I'm back to loving kids. They amaze me. The way kids giggle warms my heart, it is truly one of my favorite things in the world. Especially the giggle that happens when you tickle them.
Tonight, I went over to my church-adoptive parents house for laundry and dinner. Every time I go over to their house, the kids are more and more used to me - and today they ran up to me and gave me huge hugs without mommy even telling them to do so.
I love that the Creator of the universe cares about the smallest details like bad days and hugs.
Today was a very rough day. I hate when one person can affect your day so much, sometimes it's good... sometimes it's bad. But what I love, is that for every bad egg there are eleven good ones out there. (cliche, I know. don't judge me.)
I had some encouragement from friends and co-workers. I called my daddy to vent. After the mishap happened, it was nothing but encouragement for the rest of the day from everyone I talked to or saw. Even though I loved and needed the words of comfort, what made me smile the most was two very small things.
Eden and Salem.
I went through phases; I loved kids for a long time, and then I did not love kids for awhile, and now I'm back to loving kids. They amaze me. The way kids giggle warms my heart, it is truly one of my favorite things in the world. Especially the giggle that happens when you tickle them.
Tonight, I went over to my church-adoptive parents house for laundry and dinner. Every time I go over to their house, the kids are more and more used to me - and today they ran up to me and gave me huge hugs without mommy even telling them to do so.
I love that the Creator of the universe cares about the smallest details like bad days and hugs.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Day Twenty-one.
How has your life changed over the past year?
Whoa.
How has life changed? How has life not changed?
I think my relationship with Christ has grown and changed, which has in turn changed many things. Certain things and people are no longer in my life - most of which I'm okay with, but wish was different. My heart has been opened to missions. I'm so aware of Christ's love and beauty, I see it everywhere. I sponsor a little Bolivian girl. I met one of the most amazing, Christ-like men I've ever known. I've experienced joy, freedom and peace like never before.
Then there's other stuff like, I moved out of the dorm. I live by myself. I got a new job. My idea of what I want to do after I graduate has changed. I now know the gloriousness of Gungor music. I've actually eaten at one of the Thai restaurants in Canyon. I have a legit camera now. My pump now has a name.
Whoa.
How has life changed? How has life not changed?
I think my relationship with Christ has grown and changed, which has in turn changed many things. Certain things and people are no longer in my life - most of which I'm okay with, but wish was different. My heart has been opened to missions. I'm so aware of Christ's love and beauty, I see it everywhere. I sponsor a little Bolivian girl. I met one of the most amazing, Christ-like men I've ever known. I've experienced joy, freedom and peace like never before.
Then there's other stuff like, I moved out of the dorm. I live by myself. I got a new job. My idea of what I want to do after I graduate has changed. I now know the gloriousness of Gungor music. I've actually eaten at one of the Thai restaurants in Canyon. I have a legit camera now. My pump now has a name.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Day Twenty.
What did you eat today?
Coffee.
Egg with bread.
Boston Creme Pie sugar-free pudding.
Half-turkey sandwich.
Austin PB snack crackers.
Small orange.
Hamburger Helper.
Veggies.
Not the most exciting day...
Coffee.
Egg with bread.
Boston Creme Pie sugar-free pudding.
Half-turkey sandwich.
Austin PB snack crackers.
Small orange.
Hamburger Helper.
Veggies.
Not the most exciting day...
Monday, January 31, 2011
Day Nineteen.
Write about your last birthday and how you plan to spend your upcoming birthday.
Ohhhh. Last year's birthday was magical. By far the best birthday I had, therefore ending my bad birthday streak. :)
It started with a midnight run to Waffle House.
I went to a Beth Moore simulcast, where my friends surprised me with balloons and flowers.
My roommates decorated my door and bathroom suite with streamers and writing on the mirrors.
I think I went and ate Thai food for lunch...
Ate at Cheddar's with like nine of my favorite people, that also bought me dessert!
Then came home and had ice cream oreo cake made by my suitemate :)
Basically, my birthday consisted of Beth Moore, food and friends.
Really, does it get any better than that? I think not.
Ohhhh. Last year's birthday was magical. By far the best birthday I had, therefore ending my bad birthday streak. :)
It started with a midnight run to Waffle House.
I went to a Beth Moore simulcast, where my friends surprised me with balloons and flowers.
My roommates decorated my door and bathroom suite with streamers and writing on the mirrors.
I think I went and ate Thai food for lunch...
Ate at Cheddar's with like nine of my favorite people, that also bought me dessert!
Then came home and had ice cream oreo cake made by my suitemate :)
Basically, my birthday consisted of Beth Moore, food and friends.
Really, does it get any better than that? I think not.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Worth the Read.
I document a lot.
I write, design, draw, paint, take pictures. All of them document something.
Today, in college group, we talked about seeking God's will. I feel like that's been on my mind and in my conversations a lot lately. People graduating, people getting engaged, new jobs, friendships, on and on. And for as much as we talk about it, we only pray about it half the time - I'm included in this.
Twice in one week, Jeremiah 29 has been brought up. Verse 13 says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Do we, or do I, know what it means to really search for Him with all that we are? We wonder what we're supposed to do, and go on with our day expecting a flashing sign to appear on the sidewalk - but praying, reading the Word, fasting and seeking counsel are usually not on the radar. That's why it's not finding the time to spend time with God, but convincing ourselves that it is important enough to set aside the time.
Part of asking is a willingness to go. But we can't pray for Him to send us where we want to go, our prayers bend our desires to His will. We can't be like little kids, running around yelling, "mine!" or "I don't wanna!" But how often do we do that? How often do we create ways to change or bend His will?
God has called us to be salt and light, but too often we don't see the glory and satisfaction of doing what God has called us to do. The world wants people of authentic change. Not just the only difference being which building we go to on Sundays.
God is writing each of our stories. Don't take the pen from Him.
But make sure to put words on the page that people would want to read.
No matter what stage we are in in life, there's something we can each do. Doesn't matter if we're just students, or live in a small town, or single. We are called to live a life worthy of our calling.
If your last week was a chapter in a book, would it be worth documenting?
I write, design, draw, paint, take pictures. All of them document something.
Today, in college group, we talked about seeking God's will. I feel like that's been on my mind and in my conversations a lot lately. People graduating, people getting engaged, new jobs, friendships, on and on. And for as much as we talk about it, we only pray about it half the time - I'm included in this.
Twice in one week, Jeremiah 29 has been brought up. Verse 13 says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Do we, or do I, know what it means to really search for Him with all that we are? We wonder what we're supposed to do, and go on with our day expecting a flashing sign to appear on the sidewalk - but praying, reading the Word, fasting and seeking counsel are usually not on the radar. That's why it's not finding the time to spend time with God, but convincing ourselves that it is important enough to set aside the time.
Part of asking is a willingness to go. But we can't pray for Him to send us where we want to go, our prayers bend our desires to His will. We can't be like little kids, running around yelling, "mine!" or "I don't wanna!" But how often do we do that? How often do we create ways to change or bend His will?
God has called us to be salt and light, but too often we don't see the glory and satisfaction of doing what God has called us to do. The world wants people of authentic change. Not just the only difference being which building we go to on Sundays.
God is writing each of our stories. Don't take the pen from Him.
But make sure to put words on the page that people would want to read.
No matter what stage we are in in life, there's something we can each do. Doesn't matter if we're just students, or live in a small town, or single. We are called to live a life worthy of our calling.
If your last week was a chapter in a book, would it be worth documenting?
Day Eighteen.
Post one confession/secret.
When I was diagnosed, I couldn't say glucometer (say that word around people who don't know much bout diabetes and it'll freak them out), so my parents nicknamed it George. My family continued to call it George for the next.... 12-15 years. No joke.
Thanks to a cheesy youtube video and my sister, I have now named my insulin pump. I mean really, if I'm going to name a machine that I interact with daily... I think a machine I'm attached to 24/7 deserves a name. Cue Milly.
When I was diagnosed, I couldn't say glucometer (say that word around people who don't know much bout diabetes and it'll freak them out), so my parents nicknamed it George. My family continued to call it George for the next.... 12-15 years. No joke.
Thanks to a cheesy youtube video and my sister, I have now named my insulin pump. I mean really, if I'm going to name a machine that I interact with daily... I think a machine I'm attached to 24/7 deserves a name. Cue Milly.
She is almost two and a half years old. We have a love-hate relationship, I might add.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Day Seventeen.
Bullet your day.
Woke up 8:45.
Ate breakfast, drank coffee.
Read the Word.
Organized pictures.
Ate at Thai Kitchen (for the first time) with Danae.
Homework.
Photo adventure with Becky.
Homework.
Dinner at mi casa with Becky.
Coffee date with Becky and Tiffany.
Currently on the phone with Aaron. :)
Woke up 8:45.
Ate breakfast, drank coffee.
Read the Word.
Organized pictures.
Ate at Thai Kitchen (for the first time) with Danae.
Homework.
Photo adventure with Becky.
Homework.
Dinner at mi casa with Becky.
Coffee date with Becky and Tiffany.
Currently on the phone with Aaron. :)
Friday, January 28, 2011
Day Sixteen.
Upload a picture of your room and talk about your room.
My room is not clean, and always looks weird in pictures... so you don't get a picture today.
My room, is full of memories. I'm sure that's what everyone thinks or says about their room, but truly, it is.
I have my painting from high school.
My desk that is a hand-me-down.
My dresser from grade school (that I didn't use between then and now).
My picture board that I've had forever.
My picture of Leydi.
My written-on-gift-bags from Ellie.
There's more, uninteresting things. I look around not only my room but my apartment and see things of my own actual possession, things given to me or passed down, things I bought at a garage sale. I look at some of my hand-me-downs and remember old memories of home or my grandparents.
I see things of mine that I've had since grade school and wonder how they've managed to last. I look at them and see all the things that they've been a part of in my life. These mere objects survive moves, rearranging, being knocked over... just like me. I survive all these things with the help of God.
"He alone is my rock and salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken." - Psalm 62:6
My room is not clean, and always looks weird in pictures... so you don't get a picture today.
My room, is full of memories. I'm sure that's what everyone thinks or says about their room, but truly, it is.
I have my painting from high school.
My desk that is a hand-me-down.
My dresser from grade school (that I didn't use between then and now).
My picture board that I've had forever.
My picture of Leydi.
My written-on-gift-bags from Ellie.
There's more, uninteresting things. I look around not only my room but my apartment and see things of my own actual possession, things given to me or passed down, things I bought at a garage sale. I look at some of my hand-me-downs and remember old memories of home or my grandparents.
I see things of mine that I've had since grade school and wonder how they've managed to last. I look at them and see all the things that they've been a part of in my life. These mere objects survive moves, rearranging, being knocked over... just like me. I survive all these things with the help of God.
"He alone is my rock and salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken." - Psalm 62:6
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Breakeven.
this is so beautiful.
"What kind of guy would I be if I walked out when she needed me most?"
"What kind of guy would I be if I walked out when she needed me most?"
Day Fifteen.
Write about something you worry about a lot.
In the words of my boyfriend, I worry too much. I think there are things I worry about, and things I just ...think about a lot.
Right now, my biggest worry is this semester. 15 hours and two part-time jobs. Not to mention the extra activities, church and what little social life I do have. Almost done with my first week and I'm already feeling a little overwhelmed.
Outside of this semester...
I'm not really worried about my future, as much as my professors try to scare me about that. Read the verse just this morning that reminded me God has a plan for my future. It may not be what I was expecting, but it's probably better than that anyways.
Last night at Bible study, we talked about surrendering everything to the Lord. All of our hopes, dreams, fears, free time, school, relationships, all of it. Yes, the Lord was faithful to open my eyes to a few things I've been holding onto. Letting go is so much easier said than done, but it's truly the best step of obedience.
I am one of those few that never changed her major during college. Yes, I have known for six years what I wanted to do. I remember two distinct times that I doubted and considered running another way, but decided to hang on a little bit longer - and the Lord affirms this is what I'm supposed to do more and more. When I think about the fact that I've known this for six years, I realize that God has something really good planned. And that makes me more excited than I can almost describe.
That being said, I have no idea where I'm going or what's next. There's a lot of things I want after I graduate, but I wonder how many of them are just what I want, and how many are what He wants. I think more than the actual plans, I'm worried that I will act on my own desires, and not the Lord's. I'm worried I'll be too afraid or unwilling, or that I'll want something out of my desire before I follow Him. But, that's not what the Bible says; it doesn't say "if we feel like it," or "after.." but that we wholeheartedly and obediently follow Him.
In the words of my boyfriend, I worry too much. I think there are things I worry about, and things I just ...think about a lot.
Right now, my biggest worry is this semester. 15 hours and two part-time jobs. Not to mention the extra activities, church and what little social life I do have. Almost done with my first week and I'm already feeling a little overwhelmed.
Outside of this semester...
I'm not really worried about my future, as much as my professors try to scare me about that. Read the verse just this morning that reminded me God has a plan for my future. It may not be what I was expecting, but it's probably better than that anyways.
Last night at Bible study, we talked about surrendering everything to the Lord. All of our hopes, dreams, fears, free time, school, relationships, all of it. Yes, the Lord was faithful to open my eyes to a few things I've been holding onto. Letting go is so much easier said than done, but it's truly the best step of obedience.
I am one of those few that never changed her major during college. Yes, I have known for six years what I wanted to do. I remember two distinct times that I doubted and considered running another way, but decided to hang on a little bit longer - and the Lord affirms this is what I'm supposed to do more and more. When I think about the fact that I've known this for six years, I realize that God has something really good planned. And that makes me more excited than I can almost describe.
That being said, I have no idea where I'm going or what's next. There's a lot of things I want after I graduate, but I wonder how many of them are just what I want, and how many are what He wants. I think more than the actual plans, I'm worried that I will act on my own desires, and not the Lord's. I'm worried I'll be too afraid or unwilling, or that I'll want something out of my desire before I follow Him. But, that's not what the Bible says; it doesn't say "if we feel like it," or "after.." but that we wholeheartedly and obediently follow Him.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Day Fourteen
Post your favorite book, favorite movie, favorite band, and favorite food.
Book: besides the Bible, probably Redeeming Love.
Movie: I don't know if I can pick just one, it's a tie between Now and Then, and My Sister's Keeper!
Favorite band: Needtobreathe or Tenth Avenue North
Favorite food: peanut butter, hands down.
Book: besides the Bible, probably Redeeming Love.
Movie: I don't know if I can pick just one, it's a tie between Now and Then, and My Sister's Keeper!
Favorite band: Needtobreathe or Tenth Avenue North
Favorite food: peanut butter, hands down.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Day Thirteen.
What are your plans for the future? Far and near.
First of all, this could change at any given moment. I don't control my days, the Lord does.
But, I do have some plans. Georgia in February, possibly skiing in Santa Fe. Beach Reach and a design conference in March. No April plans besides turning 21. Then, headed back to New Mexico for the summer!
As for far away plans.... that's up the Lord.
I'm in school for two more semesters after this one, and then I'm not sure after that. Probably (or hopefully) get a job somewhere. There's a few cities I'm leaning towards (Nashville, Tampa, Atlanta...) but, that wasn't what I thought a year ago, so who knows where I'll be a year from now :) At some point get married, and probably do missions in one way or another.
I've realized over the past several months how greater the Lord's plans are, and how exciting it is to follow Him. Yes, there will be rough parts and probably some stress... but it's amazing how much He works everything out.
First of all, this could change at any given moment. I don't control my days, the Lord does.
But, I do have some plans. Georgia in February, possibly skiing in Santa Fe. Beach Reach and a design conference in March. No April plans besides turning 21. Then, headed back to New Mexico for the summer!
As for far away plans.... that's up the Lord.
I'm in school for two more semesters after this one, and then I'm not sure after that. Probably (or hopefully) get a job somewhere. There's a few cities I'm leaning towards (Nashville, Tampa, Atlanta...) but, that wasn't what I thought a year ago, so who knows where I'll be a year from now :) At some point get married, and probably do missions in one way or another.
I've realized over the past several months how greater the Lord's plans are, and how exciting it is to follow Him. Yes, there will be rough parts and probably some stress... but it's amazing how much He works everything out.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Day Twelve.
Write about the best day of your life.
Best day? Out of my twenty years, I'm supposed to pick one?
Three-way tie between:
High school graduation,
being baptized last year,
and any given day of this past summer.
If you really think about it, every day should be the best day. Do you ever think about the fact that God allows you to wake up in the morning? Or that He allowed you to breathe that breath you just let out? Shouldn't everyday be the best day, or at least shouldn't we appreciate each day, just because we're alive and our Creator is letting us?
Best day? Out of my twenty years, I'm supposed to pick one?
Three-way tie between:
High school graduation,
being baptized last year,
and any given day of this past summer.
If you really think about it, every day should be the best day. Do you ever think about the fact that God allows you to wake up in the morning? Or that He allowed you to breathe that breath you just let out? Shouldn't everyday be the best day, or at least shouldn't we appreciate each day, just because we're alive and our Creator is letting us?
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Day Eleven.
What's the meanest thing someone has ever said to you?
I try to block those things out. Ha.
But, I guess recently it would be my professor saying that I am doing well (overall, as a student) but not as good as he thought I would (when he met me freshman year). I know it was probably supposed to "motivate" me or something, and it partially did, but was also kind of a downer.
That's really not the meanest thing someone has ever said to me, but I really don't want to think back and try and remember that.
I try to block those things out. Ha.
But, I guess recently it would be my professor saying that I am doing well (overall, as a student) but not as good as he thought I would (when he met me freshman year). I know it was probably supposed to "motivate" me or something, and it partially did, but was also kind of a downer.
That's really not the meanest thing someone has ever said to me, but I really don't want to think back and try and remember that.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Day Ten.
What's the nicest thing someone has ever said to you?
I don't remember any exact comment, but of the few compliments I have been given... I definitely appreciate the art compliments the most. Although I try not to take too much offense when someone doesn't like my art, it means the world to me when people love something I've made. Whenever people come to my apartment for the first time, my 5x5 tree painting is the first thing they comment on and/or notice. Parents talk about their kids being their pride and joy, well... for the time being, my art is my kid. :)
(Painting above is one of my favorites from last semester.)
I don't remember any exact comment, but of the few compliments I have been given... I definitely appreciate the art compliments the most. Although I try not to take too much offense when someone doesn't like my art, it means the world to me when people love something I've made. Whenever people come to my apartment for the first time, my 5x5 tree painting is the first thing they comment on and/or notice. Parents talk about their kids being their pride and joy, well... for the time being, my art is my kid. :)
(Painting above is one of my favorites from last semester.)
Friday, January 21, 2011
Day Nine.
How do you feel today?
Okay, I slightly laughed at this one. It just reminds me of psychiatrists saying, "and how does that make you feel?" Though, a) there's nothing wrong with psychiatrists, and b) I wonder if they actually do say that.
Anyways, a day that starts with that sunrise can only be good.
Photo adventure.
Fun and easy shift at work.
Wal-mart adventure.
Two hour phone conversation.
Really? I hope I can remember this day in a few weeks or months when I'm having a bad day, and remember that it's always the little things that really matter.
Okay, I slightly laughed at this one. It just reminds me of psychiatrists saying, "and how does that make you feel?" Though, a) there's nothing wrong with psychiatrists, and b) I wonder if they actually do say that.
Anyways, a day that starts with that sunrise can only be good.
Photo adventure.
Fun and easy shift at work.
Wal-mart adventure.
Two hour phone conversation.
Really? I hope I can remember this day in a few weeks or months when I'm having a bad day, and remember that it's always the little things that really matter.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Day Six.
When was the last time you cried?
A few weeks ago at Passion. It's amazing the emotions you go through when worshipping with thousands of other believers. Not to mention the emotions when the Lord is moving in your heart. Although it can be overwhelming sometimes, it's something I would never trade.
A few weeks ago at Passion. It's amazing the emotions you go through when worshipping with thousands of other believers. Not to mention the emotions when the Lord is moving in your heart. Although it can be overwhelming sometimes, it's something I would never trade.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Day Five.
Write about a period of time in your life where things were not so good.
Well, that was a long time period.
And, I really believe it was all because God was trying to get my attention.
Start junior year of high school, end with end of freshman year in college.
Throw in losing friends, a party spell, some depression, some guys who were jerks, mass confusion.
See what I mean? The next year wasn't too great either, but it was a lot of God refining me and I managed to make it through because I actually had my relationship with the Lord.
Now, I don't mean to make it sound like everything will be or is easy and great when you're walking with the Lord. There's sacrifice, conviction, wrestling in prayer... but it's all worth it. The joy and peace that comes with it surpasses everything.
(side note: the painting was done my freshman year, before I took a painting class, and during a very hard time. but it's my favorite, and a lot of people love it as well.)
Well, that was a long time period.
And, I really believe it was all because God was trying to get my attention.
Start junior year of high school, end with end of freshman year in college.
Throw in losing friends, a party spell, some depression, some guys who were jerks, mass confusion.
See what I mean? The next year wasn't too great either, but it was a lot of God refining me and I managed to make it through because I actually had my relationship with the Lord.
Now, I don't mean to make it sound like everything will be or is easy and great when you're walking with the Lord. There's sacrifice, conviction, wrestling in prayer... but it's all worth it. The joy and peace that comes with it surpasses everything.
(side note: the painting was done my freshman year, before I took a painting class, and during a very hard time. but it's my favorite, and a lot of people love it as well.)
Monday, January 17, 2011
Day Four.
Write about a period of time in your life where things seemed to be constantly going good.
That would be right now. :)
Don't get me wrong, there are some bad days or happenings, but I don't know if I've ever been so happy with life before.
The Lord is amazing. I start everyday with reading His Word. I used to follow a plan (I read the Bible in a year!) but now I just read wherever He leads me. Today it was about how He rejoices over us and delights in us. Think about it - the Creator of the universe delights in you. I firmly believe that your outlook on life is better when you relationship with Christ is stronger.
So, besides that... I love my major, which causes me to love my job. I also love when people ask me to design them t-shirts and flyers and blog headers... it never bothers me to do that stuff, because I love it.
God has also blessed me with putting some amazing people in my life. My family, my boyfriend, my co-workers, my closest friends, my BSM family, etc.
That would be right now. :)
Don't get me wrong, there are some bad days or happenings, but I don't know if I've ever been so happy with life before.
The Lord is amazing. I start everyday with reading His Word. I used to follow a plan (I read the Bible in a year!) but now I just read wherever He leads me. Today it was about how He rejoices over us and delights in us. Think about it - the Creator of the universe delights in you. I firmly believe that your outlook on life is better when you relationship with Christ is stronger.
So, besides that... I love my major, which causes me to love my job. I also love when people ask me to design them t-shirts and flyers and blog headers... it never bothers me to do that stuff, because I love it.
God has also blessed me with putting some amazing people in my life. My family, my boyfriend, my co-workers, my closest friends, my BSM family, etc.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Dating...
So, I went back and read some articles about dating I read this summer. Many of you were not reading this blog, or maybe missed it at the time.
My favorite line of this article:
"Marry a vibrant growing Christian woman, and you have Christ's promise that he is committed to making her more and more beautiful, spiritually beautiful, with every passing day."
I love it, I love how much Christ loves us to continually grow and change us. I love that the focus of this article, and of the related articles (they're at the bottom of the article) is about not finding the right one, but BEING the right one. Even as Christians, we can get caught up in this selfish thinking.
My favorite line of this article:
"Marry a vibrant growing Christian woman, and you have Christ's promise that he is committed to making her more and more beautiful, spiritually beautiful, with every passing day."
I love it, I love how much Christ loves us to continually grow and change us. I love that the focus of this article, and of the related articles (they're at the bottom of the article) is about not finding the right one, but BEING the right one. Even as Christians, we can get caught up in this selfish thinking.
Day Three.
If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you want to do?
What wouldn't I want to do?
I would do random things like,
go eat a love it size at Coldstone...
donate money to places...
buy those too-expensive-gifts for people I want to buy...
and I would also probably fly to D.C.
with a stop in Georgia,
and a passenger from Cali.
I would want to go see certain people and apologize,
and remind them that both I and Jesus love them.
I would write letters.
Whatever I did, none of it would be hateful.. but all in love.
What wouldn't I want to do?
I would do random things like,
go eat a love it size at Coldstone...
donate money to places...
buy those too-expensive-gifts for people I want to buy...
and I would also probably fly to D.C.
with a stop in Georgia,
and a passenger from Cali.
I would want to go see certain people and apologize,
and remind them that both I and Jesus love them.
I would write letters.
Whatever I did, none of it would be hateful.. but all in love.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
In case you missed it...
I love this video.
I feel like this is a perfect representation of what a Christ-centered relationship and marriage looks like. I especially love the vows and what the preacher says. Oh, and the dancing.. but that's not as important.
I also love that he writes her a letter... I've heard of couples do that - so cute. I love that the emphasis of the wedding (and the video) is how sacred of a day it is, and how sacred marriage is - something I think people miss or forget.
I know I'm going to cry during my vows. I will probably cry at many points during the ceremony.
Brittany + Paul's Short Wedding Film - Dallas, TX from Joe Simon Films on Vimeo.
I feel like this is a perfect representation of what a Christ-centered relationship and marriage looks like. I especially love the vows and what the preacher says. Oh, and the dancing.. but that's not as important.
I also love that he writes her a letter... I've heard of couples do that - so cute. I love that the emphasis of the wedding (and the video) is how sacred of a day it is, and how sacred marriage is - something I think people miss or forget.
I know I'm going to cry during my vows. I will probably cry at many points during the ceremony.
Brittany + Paul's Short Wedding Film - Dallas, TX from Joe Simon Films on Vimeo.
Day Two.
Write about the best friends you've had over the years.
I could probably write a novel over this. I realized this past year how much I over-use that term.
So I'll just narrow it down.
First and foremost, if you've been reading this very long or know me at all, you know my very best friend and other half of my brain is Ellie. I've been asked numerous times how we can possibly be "best friends" when we've never spent more than seven consecutive days together. God, that's how. Plus e-mails, phone calls, BBM, skype, pen pal letters, Facebook, etc. This girl not only gives great advice, great hugs, and can always cheer me up, but also loves me for me.
If I look back to high school, I would definitely have to say Nicolle. She was a foreign exchange student, so we had less than a year together. I still remember at her welcoming party, her walking up to me and saying, "would you like to be my friend?" I believe God sent me her for many reasons. Nicolle opened my eyes to what a real friend actually looks like, she understood me, and she kind of straightened me back out from my crazy self.
This blog would not be complete without mentioning Taylor. We are almost one in the same, which is why we've learned we can't spend every waking moment together. Although all of my friends have some commonalities, (is that a word?) I feel like each have their special flair. It may be obvious, but Taylor is the girl I send cool type posters to, text about Hoblob specials, and skype with just to get a mini-critique on a project. We also have weird quirks: hand sign, Taco Bell obsession, love of Dallas, twss jokes, etc.
And last but not least (I'm capping it at four), Kelli. You might've thought it was weird when I became best friends with someone after a year. Well, it gets better. Three months. Except, in Glorieta time that would probably equal a year. Looking back, I kind of pulled a Nicolle on her; I remember sitting at FD and saying, "Kelli, tell me about yourself. Tell me your testimony." When that's one of your first conversations, you know you'll be great friends. Interventions factor in as well.
There have been and are many more; Aaron, Angela, Allison, Becky, the rest of fab five, high school friends, and of course those that I no longer talk to for whatever reason.
I could probably write a novel over this. I realized this past year how much I over-use that term.
So I'll just narrow it down.
First and foremost, if you've been reading this very long or know me at all, you know my very best friend and other half of my brain is Ellie. I've been asked numerous times how we can possibly be "best friends" when we've never spent more than seven consecutive days together. God, that's how. Plus e-mails, phone calls, BBM, skype, pen pal letters, Facebook, etc. This girl not only gives great advice, great hugs, and can always cheer me up, but also loves me for me.
If I look back to high school, I would definitely have to say Nicolle. She was a foreign exchange student, so we had less than a year together. I still remember at her welcoming party, her walking up to me and saying, "would you like to be my friend?" I believe God sent me her for many reasons. Nicolle opened my eyes to what a real friend actually looks like, she understood me, and she kind of straightened me back out from my crazy self.
This blog would not be complete without mentioning Taylor. We are almost one in the same, which is why we've learned we can't spend every waking moment together. Although all of my friends have some commonalities, (is that a word?) I feel like each have their special flair. It may be obvious, but Taylor is the girl I send cool type posters to, text about Hoblob specials, and skype with just to get a mini-critique on a project. We also have weird quirks: hand sign, Taco Bell obsession, love of Dallas, twss jokes, etc.
And last but not least (I'm capping it at four), Kelli. You might've thought it was weird when I became best friends with someone after a year. Well, it gets better. Three months. Except, in Glorieta time that would probably equal a year. Looking back, I kind of pulled a Nicolle on her; I remember sitting at FD and saying, "Kelli, tell me about yourself. Tell me your testimony." When that's one of your first conversations, you know you'll be great friends. Interventions factor in as well.
There have been and are many more; Aaron, Angela, Allison, Becky, the rest of fab five, high school friends, and of course those that I no longer talk to for whatever reason.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Day One.
30-day Challenge.
I'm not sure if I'll stick with this. And I'm not really sure why I'm doing it to begin with, it almost reminds me of something I used to do on Myspace (ew). But, there's a question for everyday....answer it, etc. Except I'm going to add a picture with it (which requires a picture a day).
Post 15 facts about yourself.
1. My heart has completely changed over the last year. My heart, my desires, my dreams. All of it because of God.
2. I'm a designer, but painting is one of my favorite things to do. I really hope my house someday has an art room I can paint in (yes, like in The Notebook).
3. I listen to a lot of music on repeat. One week, I listened to Gungor every morning for an hour.
4. My peanut butter obsession is a little extreme.
5. I hate taking out the trash. Future husband and kids will do that.
6. I have a weird fascination with old things. i.e. - I have a non-working typewriter inside of a worn suitcase displayed in my living room.
7. I wish I could not work, but stay at home to paint and go running.
8. I kind of want to live in Europe.
9. I'm a total bookworm.
10. I have the weirdest dreams, all the time. i.e. - the other day I dreamt of the end times. Some guy's face fell off, and he was wearing a blue plaid-type shirt.
11. I've had diabetes for 17 years. Totally embrace it. Except lately I've had the grown-up realization that it's gonna kick my life in the butt if I don't get it under control.
12. I love singing, it's almost impossible for me to listen to music without singing.
13. Three of the people I love the most live in all different parts of the country (or world).
14. I miss a lot of movies. 300, Matrix, MIB, Social Network, and hundreds of others - never seen.
15. I have a huge heart for women's and collegiate ministry. I don't know where God's leading me with that... but we shall find out in the next few years. :)
I'm not sure if I'll stick with this. And I'm not really sure why I'm doing it to begin with, it almost reminds me of something I used to do on Myspace (ew). But, there's a question for everyday....answer it, etc. Except I'm going to add a picture with it (which requires a picture a day).
Post 15 facts about yourself.
1. My heart has completely changed over the last year. My heart, my desires, my dreams. All of it because of God.
2. I'm a designer, but painting is one of my favorite things to do. I really hope my house someday has an art room I can paint in (yes, like in The Notebook).
3. I listen to a lot of music on repeat. One week, I listened to Gungor every morning for an hour.
4. My peanut butter obsession is a little extreme.
5. I hate taking out the trash. Future husband and kids will do that.
6. I have a weird fascination with old things. i.e. - I have a non-working typewriter inside of a worn suitcase displayed in my living room.
7. I wish I could not work, but stay at home to paint and go running.
8. I kind of want to live in Europe.
9. I'm a total bookworm.
10. I have the weirdest dreams, all the time. i.e. - the other day I dreamt of the end times. Some guy's face fell off, and he was wearing a blue plaid-type shirt.
11. I've had diabetes for 17 years. Totally embrace it. Except lately I've had the grown-up realization that it's gonna kick my life in the butt if I don't get it under control.
12. I love singing, it's almost impossible for me to listen to music without singing.
13. Three of the people I love the most live in all different parts of the country (or world).
14. I miss a lot of movies. 300, Matrix, MIB, Social Network, and hundreds of others - never seen.
15. I have a huge heart for women's and collegiate ministry. I don't know where God's leading me with that... but we shall find out in the next few years. :)
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
101 Update.
Trying to catch up...
#14 -- Go to a spa for a massage. It wasn't a spa, but I did get a one-hour massage. SO good.
#52 -- Road trip somewhere far away. It doesn't get much further than driving from Missouri (or if you want to get real technical, Texas) to Georgia! Counting from Texas it was 23 hours!... but the main stretch was only 12. Totally worth it though!
#14 -- Go to a spa for a massage. It wasn't a spa, but I did get a one-hour massage. SO good.
#52 -- Road trip somewhere far away. It doesn't get much further than driving from Missouri (or if you want to get real technical, Texas) to Georgia! Counting from Texas it was 23 hours!... but the main stretch was only 12. Totally worth it though!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Grown-up Talk.
Today is my parents 30th wedding anniversary.
That's amazing, especially in today's world with our high divorce rate.
They themselves are amazing.
I want a love like theirs.
A love like theirs, but stronger.
A love like theirs, but pointed more towards Christ.
I feel like this last year, I've actually started forming opinions and dreams of what I really want to be and do after college. Before, it was a generalized thought. Now I find myself looking up jobs, thinking about marriage, wondering where I'll live... and then boring stuff, like what about insurance and buying a car.
And the beautiful part,
is God already has it all planned.
That's amazing, especially in today's world with our high divorce rate.
They themselves are amazing.
I want a love like theirs.
A love like theirs, but stronger.
A love like theirs, but pointed more towards Christ.
I feel like this last year, I've actually started forming opinions and dreams of what I really want to be and do after college. Before, it was a generalized thought. Now I find myself looking up jobs, thinking about marriage, wondering where I'll live... and then boring stuff, like what about insurance and buying a car.
And the beautiful part,
is God already has it all planned.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Passion Songs!
So glad that people somehow managed to get a few Passion 2011 songs onto Youtube! Not the same as the CD, but it'll suffice until then. Enjoy :)
All to Us (favorite!)
We Are Here For You
Spirit Fall
All My Fountains
We Welcome You with Praise
Lord, I Need You (another favorite)
God of This City (with Fernandinho)
Set Free
All to Us (favorite!)
We Are Here For You
Spirit Fall
All My Fountains
We Welcome You with Praise
Lord, I Need You (another favorite)
God of This City (with Fernandinho)
Set Free
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Upside Down.
I promise I wasn't kidnapped. Christmas break usually consists of me running around like a crazy person, most of it in areas without cell service and little to no computer. I went three weeks without my Mac, and a week without any computer. Those statements in themselves sound ridiculous, and actually don't even really bother me.... I'm not really sure why I typed them actually.
I feel like the next two weeks will be spent discussing my break, what all I did, how it went, blah blah blah. I'm not even sure what to say or where to begin.
I saw a lot of family for the first time in a year.
I spent 40+ hours in the car.
I thought about my future.
I stood amazed as the Lord changed my heart.
I saw my boyfriend for the first time in almost five months.
I traveled through five states in one day.
The largest part, as in influence, of my break was spent in Atlanta. Passion 2011. Event, movement, whatever you want to call it. It's a life-rocking, bring-you-to-your-knees kind of thing. During it all, a thought crossed my mind: why do we have to have these huge conferences to be so convicted, to wake up, or to get back in line? We shouldn't. God still uses them though.
These past six months, the Lord has been reminding me so often about the sweet, glorious freedom I have in Him. Halfway through the semester, the Lord began opening my hear to missions. It was a slow process of my reluctance, but it became more and more obvious that my measly, little plans were going to be turned upside down.
If you go here, you will see all the lives that will be changed and ways God will be glorified because of students at Passion. Last year, sadly, all I did was take towels and socks. This year, I considered giving to every cause. I helped send a New Testament to people in Colombia. We were allowed to highlight verses (they were in Spanish, mind you) for whoever received it and write a note or prayer in it. It hit me, as I was trying to decipher which book I was in, that these people have never read the Word. I thought about how often I want to just sit and meditate on His word, and it broke my heart that someone wouldn't be able to experience the Word if it weren't for me.
The Lord also led me to sponsor a little Bolivian girl, Leydi. (Not entirely sure how it's pronounced, but I'm calling her "lady"...) I had been considering it for months, and after some of the messages I had heard the few days before, I realized how comfortable I live and how well I have it. I realized how little I sacrifice, and I wanted to not just give once to a greater good... but specifically help one child. I think one of the biggest things my heart desires for her, is to experience and know not only Christ and His love, but the freedom in Him.
I wish everyone could've heard the messages that were spoken last week, and just see how the Lord used them in people's lives. Three main points stuck out to me throughout the conference.
1. The people in China are living their faith like we should. They think everyone is persecuted for believing in Christ. Running and hiding from police is normal. People don't just call themselves Christians, because when you say you're a Christian in China, you sacrifice everything.
2. Do people at the end of the day know that you're favorite name is Jesus? Is it evident at all times who controls your life and who you are in love with (Christ)? Not just most days, or when you're with certain people, or at certain places... but all the time.
3. Everyone wants you to carry their name or to represent them; singers, actors, brand names, businesses, etc. Mac, Blackberry, Canon, JCPenny's... all names I'm surrounded by right now. But, the only name we should really concern ourselves with and carry is Jesus. Go where the Lord has given you a passion for, but carry His name. Do we do things for ourselves, or for Him? He should be at the bottom (the source) of our joy, not us.
One of my favorite parts about break was seeing how the Lord has been working in people's lives around me. Changes that can only be done by Him. It's beautiful. I can only hope that how He has been working in my life and how He opened my eyes and heart this past week is evident as well.
I feel like the next two weeks will be spent discussing my break, what all I did, how it went, blah blah blah. I'm not even sure what to say or where to begin.
I saw a lot of family for the first time in a year.
I spent 40+ hours in the car.
I thought about my future.
I stood amazed as the Lord changed my heart.
I saw my boyfriend for the first time in almost five months.
I traveled through five states in one day.
The largest part, as in influence, of my break was spent in Atlanta. Passion 2011. Event, movement, whatever you want to call it. It's a life-rocking, bring-you-to-your-knees kind of thing. During it all, a thought crossed my mind: why do we have to have these huge conferences to be so convicted, to wake up, or to get back in line? We shouldn't. God still uses them though.
These past six months, the Lord has been reminding me so often about the sweet, glorious freedom I have in Him. Halfway through the semester, the Lord began opening my hear to missions. It was a slow process of my reluctance, but it became more and more obvious that my measly, little plans were going to be turned upside down.
If you go here, you will see all the lives that will be changed and ways God will be glorified because of students at Passion. Last year, sadly, all I did was take towels and socks. This year, I considered giving to every cause. I helped send a New Testament to people in Colombia. We were allowed to highlight verses (they were in Spanish, mind you) for whoever received it and write a note or prayer in it. It hit me, as I was trying to decipher which book I was in, that these people have never read the Word. I thought about how often I want to just sit and meditate on His word, and it broke my heart that someone wouldn't be able to experience the Word if it weren't for me.
The Lord also led me to sponsor a little Bolivian girl, Leydi. (Not entirely sure how it's pronounced, but I'm calling her "lady"...) I had been considering it for months, and after some of the messages I had heard the few days before, I realized how comfortable I live and how well I have it. I realized how little I sacrifice, and I wanted to not just give once to a greater good... but specifically help one child. I think one of the biggest things my heart desires for her, is to experience and know not only Christ and His love, but the freedom in Him.
I wish everyone could've heard the messages that were spoken last week, and just see how the Lord used them in people's lives. Three main points stuck out to me throughout the conference.
1. The people in China are living their faith like we should. They think everyone is persecuted for believing in Christ. Running and hiding from police is normal. People don't just call themselves Christians, because when you say you're a Christian in China, you sacrifice everything.
2. Do people at the end of the day know that you're favorite name is Jesus? Is it evident at all times who controls your life and who you are in love with (Christ)? Not just most days, or when you're with certain people, or at certain places... but all the time.
3. Everyone wants you to carry their name or to represent them; singers, actors, brand names, businesses, etc. Mac, Blackberry, Canon, JCPenny's... all names I'm surrounded by right now. But, the only name we should really concern ourselves with and carry is Jesus. Go where the Lord has given you a passion for, but carry His name. Do we do things for ourselves, or for Him? He should be at the bottom (the source) of our joy, not us.
One of my favorite parts about break was seeing how the Lord has been working in people's lives around me. Changes that can only be done by Him. It's beautiful. I can only hope that how He has been working in my life and how He opened my eyes and heart this past week is evident as well.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Compassion.
I saw a question posted on someone's tumblr today, and I couldn't help but keep thinking about it.
"What was your life like before you accepted Christ?"
It was...
ugly.
messy.
empty.
rebellious.
I don't have one of those really dramatic, brings-tears-to-your-eyes, gives-you-goosebumps kind of stories. I actually grew up in the church - one of those who is at every Sunday school, VBS, youth group, church camp, on and on.
For so many, long years... I claimed to be Christian and my only proof was my church attendance.
Nothing miraculous happened, besides the fact that the Lord kept trying to grab my attention for about three years (and probably longer than that). I don't remember the exact day, but I do remember the month, the summer and the situation. I remember realizing if I was going to stand up for myself, what was I standing on?
Christianity is so many different things, some of which have gotten twisted and people miss. I missed one of those things for so long - a relationship. It makes so much sense that marriage is supposed to reflect Christ and the church. You can't get married without a real, sacrifical, all-or-nothing relationship. God wants a relationship with His people so badly, so badly that He'll even go as far as to put things in front of you to make you turn around... to Him. He did it to me.
"When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them because they were confused and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd." - Matthew 9:36
"What was your life like before you accepted Christ?"
It was...
ugly.
messy.
empty.
rebellious.
I don't have one of those really dramatic, brings-tears-to-your-eyes, gives-you-goosebumps kind of stories. I actually grew up in the church - one of those who is at every Sunday school, VBS, youth group, church camp, on and on.
For so many, long years... I claimed to be Christian and my only proof was my church attendance.
Nothing miraculous happened, besides the fact that the Lord kept trying to grab my attention for about three years (and probably longer than that). I don't remember the exact day, but I do remember the month, the summer and the situation. I remember realizing if I was going to stand up for myself, what was I standing on?
Christianity is so many different things, some of which have gotten twisted and people miss. I missed one of those things for so long - a relationship. It makes so much sense that marriage is supposed to reflect Christ and the church. You can't get married without a real, sacrifical, all-or-nothing relationship. God wants a relationship with His people so badly, so badly that He'll even go as far as to put things in front of you to make you turn around... to Him. He did it to me.
"When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them because they were confused and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd." - Matthew 9:36
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Crazy Love.
I don't know how to write this blog.
SO much happened this semester.
I lived completely by myself for the first time, which was a learning and growing process. Lots of ups and downs, but enjoyable for the most part. I went to the International Balloon Festival - which involved going to Glorieta for one night. I lost some friends, but made new ones. I got a new job, that I love. I bought a ticket for Passion. I bought my first two plane tickets for flights that I'll fly by myself. I cooked a Thanksgiving dinner with two other people. I fed the homeless. I grew. I sang. I rejoiced. I cried. I loved.
There have been many things the Lord has taught me the last few months. But, there have been two things He's been showing me almost everyday.
Love and grace.
Christ died for me, even when He knew I would mess up time after time.
And time after time, people in my life do the same thing. I can either hold a grudge and get angry, or I can choose to love them anyways. Sometimes this is a real struggle, sometimes I completely fail at it. I just know that I have never been so aware of His love, and there's nothing to do besides pour it out to others; I'm compelled by the love of Christ.
Love is something beautiful... pure, genuine love. it's beautiful.
SO much happened this semester.
I lived completely by myself for the first time, which was a learning and growing process. Lots of ups and downs, but enjoyable for the most part. I went to the International Balloon Festival - which involved going to Glorieta for one night. I lost some friends, but made new ones. I got a new job, that I love. I bought a ticket for Passion. I bought my first two plane tickets for flights that I'll fly by myself. I cooked a Thanksgiving dinner with two other people. I fed the homeless. I grew. I sang. I rejoiced. I cried. I loved.
There have been many things the Lord has taught me the last few months. But, there have been two things He's been showing me almost everyday.
Love and grace.
Christ died for me, even when He knew I would mess up time after time.
And time after time, people in my life do the same thing. I can either hold a grudge and get angry, or I can choose to love them anyways. Sometimes this is a real struggle, sometimes I completely fail at it. I just know that I have never been so aware of His love, and there's nothing to do besides pour it out to others; I'm compelled by the love of Christ.
Love is something beautiful... pure, genuine love. it's beautiful.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Old Love.
I am so old-fashioned. There are few things I love more than snail mail letters from my various pen pals around the country (and around the world, this year).
I love anything rustic, antique or old-fashioned. (okay, except black and white movies.) But, old barns, run-down houses, antique trucks, or even...
a typewriter,
inside an old suitcase! :)
I'm in love.
The way I have it set up in my living room is basically how it looks in the second picture (except different location). I can't decide if I want to decorate it somehow or just leave it alone. I think right now I love it too much to do anything with it :)
I love anything rustic, antique or old-fashioned. (okay, except black and white movies.) But, old barns, run-down houses, antique trucks, or even...
a typewriter,
inside an old suitcase! :)
I'm in love.
The way I have it set up in my living room is basically how it looks in the second picture (except different location). I can't decide if I want to decorate it somehow or just leave it alone. I think right now I love it too much to do anything with it :)
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Impatience.
I am an impatient soul.
In all things, big and small.
I heard awhile back that if you pray for something - in the fruit of the Spirit sense - that the Lord won't necessarily give you that characteristic, but rather, place you in a situation that forces you to practice it. Like, praying for patience... and then placing you in multiple situations that require patience. (yes, I'm pointing the finger at myself.)
As my impatience rose tonight, I just started praying against it.. and immediately, the Lord put a verse into my mind. "Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him."
I want a patient, gentle spirit before Him while He teaches and transforms me, preparing and equipping me for whatever is next.
In all things, big and small.
I heard awhile back that if you pray for something - in the fruit of the Spirit sense - that the Lord won't necessarily give you that characteristic, but rather, place you in a situation that forces you to practice it. Like, praying for patience... and then placing you in multiple situations that require patience. (yes, I'm pointing the finger at myself.)
As my impatience rose tonight, I just started praying against it.. and immediately, the Lord put a verse into my mind. "Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him."
I want a patient, gentle spirit before Him while He teaches and transforms me, preparing and equipping me for whatever is next.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Awesome.
Do you know what it's like to be under a pile of homework thinking you won't sleep for days, just so you can get it done... and still be able to just smile for no reason?
or to be driving down the road, walking to class, etc... and just feel like you're being hugged?
or to just want to giggle at the most random times?
Sometimes, I feel like I might explode with laughter and excitement. I want to go for a run to just get the giggles and antsy feelings out of me, not to escape from life.
I haven't been in this place, in a long, long time. And if I'm being real honest, probably never. I remember at the beginning of this semester, writing about the joy of the Lord - and what that feels like, and that what I thought it was before was so small in comparison.
That comparison has grown. I literally have fallen asleep smiling.
The other day, my professor said a profound statement: happiness is fleeting. I just wanted to raise my hand and say, but joy is constant.
I started writing this blog, and then thought about how unhappy I was at this time last year - so I went back and read some old blogs. Ironically, I wrote a blog on this very day, about one hour from right now. "God with us" - how beautiful.
It is the end of semester, the time when thousands of students across the country are frazzled, lacking sleep, and going crazy. Coffee shops probably have booming business. I am not (that) stressed. Yeah, I have things to do. But, I think sometimes as college students we make this time stressful - we let life get us down. Unless, we let the peace of Christ rule our hearts.
I was telling a friend just yesterday about my low level of stress, and that I know it is only because of the Lord, I repeat - only.
It was interesting this past weekend, that the sermon at our church was about having more peace and being more thankful. Our God is not stressed, He's got everything under control. He is also not a God of stress - He's a God of peace.
Nor does the Bible ever mention a change of circumstances that allowed peace. Peace and joy are non-circumstantial. We have to find the awesome in every situation. And like bowling, the best things happen when you let go.
or to be driving down the road, walking to class, etc... and just feel like you're being hugged?
or to just want to giggle at the most random times?
Sometimes, I feel like I might explode with laughter and excitement. I want to go for a run to just get the giggles and antsy feelings out of me, not to escape from life.
I haven't been in this place, in a long, long time. And if I'm being real honest, probably never. I remember at the beginning of this semester, writing about the joy of the Lord - and what that feels like, and that what I thought it was before was so small in comparison.
That comparison has grown. I literally have fallen asleep smiling.
The other day, my professor said a profound statement: happiness is fleeting. I just wanted to raise my hand and say, but joy is constant.
I started writing this blog, and then thought about how unhappy I was at this time last year - so I went back and read some old blogs. Ironically, I wrote a blog on this very day, about one hour from right now. "God with us" - how beautiful.
It is the end of semester, the time when thousands of students across the country are frazzled, lacking sleep, and going crazy. Coffee shops probably have booming business. I am not (that) stressed. Yeah, I have things to do. But, I think sometimes as college students we make this time stressful - we let life get us down. Unless, we let the peace of Christ rule our hearts.
I was telling a friend just yesterday about my low level of stress, and that I know it is only because of the Lord, I repeat - only.
It was interesting this past weekend, that the sermon at our church was about having more peace and being more thankful. Our God is not stressed, He's got everything under control. He is also not a God of stress - He's a God of peace.
Nor does the Bible ever mention a change of circumstances that allowed peace. Peace and joy are non-circumstantial. We have to find the awesome in every situation. And like bowling, the best things happen when you let go.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Atypical Holiday.
This was not a normal Thanksgiving. First of all, because I did not go home to the family - I had to stay in town for homework. Lame, I know.
I started out the week thinking I would be doing homework for five days straight, maybe hang out with one or two people, and that my Thanksgiving meal would consist of a turkey sandwich. But, then that changed. A friend of mine invited me to have Thanksgiving with them (which we moved to my apartment).
Tuesday night, we went shopping for all the Thanksgiving supplies. Typical items, except one. A 21-pound turkey. Yes, twenty. one. for three people. Did we guess wrong? No. But we are cheap college students, and this turkey was $10 less than a small turkey - doesn't make sense but whatever.
I also had to prepare the turkey by myself Thursday morning. (Note: I. am. not. a. cook. In the last year, I've messed up canned soup, microwave rice and popcorn.) I also get grossed out various food items - like touching a raw turkey. When the instructions told me to "release" the legs and I was pulling on a leg, I looked at my hand, felt the foot and saw the leg bone and thought, "ew! actual turkey leg!!" Also, after I was cleaning it out, it made a farting noise. I giggled to myself. Anyways, the turkey turned out faaabulous!
To save you from every detail, here's a list of the following other funny things that happened either Wednesday or Thursday:
- Tal needing to whisper sweet nothings into my hand can-opener because it's stubborn.
- inventing microwave pumpkin cupcakes (maybe not completely new, but new to us!)
- realizing halfway thru the first pie we needed a lot more ingredients
- burning the top crumble-type crust on our second pie
- baking until one in the morning = giggles
- sneaking a piece of apple that had way too much nutmeg on it
- Tal yelling, "oh, it's beaaautiful!!" at an awkwardly loud volume after rolling her pumpkin roll
- all three of us falling asleep during an afternoon movie
- realizing we had enough turkey left (even after seconds) to feed a small village, and didn't even touch our second pie
- Tal teaching me not only what a sauce pan is, but that my stove top lifts up so you can clean under it...
- realizing the turkey came with a pop-up thermometer, after we already had put one in
I don't think I've ever laughed so much or had such a fun Thanksgiving! Definitely learned some things :) I also served lunch to homeless people with a friend's church, which was awesome. As I'm sure it does to everyone who helps homeless people, it made me so thankful to have my little apartment and have a huge Thanksgiving feast. I loved being able to just help the people, even if it was just for one meal.
I started out the week thinking I would be doing homework for five days straight, maybe hang out with one or two people, and that my Thanksgiving meal would consist of a turkey sandwich. But, then that changed. A friend of mine invited me to have Thanksgiving with them (which we moved to my apartment).
Tuesday night, we went shopping for all the Thanksgiving supplies. Typical items, except one. A 21-pound turkey. Yes, twenty. one. for three people. Did we guess wrong? No. But we are cheap college students, and this turkey was $10 less than a small turkey - doesn't make sense but whatever.
I also had to prepare the turkey by myself Thursday morning. (Note: I. am. not. a. cook. In the last year, I've messed up canned soup, microwave rice and popcorn.) I also get grossed out various food items - like touching a raw turkey. When the instructions told me to "release" the legs and I was pulling on a leg, I looked at my hand, felt the foot and saw the leg bone and thought, "ew! actual turkey leg!!" Also, after I was cleaning it out, it made a farting noise. I giggled to myself. Anyways, the turkey turned out faaabulous!
To save you from every detail, here's a list of the following other funny things that happened either Wednesday or Thursday:
- Tal needing to whisper sweet nothings into my hand can-opener because it's stubborn.
- Derrik almost pouring out 1/4 cup of milk that we didn't need, the girls screaming to stop, and then me drinking that fourth of a cup.
- inventing microwave pumpkin cupcakes (maybe not completely new, but new to us!)
- realizing halfway thru the first pie we needed a lot more ingredients
- burning the top crumble-type crust on our second pie
- baking until one in the morning = giggles
- sneaking a piece of apple that had way too much nutmeg on it
- Tal yelling, "oh, it's beaaautiful!!" at an awkwardly loud volume after rolling her pumpkin roll
- all three of us falling asleep during an afternoon movie
- realizing we had enough turkey left (even after seconds) to feed a small village, and didn't even touch our second pie
- Tal teaching me not only what a sauce pan is, but that my stove top lifts up so you can clean under it...
- realizing the turkey came with a pop-up thermometer, after we already had put one in
I don't think I've ever laughed so much or had such a fun Thanksgiving! Definitely learned some things :) I also served lunch to homeless people with a friend's church, which was awesome. As I'm sure it does to everyone who helps homeless people, it made me so thankful to have my little apartment and have a huge Thanksgiving feast. I loved being able to just help the people, even if it was just for one meal.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Thanksgiving - Part 2.
16th - My morals. This kind of goes back to my parents... but I am so thankful for the way I was raised. There are people I see dressed or acting a certain way, and it's so sad. It's even worse when some of these people claim to be followers of Christ.
17th - Planners. I love my planner. This may be a lame thing to list, but it's what helps keep my brain organized. Disorganization in my life is stressful.
18th - Naps. I wasn't a napper before this summer, and somehow that changed. Although usually naps take place of something that I should be getting done, I'm thankful that the Lord gives me a little rest in the middle of my day. :)
19th - Beauty. There are so many beautiful things in this world - including people. I see God's beauty in so many things; art, people, nature, photos, on and on. Part of what makes people beautiful is their personalities - I love how different He has made each of us.
20th - Mentors. There are people in my life that have helped me through difficult times and situations, people that give me such Godly insight and advice. I'm so thankful that the Lord placed these women in my life to help guide and teach me.
21st - Coffee. I've fallen in love with coffee this semester. I've always loved the soup'd up, sugary drinks at Starbucks, but I've grown to appreciate the less sugary coffee in the mornings. But, occasional runs to Starbucks with good friends are always fun :)
22nd - The way the Lord teaches me - daily. People, situations, through His word... all of it. A God who loves me enough to teach me, rather than let me remain... stupid. Haha.
23rd - Sweats. I will miss the days that I can just throw on some sweats and go to class. Although I'm totally pumped to have a big girl job in the next two years, I am not looking forward to dressing up everrrrryday. Blech.
24th - Breaks. Although this Thanksgiving break will be not much of a break, and more of a homework marathon... I'm thankful for the somewhat rest.
17th - Planners. I love my planner. This may be a lame thing to list, but it's what helps keep my brain organized. Disorganization in my life is stressful.
18th - Naps. I wasn't a napper before this summer, and somehow that changed. Although usually naps take place of something that I should be getting done, I'm thankful that the Lord gives me a little rest in the middle of my day. :)
19th - Beauty. There are so many beautiful things in this world - including people. I see God's beauty in so many things; art, people, nature, photos, on and on. Part of what makes people beautiful is their personalities - I love how different He has made each of us.
20th - Mentors. There are people in my life that have helped me through difficult times and situations, people that give me such Godly insight and advice. I'm so thankful that the Lord placed these women in my life to help guide and teach me.
21st - Coffee. I've fallen in love with coffee this semester. I've always loved the soup'd up, sugary drinks at Starbucks, but I've grown to appreciate the less sugary coffee in the mornings. But, occasional runs to Starbucks with good friends are always fun :)
22nd - The way the Lord teaches me - daily. People, situations, through His word... all of it. A God who loves me enough to teach me, rather than let me remain... stupid. Haha.
23rd - Sweats. I will miss the days that I can just throw on some sweats and go to class. Although I'm totally pumped to have a big girl job in the next two years, I am not looking forward to dressing up everrrrryday. Blech.
24th - Breaks. Although this Thanksgiving break will be not much of a break, and more of a homework marathon... I'm thankful for the somewhat rest.
Genuine.
I went to church by myself for the first time today. This may not seem like a big deal to you, and it wasn't as big of a deal as it would've been the few times I thought about going by myself before.
As I was driving, I felt very adult... one of those moments that I realized I'm an adult, I will soon be on my own, I have to make my own decisions - like going to church alone. As I stood in my row alone, and the awkwardness quickly faded, I wondered two things: people go alone all the time, why did I think this would be so horrible? My faith has never been so important to me or such a huge part of me, and that's why I realized it doesn't matter who is there - it's about God.
I am frustrated and confused by people who's faith turns off and on. Our God is not a God who likes to see us once a week, or when we're going through hard times. Our God who wants every bit of us, every day, in complete surrender. Just hanging a cross around your neck and being a "good" person is not near enough for Him.
Not everyone who cries Lord will enter Heaven.
Believing in God is something even the demons do.
We have to fight and persevere for true faith.
Enduring trials shows your faith is genuine.
A relationship with Him is two-sided, He won't just snap His fingers - we have to put forth effort.
I have been in that place before - I was stuck there before college. The place of false hope and freedom, our own manufactured faith.
Examine yourself.
May we be a people who desire Him more than sleep, more than fun stuff, more than anything of this world.
As I was driving, I felt very adult... one of those moments that I realized I'm an adult, I will soon be on my own, I have to make my own decisions - like going to church alone. As I stood in my row alone, and the awkwardness quickly faded, I wondered two things: people go alone all the time, why did I think this would be so horrible? My faith has never been so important to me or such a huge part of me, and that's why I realized it doesn't matter who is there - it's about God.
I am frustrated and confused by people who's faith turns off and on. Our God is not a God who likes to see us once a week, or when we're going through hard times. Our God who wants every bit of us, every day, in complete surrender. Just hanging a cross around your neck and being a "good" person is not near enough for Him.
Not everyone who cries Lord will enter Heaven.
Believing in God is something even the demons do.
We have to fight and persevere for true faith.
Enduring trials shows your faith is genuine.
A relationship with Him is two-sided, He won't just snap His fingers - we have to put forth effort.
I have been in that place before - I was stuck there before college. The place of false hope and freedom, our own manufactured faith.
Examine yourself.
May we be a people who desire Him more than sleep, more than fun stuff, more than anything of this world.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Sustained.
My week:
Blood sugars dropped severely low, out of nowhere, multiple times. Called doctor finally to adjust insulin levels to get it all fixed.
Instead of just getting one new project, I got three. One of which is open-ended, making it harder rather than easier.
Developed art history final project that will require working over thanksgiving break.
Changed my class schedule - again - and plans for my minor.
Even in the midst of all this crazy week (or, even just the crazy month it's been...), I woke up at six a.m. to read the Word and pray for an hour and a half. That's when I found this verse:
"If your instructions hadn't sustained me with joy, I would have died in my misery." - Psalm 119:92
Life has been just go-go-go for the past few weeks, but there have still been small moments when I just feel the Lord's peace, and just stop and smile at how good He is. I think sometimes as believers, we get caught up in everything He blesses us with and love those things, and not truly love Him.
Blood sugars dropped severely low, out of nowhere, multiple times. Called doctor finally to adjust insulin levels to get it all fixed.
Instead of just getting one new project, I got three. One of which is open-ended, making it harder rather than easier.
Developed art history final project that will require working over thanksgiving break.
Changed my class schedule - again - and plans for my minor.
Even in the midst of all this crazy week (or, even just the crazy month it's been...), I woke up at six a.m. to read the Word and pray for an hour and a half. That's when I found this verse:
"If your instructions hadn't sustained me with joy, I would have died in my misery." - Psalm 119:92
Life has been just go-go-go for the past few weeks, but there have still been small moments when I just feel the Lord's peace, and just stop and smile at how good He is. I think sometimes as believers, we get caught up in everything He blesses us with and love those things, and not truly love Him.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Thanksgiving.
Last year, I focused on Scripture about giving thanks, and this year I've seen people take pictures everyday of something they're thankful for... so I decided that this year everyday of November I would write down something I am thankful for. Rather than have a daily post, or make you all wait til December 1st, this blog post will be updated here and there throughout November.
1st - My sisters in Christ. Oh, love these girls. I love that I have a handful of girls I can turn to immediately for encouragement, prayer and godly advice.
2nd - A boyfriend who cares. I hear stories or bits and pieces about boyfriend's who ditch their girls, who are rude, who yell (ahem...neighbors) and it makes me feel all the more blessed that mine does none of that. Not that he is perfect, and neither am I, but to have someone at the end of the day want to pray for you is so uplifting.
3rd - My job. Sometimes my job is crazy... with three deadlines in one day and all that jazz. Sometimes I complain about lack of money, but in reality this job is a huge blessing. Everyday I either come to work smiling or leave smiling.
4th - My sister. Five years ago, a friend of mine (brother of a friend of my sister's) was killed in a car wreck. That was one of the most emotional weekends ever. I remember getting to my sister's apartment and just standing in the doorway hugging and crying. Since then, it seems every November and every July (his birthday) I am reminded of how much I appreciate and love my sister.
5th - College education. This past week was a little stressful, registering for classes... trying to figure out my schedule. I have to take 15 hours to maintain a scholarship, and with my two minors and one major, it's sometimes hard to figure out my schedule. I was so frustrated and frazzled that day, and then I thought of people who can't afford college... and am just so glad that I have people who help support me.
6th - Grandparents. Oh, these people mean the world to me. My grandmother is someone I dearly admire and look up to - and I always have. They came to see me yesterday and are leaving today after lunch - less than 24 hours with me. But, they love and support all their grandchildren to pieces - it's so amazing. I love their relationship and life - they set such a godly example and it just makes my heart smile.
7th - Creative skills. I love that God has given me an artistic talent, and a passion along with it. I love when people ask me to design them t-shirts or signs. One of the most enjoyable things is walking around campus seeing things I've designed :)
8th - Psalm 81:6. Everytime I read this verse, I think it's directed right at college students. It is such a sweet reminder of how Christ will take care of every last detail if we just hand it over to him. Countless times over the last week or two, I have come home for the day thinking I will be doing homework until one in the morning. And somehow, it gets done so fast, that I just laugh at how stressed I had been.
9th - Laughter. I love laughing. I love that there are so many things in my life to laugh at, or people to laugh with.
10th - God's love. Not the typical God's love (though that is important too), but the romantic side of God. I was reading Captivating today, and couldn't help but smile when the book talked about how He romances us - always has, everyday. The best part was when it compared our flowers, chocolate and candlelight dinners to sunsets and falling stars. Mmmmm, some of my favorite things. :)
11th - Exercise. Yup, something most people hate. I love. And for two weeks last year when I was basically immobile, I realized how lucky I am to be able to walk and use all my limbs. I do Zumba twice a week, and it is incredibly fun. I love something so fun and crazy.
12th - Snow. I actually hate snow, unless it brings a snow day along with it. I woke up Friday to inches of snow, inches... I thought - this means winter is coming. I don't like winter; the cold, the wind, the snow. But, I'm thankful for moisture, and just to see another one of God's pieces of art.
13th - Parents. I realize more and more how blessed I am to have the parents I do. Though we probably frustrate each other and don't understand each other half the time, I know I am loved... which isn't something everyone can say. I'm so thankful for the way they raised me, it reminds me of Hebrews 12:11 :)
14th - Accountability. We can go through our walk with Christ alone - but that's not how He intended it. I love that I have brothers and sisters around me, challenging me. A friend and I started something - getting up before the sun gets up so we can read the Word for at least an hour. Day one: not even tired, and in high spirits. :)
15th - Adoptive parents. I love my "adopt-a-buff" parents who let me do laundry for free and feed me. But more than that, just to have more Godly adults to turn to in my life. It's nice just to have a other little 'family' here. As much as I love independence, it's nice knowing I have a little second home here, too.
1st - My sisters in Christ. Oh, love these girls. I love that I have a handful of girls I can turn to immediately for encouragement, prayer and godly advice.
2nd - A boyfriend who cares. I hear stories or bits and pieces about boyfriend's who ditch their girls, who are rude, who yell (ahem...neighbors) and it makes me feel all the more blessed that mine does none of that. Not that he is perfect, and neither am I, but to have someone at the end of the day want to pray for you is so uplifting.
3rd - My job. Sometimes my job is crazy... with three deadlines in one day and all that jazz. Sometimes I complain about lack of money, but in reality this job is a huge blessing. Everyday I either come to work smiling or leave smiling.
4th - My sister. Five years ago, a friend of mine (brother of a friend of my sister's) was killed in a car wreck. That was one of the most emotional weekends ever. I remember getting to my sister's apartment and just standing in the doorway hugging and crying. Since then, it seems every November and every July (his birthday) I am reminded of how much I appreciate and love my sister.
5th - College education. This past week was a little stressful, registering for classes... trying to figure out my schedule. I have to take 15 hours to maintain a scholarship, and with my two minors and one major, it's sometimes hard to figure out my schedule. I was so frustrated and frazzled that day, and then I thought of people who can't afford college... and am just so glad that I have people who help support me.
6th - Grandparents. Oh, these people mean the world to me. My grandmother is someone I dearly admire and look up to - and I always have. They came to see me yesterday and are leaving today after lunch - less than 24 hours with me. But, they love and support all their grandchildren to pieces - it's so amazing. I love their relationship and life - they set such a godly example and it just makes my heart smile.
7th - Creative skills. I love that God has given me an artistic talent, and a passion along with it. I love when people ask me to design them t-shirts or signs. One of the most enjoyable things is walking around campus seeing things I've designed :)
8th - Psalm 81:6. Everytime I read this verse, I think it's directed right at college students. It is such a sweet reminder of how Christ will take care of every last detail if we just hand it over to him. Countless times over the last week or two, I have come home for the day thinking I will be doing homework until one in the morning. And somehow, it gets done so fast, that I just laugh at how stressed I had been.
9th - Laughter. I love laughing. I love that there are so many things in my life to laugh at, or people to laugh with.
10th - God's love. Not the typical God's love (though that is important too), but the romantic side of God. I was reading Captivating today, and couldn't help but smile when the book talked about how He romances us - always has, everyday. The best part was when it compared our flowers, chocolate and candlelight dinners to sunsets and falling stars. Mmmmm, some of my favorite things. :)
11th - Exercise. Yup, something most people hate. I love. And for two weeks last year when I was basically immobile, I realized how lucky I am to be able to walk and use all my limbs. I do Zumba twice a week, and it is incredibly fun. I love something so fun and crazy.
12th - Snow. I actually hate snow, unless it brings a snow day along with it. I woke up Friday to inches of snow, inches... I thought - this means winter is coming. I don't like winter; the cold, the wind, the snow. But, I'm thankful for moisture, and just to see another one of God's pieces of art.
13th - Parents. I realize more and more how blessed I am to have the parents I do. Though we probably frustrate each other and don't understand each other half the time, I know I am loved... which isn't something everyone can say. I'm so thankful for the way they raised me, it reminds me of Hebrews 12:11 :)
14th - Accountability. We can go through our walk with Christ alone - but that's not how He intended it. I love that I have brothers and sisters around me, challenging me. A friend and I started something - getting up before the sun gets up so we can read the Word for at least an hour. Day one: not even tired, and in high spirits. :)
15th - Adoptive parents. I love my "adopt-a-buff" parents who let me do laundry for free and feed me. But more than that, just to have more Godly adults to turn to in my life. It's nice just to have a other little 'family' here. As much as I love independence, it's nice knowing I have a little second home here, too.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Divine Romance.
I love sunsets.
I love star-gazing.
I love walking quietly, surrounded by nature.
I love giggly babies.
I love the sparkle in little girl's eyes.
I love violins and piano.
These are some of the things and ways that God romances me. God's version of flowers, chocolates and candlelight dinners comes in the from of sunsets and falling stars.
Something that He has been showing me lately is that He is not just Father and Lord, but also our Lover.
There are days, some more than others, when I am overwhelmed by His love. This summer I was so keenly aware of His presence - everywhere. And I am so, so glad that I didn't lose that when I came back to Texas.
The best part is that in the spacious love of God, our souls can lie down and rest. (taken from Captivating)
To be spiritual is to be in a Romance with God. When we're totally captivated by Him, we follow Him in complete obedience. When we're romanced by Him, we can't help but surrender and worship Him.
We always hear that there's places in our hearts that only God can fill, but there's also places in His heart just for us. He desires us, more than we desire Him. God finds her beautiful, has deemed her worthy, and in Him, she is enough.
I love star-gazing.
I love walking quietly, surrounded by nature.
I love giggly babies.
I love the sparkle in little girl's eyes.
I love violins and piano.
These are some of the things and ways that God romances me. God's version of flowers, chocolates and candlelight dinners comes in the from of sunsets and falling stars.
Something that He has been showing me lately is that He is not just Father and Lord, but also our Lover.
There are days, some more than others, when I am overwhelmed by His love. This summer I was so keenly aware of His presence - everywhere. And I am so, so glad that I didn't lose that when I came back to Texas.
The best part is that in the spacious love of God, our souls can lie down and rest. (taken from Captivating)
To be spiritual is to be in a Romance with God. When we're totally captivated by Him, we follow Him in complete obedience. When we're romanced by Him, we can't help but surrender and worship Him.
We always hear that there's places in our hearts that only God can fill, but there's also places in His heart just for us. He desires us, more than we desire Him. God finds her beautiful, has deemed her worthy, and in Him, she is enough.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Soulful.
The subtitle on the front of Captivating says, "Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul." And my eyes were opened to part of the mystery of my own soul as I read the last two nights.
I know everyone has their heartaches, their losses, their wounds, their fears. Mine is abandonment, or back-stabbing (sounds so elementary, but hear me out).
Almost every person in my life that was close to me at one point, has deeply hurt me. Grade school "best friends" moved away. Friends in high school did/said horrible things to me, things that enemies are expected to do - not the ones you call your best friends. More friends moved. It has been a reoccurring theme in my life that the ones closest to me either leave or turn their back on me.
The damage done to our feminine hearts through the wounds we received is made much worse by the horrible things we believe about ourselves as a result. That's me. I, for so long, had a twisted view of myself. Twenty years without a boyfriend, hurt after hurt, loss after loss... Satan begins to put thoughts in your head and twist your vision. The book told a story of this woman who was always changing, always trying to "improve" herself somehow. Why did she try so hard? She simply fears that somehow she is not enough. Deep down we fear there is something terribly wrong with us. I read that story and realized how often I fall into that trap - not praying enough, not getting good enough grades, not working out enough, eating too much, on and on.
Every semester since I started college, something slightly traumatic/dramatic has happened. Every. semester. It already happened this semester. You cannot be alive very long without being wounded. The sun rises, the stars follow their courses, the waves roll in crashing against the rocks, and we are wounded. When it happened this semester, for the first time, I handled it well. One day of shock and sorrow, and it was over. I remember telling my best friend, that I felt like God had given me such a peace about it, a peace I didn't understand. It was almost like I didn't want to be okay with it. I remember praying that God would soften my heart - I was afraid my heart was being hardened, that I was so used to this pain that it was almost expected.
I'm a lover, not a fighter. I can fight, but I'm so much more of a lover. You hurt me and come back in two weeks, I'll give you a hug. Some don't understand. Sometimes I don't understand. Things were done, awful things. And they shaped us. Something inside of us shifted. Something shifted. In high school. I once held a grudge for 46 days. Note that my graduating class had 22 students - this is not a big school where you can walk down a different hallway. My classmate and I's lockers were all within 15 feet. I held that grudge - against two people. I look back at that and wonder how I even did that. I look at my life and see for how long I didn't acknowledge Him in my life - and He has never held a grudge.
As my relationship with Christ deepens, as I become more aware of and embrace His promises - I see the actions of Satan. Too bad our God is greater, and stronger. If Satan didn't arrange for the assault directly, then he made sure he drove the message of the wounds home into your heart. Satan has done this for too long. But God has done and continues to heal my heart. I think all Satan does sometimes is allow God to display His power even more.
I would be in a worse place right now if it weren't for the grace of God. I could've never handled all the pain and hurt by myself. God had me in His hand all along, even when I wasn't paying attention.
You are passionately loved by the God of the universe. You are passionately hated by His Enemy.
I know everyone has their heartaches, their losses, their wounds, their fears. Mine is abandonment, or back-stabbing (sounds so elementary, but hear me out).
Almost every person in my life that was close to me at one point, has deeply hurt me. Grade school "best friends" moved away. Friends in high school did/said horrible things to me, things that enemies are expected to do - not the ones you call your best friends. More friends moved. It has been a reoccurring theme in my life that the ones closest to me either leave or turn their back on me.
The damage done to our feminine hearts through the wounds we received is made much worse by the horrible things we believe about ourselves as a result. That's me. I, for so long, had a twisted view of myself. Twenty years without a boyfriend, hurt after hurt, loss after loss... Satan begins to put thoughts in your head and twist your vision. The book told a story of this woman who was always changing, always trying to "improve" herself somehow. Why did she try so hard? She simply fears that somehow she is not enough. Deep down we fear there is something terribly wrong with us. I read that story and realized how often I fall into that trap - not praying enough, not getting good enough grades, not working out enough, eating too much, on and on.
Every semester since I started college, something slightly traumatic/dramatic has happened. Every. semester. It already happened this semester. You cannot be alive very long without being wounded. The sun rises, the stars follow their courses, the waves roll in crashing against the rocks, and we are wounded. When it happened this semester, for the first time, I handled it well. One day of shock and sorrow, and it was over. I remember telling my best friend, that I felt like God had given me such a peace about it, a peace I didn't understand. It was almost like I didn't want to be okay with it. I remember praying that God would soften my heart - I was afraid my heart was being hardened, that I was so used to this pain that it was almost expected.
I'm a lover, not a fighter. I can fight, but I'm so much more of a lover. You hurt me and come back in two weeks, I'll give you a hug. Some don't understand. Sometimes I don't understand. Things were done, awful things. And they shaped us. Something inside of us shifted. Something shifted. In high school. I once held a grudge for 46 days. Note that my graduating class had 22 students - this is not a big school where you can walk down a different hallway. My classmate and I's lockers were all within 15 feet. I held that grudge - against two people. I look back at that and wonder how I even did that. I look at my life and see for how long I didn't acknowledge Him in my life - and He has never held a grudge.
I stopped holding grudges and started building walls. If we were overwhelmed or belittled or hurt or abused, we believed that somehow it was because of us - the problem was with us. We hang a "do not disturb" sign on our personalities, send a "back off" message to the world. We try so hard, and in so many ways, to protect our hearts from further pain. The problem is our plan has nothing to do with God. I feel myself building walls just from experiences I hear of those around me. Do you know how difficult it is to love people and have walls up at the same time? Or, you can just tear down those walls and let God work.
It's nothing to new to hear that women struggle with our mind. Satan twists our mind, our thoughts, our vision. Until I read this chapter in Captivating, I almost took it as another thing wrong with us - we aren't do something right, that's why Satan attacks us. Wrong. Satan was first named Lucifer, or Son of the Morning. It infers a glory, a brightness or radiance unique to him. He was perfect in beauty. And it was his ruin - pride entered his heart. Now his heart for revenge is to assault beauty. He hates Eve, because she is captivating, uniquely glorious, and he cannot be. Satan is jealous of how amazing God created women. He didn't attack Adam, he attacked Eve - and still does everyday. You are hated because of your beauty and power. He fears who you are; what you are; what you might become.
I would be in a worse place right now if it weren't for the grace of God. I could've never handled all the pain and hurt by myself. God had me in His hand all along, even when I wasn't paying attention.
You are passionately loved by the God of the universe. You are passionately hated by His Enemy.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Radical.
It is an overwhelming mix of joy, fear, confusion and peace when the Lord starts to move drastically in your life. Especially when it's just one thing after another in a short amount of time.
But, Jesus was a radical Messiah and the Bible teaches us to live radically. And we don't just confess Christ in our lives, but we conform to Him. He's our template, plain and simple.
God has definitely done some crazy, awesome things over the past several months...
and it's definitely continuing.
But, Jesus was a radical Messiah and the Bible teaches us to live radically. And we don't just confess Christ in our lives, but we conform to Him. He's our template, plain and simple.
God has definitely done some crazy, awesome things over the past several months...
and it's definitely continuing.
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