Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Things On My Mind.

My roommmate: is annoying me. She ignores me and acts like I intimidate her, and the next day will just walk up to me and talk to me like we're friends. Do you like me or NOT?! I understand people have shy tendencies (including myself), but it's like she's bi-polar with whether or not she wants to talk to me. Granted, at least she is quiet and not messy. But I'm realizing more and more that we are complete opposites (which some people say, make the best roommates) because of the following: she does not work or go to class - I work two jobs and take a class, she eats unhealthy - I eat very healthy, she's quiet - I am clearly not. 

Dogs: Why am I scared of dogs? My parents said it was because growing up, anytime we saw a dog, that my mom would stop and yell at it to go away. Basically, a learned behavior. You would think being 19 years old I would have dropped this "learned behavior." I've concluded that I'm scared of big dogs, and just do not like little dogs. But, in general, I do not like dogs... I don't like when they sniff me, bark, try to lick me, and I especially do not like when they try to jump on me. That's the worst. 

Relationships: First and foremost, I just want to clarify that I do not think that I need a guy to be happy in life. I am fairly happy with life right now, actually. But, it seems like many of my friends or people I know either have someone, or are in the process of having someone. I, on the other hand, have no future prospects. Yes, there are a few I admire, but I have that feeling that I did in high school - I am always just "the friend." And that feeling is getting old. 

Faith: I'm in no way shape or form the perfect Christian, not even close. I do not go to church every week, partly because of schedule/lack of someone to go with - and, because I fully agree with a statement I heard once: "Going to church every week doesn't make you a Christian anymore than sitting in a garage every day makes you a car." I'm not saying that everyone should be Christian either, that is your own choice. What frustrates/confuses me is people who say/claim/believe they are Christians but don't rely on God. 

Diabetes: This is what is confusing/frustrating me most right now. I fully admit that I did not use to check as much as I should have. I had/have a high A1C (10.1% to be exact). I went to diabetes camp, came back. I have not changed my insulin or exercise, and my eating has only slightly changed (I now fully cook for myself and don't go to the cafeteria - even then, I eat as healthy as possible and ate the accurate amount of calories). Since I've returned to camp, my blood sugars have been perfect. Like insanely. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Though, instead of being apprehensive and nervous like I was last week... I am excited and anxious. I hope that my new endocrinologist will actually participate in my care and listen to me. 

People: This is kind of a broad thought. But, I have a few points. First of all, why do people not open up and talk? I understand at some points (I do this sometimes) you just do not want to talk about what's bothering you. But, do you realize how much better it is to let things out? Some people don't want to feel like other people's problems. I have personally never felt like a friend who wanted to talk to me was a problem. Second, last night I said, "Wish I was important enough to get away with that..." but really, I don't. I don't want to be important or a big enough of a "star" to get away with things. I think those people sometimes come off conceited. Third, I wish we stood up for ourselves more. I've gotten a lot better at this, towards friends and family... and just in general. But, I could do it more often. And, I wish other people did. I think back when I let people walk all over me, and I really don't know how I stood it. 

Myself: I'm happy with how far I've come over the last year. I'm not as shy, I'm more outgoing. I'm very driven, always have been though (or at least I think so). I think I've learned a lot about people and myself through different situations and people who have come into (and out) of my life. I have become more confident, but I still wish I didn't let what other people think of me get to me. I wish I didn't let people's comments or actions get to me as much as they do. I was told that I'm good at balancing things; work-out/relax, social life/working, fun/to-do lists... but I think I take after my sister and dad in the way that I work and whatnot a lot more than I allow myself to have fun and kick-back. I worry a lot, and I need to stop that. 

Okay, that's enough for now. I just have a lot on my mind... photo of the day to be posted later :)


  1. Dogs: You KNOW I give you crap about dogs just because I can. Don't let it get to you! People are scared of things for no particular reason, and that's okay :) buuuut, you do have to get over Zipper, haha.

    Relationships: I don't have a prospect! That makes two of us :)

    Faith: Great quote. I am guilty of the last statement, unfortunately. I just don't know how to go about it...which is sad.

    People: I'm beginning to think I don't know why I used to let, and still let, people walk over me.

    You're one of the most determined, productive, motivated, successful people I know. Keep it up :)

  2. I know you just give me crap, that wasn't about yesterday/you. Just a general thought, my dad and I have been talking about it since camp.

    And thank you :)